


Don't let me be yours

by niamcuddles



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pining, Smut, also potential trigger warning!, but nothing explicit, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-10-22 07:41:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 175,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10692672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niamcuddles/pseuds/niamcuddles
Summary: Liam’s struggling in more than one aspect and Niall has to realize that life isn’t always kind and sometimes, you have to learn things the hard way.(Or where Niall is a surfer and a golf enthusiast and he’s kinda crushing on Liam but his behavior is throwing him off track)





	1. Chapter 1

“Nialler! You made it!” Niall could see Louis’ bright and happy, slightly flushed, face making its way through the crow, his own lips curling into a smile when the older lad pulled him into a quick hug, hand petting his back momentarily. “You’re bloody late, I thought you were gonna ditch me.”

“Nah, we jus’ had a bit of a pre-party at one of my mates’ place.” Pointing his thumb to one of his friends standing beside him, the blonde made sure to quickly introduce his friends to Louis before they’d all get lost. “Your house is really fuckin’ big, I thought you gave me the wrong address.”

“I’ve got 6 siblings, they all need space somewhere.” Louis laughed before motioning for Niall to follow him, the blonde’s friends already having left to get something to drink without him and Niall didn’t really mind. He liked meeting new people anyways and he’s only known Louis for a few weeks, they had met randomly in one of their uni classes and had somehow gotten along really well. Even more so now that Niall knew Louis was throwing massive parties at his parents’ house whenever his family was away.

They couldn’t talk anymore because the music was way too loud to have proper conversation without shouting, so Niall just followed Louis through two different rooms, recognizing a few people from uni, but most people he didn’t know. The blonde did wonder whether Louis was friends with everybody here, but seeing as he had invited Niall to come and bring along everyone he knew kinda answered that question.

Niall felt a slight buzz under his skin from the alcohol he had consumed before, but he was nowhere near drunk or anything, also didn’t really plan on it tonight because he wasn’t quite sure if he’d ever find home being completely smashed. Plus, his mother would have probably not appreciated it anyways.

Louis stopped walking so suddenly that Niall almost bumped into him, the older boy had handed him a bottle of beer before on their way and it left a few stains on his shirt because the blonde hadn’t been holding it very tightly. Before Niall could apologize though, Louis had already thrown an arm around his shoulders, pulling him beside him and half shouting into his ear. “I just wanted to introduce you to Harry!”

Confused for only a moment, Niall needed a second or two to recognize the boy standing in front of them, he had already seen him on a few pictures on Louis’ phone whenever they had grown bored of paying attention in class. “Oh, right… hi! I’m Niall.”

“Harry.” The slightly taller boy introduced himself with a smile and they briefly shook hands. Honestly, Niall wasn’t quite sure what Harry was to Louis exactly, all he knew was that Louis liked to talk about him and that they went on vacation together sometimes, but that could mean a lot of things. “Hope Louis didn’t tell you too many bad things about me.”

“No, no, he didn’t… just mentioned a weird tattoo or two.” Niall laughed when Harry threw a glare at Louis as the older’s arm dropped from Niall’s shoulders, but it was clearly just playful. “Not that he’s one to talk… “

“Hey! You’ve been at my house for two minutes, you can’t already make fun of me in front of my friends!” Louis’ elbow lightly hit Niall in the ribs, but the blonde just shrugged anyways, taking another sip from his beer and deciding that he had made a good decision asking Louis for a pen in that one class weeks ago.

“I like him.” Harry chuckled, drinking from his cup before looking across the room, his smile slowly disappearing as he lowered his drink from his lips though, eyes finding Louis. “Hey, Lou, when’s the last time you’ve seen Liam talk to anybody tonight?”

“I don’t know… where did he even go?” Niall didn’t know a Liam but he still turned his head when Louis did as well, not really knowing who he was looking for because there were just so many people, but the older lad did, apparently. “Right… ‘m gonna go over.” 

“Take Niall, pretend you just wanted to introduce them.” Wait what?

“He won’t buy it anyways.” Louis sighed and Niall was confused, but he did follow Louis, not really knowing what was going on. Then again, he didn’t at all mind Louis introducing him to another one of his friends, so whatever.

Since the blonde didn’t know who they were walking towards, he just made sure not to bump into anybody and spill more of his beer, kinda not really thinking about the purpose of this. Still, when he realized that the guy Louis and Harry had been talking about was the one sitting on the stairs by himself and drinking out of a bottle of something a lot stronger than beer, Niall’s curiosity did rise a tiny bit.

“Liam… did you drink all of that?” Louis sounded worried and maybe Niall would have been too, but that guy, Liam, didn’t seem drunk enough to have emptied half that bottle by himself anyways.

“No.” It was obviously a lie but Niall was a bit surprised when Louis just dropped it, not really giving him a chance to fully take Liam in, all he could think was that he was kinda good looking, the kind that would have maybe caused Niall to turn his head had they met on the streets. Well, he had definitely not seen that guy at uni.

“That’s Niall, by the way, just wanted to introduce you guys. Niall, that’s Liam, we’ve been friends since… ten years or somethin’.” Oh. 

“Hey, nice t’ meet you.” Niall smiled as he stretched out his hand towards the other boy, kinda having expected his grip to be a bit stronger, but they barely held on before Liam already dropped his arm again, returning Niall’s smile for a moment, but it looked kinda forced.

“Uh, nice to meet you too.” He actually had to cough in between, his cheeks looking slightly more flushed afterwards but it probably was the alcohol taking its toll. Had Niall drank half of this bottle, he would have been passed out on the floor. “I… gotta go use the bathroom.”

“Alright… are you gonna take that with you?” The way Louis asked, it almost sounded a bit accusing and Niall expected Liam to make a joke or laugh it off, but actually, he looked a bit guilty, leaving the bottle on the stairs as if he had never intended to take it with him anyways. Surprisingly enough, he seemed to be able to stand up without a problem. “You wanna come find me and Harry after?”

“Sure.” And then he was gone and Niall was a bit confused, looking after him for a moment before deciding that he wasn’t gonna ask Louis any questions, because in all honesty… he didn’t know what he would have asked him anyways. 

Louis stayed quiet for a moment and the blonde thought about maybe saying something or leaving, but then the older boy spoke up while slowly leaning down a bit to collect the half empty bottle off of the stairs. “Can you do me a favor?”

“I… yeah.” Niall mindlessly agreed, not really knowing what to expect when he saw how serious Louis’ face had gotten when he turned around to look at him. 

“If you happen to see Liam or talk to him or whatever, just… don’t mention this. Or what me and Harry were talking about before.” Well, that was strange, but…

“I won’t, I… is he alright?” Just to check, it somehow felt appropriate to ask.

“He’s fine, don’t worry.” The thing was, Niall didn’t really believe Louis, but he didn’t know Liam so he just nodded, knowing that he would have probably forgotten about it in a few minutes anyways. 

Their ways parted shortly after, Niall found his friends again and Louis must have gone back to Harry because the blonde didn’t really see either of them anymore in the next few hours. He had a few more drinks until he could feel his head getting dizzy and his laughter becoming a bit too loud while talking to some people he had just met, but it was good. 

Since they had all arrived kinda late, time passed by quickly and Niall almost dropped his phone more than once checking the clock, somewhere in the back of his head still knowing that he couldn’t stay too long because he had to catch that last bus or he would again have to waste money on a taxi. Louis or his other friends were nowhere to be found anymore, so around one in the morning, Niall was forced to say goodbye to a few people he had met and slip out of the front door, for a moment wondering how the neighbors hadn’t called the police yet. 

He wasn’t too drunk to walk straight, plus the night air kinda cleared his head a little bit as well and Niall was kinda hoping that that meant he wasn’t gonna be hungover tomorrow because he kinda had other plans that didn’t involve lying in bed with his head feeling like it might be smashed with a hammer. The bus station was slightly harder to find than Niall had expected though, which maybe had something to do with the fact that he was intoxicated, but maybe it was just because he had never been to Louis’ house or that area of town before.

When Niall arrived, he was relieved to find that the bus would take five more minutes, so he sat on the bench, closing his eyes for a moment, surprised when he could actually hear the ocean whenever there were no cars passing by. He hadn’t even noticed how close Louis lived to the beach, but now the blonde was kinda worried whether anybody ever half drowned at the older boy’s parties, like… Niall had once gone swimming with his friends in the middle of the night, after drinking on the beach, and he had only in the morning realized that it had been the stupidest idea ever.

Sure, he liked to have fun and go out and drink, but… he didn’t necessarily wanna die as a result.

Getting on the bus, there were only a few people, an older lady who clearly judged Niall for maybe looking exactly like he had just come from a party, but he just ignored her, slipping into an empty seat and getting ready to half doze off on the way home. Well, he would have maybe, if some guy hadn’t half fallen into the bus just seconds before the doors closed.

Though his face was bright red, either from running or from the embarrassment that he had just half taken a fall, Niall did recognize Liam almost immediately when their eyes met. Only for a second though, because it had clearly been an accident and had Niall not been a little bit drunk, he might have just not said anything and let Liam walk off like he had clearly intended to. 

“You alright?” Niall asked just in time for Liam to almost fall again when the bus started moving, but he managed to grab onto something and the blonde, clearly not being very sensible right now, slid over to make some space next to him though almost every single seat was free. “Better sit down.”

“I… yeah… thanks.” Clearly, Liam had not wanted to sit down next to Niall, but he had no choice now so he slid into the seat next to the blonde, very slowly, keeping his distance even though Niall wasn’t really trying very hard to keep to his side.

“Liam, right?” The blonde asked even though he knew, trying not to say anything stupid due to the fact that he had had something to drink.

“Yeah… “ Was all he got as an answer and it was a bit obvious that Liam felt kinda uncomfortable, he was still blushed, letting out a quick laugh that sounded kinda nervous, unsure. Well, Niall could have probably behaved a bit less like an insensitive idiot. 

For a moment, Niall didn’t really know what else to say that wouldn’t have sounded weird, sure, he could have just started talking or asking random shit because he had definitely had enough to drink for that, but not enough to not care about what was coming out of his mouth. “So… you live around here?”

“I… yeah, five more bus stations or so.“ Liam nodded to himself and Niall used the chance to look at him from the side because the other boy was busy playing with his phone anyways, switching between the same two apps though, which should have maybe been Niall’s indicator to shut his mouth. “You?”

“A few more than five, I… actually, wait, I… “ Right, Niall hadn’t been paying much attention, panicking a little bit when he didn’t immediately recognize any of the houses they were driving past, but he was good, not the wrong bus after all. “Right, yeah. Almost thought I’d gotten on the wrong bus, I had a bit more to drink than planned.”

There was a short laugh coming from Liam that sounded clearly forced, as if he didn’t find it funny at all but was just trying to be polite and the blonde suddenly felt like a right idiot. Maybe he wasn’t so good with strangers after all, or maybe it was just Liam and the fact that it was one in the morning and that just hours ago Niall had watched the other boy getting smashed on Louis’ stairs by himself but wasn’t allowed to address it. 

“Anyways… you’ve known Louis for ten years? That’s what he said, right?” The whole night had kinda become a blur to Niall, but he was really trying here to make some conversation so it wouldn’t get even more uncomfortable. “That’s… quite a long time.”

“Yeah… “ Liam nodded again, not looking at Niall but rather straight ahead and for a moment the blonde thought he was just not going to say anything else. “And you?”

“How I met Louis? Umm… just a few weeks ago, actually. We’ve got a class at uni together and I had to borrow a pen and we got talking, so… “ Clearly, Liam didn’t care all that much, so Niall didn’t bother continuing. Usually he might have, would have maybe just talked and talked and thrown in some jokes, but… instead he decided to ask even more stupid questions. “Do you go to the same uni?”

“Ummm… no.” The brunette answered after some hesitation, now playing with the strings of his hoodie and Niall couldn’t help but notice that he had really nice hands. Or maybe he was just too drunk. 

“Which one do you go to?” Niall kept pushing though he didn’t really feel like he was getting too personal, because… he wasn’t asking Liam his blood type after all, right? Those were just normal questions appropriate for people their age.

“I, actually, uh… “ Liam coughed, his cheeks again turning slightly pink, but when he continued he sounded a bit more confident, still not looking at Niall though. “I don’t go to uni.”

“Anymore? Are you already done? Oh… I would have thought we’re about the same age. Wait… how old are you?” Damn, maybe he was really old and just looked kinda like Niall’s and Louis’ age or something.

“Umm… 22.” Wait…

“I’m 21… did you-“

“I gotta get off here, sorry.” Before Niall could even say one more word or really think about any of this, Liam had already gotten up, literally getting off the bus right before the doors closed again, leaving the blonde behind wondering. It hadn’t even been five stations, more like two.

Right, this was a bit weird, either Liam had graduated early or… maybe he hadn’t ever gone to uni, Niall should have probably not assumed, he could have as well dropped out or something. Then again, it was in the middle of the night and though Niall did feel kinda curious for a bit, he quickly forgot about this very weird encounter once he got off the bus himself fifteen minutes later. 

There were a few messages on his phone when he got home, trying to sneak into his room as quietly as possible so he wouldn’t wake his mother. Minutes before falling asleep, Niall only answered the message from Louis, ignoring the ones of his friends asking where he was and instead telling the older lad that he had had a great time and that they should definitely go clubbing together while they were still on break.

 

\---------------------

 

The water was freezing cold when Niall fell from his board and for a moment he really questioned whether it had been a good idea to go surfing on a day like this, after a night out partying. But then again, he was already here and though the weather wasn’t very nice, at least it wasn’t raining like the last few days. 

None of his friends had shown up, they had probably all been at Louis’ place until early in the morning, but the blonde found himself not caring all too much. Sometimes it was nice to just be by himself for a while, especially after last night and having constantly been around people for the last few days. Also at least this way it wasn’t a competition and he could just enjoy the waves, the coldness having washed away his slight headache after only a few minutes. 

After an hour or so it started drizzling a bit and Niall made his way back to the beach, feeling both cold and exhausted, his eyes and lunges burning from the salt water and his legs feeling slightly weak. He really needed to get his game back on, but uni had really taken a lot of Niall’s free time away and the blonde had promised his mother he wasn’t going to fail a class this semester. 

Plus, Niall also had this golf thing going on and he really didn’t wanna be forced to choose between that and surfing. 

The blonde honestly felt like he had to die when he pulled down the top half of his wet suit, the wind blowing even harder than when he had left the house before and even his towel couldn’t warm him up enough. Right, maybe his friends had been right not to show up and just stay in bed, but at least Niall felt awake now and not as if he might have to puke his guts out any second. 

Still, he could have gone for a jog instead or-

“Niall?” The voice caused the blonde to flinch a bit, the beach was pretty much empty and he had been busy drying himself off a little bit, half expecting that his friends had decided to show up after all, but he was surprised when he turned his head. 

“Oh, hey.” It were Louis and Harry, also they were holding hands and Niall suddenly felt really dumb for never having figured out that they were dating until now. “What’re you guys doing here? Already cleaned up?”

“Nah, my family won’t be back until tomorrow, we still got time. So this is what you do to cure your hangover, huh?” When they came closer they let go of each other, but Niall was barely even noticing, he was busy trying to somehow get warmer, pulling his hoodie back on even though he was still dripping. “Didn’t know you were so serious about the surfing thing.”

“Yeah, no, I… I kinda regret coming now, it’s bloody freezing. I almost died.” Niall had told Louis about his hobbies before, but never in that much detail, but Harry seemed very interested as well for some reason. 

“Do you like… go to competitions and stuff?” Harry asked, more serious than the blonde had been expecting.

“Well… I used to do that a lot, when I was younger, but sometimes, yeah. Uni is really taking up a lot of time, so… “ Niall shrugged, somehow trying to get his wet suit off and using his towel at the same time to not suddenly stand there completely naked in front of Harry and Louis. 

“We’ve seen you from way back there, had no idea it was you though. Louis even said whoever is going into the water on a day like this must have lost his mind.” Laughing, Harry decided to simply step forward and help Niall to hold his towel up, for which the blonde was more than thankful because he had been about to drop it.

“Thank you… and yeah, I was kinda thinking the same thing as soon as I got in the water.” After finally having managed to put his clothes back on, Niall only felt slightly uncomfortable when they were sticking to his skin, but he was used to it anyways by now. “Also, Louis, thanks for last night again, it was great. My friends really enjoyed themselves too, they’re still not awake yet, so that says something.”

“Yeah? You left kinda early though, didn’t you?” Louis sounded a bit accusing, but he was grinning when Niall looked up momentarily before starting to stuff his things into his backpack, rolling his eyes a little bit.

“Yeah, because I didn’t wanna be there when you asked people to help cleaning up today.” They laughed, but it was kinda true, Niall had definitely left parties early just so he wouldn’t have to help cleaning, but Louis didn’t have to know that, did he? The blonde definitely wanted to be invited again next time after all. “Are you going in that direction as well?”

“Yeah, we are. Do you live around here?” Both of them briefly turned to look up the beach and the houses there and maybe once upon a time Niall would have been embarrassed about living in that area of town, but his family had never had a lot of money and he had stopped caring about that after he had gotten out of middle school. 

“Yep, but a few streets away, just somewhere up there.” Niall pointed into a general direction, slinging his backpack over one shoulder before bending down to get his surfboard.

They walked slowly along the beach, just talking a bit about the party and then about uni and some more about surfing. Niall hadn’t really hung out with Louis outside of uni before and he had only met Harry yesterday, but they were both really nice and also funny and it felt like they had done this a whole lot more often than just once. 

“I heard you and Liam were on the same bus driving home.” Louis randomly threw it in, confusing Niall for a moment because he had completely forgotten about that, feeling slightly stupid though now for having had such a weird conversation with the other boy. 

“Oh, yeah… think he got off a bit early though, he said he lived five stations away or something, but then he got off after two. Maybe we both had a bit much too drink.” Niall chuckled, quickly stopping though when he realized that Harry and Louis were sharing a look, a really brief one though and the blonde almost thought he had imagined it. “Did he… get home alright?”

“He’s fine, yeah, he… I mean, he was home when I called him before.” Something about this was strange, but they didn’t really know each other well enough so Niall didn’t feel like he should have been asking. “Did he really seem that drunk?”

“No, actually… he didn’t seem drunk at all. I was just joking before, I mean… I was kinda drunk, it might as well have been five stations already.” Or maybe not, Niall just didn’t wanna be responsible for Harry and Louis thinking that their friend had been absolutely smashed or something. 

“Oh, okay, I was just asking, because… I didn’t really know he left, so… “ Louis shrugged, making it seem like it wasn’t that big of a deal but somehow it seemed to be. 

“Well, I was gonna say goodbye to you as well and I couldn’t find either of you guys anywhere.” Niall hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye to his other friends, so he didn’t really find it weird that Liam had just left as well. Wouldn’t everyone have done that?

“Oh, I thought you were just being rude.” Louis sounded serious for a moment, but he laughed when Niall looked at him, slowly shaking his head at the blonde. “I was just kidding, don’t worry. I’ll invite you again next time if you want to come.”

“Sure, I’d love to. None of my friends ever have parties, we all live in pretty small houses, my mom would literally kill me.” Or maybe she’d just tell Niall how disappointed she was in him and in all honesty, that was even worse. 

“What about your dad?” It was a random question really and when he had been younger, Niall might have gotten sad reacting to it, but not anymore now.

“My parents are divorced, so… he still lives in Ireland with my brother, I don’t see him a lot. I doubt he’d care though.” Then again, Niall’s dad barely cared about anything, they did get along though but the blonde had always preferred living with his mother in England. “Hey, I gotta go that way, so… “

“Oh, sure, yeah. I’ll text you? Me and Harry were thinking about going out on Saturday, maybe you wanna come.” On one hand, Niall didn’t know if he wanted to go out with a couple, on the other hand he kinda really wanted to hang out with them again. Plus, he’d be drinking anyways, so whatever. “Liam might come as well, but I’ll tell you when and where in a text message.”

“Okay, yeah, that’s fine, I’ll come. Bye, guys.” Rising his free hand, Niall gave a small wave before starting to walk up the beach, somewhat glad that Liam was possibly coming as well, it’d seem less like he was third wheeling a date.  
Also, Liam was kinda hot, but there was no bloody way Niall was going to say that out loud. 

 

\-------------------------

 

The next few days, Niall actually tried to study and catch up on some homework, he did meet up with his friends as well, but they didn’t really go out, just grabbed something to eat or went surfing and one time Niall actually managed to convince them to go golfing with him but it didn’t really go as planned. 

On Saturday evening, Niall almost forgot that he was supposed to meet up with Harry and Louis, so when he got on the bus, he was already 5 minutes late and hadn’t showered after the two hour long nap he had accidentally taken on his math books. Not like Harry and Louis would care though, right? Niall also didn’t really go out in hopes of hooking up with somebody, so it actually didn’t really matter what he looked like anyways.

Luckily they had agreed to meet at the bus station, so there was no need for Niall to run or half jog somewhere, he literally just had to get off the bus, kinda relieved when he saw that Liam had indeed shown up as well. So he wasn’t crashing a date after all, that was good and a lot less uncomfortable than he had feared. Poor Liam, being best friends with a couple surely wasn’t the most fun thing in the world.

“Hey, sorry I’m late, I… I kinda fell asleep and I had no alarm set.” Niall apologized, briefly hugging them all even though Liam had been looking at his phone again, but he smiled for a moment when they pulled apart.

“’s fine, don’t worry, we were late as well because Louis was taking _ages_ in the bathroom.” Harry made it sound really bad, exaggerating his voice and promptly getting a glare from his boyfriend. “What? It’s true, me and Liam could have easily finished that movie you told us to turn off, in _his_ apartment.”

“Do you… live on your own?” Niall couldn’t help but ask, turning to Liam who seemed a bit surprised, blinking once before nodding. 

“Um, yeah.” He quickly looked away from Niall again, instead turning to Louis and Harry while the blonde was still trying to figure out how Liam could be 22 and not go to uni AND live alone. “Should we go, or… ?”

“Yeah, let’s go, it’s starting to get cold anyways. Hey, Nialler, do you remember what homework we had? I kinda forgot.” So Niall spent the whole way long trying to explain their homework to Louis, which he probably wouldn’t get done anymore anyways because they had to hand it in on Monday when classes started again. 

Liam and Harry somewhat fell behind talking about whatever, Niall wasn’t quite sure about what as he only heard a few random words, but he wasn’t really trying to concentrate on them anyways because Louis was having half a heart attack when the blonde told him the homework would be worth 30% of their grade.

The bar they went to was rather small and also not too crowded, Niall had never been here before, but he was kinda relieved they weren’t really going clubbing because he was kinda too tired for that. His nap hadn’t been very energizing at all, the complete opposite actually and the blonde had to suppress a sigh or two every few minutes after they had all gotten something to drink. Except for Liam, he had just gotten water but Niall barely even noticed.

“I was actually kinda surprised that you really wanted to come.” Louis started after a while and the blonde must have looked really confused because he immediately explained himself. “Just because I thought you’re the type of guy who needs a party and tons of people.”

“I do like parties and lots of people, but… not always. I haven’t even gone out ever since your party, so.” Niall shrugged, not surprised though that Louis had had a bit of a wrong image of him maybe. “I was surprised you asked me to come as well, I felt a bit like crashing a date at first.”

“That’s how I feel all the time… “ Liam half commented and Niall laughed, kinda feeling that they were equally glad that the other one had come along though they barely knew each other.

“Oh, come on, Payno, we’ve known each other since _ages_ , you’ve never once crashed one of our dates.” Harry immediately jumped in, but it didn’t really sound like he was joking, more as if he was genuinely worried Liam might be thinking that. “Plus you almost always say no whenever we ask you to come… “

“Yeah, because I don’t like going out and you guys have like 50 million friends I don’t know.” Liam shrugged, taking a sip from his water and Niall emptied half his beer in one go, not really knowing if he was supposed to pretend he wasn’t paying attention. 

“You know Niall.” Louis commented and the blonde half flinched at the sudden mentioning of his name, not really sure what Liam was going to say now, or IF he was going to say something at all because it didn’t really look like it. 

Something was going on and Niall had a feeling that it all started with Liam not liking to go out, at least that would explain why he had been all by himself at the party, and he possibly also didn’t really enjoy hanging around a bunch of strangers and Niall somehow got that. He himself wouldn’t have minded too much, but he could see where Liam was coming from. Still, he kinda felt like he shouldn’t have been sitting here listening even though he didn’t really have a choice.

“We talked once, so… “ Liam finally said after a while, not looking at Niall because he barely ever did and the blonde almost started to feel uncomfortable in the following silence. “And I’m here anyways.”

It kinda sounded like Liam had to defend himself in front of the other two and Niall didn’t really think before speaking up, he was just trying to brighten the mood a little bit. “I promise I’m not as strange as I was on the bus, I was a bit drunk and… I barely remember anything we talked about. Just about uni, right?”

“Uh, yeah… “ Okay, maybe that had not been the right topic to switch to because Liam cleared his throat before getting his phone out and Niall being the master of saying things at the wrong time didn’t really get the hint. 

“Did you say you’re already done or not, I forgot.” Almost immediately, Harry and Louis shared another look and Niall was just getting more confused by the second. Maybe hanging out with them wasn’t so much fun after all.

“I’m not.” Liam answered after just some slight hesitation and then he seemingly took a quick breath, still holding his phone when he continued. “I dropped out last year, so… “

“Oh.” Was all Niall said, stupidly enough, because that wasn’t at all what he had been expecting and he had no idea what to say now, he was just proud of himself for not asking ‘Why’ because that REALLY was none of his business. “Sometimes I want to drop out as well, but my mom would murder me. You ever think about going back?”

“I don’t know, I… I’ve got a job now, it’s… good.” The brunette shrugged, probably sensing that Niall already had his next question on the tip of his tongue because all of a sudden he shoved his phone back into his pockets, getting up. “I just gotta go to the bathroom real quick.”

It was only when Liam was gone and no one said a word that Niall slowly started to think about everything he had said and kinda regretted it. He hadn’t done it on purpose of course, he was just used to talking and asking questions and… okay, maybe he could have thought this all through a little bit better or just NOT said anything. 

“I’m sorry, I… shouldn’t have asked so many questions.” Niall finally brought out, feeling kinda guilty because he suddenly realized there was a great chance Liam didn’t actually need to use the bathroom. “He probably thinks I’m an idiot now.”

“No, it’s fine, don’t worry about it. It’s just not his favorite topic is all.” Louis briefly petted Niall’s back, as if the blonde needed comfort or something. “Maybe we should… just not talk about the party anymore or about uni, we could talk about Harry’s cat or something.”

“You have a cat?” Though Niall wasn’t normally this interested in people’s pets, he was really trying his very best here, letting Harry show him pictures and tell a story about how the cat had once peed in his shoes because it had been mad at him and when Liam came back to the table, they had long moved on from the awkwardness.

Still, Niall felt kinda bad, for assuming so much about Liam’s life and then asking so many questions that were actually none of his business, but he also didn’t really wanna apologize and bring it back up. Plus, he was pretty sure the brunette would have just shrugged it off anyways but then continued to think that Niall was an idiot. 

So though they actually had a good time and left the bar with Niall having a bit too much of an in depth sight into Harry’s and Louis’ relationship and their families, he was still kinda thinking about saying something to Liam before their ways parted. If there was one thing Niall hated, it was not knowing whether somebody was holding a grudge against him just because he had blurted out with something stupid. 

Somehow, the universe seemed to want him to apologize as well. 

“I’ll go that way, takes less time for me.” Liam randomly threw in while they had all been walking down the sidewalk, the brunette having let himself fall behind though for some reason, not really participating in the conversation that much. 

He had said it only seconds before Niall had wanted to say the exact same thing, which now made him feel like a really creepy stalker, but… damn it, he wasn’t gonna take the longer way just to pretend. Instead, Niall made it sound like it was good news, which maybe it was for him, but… probably not for Liam. “Hey, I gotta go that way as well.”

Instead of answering, Liam just nodded and Niall was actually glad that it was too dark to see anyone’s faces when they said their goodbyes to Harry and Louis before walking across the street next to each other in silence. For only five seconds though because the blonde wasn’t very good at holding things in. 

“Listen… because of earlier, I didn’t mean to be so damn nosy and stuff, I just… I just kept asking and it isn’t any of my business, so sorry if you felt uncomfortable or so, it wasn’t my intention.” Niall hadn’t really planned the words but he felt really relieved once he had gotten rid of them, throwing a side glance at Liam who had his hands buried in his pockets, only briefly turning his head towards the blonde.

“I didn’t feel uncomfortable, no need to apologize.” Then he shrugged and Niall was confused, yet again feeling the need to keep asking questions, but he definitely knew better now. 

“Okay, good, I just thought because you got up so suddenly and then Louis- I mean… yeah.” Great, Louis had asked Niall for one thing, which was to not bring up certain things in front of Liam and he had already somehow managed to mess that up. Liam didn’t sound very surprised though.

“Louis told you not to ask me about uni or my job?” The other boy asked, not sounding mad, more as if he was bored, as if he had asked that question a million times before. “The only reason I don’t talk about it is because there’s nothing to say, I dropped out of uni and now I work in some store near the pier, that’s all there is to it.”

“Oh… okay, I… still sorry for asking so much.” Niall literally didn’t know what else to say, the way Liam had explained it made it all sound pretty simple and now it only seemed weird that Louis and Harry had acted the way they had before. Maybe they thought they needed to drag Liam along because they didn’t wanna exclude him just because they were dating or maybe they didn’t wanna accept the fact that he didn’t like going out or going to parties or something. 

“I don’t mind it.” Liam simply said before quickly checking a street name sign, which was a good thing because Niall hadn’t been paying attention at all. “Where do you have to go to? The same bus we were on after the party?”

“Um, yeah, that one. It’s just two streets away, right?” Hopefully, Niall had only ever been around this part of town in daylight, but Liam kinda seemed like he knew where he was going. 

“It’s actually right over there.” Oh. “But you can walk two streets and check there if you want, I’ll wait here.”

“Shut up.” It was a joke, of course, but it had still just slipped out and Niall was afraid for a moment that he had offended Liam when he heard the other boy chuckle a bit, causing relief to spread through him. “It looks very different here than it does when it’s light outside.”

“One time I was trying to get home from here and I had to get a taxi in the end because I was lost for an hour or something.” Hearing Liam talk so carefree was very different from what Niall had expected this to go, but then again, they had only ever been alone once, which had been after a party and after they had both been drinking so maybe he shouldn’t have been so surprised.

“That would have probably been me if you hadn’t been here as well… oh _great_.” Niall said sarcastically once they had reached the bus station and it said the bus would be delayed for an unknown amount of time. Well, at least Niall didn’t have to be anywhere tomorrow. “Sometimes it’d be easier to count the times where the busses _aren’t_ bloody delayed.”

“At least it’s not too cold.” Liam didn’t seem to mind the wait at all, he just sat down next to the blonde, getting his phone out to check the time. “It’s only 11.30 anyways.”

“Yeah, but I’m really tired… and my mom will wake up if I go shower once I get home.” Leaning his head back, Niall let his eyes fall closed momentarily, thinking about everything he had to do tomorrow just because he had been procrastinating his homework for so long. “You’re lucky you live alone, you can go and come whenever you want and don’t have to worry about being quiet. And nobody’s waking you up in the morning or telling you to go to bed earlier.”

“Yeah… I guess.” The answer had come a bit slowly but Niall barely even noticed, he was really tired now, blinking his eyes open again and staring at the buildings on the opposite side of the street. 

They stayed quiet for a moment and the blonde had to actually really try to not take a quick nap while sitting, but he really wouldn’t have wanted to accidentally drop his head on Liam’s shoulder or something so he tried to stay strong. It would have been easier to stay fully awake if they had kept on talking, so since the brunette wasn’t saying anything anymore, Niall had to come up with something. 

“Have you ever gone surfing?” Okay, maybe it was kinda weird to ask this just because Niall knew it would lead to him being able to talk about his own hobby, but his brain wasn’t really working enough anymore to come up with something smarter.

“As a kid, but it didn’t go well. Why?” Liam hadn’t seemed too confused by the question, maybe Louis and Harry had told him about Niall’s hobby already, the blonde should have maybe taken that into account.

“I don’t know, I’m just trying not to sleep in and apparently all I can come up with is talking about my own hobbies. What about golfing?” Niall would have been really surprised had Liam said yes, whenever he told anybody about the fact that he liked golf he usually always got the same reactions. And they weren’t ever good ones.

“I used to go golfing with my dad, actually, but I was never very good. Another hobby of yours?” The brunette almost sounded amused, but Niall didn’t bother checking. “How do you have time for all of that?”

“I don’t actually. It was fine before uni, but now I somehow gotta keep my grades up as well.” Not that Niall was doing bad, but he could have definitely done a lot better.

“Yeah… good grades were never my thing.” Liam let out a short laugh that didn’t sound very amused anymore and this time, Niall did turn his head. 

The question was on the tip of the blonde’s tongue, but he successfully swallowed it down, if Liam had wanted to tell him more then surely he would have, right? Niall didn’t wanna be too nosy again, even if Liam had said he didn’t mind at all, but maybe there was still a reason why Louis had asked him to switch the topic, so… “I barely ever meet anyone at uni who is doing really well, so that’s some sort of relief, I suppose.”

“Harry’s only getting straight A’s and Louis has never failed an exam.” The brunette turned his head as well to look at Niall, grinning when the blonde rolled his eyes at him.

“Thanks for the motivation, I appreciate it.” Niall said sarcastically, leaning forward a bit to check when the bus was coming but it still didn’t say a time. “I’m starting to doubt the bus will ever come.”

“Hmm… I might walk, actually.” What?

“You can’t leave me sitting here all by myself though.” Hoping it had been a joke, Niall tried to be overdramatic to change Liam’s mind just in case, but sadly enough, he seemed to have been dead serious. “I live _ages_ away.”

“Where do you live?” Liam casually asked while getting up, stretching a bit while Niall could feel himself getting slightly panicked while trying to describe to the brunette in what area he lived, feeling slightly defeated when the older boy didn’t sit back down. “’s not much further away than my place, we’d be there in 20 minutes or so.”

“But it’s dark and… I’ve got no idea where we’d be going. Plus, the bus would probably pass us by at some point.” Also, Niall was slightly nervous whenever he had to walk home in the middle of the night, it was fine if he was going by bus, but… 

“I doubt it will, but… we could just go to the next station then, it’s kinda getting cold now.” He was right there and Niall didn’t have much choice but to agree, like, Liam could have just left without him as well and he would have rather walked for twenty minutes than be left behind by himself here. “Don’t worry, I know where we’re going.”

Everything looked the same to Niall, every single house and street light, but somehow he trusted Liam, just because he seemed to really know what he was doing, which might have just been an act, but… the blonde didn’t have much of a choice anyways. Just in case, Niall quickly pulled up google maps on his phone, causing Liam to let out a laugh when he noticed what the younger boy was doing, but he told him the street name anyways. At least he had been right about the twenty minutes walking distance. 

“How did you meet Louis?” Niall asked when the silence had been going on too long for his liking, which had been about two minutes.

“We went to school together, we’ve actually been friends right away, not very exciting.” Liam seemed to think that nothing about his life was exciting, not that Niall could have really judged because he barely even know the brunette.

“And Harry?” He had seen how well Liam and Harry got along, they must have known each other for at least some time as well. Plus, Harry had been the one who had been worried about Liam at the party, but Niall wasn’t going to say that, obviously.

“Hmmm… in our senior year at high school, they’ve been dating since like… 3 years or something. Oh, wait, did they even already tell you? But I guess you would have noticed anyways, they’re not very subtle about it. Just so you know if you keep going out with them.” Wow, 3 years? Niall had never had a relationship that had lasted longer than a few months, maybe that was why he hadn’t caught on when Louis had kept talking and talking about Harry and their vacations together. 

“Is that why you don’t like going out?” That was alright to ask, wasn’t it? Liam had said it himself before. 

“No, I just… don’t like going out that much.” He shrugged, not saying anything else and Niall couldn’t help but notice that Liam had yet again gotten his phone out, just like he always seemed to do whenever they talked about something he had nothing much to say about. 

“Okay.” Niall decided to not comment it anymore, it wasn’t a big deal after all, not everyone liked going out, did they? “Is that the bus station over there?” 

“No… that’s just a street light.” Liam answered slowly, laughing when Niall let out a huff, relieved though that he hadn’t yet again managed to make things weird with another question. 

“Whatever, I’m actually supposed to wear glasses, but I never bother to put them on.” It was true, Niall’s sight wasn’t TERRIBLE, but glasses might have still helped out once a while. “I think I ruined my eyes by wearing fake glasses all the time because I thought it looks good... I mean it kinda does, but I don’t wanna _have_ to wear them.”

“Fake glasses, huh?” Was all Liam said to that and Niall didn’t need to look at him to hear it in his voice. Of course this was just banter, they barely even knew each other and it was definitely a whole lot better than just walking next to each other in silence.

“I can wear whatever I want, Liam.” Niall pretended to be pissed off, biting back a smile though before throwing a look over his shoulder, just to make sure the bus wasn’t actually going to pass them by. 

“I didn’t say anything.” The older boy defended himself, still chuckling though and the blonde decided he liked the sound of it.

They reached the bus station a few minutes later and this time, Niall wasn’t so against just walking on anymore. Liam obviously knew where they were going and it honestly didn’t look like the bus was going to show up anytime soon, plus they had a somewhat steady conversation going and the blonde actually found himself enjoying the walk, even if it was getting slightly cold.

It was kinda funny really, Niall had known Louis a lot longer than Liam and yet they hadn’t spent nearly as much time together just talking, or outside of uni in general. Niall had honestly thought that he and Liam did not have a lot in common or that they wouldn’t get along all too well, but the longer they were alone and the longer they just walked next to each other, the words coming easy, the more did the blonde wish that Liam would have indeed gone to uni with them as well. 

“So… what kinda store do you work in?” Niall was slowly starting to recognize his surroundings now, he knew he’d soon have to say goodbye to Liam and probably walk down a different road, but they still had a few minutes and his curiosity was killing him.

“Uh, it’s like a book store. Also kinda touristy and stuff… “ That sounded kinda nice, the blonde was almost tempted to ask for the name but then didn’t. He wasn’t a creepy stalker after all and he really didn’t wanna scare Liam by announcing that he was going to stop by or something. “I mean… not that there are that many tourists.”

“There are some though, whenever it’s nice weather and I go surfing and then realize the beach and the water are bloody _packed_ with other surfers who are all fifty times better than me.” Maybe a slight exaggeration, but then again… Niall was far from being a professional. 

“I can hardly believe that.” Liam was just trying to be polite probably, but it caused an idea to form in Niall’s head that he had blurted out with before he was able to stop himself.

“Well, then you gotta come watch me sometime and see for yourself.” Honestly, Niall didn’t really know what had gotten into him or why, all he knew was that Liam was hesitating and that he kinda wanted to punch himself in the face. “Or… or try for yourself, or something.”

“I don’t really like getting into salt water though.” Right, that could have possibly been a problem.

“You live on the coast and you don’t like swimming in the ocean?” Niall pretended to be overly shocked before realizing that Liam was being dead honest. “Why?”

“I just… don’t like how it feels on my skin, is all.” He shrugged, which the blonde barely even saw because a lot of the street lights in the street they were walking in weren’t working anymore. Before he could come up with any more great ideas which Liam was going to decline anyways, the brunette suddenly stopped at a street corner and Niall almost got scared he had forgotten the way for a second. It was worse. “I gotta go down here.”

“Oh, right, uh… “ There was no way Niall could have pretended he also needed to go this way, he would have never ever found his way back home if he had, plus it would have taken longer than just walking a little quicker. Also, he kinda had a feeling anyways that Liam had already passed by his own place, seeing as he had gotten off the bus so much earlier than Niall a few days ago. “Well then… thanks for… convincing me to walk, I guess.”

“You’re welcome.” Liam smiled in the darkness and Niall barely returned it, the prospect of walking alone wasn’t very exciting to him. 

“Take care walking home.” The blonde brought himself to say without accidentally asking Liam whether he wanted to walk him to his front door. That would have been highly embarrassing and probably also really fucking annoying for the brunette.

“You too.” And with that, Liam simply walked down the street and Niall kept looking at him for two more seconds before burying his hands in his pockets, trying not to turn around too many times during the next few minutes.

Unsurprisingly, Niall made it home alright of course and the moment he stood in the lit hallway with the door locked behind himself, he started to feel slightly stupid for ever having been afraid. Since his mother was already asleep, Niall half tiptoed up the stairs to his bedroom, undressing himself because he couldn’t have a shower anymore anyways before getting into bed.

For a moment, Niall considered simply going to sleep, but then he somewhat felt slightly bad for not knowing whether Liam had come home alright also, so since he didn’t have the brunette’s number, he had to take other measures to find out about his well-being. 

 

_To Louis Tomlinson 12:17 am  
Heyyy, did you get home alright? just wanted to check… also, do you know if liam is already home? We kinda had to walk_

 

Actually, the blonde didn’t really expect an answer right away, but Louis seemed to have been online anyways, as if he had been waiting or something.

 

_Louis Tomlinson 12:18 am  
Yea, we’ve been home for 20 minutes already. why did you walk??? I’ll text li_

 

Oh, great, now he was going to actually embarrass Niall and let Liam know that the blonde had been worried. Then again, did that really matter? Niall was just being nice after all, he would have been worried about anybody, it had nothing to do with anything at all. On the other hand, Liam was nice and he was funny and good looking and… anyways.

Niall actually didn’t really think he’d get another answer from Louis, which would have been fine for him because now somebody was going to check whether Liam was home or not and deal with it, so he was kinda surprised when the older boy texted him back. Slightly different than the blonde would have expected though.

 

_Louis Tomlinson 12:25 am  
He’s fine. Ha, funny, he just asked me to check on you as well_

 

Seeing as Niall had absolutely no idea what to reply to that, he never opened the message, just pretended like his cheeks weren’t getting a little bit hot and as if his stomach wasn’t twisting into a knot when he opened Facebook without hesitating for a second. Somehow Niall told himself that it was normal to be looking through Louis’ friends looking for Liam, it’s what he usually would have done had he met somebody at uni as well, there was nothing wrong with it, right?

He did find him pretty quickly, Liam Payne was his full name, but to Niall’s slight disappointment, Liam had everything on private and there was just his profile picture, which looked like it was a few years old already. Somehow his face seemed thinner in the picture than in real life and he didn’t have as much stubble as he did now, but the blonde quickly decided that Liam was better looking now than in the picture. Not that it really mattered anyways. 

Niall did send a friend request, because why not, right? He had no intentions at all, really, like… he surely would have not been unhappy if he had found that Liam was into guys as well, but the blonde also knew that the chances were probably not that high. Ever since he had found out that Louis and Harry were dating so openly, it had reminded Niall of all the drama in his life that had been caused when he had first dated a boy years ago. 

His mother had been happy and his dad hadn’t cared, but a lot of Niall’s friends had been kinda skeptical and it hadn’t always been fun. Now, Niall was completely fine and at ease with his sexuality, but he definitely wasn’t the kinda guy who asked other guys on dates without first figuring out whether they were interested or not. And one thing was for certain, Niall was not going to ask Louis or Harry whether Liam was into guys even though he could have definitely imagined one day falling for somebody like the older boy. 

Which was really stupid, right? They barely knew each other and for the little time they did, Niall had made Liam feel uncomfortable way too many times and it had not at all seemed like the brunette had been keen on actually watching Niall surf or trying it himself, so… maybe it would have been better for the blonde to just get the idea out of his head or something. Also, Liam wasn’t into going out either or golfing and that were pretty much all of Niall’s hobbies combined, so maybe it wouldn’t have been a good idea anyways, ignoring the fact that absolutely nothing in Liam’s behavior had pointed to just the slightest interest in Niall.

The blonde remembered he hadn’t yet brushed his teeth when Louis suddenly texted him again and Niall read the message with pulled up eyebrows while standing in the bathroom, again trying to be quiet. 

 

_Louis Tomlinson 12:54 am  
Hello? Did you get home or not?_

 

Okay, none of Niall’s friends had ever been this worried about him before for sure. 

 

_To Louis Tomlinson 12:57 am  
I was already home before, we only walked for 20 minutes. Oh, can you ask Liam to accept my friend request?_

 

A stupid decision to ask that, really, but Niall had sent it before he had been able to chicken out. Maybe Louis would guess what Niall was thinking and that he was into guys and then he would either encourage him or warn him, right? At least that’s what the blonde was hoping for, because he wasn’t quite sure how he was to interpret Louis’ answer to that request.

 

_Louis Tomlinson 01:01 am  
Oh sorry haha. Yea sure, ill tell him, hes still awake anyways. So I take it you got along well? :)_

 

The smiley at the end was very worrying to Niall, but then again, would Louis have sent that if he had thought it was a bad idea for them to be friends on Facebook? Maybe, Niall didn’t even know him that well and he was suddenly kinda surpised by himself, he wasn’t at all the type to do something like this, like sure, Niall was usually friendly and he got along with pretty much anyone, but still.

Bearing in mind that there was a possibility that Louis might be showing the message to Liam, Niall got back into bed before typing out a reply, trying to make it sound neutral, casual.

 

_To Louis Tomlinson 01:10 am  
Sure :)_

 

And then, just because Niall felt like an idiot, he sent Louis another message telling him that he was going to bed now. The painful truth was though that Niall was awake until at least 2 in the morning, playing around on his phone and telling himself that he was NOT waiting for Liam to accept his friend request. Which was pretty much pointless anyways because he never did, not after Niall had fallen asleep and not the whole following Sunday.

Right, if Louis hadn’t told Niall to get these ideas out of his head, Liam himself had made it pretty clear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, im back, happy Friday! I hope youre all doing well!
> 
> Sooo its been a bit over a month (not too much though right? Im trying) and I decided it was time I come back! Hope you enjoyed the first chapter even though I realize not a lot happened but HEY, introduction is important :)
> 
> There are several things I need to say about this fic:
> 
> 1\. I did not yet include everything in the tags that I am going to add as the fic goes on, but I do wanna stress this: if you get uncomfortable or are easily triggered by things related to mentions of self-destructive behavior and/or mentions of suicide attempts (the second one will not be explicit at all, the first one possibly mildly) then this is fic might not be the best choice. Although I am more than willing to always point out sections or chapters which would fall in that category or to warn people ahead of time! Also, if you wanna know what im talking about in more detail because you aren’t sure, just leave a comment :)
> 
> 2\. The topics mentioned in this fic (and especially liams character) hit very close to home for me and I do use personal experience while writing this fic. I haven’t seen a lot of fics that try to portray issues of that kinda very well, and I wouldn’t wanna attempt to write one either without knowing what im talking about. On that note though, I have no idea yet how this is going to go but im trying to make it relatable.
> 
> 3\. I know im very guilty of writing the stereotypical liam being the “stronger” one and the one who protects niall etc. etc. so I am going to turn it around this time (or at least balance it out). What this means for smut yet, I don’t really know :p 
> 
> 4\. And lastly, the title is taken from a song by Zara Larsson. Also I just wanna say that none of the main characters die (probably also nobody else) and that even though all of this sounds very depressing, the fic wont just be that of course. There will still be fluff and everything else, so please don’t give up on the fic just yet haha
> 
> Anyways, thank you all so much for reading the first chapter, I am definitely excited to really get this fic started :D (and please leave me a comment letting me know what youre thinking so far, im very curious haha)
> 
> ALSO: Idk if friday will be my upload day from now on or not, but i will definitely decide before or after the next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

Two weeks passed by and by the end of it, Niall couldn’t even really remember having sent Liam a friend request on Facebook anymore. He had a lot going on at uni at the moment and it was really hard to keep up with anything else that wasn’t surfing or golfing. Sure, Niall did go out with his friends on the weekends and Louis had another party which the blonde attended, this time staying way longer than anticipated though.

So on the following Saturday, the blonde’s head was absolutely killing him and he woke up to the sound of his mother walking down their squeaking stairs, the sudden realization that he had promised her to help her go grocery shopping today hitting him out of nowhere. Jesus Christ, how was he going to survive that?

It was already 1 in the afternoon, so Niall dragged himself out of bed and into the bathroom, his head feeling as if somebody had been repeatedly hitting him with a hammer all night long. In all honesty, the blonde still felt like he was a little bit drunk as he stood underneath the warm spray of the shower and he couldn’t really remember how he had managed to get into his bed. On the other hand, if he had been too loud, his mother would have already yelled at him.

“Ah, there you are, I was about to wake you. You haven’t forgotten, have you?” Niall’s mother was busy cleaning the kitchen when Niall entered, feeling slightly more alive after showering and brushing his teeth and putting some fresh clothes on. His head was still hurting and his thinking still seemed kinda affected, but… he’d be fine. 

“No, ‘course not.” Niall made sure to tell his mother, letting her kiss his cheek briefly, relieved that he had brushed his teeth twice as long as normally. Somebody had offered him a cigarette at the party and the blonde couldn’t really remember whether he had declined or not, but the alcohol would have definitely covered up the taste anyways. “When are we leaving?”

“Whenever you’re ready. Is your hair dry? It looks like it’s still wet, I don’t want you to catch a cold.” Well, Niall had probably caught a whole lot of other things last night, he kinda had a feeling he had walked home without a jacket, but… there was no way of finding out. 

“No, it’s fine, it’s… “ Randomly breaking off, Niall just shrugged before getting himself a glass of water in hopes that it would clear his head a little bit. “Should we go? I’ll get a few bags.”

“Thank you, love.” They shared a quick smile, but the way his mother’s eyes lingered on him clearly told Niall that she knew exactly what time he had come home last night. Also, she was probably the only one who knew and Niall wasn’t going to ask her.

Niall didn’t mind going to places with his mother or doing the grocery shopping with her, when he had been 14 or something he had had a phase where he had been embarrassed being seen alone with his mother in public, but it hadn’t lasted very long. Plus, his mother hadn’t allowed him to stay home anyways, so it’s not like he had ever had a choice. 

Though they did have a car they still took the bus, just to save some gas because they weren’t really the richest people in the world. Niall’s mother worked fulltime at the local kindergarten during the week and the blonde used to work at the mall when he had still been in high school, but he didn’t have a job anymore now because his mom wanted him to have more time for uni, so he had been saving up before to be able to still afford some things. 

Still, Niall was thinking about at least going back to working on Saturday’s, but he wasn’t sure how his mother was going to take it, especially because he was pretty sure it’d mean his grades would fall drastically once again.

“Your eyes are red.” Niall’s mother threw in once they got off the bus and Niall felt his cheeks turning hot, burying his hands in the pockets of his jacket. Were they really? “You’re not taking drugs, are you?”

“No, I’m not taking drugs, mom. I don’t know anyone who has ever taken drugs.” That was very true and on top of that, Niall couldn’t have afforded drugs anyways. “I was just drinking, nothing else.”

“I figured.” Was all she said, throwing a side glance at him and Niall looked away. He wasn’t ashamed, he just didn’t really enjoy discussing this with his mother. “Just remember to be careful.”

“I am, I was at a friend’s house.” Which didn’t really mean anything, but it seemed to calm his mother down a little bit, so Niall attempted a smile. “You’d like him, his name’s Louis, we go to uni together. He’s got 6 siblings.”

“ _Six?!_ I hope they weren’t all drinking as well, his poor mother.” Actually, Niall wasn’t sure how old Louis’ siblings were exactly, he knew they were all younger, but… that could have meant everything.

“No, umm… his family often goes away on weekends and then he’s got the house to himself and… throws parties.” Okay, maybe this wasn’t going to make Niall’s mom like Louis, but she didn’t know him anyways so whatever.

“I’m grateful every day our house is so small you’ve never once dared to ask about throwing a party.” She let out a laugh and Niall rolled his eyes, but it was true anyways. He had had birthday parties when he had been younger of course, but he had always only been allowed to invite three friends or something. “Before I forget it, we have to go buy a magnet or a postcard or something.”

“For who?” Niall wasn’t really excited of the prospect of going to some tourist shop after grocery shopping, but he didn’t have a choice and he was too old to throw a fit and ask to go home earlier. 

“Just one of my friends back in Ireland. You know, the one who always only comes to visit once a year and who used to bring you souvenirs from Dublin all the time when you were younger?” Oh, that one.

“So now you’re sending her souvenirs as well?” They were entering the grocery store now and Niall tried to mentally brace himself when he saw just how much his mother had written on the shopping list. He was going to have so much fun carrying all of that home.

“She likes souvenirs.” Shrugging, Niall’s mother wordlessly handed him a coin to go get a shopping cart and the blonde complied, just grateful that at least his headache was easing a bit.

They spent probably an hour in the shop, Niall didn’t do anything besides pushing the shopping cart and texting some people in between, sometimes nodding or shaking his head whenever his mother let him make a choice. Which wasn’t very often.

Once they were done, Niall kinda had a feeling his arms were going to be aching by the time they got home. Sure, his mother always offered to carry one bag, but then Niall felt really bad so he always told her no. Today though, he almost agreed, just because he had completely forgotten about the souvenir shop. 

Niall had never once gone into any of these tourist shops, maybe as a child or something, but he usually avoided the areas where all the tourists were, so he just blindly followed his mother into two of these shops, wanting to die when she dragged him into a third one without having bought anything yet. 

“What are you even looking for?” Though he blonde tried to not make it sound like he was whining, he knew it had sounded a little bit like he was. “I think that’s a book shop.”

His mother ignored him and Niall rolled his eyes but he still followed, thinking about whether the excuse that the milk was going to get sour would have worked. Probably not, only 15 minutes had passed since they had left the grocery store and there was a bus stop right outside.

The blonde wandered off by himself for a bit because the shop wasn’t very big anyways, only going to look for his mother again when he suddenly heard some laughter. Oh, great, had she started talking to other customers again? Or old friends she was going to talk to for at least an hour while the blonde just stood there smiling? Sometimes Niall really felt like a child.

“… oh, my son used to read those books all the time when he was younger. Wait… he was here just a second ago.” This sounded an awful lot like his mother was going to introduce him to someone but Niall still took a quick breath, walking around the corner. “There you are! Look, Niall, remember those?”

“I… “ The blonde started, but then he suddenly realized who was standing next to his mother looking like he wanted to die equally as much as Niall did carrying all those bags. Liam. “Yeah, I… I think I remember those, umm… hey.”

“Hi.” Liam cleared his throat a bit and Niall wanted to smack himself for having forgotten that the brunette worked in a book shop slash tourist shop. Amazing. 

“Oh, you two know each other? Are you the friend with the 6 siblings and the party?” Niall’s mother bluntly asked and Liam managed something like a smile while Niall pretended he hadn’t been looking at him. Liam was wearing totally normal clothes, all black though, and he was wearing a pretty obvious name tag as well, meaning he definitely worked here.

“Um, no, I’m not that friend, but… but I know him.” Right, but Liam hadn’t been at the party yesterday, as far as Niall could remember. Then again, he had said he didn’t like going out so much, so… 

“Well, I hope for your mother you came home before 4 in the morning last night.” Had it really been that late? “But that’s lovely if you know each other, why didn’t you say anything Niall?”

“I… I don’t know. Umm… what were we looking for again?” Surely not books, Liam had probably never regretted offering his help to a customer as much before. 

“Oh, right, I was just asking… Liam, right? I was just asking Liam where the postcards were, but then I saw those books and… “ God, if she was going to buy those bloody books and make Niall carry them as well… “Or do you reckon we should send her a snow globe?”

“I… I don’t know.” Niall shrugged, thinking about putting those bags down because they were killing him. He was aware that Liam was not looking at him for whatever reason, so the blonde was really surprised when he suddenly spoke up, answering the question for Niall.

“A snow globe would probably break in the post.” He sounded different when he talked to Niall’s mother, more formal and… and as if he had said those exact same words a million times before. Which would have made sense, seeing as he worked here and everything…

“Good thinking, I like that. So I guess either a magnet or a postcard… “ She was thinking out loud now and Niall had enough, he put down the shopping bags, stretching his arms a bit, well aware that now that he had looked away from the brunette, Liam was watching him instead.

Thankfully, Niall’s mother put the books back before letting Liam show her the more touristy area of the shop and Niall stayed behind a bit, leaning against the counter with the bags again on the floor, trying to recover from having had to hold them. Nobody else was in here so Liam couldn’t have used an excuse to help somebody else, which meant he was stuck here and Niall would have started a conversation had he not suddenly remembered that Liam had ignored his friend request for two weeks. Also, he was suddenly again hit with the realization that Liam was really good looking, remembering how well they had gotten along walking home together and the fact that the brunette had asked Louis to make sure Niall had gotten home alright. 

Was it stupid that the blonde thought that maybe Liam was just shy? Or should he not have been looking for excuses for the brunette and just realized that it probably meant he wasn’t even interested in a friendship? Like, they didn’t even have to be friends, they could just be… acquaintances or something.

Due to the fact that Niall’s mother was literally taking ages, there was no real need for Liam to be standing there anymore and when he slowly started to walk away towards the counter, Niall just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. At least he was talking quietly enough so that his mother couldn’t hear anything. 

“You weren’t at the party last night, were you?” What else should he have asked? Liam’s well being? The weather?

“No, I… had to work early, so.” Liam shrugged, pretending to be busy rearranging something in the shelf opposite of Niall. 

“I can barely remember anything anyways, you could have as well said yes.” Chuckling, the blonde realized that Liam wasn’t very amused by that comment and for some reason, that kinda bothered him. “Sorry, by the way… my mum dragged me in 2 of those shops before that, if I had known you work here I would have tried to save you.”

“’s fine… barely anyone ever comes here anyways.” Right, maybe that explained why Liam didn’t know what to do, or maybe it was because Niall was standing there and he was trying to be polite. 

“That’s cool though, isn’t it? You can just do whatever you want the whole day long.” Niall thought it didn’t sound too bad, but Liam’s “I guess” didn’t sound too motivated at all. Did he really not wanna talk to Niall? Or did he just not know what to say? Either ways, the blonde just couldn’t hold it in. “Hey, you know, I… I kinda sent you a friend request on Facebook.”

“Oh…” Now his cheeks were turning red, meaning he had _definitely_ seen it and Niall could literally see how the brunette’s thoughts were going crazy as he tried to think of what to say, still rearranging the shelf though there was absolutely no reason to. “Yeah, I saw, I just… thought it was a mistake or something.”

“A mistake?” That made Niall laugh for a second before considering that maybe Liam wasn’t trying to be funny but had possibly really meant it. “Nah, it wasn’t. I even told Louis to tell you, but… it’s fine if you don’t w-“

“No, I… I will.” He promised and the blonde made sure to smile at him, not quite sure if Liam had really meant it though. At least he was now trying to make conversation, possibly only to get out of that situation, but… “You uh… been grocery shopping?”

“Yeah, I always have to go with my mom ‘cos she can’t carry everything and we’re too poor to afford a car.” Laughing, Niall realized that maybe that joke hadn’t been very funny at all, seeing as Liam didn’t seem amused, so he quickly tried to take it back even though there was the hint of the truth. Then again, maybe Liam genuinely couldn’t afford a car. “No, I’m kidding, uh, we just need to save gas. Anyways… my arms are gonna fall after I get this home, I swear to god.”

There was nothing but a polite smile coming from the brunette and Niall wanted to smack himself in the head. Why was it so bloody hard to think of things to say that could have initiated a steadier conversation? Maybe it was because Liam seemed like he wanted to be anywhere else in the whole world right now. 

“If I’m annoying, just tell me to shut up or something.” It wasn’t really a joke though Niall again tried to smile as if it was but Liam just looked pretty confused, as if it could have never crossed his mind that the blonde was annoying. 

“What? I-“

“So, boys, which one is better?” Niall’s mother suddenly interrupted, holding up two of the ugliest magnets and Niall wasn’t quite sure if the friend she was sending it to was a good or a bad one. 

“Left.”

“Uh, right.”

They had said it at the same time, which of course caused Liam to quickly blush even more and Niall’s mother to laugh. Why was this happening for god’s sake? “I think I’m gonna have to go with right as well, sorry, honey.”

Pretending to be genuinely offended, the blonde rolled his eyes, for the first time just staying quiet though. Liam probably couldn’t wait for them to get out of here and Niall didn’t really plan on ever coming back, not even on accident, like, he wasn’t gonna force himself on Liam or anything, it’s just… the blonde usually got along with everyone and they were both friends with Harry and Louis and then of course… Liam wasn’t exactly getting uglier.

Also, when they had walked home together he had been talking more carefree, as if they had already known each other for quite a while, had he just been pretending because he hadn’t had a choice? Probably, or maybe Niall’s mother was the problem? Or the fact that they were at his work place or something? Whatever it was, the blonde was trying really hard not to care but… that turned out to be slightly harder than expected.

While Liam was scanning the magnet, Niall’s mother was talking about something the blonde could only listen to with one ear. He was busy staring at Liam instead, how well his shirt fitted him, the way his biceps moved while he was searching for a bag, the veins on the back of his hand, the pretty dark bluish bruise on his forearm, his plush lips and-

“Here you go, you can keep the rest, love.” It was so much like Niall’s mother to give Liam a tip and call him ‘love’, which the brunette had clearly not been expecting, but he thanked her anyways, his smile looking more real than it had before when he had been looking at Niall. Great. “Well, then, do you two still wanna chat or can we leave?”

“We, uh, can leave.” Niall tried to make it sound casual, finally picking the shopping bags up again, his arms already aching again. “See you soon?”

“Yeah, um… “ Liam awkwardly nodded, which luckily went unnoticed by Niall’s mother, she just wished the brunette a nice day and then they left and the blonde didn’t real know what the hell he was supposed to think now.

On the way home, Niall’s mother told him how nice it was that Niall had such lovely friends and how good looking Liam was, which of course was followed up with a gentle nudge into the ribs while the blonde tried to relax his facial muscles. There was one thing he knew, his mom could never ever meet Louis and Harry because she would have never stopped talking about them again.

While unpacking the groceries, Niall almost didn’t notice his phone vibrating in his pocket, but he got it out last second, a little bit surprised when he saw Louis’ name on the display.

“Hello?” Niall tried to balance the phone between his ear and shoulder but it wasn’t working very well and he almost dropped a carton of eggs in the process. 

“Why aren’t you answering your texts?” Louis sounded kinda accusing and the blonde was just confused.

“Sorry, I was out. What’s up?” He hadn’t been able to check his phone due to the fact that he had had both hands full of course. Still, it was slightly odd that Louis was calling him, they weren’t even that close or anything, but sometimes Niall felt like he had known Louis for ten years or something, simply because of how the other boy was acting around him. 

“I was just wondering if you wanna hang out or something… or revise something for uni, Harry’s gone to visit some relatives and I kinda forgot, so now I’ve got nothing to do. I mean, if you’re up for it, I’d understand if you’d rather stay inside after last night.” The laugh at the end almost hurt Niall’s ear, but he joined shortly, his mother half pushing him out of the way because he wasn’t fast enough for her liking.

“Yeah, no, I’m fine, so… we can hang out if you want.” Honestly, Niall had no idea what they were gonna do, he just knew what he _didn’t_ wanna do. “Unless you’re just tricking me into cleaning up your house, then I gotta pass.”

“Don’t worry, I already cleaned it hours ago, my family’s already home. But great, you don’t mind if I bring the dog, do you?” Right, the dog Louis had shown him a hundred pictures of, it was a black labradoodle or something, Niall wasn’t quite sure, but he liked dogs, so that was fine.

“No, that’s alright. Where do you wanna meet?” They agreed on some spot not too far away from Niall’s house and when the blonde had hung up the phone, he was only slightly surprised by the fact that this had been way more casual than whenever his other friends who he knew a lot longer and better wanted to hang out.

 

\------------------

 

“Sorry I’m late, my mom needed me to help her with something.” Niall apologized, not even getting to really greet Louis though because the dog was already yelping and jumping up his legs so he made sure to pet it before returning Louis’ quick side hug. The other boy was dressed as if he hadn’t really planned on going outside but had then run out of time to find something else to put on. Then again, it was just the two of them so whatever. “What’d you wanna do? Just walk the dog?”

“Yeah, I guess. Is that weird?” He laughed but Niall just shrugged because actually he didn’t mind at all. Whenever he met up with his other friends they usually went surfing or went out to eat, it was never really this… casual. “Liam’s gonna be so pissed.”

“Umm… why?” Because he hated Niall, right? Oh god, maybe he had told Louis he couldn’t be friends with the blonde anymore because-

“Because he really likes my dog and usually I ask him if he wants to come whenever I walk him, but… Liam’s working. Should we go that way?” They were almost on the beach and Niall nodded, biting his bottom lip as he tried to figure out whether he should tell Louis or not, but it wasn’t a big deal and the other boy would find out anyways.

“I saw Liam before, actually. In the shop he works at, my mom dragged me in there.” The blonde started while they walked, more looking at Louis’ dog though rather than the older boy’s face.

“Oh, really? Reminds me I gotta visit him sometime, I haven’t in ages, but he always hates when me or Harry come whenever his coworkers are there.” Or maybe he hated people he knew coming to the shop in general, but Niall wasn’t gonna say that. “Did he already accept your friend request?”

“Ummm… no. But he said he would before.” Niall had no idea why Louis had even remembered that, they hadn’t even talked about Liam in two weeks.

Expecting a laugh, the blonde was kinda surprised when he heard a sigh instead. “I told him like twelve times or something.”

“I think he doesn’t like me.” The blonde just blurted out with it because by now they all knew it anyways, but the look he received from Louis for that was kinda comical, a smirk suddenly forming on his lips. “What?”

“He also thinks _you_ don’t like him, mate, he tried telling me you sent it on accident. But don’t tell him I said that or he’s gonna be pissed.” Well, that was very weird, but also… it didn’t mean that Liam _did_ like Niall. “Don’t worry, when I introduced him and Harry, Liam refused to meet up with both of us for about two months, so the fact that he agreed to go out with us two weeks ago can’t mean he hates you.”

“Why… why did he refuse to meet up with you?” Oh my god, maybe Liam was secretly crushing on Louis and-

“Because he thought it’d be annoying for us. Which is stupid, really, I’ve known Liam much longer than Harry, we’re like brothers.” Right, or maybe Liam was not crushing on Louis. He probably wasn’t into guys anyways and if he was, Niall would probably never find out because he had no idea how to ask that without having Louis laugh at him. “Just continue to be desperate and it’ll be fine.”

“I… I’m not _desperate_.” At the same though, Niall’s cheeks were heating up incredibly and he didn’t really know whether Louis had meant it like _that_ , but… “Anyways, are you gonna pick up your dog’s poo, or…?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m on it.” Louis was still chuckling and the blonde tried to calm down, at the same time trying not to feel encouraged. The older boy had probably meant he should continue to ask Liam to accept that stupid friend request, not that he should like… go for it. Right? “Can you hold him for a second?”

“Sure.” Niall reached out for the leash, relieved that they weren’t close to the street anymore because he really wouldn’t have wanted to be responsible for anything happening and Louis’ dog didn’t seem to be the most well behaved. 

While watching the older boy collect his dog’s poo, Niall was biting his thumbnail, trying to make sense of what Louis had just said about him being desperate. Like… what did that mean? Did that mean Liam was interested in guys and Niall should go ahead with whatever? But how could Louis have looked through him so damn easily? They had barely ever talked about Liam and the blonde surely wasn’t talking about him as if he had been thinking about him as often as he had… right? 

“Hey, um… why’d you think I’m being desperate?” Deciding that it was better to just ask, Niall hoped he wasn’t blushing as they walked on, giving the leash back to Louis because his dog was starting to pull on it now that they were almost on the beach. 

“I was just kidding, Nialler, nothing else. You wouldn’t mind being friends with Liam though, right?” Okay, where was that question coming from now?

“Um, no, of course not. He’s funny and… we got along well when we walked home two weeks ago when the bus took too long, but we haven’t really talked all that much in general, so… “ And then of course, the fact that Niall felt like Liam didn’t really like him, which Louis had denied, but who knows? “Why?”

“I don’t know, just asking. I mean, you, me and Harry get along well and Liam’s like… I don’t think it would hurt if you two were friends.” Louis shrugged, as if he had just come up with this and had never spent a thought on what would have happened if Liam and Niall had turned out to hate each other, which clearly was not the case.

“And if we weren’t? Would you drop out of all the classes I’m in and change your number?” Niall joked, but he was kinda genuinely interested.

“Yeah, Niall, definitely, I’d go abroad just to avoid you if Liam tells me he actually hates you.” It was sarcasm of course, so the blonde just laughed, pretending like he had just been joking as well. “No, but seriously, that won’t happen because I know Liam likes you and he will accept that stupid friend request and then none of you will ever feel like you’re third wheeling again and everyone’s happy.”

“Did you just start talking to me so Liam would stop feeling like he’s third wheeling your dates?” Obviously that couldn’t have been true because one, Niall had started talking to Louis first, and two, it wouldn’t have made any sense at all, plus the blonde was way more busy now thinking about the fact that Liam apparently liked him, which had probably been a lie, but… maybe not.

“Niall, seriously, are you really questioning _everything_?” Though Louis laughed, Niall realized that maybe he shouldn’t have been asking so many dumb questions, especially because it kinda gave away the fact that he was thinking about all of this way too much and in depth.

“No, it was just a joke.” Pretending to be annoyed, the blonde rolled his eyes while trying to think about another topic they could talk about, one that wasn’t going to link back to Liam. Again, Niall’s own hobbies seemed to always be the best option. “ Anyways, I was thinking before… you should come golfing with me sometime.”

“I should?” Right, that hadn’t sounded very excited.

“Yeah, all my friends always whine that they don’t wanna go and then if I convince them, they just keep complaining anyways. I need someone new to go with, I could teach you.” Honestly, neither of them had time for that and they both knew it, Niall was just trying to make it sound appealing.

“Think you should ask Harry that, he’d probably say yes. Or maybe Liam, he used to go golfing I think.” Great.

“Yeah, I know, he told me… “ And he hadn’t sounded like he dreamed about going to a golf course with Niall, so… “He also said he doesn’t wanna try surfing because he hates salt water.”

“I gotta agree with him on that… hey, stay!” The conversation was promptly ended when they approached another dog and Louis’ started yelping and pulling even more on the leash trying to get to the other animal, giving Niall some time to try and calm down his heart beat after the sudden mentioning of Liam’s name. Yet again.

They walked along the beach for a while, Louis let his dog off the leash but then had to put it back on after the dog had made a bee-line for the water and almost hadn’t come back out even though the older boy had been yelling his name at least 50 times. Niall tried not to be too amused but he couldn’t help but laugh a few times, just because Louis’ dog was so blatantly not phased by whatever the boy told him. Which, Louis claimed, came from the fact that he didn’t spend as much time with him as his sisters, but the blonde wasn’t really sure if he believed that.

The walk took a bit longer than expected and Niall could feel himself getting hungry so he convinced Louis to go get something to eat, having to sit on the beach though because the dog was still dripping wet and it wouldn’t have been allowed inside anywhere anyways. Then again, maybe sitting out here was kinda nicer anyways.

“… and I completely forgot we had to hand that in, so I just left quickly before class started and went home to write it. Pretty sure my professor saw me, but he still accepted the essay when I sent it by email and- wait, hold on.” Louis interrupted his very obscure story about how he somehow could not manage to remember any homework at all to get his phone out of his pocket. “Hi, babe, are you home already?”

So it was Harry, hopefully, because otherwise Niall would have really gotten worried about who Louis was calling pet names and whether it would have been his responsibility to let Harry know about it. Way too complicated for the blonde’s liking, so he was glad to learn that it was indeed Louis’ boyfriend when the conversation continued. Maybe slightly different than Niall would have thought. 

“No, I’m with Niall, we’re at the beach and-… no… actually, we’re not that far away, I think… yeah, I’m gonna ask him…. Okay, see you in a bit.” Once Louis had hung up the phone, Niall could already guess that they would be forced to get up any second, at least judging by the way the conversation had ended. “Hey, would you mind if we went to pick up Harry?”

“No, umm… I actually think I’m gonna head home soon, so… “ So really, Niall didn’t feel like he should have been coming along, there wasn’t really a point, was there? Louis seemed to think differently though, for a reason the blonde could have not guessed even if he would have tried.

“No, c’mon, I don’t wanna go alone. He’s at Liam’s place, he had to drop something off.” What?

Before Niall could complain though, the older boy had already collected his food and made sure to call his dog back from sniffing around the stones, ready to leave. Okay, how in god’s name could it be that Niall had not only managed to meet Liam randomly in the shop he worked in but now he was even going to end up seeing his place?

 

\---------------

 

It wasn’t a very long walk, Niall also realized that Liam lived further away from him than he had thought ever since the night that they had walked home together. Again, it still made no sense as to why he had gotten off the bus so early after that party and Niall would have to eventually come to terms with himself and realize that Liam had rather walked the rest of the way than spend more time with the blonde.

Liam lived in an apartment building, but someone was just walking out when they arrived so Louis quickly caught the door, not ringing the doorbell. They had to take the elevator up and once they got off, walking down an aisle that was entirely in the open except for some bars for safety, the blonde took in the view and really started to question a few things. Even more than he had been all along.

“How can he afford to live here by himself?” This wasn’t a rude question, was it? Like… it was a very valid one, in Niall’s opinion. 

“Liam’s not paying rent, his family bought the apartment and now it’s his. He just has to pay for like… water and electricity and stuff, but it’s not that much.” Louis explained before suddenly stopping in front of one of the doors, ringing the bell.

“So… where is his family?” Niall asked, slightly confused, but he never got an answer because Liam opened the door just as Louis had opened his mouth again. The blonde made a mental note to never ask that question again, at least not in Liam’s presence, because the longer he thought about, for all he knew the brunette’s family could have been dead and he doubted Liam would have wanted to talk about that. Not with Niall at least.

“Hey… Harry’s in the bathroom, so… “ Liam had obviously been expecting them, he was wearing different clothes now than hours ago in the shop, just sweatpants and a white shirt, his hair was flat now and in all honesty, he looked like he needed to go to sleep for at least a month. On the other hand, he also looked a lot softer and Niall tried not to stare too much, as usual by now. Not that Liam would have noticed because he had barely looked at any of them, except for Louis’ dog. “Come here.”

Somehow, watching Liam getting down with a smile on his face just to pick up Louis’ dog almost made Niall wanna smile as well, but he kept it together, not saying a word and feeling slightly out of place when Liam walked back into his apartment, now carrying the dog, with Louis following behind. “Careful, he was in the water, he’s probably still wet.”

“It’s fine, I don’t mind.” Since it would have been weird for Niall to be waiting outside and Liam hadn’t been surprised to see him anyways, he very slowly walked into the apartment as well, making sure to close the door behind himself.

While Liam was cradling Louis’ dog to his chest and talking to Louis about whatever, the blonde let his eyes scan the room, trying to be subtle. This was definitely the living room, he could also see the kitchen because there was no door in between, and the hallway that definitely lead to more rooms, in one of which Harry must have been, because he had still not returned from the bathroom.

It was a nice place, Niall felt a pinch of jealousy before he remembered the fact that he had no idea where Liam’s family was or what had happened to them. Also, there were no pictures to give him any hints at all, the only thing Niall realized was that it was actually pretty clean, which he kind of would have not expected from a 22 year old living by himself. Then again, Niall had always kept his room tidy as well, he kinda couldn’t stand a mess, much to his mother’s approval.

“How long has Harry been in the bathroom?” Louis hadn’t taken his shoes off or sat down, he was just still standing there while Niall had gotten his phone out, texting back one of his friends.

“Don’t know, a while. He said he was feeling a bit sick before.” Liam shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal, but of course it immediately caused Louis to worry. Much to Niall’s dismay, because he had kinda expected what was coming now.

“What?! Why are you only telling me now? I’ll go check on him.” And then he had already taken his shoes off and had disappeared into the hallway, leaving Niall alone with Liam. How come these things kept happening?!

“So, uh… nice apartment.” Niall immediately blurted out because he was too afraid of awkward silence, even if that meant Liam was probably just getting more annoyed with him than he had been since the night they had first spoken. “It’s really big.”

“Yeah… thanks.” To the blonde’s surprise, Liam smiled at him, barely, but it had definitely been there before he let Louis’ dog down on the floor and while Niall was still trying to think of another topic, he was again surprised. “Did you go on a walk with him?”

“Yes, we did… Louis said you’ll be jealous because you like walking his dog.” The blonde realized that he shouldn’t have said that, but it had slipped out so he tried to cover it up with a laugh, feeling relieve when Liam joined, only for a moment. Actually, he seemed more relaxed now, maybe because they were in his apartment or something?

“I do, but it’s fine. Next time.” Liam was still petting the dog, so he wasn’t looking up at Niall and maybe the blonde was kinda happy about that.

“Do you, uh… did you ever have a dog?” Well, obviously he didn’t have one anymore now, but you never knew, right?

“Yeah, I have two, actually. But one’s with my sister and the other one with my mom, so… “ He shrugged while Niall made a mental note of that piece of information. So he did have family, just why had they all moved away without him? His sister kinda made sense if she was older, but… his mother? “You?”

“No, I’ve never had one. We used to have cats when I was younger, but they all died and at one point my mom didn’t wanna replace them anymore. I’d love to have a dog, though.” This was true, even though Niall was aware that it had sounded a little bit as if he was just trying to agree with Liam, which was why he decided to move on to quickly say something else. “Actually… I just wanted to say sorry, because of earlier, I know my mom can be a bit… well, you met her.”

“Why are you apologizing? Nothing happened, it was fine.” Liam seemed confused, he was standing up straight now, looking even more tired than before and the blonde almost wanted to ask him if everything was alright. “I thought she was really nice.”

“Yeah… sometimes she’s a bit too nice, maybe.” All of Niall’s friends really liked his mother though so he wasn’t too surprised. 

“Do you always go grocery shopping with her?” It had been a serious question, not at all as if Liam was making fun of the blonde or something and Niall almost felt a bit taken aback by the sudden curiosity from the older boy’s side. Even more so because he was 99% sure that the brunette had asked him the exact same question in the store as well, but maybe he had just forgotten about it?

“Yeah, I-“

Before Niall could finish that sentence, Louis had suddenly come back, looking a tiny bit stressed out and the blonde already expected the very worst. “Li, can you give me something to clean up with?”

“Did he… throw up?” Liam sounded very surprised, also a tiny bit disgusted once Louis had nodded, which Niall could understand very well because he felt the very same. “One second.”

The brunette disappeared in the kitchen for a moment to bring Louis some tissues and before he could ask anything else, the other boy had already left again, leaving the other two behind once more, slightly more confused this time though. 

“Now I’m glad I didn’t eat the cupcakes he brought me… “ The look on Liam’s face was so grossed out that Niall would have laughed had he not been worried about Harry’s well-being. And also a little bit about the fact that he didn’t know whether he was supposed to leave or wait. 

“Is that why he’s sick?” Hopefully it wasn’t anything serious, or anything contagious because then Louis probably already had it as well and Liam and Niall with him. 

“I guess, he ate four, so. You… you can sit down, you know.” Liam offered, maybe because he himself didn’t wanna keep on standing around here any longer and Niall thought about it for a moment before taking his shoes off, going to sit on the couch as well, on the other side though. 

“I was actually about to go home but Louis said he didn’t wanna walk here by himself and now… “ Now it would have been slightly rude to just go, but the blonde also didn’t wanna get on Liam’s nerves, so he just wanted to make sure that the brunette knew about his struggle. “Just tell me if you want me to go though, I kinda came uninvited.”

“No, its fine, don’t worry.” It hadn’t sounded as if Liam was just trying to be polite, but he also took his phone out while talking and the blonde was kinda unsure how to interpret this whole situation. 

They didn’t talk for a few minutes, both just on their phones and Louis’ dog jumping onto the couch after a while to go lie on Liam’s lap, which seemed to make the brunette happier than Niall would have thought was possible. One time they accidentally shared a kind of disgusted glance because it was so quiet now that they could actually _hear_ Harry puking his guts out. 

“I… I guess I could use the time and accept your friend request.” Liam very randomly threw in a second later, but his cheeks were definitely turning slightly red.

“Did the sound of Harry ruining your toilet just remind you of this?” The blonde joked, causing Liam to snort as he shook his head, doing what he had just promised though and Niall could hardly even believe it when he saw the notification. Now it almost felt stupid that he had been so… desperate for it, as Louis had called it before.

“No, but… I told you I would, in the store before, so… “ Shrugging, the brunette put his phone back into his pocket, petting Louis’ dog instead, who was licking his arm, right over the bruise that Niall had already noticed hours ago and had somehow remembered until now. Right, he needed to stop staring so damn much. 

“How often do you work there?” It was a pretty random question, but Niall was still curious, mostly because Liam seemed to be so damn tired and exhausted.

“It’s always different and my boss sometimes lets me work extra hours if somebody else isn’t here, like today, so… it depends, really. But there’s barely any people who come in anyways.” That sounded nice, but judging by Liam’s physical condition after a day of working, Niall would have not wanted to trade places with the brunette. “Do you have a part time job?”

“No, but… I’m thinking about getting one again. I used to when I was in high school, but it all got really stressful and it was actually my mom who told me to quit. Which was good because now I’ve got more time to go surfing and golfing again, but… I don’t know.” Niall also kinda felt bad, it’s not like he hadn’t saved up, but still. 

“Right, almost forgot you were the one with all those sports things going on… how are they going?” There was a smile playing around Liam’s lips while he asked and the blonde rolled his eyes, feeling slightly excited about the tiny bit of teasing for some reason.

“Not very well, actually, but I’m trying my best. I asked Louis to come golfing with me but he immediately declined.” And Niall knew better than to ask Liam now even though maybe it could have been fun, but it would have probably just caused the brunette to panic while looking for an excuse so Niall decided to save him the embarrassment. “He said I should ask Harry, but…”

“Well… that might have to wait a couple days.” The puking sounds had stopped now luckily, but just thinking about it almost made Niall’s stomach turn again. He had no idea how Louis was able to stand being in there with him, like sure, Harry was his boyfriend, but Niall couldn’t have imagined loving anybody enough to do this. “Do you want something to drink?”

“Um… sure, thanks.” Niall agreed after some hesitation, following Liam in the kitchen though when the brunette told him he actually had no idea what was in his fridge.

They ended up on the couch again drinking the last two cans of diet coke that Liam had had in his fridge, talking about the most random things, but by the time Louis came back with a very pale looking Harry, Niall had barely even noticed that 45 minutes had passed by just like that. When they all said goodbye after Niall and Liam had made sure that Harry was okay so far, the blonde actually had to actively suppress his smile while looking at Liam, just because it would have been very inappropriate with one of them just having puked his guts out.

 

\----------

 

It was a really warm day even though it was already in the evening and Niall had had a long day at uni, but somehow he felt like he needed to burn some energy still before being able to actually sit down and study. Since none of his friends seemed to really want to come along, Niall went to the beach by himself, the waves being somehow decent because the wind was always pretty strong around here anyways.

Somehow he was kinda glad that he was alone in the water, on one hand because he had more time to think, on the other because it wasn’t actually going that well. Not that it really frustrated the blonde or anything, he was actually just glad to be out of the house for a while. He had already been at Louis’ house before coming here, having let him copy his notes from today because the older boy had stayed home with his boyfriend since Harry still wasn’t feeling too well. It wasn’t contagious though, apparently, but Niall wasn’t quite sure about that because it was already Monday and Harry was still unable to go outside.

When the blonde got out of the water for a break and just to check his phone a bit, he was relieved to find that it wasn’t too cold even though he was dripping wet now. There were a few people on the beach just sitting down and some kids playing by the water, who had been watching the blonde with quite some excitement before.

Right when Niall was about to sit down for a moment, answering some message from his mom asking when he was going to be home, he let his eyes scan the beach once more, suddenly getting stuck on a kinda familiar face that he couldn’t see very well though. Niall was pretty sure it was Liam, by himself, walking into his direction, probably without having seen him, but the blonde still waited until the brunette came closer and he could be sure that it really was him before starting to wave.

Okay, maybe that hadn’t been the best idea, Liam probably didn’t even wanna talk to Niall right now or had something to do, but then again… Niall couldn’t just NOT say hello, could? Plus, they had gotten along just fine on Saturday and it hadn’t at all seemed like Liam had wanted Niall to leave or as if he had felt uncomfortable, so…

It took a moment for Liam to see him, he just looked rather confused at first, maybe because Niall wasn’t in normal clothes and because he was all wet and dripping, but he did wave back before slowly coming over. “Oh, hi, sorry, I… I didn’t really see you, thought you were waving to someone else.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure at first if it was you either.” Niall laughed, he would have briefly hugged Liam, but obviously, that wouldn’t have been the best idea right now. Instead he just smiled at the brunette, briefly taking him in, he was wearing a hoodie that seemed a bit big on him and also, he kinda still looked very tired, much like he had two days ago. Had he been working extra hours again today? “So, you obviously just came here to watch me surf, right?”

“Umm, sure.” Liam joked, his eyes finding the blonde’s surf board. “Been walking up and down the whole beach all day long just to look for you.” 

“That’s what I thought.” Laughing again, Niall readjusted the towel around his shoulders a bit, he had pulled down the top half of his wet suit, so obviously it was a bit chilly with the wind blowing and everything. 

“Isn’t it a bit cold for surfing? No one else is in the water.” Very true, and maybe Liam was right but it was still warm compared to other days Niall had still gone surfing anyways, more than once having gotten sick as a result. 

“Nah, it’s fine, I’m used to it. I mean, it’s never really _hot_ hot around here anyways.” Not even in the summer although it did get very warm, just not super hot either. “Are you already off work?”

“Uhh… “ Liam started, playing with the strings of his hoodie and the blonde didn’t really know how to interpret this reaction especially not when he continued, because… why was this making him nervous? “I didn’t have work today, so, yes, technically.”

“Oh, that’s pretty cool, seems like no one had anything to do today except for me. Louis also didn’t show up to uni because he stayed with Harry, I really think he should go to a doctor or something, maybe he has food poisoning.” Niall was truly a little bit concerned even though before when he had dropped off his notes at Louis’ house, the boy had told him that Harry was just fine and that they were watching movies. “I had food poisoning once, it was really terrible. Also, I got it from one of my favorite places to eat and then I could never go there again.”

“Oh… was that… here?” Right, maybe Niall should have clarified that a little bit and not scared Liam by telling him one of the fast food restaurants in their town gave people food poisoning.

“No, no, that was back in Ireland, sorry.” Briefly focusing on his phone when it lit up as his mother texted again, Niall answered her telling her that she didn’t need so save any dinner for him before looking back to Liam, who suddenly seemed like he was about go. “Were you going anywhere and I’m making you come late?”

“No, I was just… going on a walk.” The boy shrugged, his cheeks going a bit red for some reason though. “But you probably… wanna change, so… “

“Just taking a break, actually. If you got nowhere to be, I wouldn’t at all mind if we sat down or something… unless you rather wanna walk, I’d get that.” Normally, Niall wouldn’t have been too shy about simply asking someone to hang out with him, but with Liam… he kinda felt like he needed to give him an easy way out for some reason.

“I… no, I… I’ve got time, so.” He shrugged, not looking like he hated the idea so Niall made sure to smile at him, very excited somehow because he had had enough alone time while surfing anyways.

They sat down on the stones and Niall kinda wasn’t sure anymore if he wanted to go back into the water later, but then again, Liam was here and Niall had been joking about the older boy watching him. Then again, why would Liam wanna watch him anyways, right? It wasn’t very exciting and also, Niall wasn’t very good at it. 

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to, you know, I wouldn’t get mad or anything.” Just so he knew that Niall wasn’t gonna hold it against him, they hardly were friends after all.

“I know, but… I’ve got nothing to do, so.” Liam was now looking down to the water, giving the blonde a chance to stare at his profile for a second, as subtle as somehow possible. He really did look tired, even more so up close, like he needed a whole week of sleep just to recover or something. “Louis asked me to hang out, but… I don’t wanna get infected by Harry.”

“I wouldn’t wanna hang with them right now either, before when I was at his house I was afraid that just talking to him was going to make me ill.” Niall chuckled though it had been a little bit exaggerated, but Liam didn’t have to know that, did he? “Actually, I’m surprised he even took my notes… I barely ever write anything down, I’m just… too lazy. I always think I’m gonna remember it anyways, but then when I study I’ve got no idea anymore.”

“Yeah… I know that feeling.” For a moment, Niall felt stupid for having started this, but then again, Liam hadn’t been forced to say that, had he? Also when he continued, it didn’t seem like it bothered him all too much. “I used to always write a lot down at the beginning of the semester, but after three weeks or so I just stopped.”

“That’s basically me. And then I always have to go and beg people to explain things to me or borrow me their notes.” The fact that Niall knew Harry and Louis now was a good thing in that sense as well because they were both getting good grades and Louis had already offered the blonde his help a few times. 

Liam laughed softly but he didn’t reply and the silence made Niall come up with way more questions for the brunette than he would have liked. When they had been walking home though more than two weeks ago, Liam had said he didn’t mind Niall asking him stuff though, right? Also, he could have just lied and the blonde would have never known anyways.

“Can I… ask something?” Niall started when he thought that one day he was just going to explode with curiosity. “You don’t have to tell me if… if it’s too personal or something.”

“Um, sure.” Obviously Liam didn’t sound very excited, their eyes briefly met before the older boy again stared down to the water and Niall did the same, just so the brunette wouldn’t feel like he was watching his every move.

“Why did you drop out of uni?” There it was, the question Niall had never dared to ask until now and the second it was out, he kinda wanted to take it back again. Anybody else he would have asked without thinking twice, but he could tell that there was something about Liam judging by the ways he reacted to some things but also by the way Harry and Louis acted sometimes when they were around or talking about Liam.

He didn’t answer immediately, Niall was about to just say something else and save Liam, finding it quite hard not to look at him just once even when he spoke up, slowly, carefully. “I… there’s multiple reasons, but I guess the biggest one is just that… I wasn’t doing very well in general and… so I failed a lot of classes and exams and… I don’t think there would have still been a point to continue.”

“Oh… did… did Harry and Louis not study with you? Just because Louis offered to help me.” So Liam hadn’t actually dropped out because he had wanted to and somehow that made Niall feel slightly bad, like… did that mean he actually hated his job as well?

“No, we tried it and… I don’t know, it’s… complicated. But I’ve got a job anyways and I doubt I’d ever go back, so it’s whatever, really.” He made it sound very easy, as if he himself was completely fine with all of this and of course Niall couldn’t really judge whether that was the truth or not because he had no idea what had really happened. Possibly also would never find out. “I mean…. it’s not for everyone, right?”

“Yeah, true, I… I was thinking about it for a while as well before I graduated, like, if I should even go at all, but… I’m still doing okay so far, I guess.” Niall wasn’t trying to rub it into Liam’s face or anything, he was just genuinely trying to somehow make the conversation a little bit more casual, show the brunette that he understood and that he wasn’t judging him, at all. 

Again, they fell into a short silence where Niall almost apologized but then in the end decided not to. What Liam had told him wouldn’t have actually sounded so bad had Niall not been watching him way too closely ever since they had met. It was like, whenever the blonde told himself that he was probably just getting way too into this, he suddenly remembered Louis taking that bottle from Liam at the party, the looks he and Harry had shared on multiple occasions and… Niall actually didn’t have any doubt that there was something he didn’t know. Not even so much because of Liam’s behavior or how he sometimes seemed kinda distant, but more because of Louis’ and Harry’s behavior.

When Niall thought the silence had dragged on long enough, he made a quick decision to get back into the water again, only for a few minutes, but he made sure to sound a bit more excited when he told Liam. “Hey, I think I’m gonna go back in, do you wanna watch? I’ll only be a few minutes and then I gotta go home anyways.”

“Um, yeah, sure. If you… want me to.” Liam seemed kinda surprised, but he returned Niall’s smile when the blonde got up, remaining seated though. 

“Of course I do.” Niall made sure to grin as he got himself fully dressed again, dropping the towel somewhere next to his backpack. “Oh, can you take my phone?”

“Sure.” When Liam reached up to take it, Niall wasn’t paying much attention, it was only when their fingers brushed that the blonde looked down, only getting a glimpse on Liam’s hand covered in a few red scratches.

“Woah, did you get scratched by a cat or something?” The blonde wasn’t thinking much of the question, it did look like an animal had put those scratches there and Liam didn’t at all hesitate as he answered.

“Yeah… the neighbor’s cat, I was supposed to feed it because they’re on holiday, but… it doesn’t like me very much.” There was a small smile on Liam’s face and before Niall could react to what he had just said, the brunette had changed the topic. “So, are you gonna do some cool tricks or something?”

“I’m… not sure what you mean by that, but I’ll try to not fall off too many times.” Laughing, the blonde collected his surf board before sharing one more look with Liam, kinda feeling weirdly excited about this. 

“I’ll keep my phone ready to make an emergency call.” The brunette promised, chuckling when Niall rolled his eyes at him, not being able to keep a straight face though shortly before he turned to walk down to the water. 

Niall still wasn’t quite sure what exactly he was supposed to think about a lot of things having been said by and surrounding Liam, but honestly, when the blonde came back out of the water a few minutes later after having tried his very best just for the brunette, Niall had already forgotten about their conversation again. When Liam immediately agreed to walk with Niall to get some food, the blonde thought that maybe after all, they might really have a shot at becoming friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello lovelies :)
> 
> thank you all very much for all the kudos and the comments, i really appreciate it a lot <3 i always think everyone forgets about me whenever i finish a fic and dont post for a while and then im always surprised when everyones still here haha!
> 
> i hope you all enjoyed the second chapter! im trying not to give too much away just yet but i did drop a few subtle hints to build on later! things will definitely turn around very soon! 
> 
> let me all know what youre thinking if you want, i love answering comments! have a great week everyone <3


	3. Chapter 3

After Niall got home that day, he actually couldn’t quite believe what had happened. He hadn’t thought he’d ever convince Liam to spend even more time with him, but the brunette had easily agreed and they had gotten something to eat and then hung out until it had gotten dark, walking home together because the blonde didn’t really like bringing his surfboard with him on the bus.

The next day, Niall randomly messaged Liam during a break between his uni classes and he was actually surprised that the older boy answered only minutes later. Somehow they managed to have a steady conversation going for a week or so even though they never saw each other in that time and Niall made sure to never mention the brunette to Louis either.

It was nice though, it kinda felt like they were starting to become friends and like Liam actually didn’t mind talking to Niall anymore or the blonde would have never had the balls to actually message Liam and get onto his nerves. They were talking about whatever came to mind and Liam told Niall when he was bored at work and Niall sent the brunette random pictures of whatever his professor had written on the blackboard followed by a ton of question marks.

All in all, Niall felt like things were actually going quite alright, also at uni in general and the weather was really nice the whole week long and to be honest, the blonde had kinda completely forgotten that he had ever questioned whether there was something he didn’t know about Liam. He had probably just gotten too into this, had imagined all sorts of things because he had been so confused by the brunette’s behavior at times. Now, Niall almost talked to Liam more than he talked to Louis though they went to uni together.

Well, until of course Liam stopped answering Niall’s messages out of the blue, about a week after they had met on the beach.

“D’you have any plans for today?” Louis asked while they were walking through the main building towards the exit together, but Niall was barely paying attention as he scrolled through his and Liam’s chat that had promptly ended yesterday afternoon, trying to figure out if ‘Haha, I just saw the funniest meme’ had really pushed it too far.

“Uh…. Not much. Might get started on a presentation I’ve got in two weeks or so.” Probably not, but it would have really done no harm and maybe for once, Niall wouldn’t have to pull an all nighter before the due date. “You?”

“Not much either, I just have to babysit my siblings for a few hours, so I’ll probably play Barbie and get my hair braided.” They both laughed but Niall was really glad that Louis hadn’t asked him to come help him, he had a boyfriend for that luckily, who hadn’t had food poisoning after all. “There was something I wanted to ask you actually.”

“Uh, sure, what?” The blonde had given up on trying to figure out why Liam was ignoring him, only half listening to Louis as he put his phone back into his pocket, not really knowing what to expect now.

“You’ve been talking to Liam a lot, haven’t you?” Oh.

“Well, yeah, kinda… ” Not like Niall had thought Liam was going to keep it a secret from Louis, but he did suddenly feel his heart speed up a tiny bit. Had he also told Louis why he wasn’t replying to Niall’s messages anymore since almost a whole day now?

“Why?” Louis asked, kinda bluntly and taking the blonde off guard, because… who asked that?

“What do you mean, _why_?” Obviously Niall was talking to Liam because he genuinely liked him and because he was really funny, the part where the brunette was really good looking as well hadn’t really been on Niall’s mind that much actually. Sure, he wouldn’t have minded if it had gone into that kinda direction, but he was pretty sure Liam wasn’t into him _like that_ and he was just happy that they were kinda becoming friends. Or had been on the way there until yesterday. “I like him and he’s funny and he watches all the videos I send him.”

“Right… “ Louis didn’t sound very convinced and Niall threw a glance at him, very unsure of what to think about this conversation. Well, until the older boy simply blurted out with what he had probably been wanting to ask all along. “Are you into guys?”

“Ummm… yeah?” Okay, it’d be a lie to say that Niall hadn’t been waiting for this question for quite a while now, he would have found it slightly weird coming from anybody else, but seeing as Louis was dating Harry and the fact that the older boy always asked and said what was on his mind… then again, the blonde was also quick to keep on talking, just to make sure Louis wouldn’t be thinking that he was deadly in love with Liam or anything. “It’s not why I’m talking to Liam though, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I wasn’t, I was just curious, is all.” Then he shrugged, but there was a weird grin on his face and Niall really wanted to ask how Louis’ questions fit together, but the older boy didn’t really leave him any time. “You know what you should do?”

“Um, what?” Was this gonna be some tip about how to get Liam to answer him without being annoying or sounding desperate?

“Visit Liam at work today, because I always tell him I’m gonna come but then I keep forgetting.” Sounded like a really, really terrible idea.

“I don’t think that… that he wants me to visit him at work. Surely it’s really stressful and if his boss or coworkers are there… and I don’t even know if he works today and-“

“He does, until 6, I believe. And if someone is there you can just leave again, trust me, he’s always really bored at work.” Okay, why was Louis suddenly trying to get Niall and Liam to meet up? Did that mean that Liam was into guys as well, or… ?

“I don’t know… I’ll think about it or something.” Niall had a really bad feeling that Louis was trying to play match maker now, which the blonde really did not want him to do because it was still Liam’s decision whether he liked Niall and also, they didn’t know each other that well or long. “You’re being weird, Tommo.”

“Because I think it’s nice that you and Payno are getting on well?” Louis made it sound really innocent but the smile on his face told a different story. 

“No, because you just asked me if I’m into guys and then tried to make me go visit Liam at work, which he probably doesn’t even want me to do.” For a second, Niall almost considered telling Louis about the brunette not answering his messages anymore, but then he held back, deciding that it would have only encouraged him.

“I wouldn’t tell you to go if I thought Liam would be annoyed. Also, I’ve been wondering if you were into guys for a while now, I just only remembered to ask.” Sounded a whole lot like a lie but Niall just rolled his eyes, trying not to get excited about it though. IF Liam was into guys, it didn’t mean he would be into Niall and there was no way Louis could know for sure anyways, could he? “Anyways, I gotta go, see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, see you. Tell Harry I said hi.” They briefly hugged before their ways parted and Niall tried not to get his phone out for a whole two minutes before giving in. Still no message from Liam, this was getting slightly weird, especially now that Louis had told Niall that he was at work where he had been texting Niall from the whole week long. Had he gotten sick of the blonde? But why so suddenly, this wasn’t making any sense whatsoever.

Niall didn’t really feel like going home right now, so instead he decided to finally go buy a few things for uni that he had been putting off since forever. Like, pens that actually worked and the book he had been supposed to have started reading two weeks ago. The blonde didn’t always go straight home after uni even if he wasn’t hanging out with anybody, so this wasn’t unusual for him.

What was unusual though was the fact that Niall didn’t end up by the pier on accident. Honestly, he really did not plan on bothering Liam at work, not wanting to get on his nerves in any way and also because he didn’t really believe Louis, but... somehow Niall felt like walking past the shop. Just randomly, as if it had been an accident and if Liam saw him, maybe he’d remember to answer that message after 24 hours and ask Niall about that stupid meme.

Actually, Niall kinda needed longer than expected to find the shop and by the time he did, he had almost decided to chicken out. Then again, Liam probably wouldn’t see him anyways even though the windows were quite big, but he wasn’t expecting Niall, so why would he be looking outside in exactly that moment, right?

The blonde was walking rather slowly, trying to look very casual, but it all failed very terribly once he reached the building. First of all, the blonde half fell over his own feet because of a shoe lace that had gotten lose and then, to make matters even worse, he bumped into a woman that had just been walking out through the open door. 

“Oh… sorry, I tripped.” Niall immediately apologized, blinking a few times before realizing that the person standing in front of him was wearing all black and had a name tag on, exactly like Liam had had when Niall had been here with his mum. 

“No worries.” The woman smiled at him before starting to rearrange some of the books lying in a box outside of the shop and the blonde was really confused for a moment, not knowing what to do.

Louis had said Liam was working today until 6 and it was only like 4 or something, but now his coworker was here instead. Then again, Louis had also said that Liam didn’t enjoy anybody visiting him if anybody else was here so that meant he didn’t always work by himself, right? 

Just because Niall was so confused and unsure of what to do, he pretended to look at some of the things outside the shop, throwing a glance or two in the window but there was no Liam in sight. By the time the blonde decided he really needed to leave, he felt like the creepiest and most desperate stalker on earth. 

Right when Niall was about to turn around and just go, he flinched a bit when he heard a voice that undoubtedly belonged to another woman and definitely was not directed at him but rather Liam’s coworker still rearranging the books. 

“He still hasn’t called back. This kid, I swear to god.” It didn’t at all sound fond or amused, more as if the woman was just really annoyed by whoever she was talking about and Niall just had a really bad feeling he knew exactly who that was. 

“Do you think something happened?” The other woman asked, not sounding quite as pissed off and Niall could barely concentrate on the books in front of him anymore. 

“I don’t know, I’m just excited to hear what excuse Liam’s got this time.” At the mentioning of Liam’s name and the confirmation Niall got through that, the blonde froze immediately, his heart stupidly starting to beat two times faster as well. “I’ll change your shifts so he can fill in for you next time instead.”

The woman agreed and the other one, possibly the owner of the shop, went back inside and Niall had never before experienced such a terrible inner conflict. Should he have told Louis? But then again, why would he have done that? Liam wasn’t a child, he didn’t need anybody taking care of him, right? But what if something had happened? He was supposed to be at work and he hadn’t called his boss back and Louis had also said that Liam was here. Then again, it had sounded like this hadn’t happened the first time, so… 

If something had happened then… then that would also explain the lack of a reply Niall had gotten, wouldn’t it? Oh god, what if something had happened to Liam more than a day ago and nobody knew because he lived alone?! Niall definitely had to do something, he was just kinda unsure about what that was.

 

\----------------

 

Actually, Niall felt like the stupidest idiot in the world as he stood in front of Liam’s building, having typed out twelve messages to Louis but then not having sent just one of them. He had messaged Liam again, twice, but the brunette hadn’t even read them, just like the one from yesterday that he was still ignoring as well.

Right when Niall told himself that this idea was stupid as hell and that he should have just gone home, somebody left the building and the blonde caught the door without really thinking about it, it almost felt like an adrenaline rush as he entered the building. Was this weird and creepy? But they were sort of friends, weren’t they? Niall didn’t wanna tell Louis when there was nothing the older boy could have done that the blonde could have done himself and he also couldn’t just go home and not do anything because… something could have genuinely happened.

Niall tried to tell himself that this was normal, that anybody would have done the same in his position, at the same time thinking about an excuse to tell Liam if it turned out that Liam had just overslept or something… for more than 24 hours. Right, something was up with him and Niall was determined to figure it out.

Standing in front of Liam’s door, Niall only took a very brief breath before ringing the doorbell, already regretting it a second later though. This was fine, he was just worried about Liam, anybody would have been in the blonde’s position, they would have probably not gone to Liam’s place just to check on him, but… 

There was no answer, not even after Niall had been waiting for two or more minutes, so he tried the doorbell again, thinking that maybe Liam had left in the meantime to still go to work or something. But that would have made even less sense, wouldn’t it? Maybe he had forgotten he had work today and then he had met up with someone and… forgotten his phone and-

As soon as Niall heard the key turn on the other side of the door he quickly took a step back, trying to prepare himself for anything at all, his heart beating so fast at this point that he was sure Liam was able to hear it even before he had opened the door. The moment Niall saw Liam, he had completely forgotten what he had been planning on saying, he was just relieved that the older boy was fine, even if… even if he didn’t really look like he was.

“Uh, Niall?” Liam sounded more than confused and also, he looked like he had indeed been asleep for 24 hours, but then judging by the dark circles underneath his eyes and the redness in them, he could have also been awake for that amount of time. “What… what’re you doing?”

“Well, it’s, um… kind of a long story, but I just wanted to… check if you’re alright.” That was the truth after all, but Niall wasn’t quite sure if that question had been answered or not. Liam was indeed alive and awake, but he was also wearing sweatpants and a shirt that looked like he hadn’t changed it in a while, his hair was a freaking mess and he was really pale. Also, the longer Niall stood there the more did he get the feeling that he was smelling alcohol whenever the older boy talked. “Ummm… so… Louis said I should visit you at work, but… I wasn’t going to annoy you, but when I walked past I overheard your coworkers talking that they don’t know where you are and also… you haven’t answered my messages and I was just getting worried and-“

“Fuckin’ Louis… “ It sounded as if Liam was more talking to himself than to Niall, rubbing a hand over his face but it just seemed to make things worse. When he spoke again he was directly looking at Niall though, his eyes seemingly a bit out of focus. “I’m alright, it’s… it’s nothing.”

“Are you sick?” Niall asked because he was getting slightly confused. Was Liam drunk?

There was a humorless laugh coming out of the older’s mouth that almost caused the blonde to take another step back. Maybe he should have texted Louis after all. “No. I’m fine, so… “

Was this Niall’s clue to leave? But something was very obviously wrong here and he actually didn’t feel very comfortable about leaving Liam here all by himself after everything he had learned and just seen, only… how exactly was he going to be able to stay? “You don’t look fine though, are you sure that… that you’re not sick or something?”

“Yeah, I just… couldn’t sleep and… yeah.” Liam was clearly trying to find excuses now, he was holding onto the door pretty tightly, as if he was dizzy or something, which would have made sense if he had been drinking. What the hell? “So, uh… you probably… have a lot to do, sorry that… that you were worried because of me, I-“

“I’m still worried.” Niall threw in, just to make this clear, he was seconds from just inviting himself into Liam’s apartment, sitting him down and forcing him to tell him what in god’s name was up. Honestly, it didn’t even matte how well they knew each other or if they were friends because Niall was definitely friends with Louis and Liam and him were like brothers. Also, _anybody_ , even a stranger, would have been worried about Liam at this point.

“There… there’s no need to be, um… worried about me, I… “ And then he stopped talking, looking away from Niall and just when the blonde had been about to ask whether he was alright, Liam had suddenly clasped a hand in front of his mouth and before Niall could connect the dots, the older boy had disappeared into his apartment, leaving the door open, probably only because he had been half running. 

It wasn’t hard to guess that Liam had just gone to throw up and Niall stood in the door for a minute trying to take all of this in before very slowly walking inside, closing the door behind himself and taking in the living room for a moment to the faint sound of Liam puking. Today it wasn’t all cleaned up and tidy but rather messy actually, with some plates that looked like they had been here since at least a day or two and a whole ton of tissues and… well, and empty beer cans and other bottles that had once contained alcoholic drinks. 

Niall tried not to think about what all of this meant while taking his shoes off, tried not to look too closely in the messy kitchen as he walked past it to the hallway, following the sound of Liam now flushing the toilet. Maybe it had been rude to just walk in here, but then again, did that really matter right now? It’s not like Niall was about to rob Liam or something. 

“Liam?” The blonde asked very carefully as he approached what he believed was the bathroom, he didn’t smell any vomit so hopefully that meant that the brunette was already done puking. “Are you okay?”

“’m fine… “ Liam’s voice sounded muffled and then there was the sound of the water running so Niall felt brave enough to walk around the corner and into the bathroom. The older boy was drinking water out of the tab while Niall just remained in the doorframe, not knowing anymore what to say or do. One thing was for sure, he was way too scared to leave now. 

“You should probably lie down, I don’t know how much you drank, but-“

“I didn’t.” It sounded rather harsh, as if Liam was trying to convince himself as well and Niall decided that there was no use in arguing. 

“Okay… you should still lie down though, you look a bit... “ Well, Niall didn’t know how describe it so he broke off, trying not to sound patronizing or as if he was pitying Liam, but he was, a tiny little bit. Was he an alcoholic or something? Or maybe something had happened yesterday or a few days ago that he didn’t wanna talk about? 

“’m fine… “ Liam repeated one more time as he stood up straight again, wiping a hand across his mouth, his face was kinda red now and though Niall could hardly believe that it was possible, he looked even worse than before. 

“Do you… do you want me to call Louis or-“

“No! No, you… you can’t… tell him, okay? Did you… did you tell him that I’m not at work?” All of a sudden Liam sounded more than just panicked and Niall was only getting more suspicious.

“No, I haven’t… I haven’t told him anything.” The blonde promised and Liam looked relieved for only a moment, running a hand through his hair and then down his face, his eyes focused on anything besides Niall’s face. 

“Please don’t tell him… any of this.” Okay, this was strange as hell, but also… what should Niall have said? No?

“I… I won’t.” Niall said instead even though he immediately knew that he should have told _somebody_ about this, because clearly… it wasn’t normal and judging by how Louis had taken that bottle from Liam at the party weeks ago… maybe it really wasn’t unusual behavior for Liam. “Liam, I know that… we haven’t known each other for that long, but… I do feel like… like we get along and… I do see you as a friend and I just… if there’s anything going on or… you can talk to me, if you want, I… I promise I won’t tell anybody.”

For a moment, Niall almost thought that Liam was going to actually agree, but then he looked away again, not saying a word for a bit and the blonde almost couldn’t believe it when he saw tears building up in the older’s eyes that he hastily wiped away though. “Nothing’s… nothing’s going on.”

His voice broke a little at the end and Niall almost wanted to go and hug him but he held back, biting his bottom lip for a moment as he tried to think of what to say. “Okay… I still think that… that you should lie down.”

“Yeah… maybe… “ Liam agreed, sniffing very quietly and Niall waited for him to take a step before moving out of the bathroom, almost offering Liam to support him because he did not look too steady on his feet. 

Instead, the blonde just slowly followed him, not sure what he was supposed to do now, but he didn’t just wanna leave, so he watched Liam getting into his already messed up bed once they had reached his bedroom, the blinds still shut and clothes lying scattered across the room, along with empty packages and bottles and other things Niall didn’t really wanna look at. He felt enough like an intruder already, but now he was also getting more worried the more time he spent here. 

“Can I… get you anything?” Niall offered once Liam had lied down, over his blanket, an arm across his eyes even though there was barely any light in here anyways. It smelled like sleep and as if Liam hadn’t really opened the window in a while, which he probably hadn’t, judging by the state his entire apartment was in. 

“No… ‘m fine.” Liam repeated for maybe the 1 hundredth time in a row, but his voice sounded different now, as if he had to actively force himself to speak.

“Okay, I… I’m gonna… I’m gonna leave. If you need anything then… just message me, okay?” Niall never got an answer to that, he didn’t know whether the brunette had already slept in order if he simply didn’t feel like talking anymore. Probably the latter.

The blonde very gently closed the door, walking as far is into the living room before stopping in the middle of the room, not knowing what to do. He had told Liam he was going to leave, but if he did, what was going to happen? Would Liam just wake up a little while later and keep on drinking and trashing his place, not calling his boss back? What if he’d get so smashed that he’d go outside and something happened to him? Or what if he called his boss and quit his job or something just because he couldn’t think clear? Or maybe… maybe he’d choke to death on his own vomit or something.

There were so many things that could have gone wrong that Niall was up and ready to just call Louis and tell him everything. But he had promised not to do that and he was intending to keep that promise, at least until he had figured out what the reason for all of this was. Maybe something had happened recently, this didn’t have to be a regular thing, did it?

Well aware that this was probably illegal, Niall didn’t leave but instead went to open both the window in the living room and the kitchen, pulling back the curtains also to let some light in. Honestly, he did not want to look through Liam’s things in any way, but he did have to open some drawers until he found some bin bags in the kitchen, not even really thinking about what he was doing here.

There was just one thing Niall was certain of and that was that Liam would be thankful if his whole place wasn’t cluttered with rubbish anymore once he woke up with a headache. 

The blonde never checked if Liam had actually fallen asleep, he was busy collecting half eaten food containers and bottles and tissues, at one point having to stop himself for a moment when he found some that were definitely blood stained. What in god’s name had Liam been doing here? And how long had this been going on?

Once Niall was done throwing everything away that looked like it couldn’t be used or consumed anymore, he made sure to tie the bags and put them next to the front door, for a moment thinking about whether he had already done too much, but both the kitchen and living room still looked like a freaking mess. 

Honestly, Niall wasn’t sure if he would have done this for anybody. Probably not, but then again, he and Liam were kinda friends and on top of that, the blonde knew that there was something going on with him and he was just worried, so that wasn’t too abnormal, right? He was allowed to pity someone and try to help them out when they were feeling down, _that_ surely wasn’t illegal.

It took an hour for Niall to clean up, he even did the dishes because he had already gotten started and by the time he was done, the apartment had almost gotten cold because the windows had been open for so long. At least it smelled like fresh air now, except for Liam’s room, but there was nothing Niall could have done about that anyways so he tried not to think about it.

He had planned on leaving as soon as he’d be done here, but then he threw a very quick look into Liam’s fridge, telling himself he hadn’t done it with any intention, and the amount of alcohol stacked there caused Niall to quickly change his mind about going home. Instead, the blonde sat on the couch, texting his friends, playing on his phone, watching the time go by and trying not to think about any of this.

Was Liam an alcoholic? But he had been sober every time they had met until now and his messages had been completely normal throughout the whole day and sometimes up until 1 or 2 in the morning. Then again, Niall didn’t really know what the symptoms for an alcoholic were and he didn’t wanna judge Liam for that just because he had been drunk that one time the blonde had creepily stalked him at work. He was 22 year olds, it probably meant nothing.

Niall didn’t really know how much time had passed by, he tried guessing Liam’s Wi-Fi password for a good half an hour before giving up and almost using up all of his mobile data to watch Youtube videos before he got very suddenly interrupted by Louis calling him completely out of nowhere. Shit.

The blonde almost didn’t pick up his phone, but he then decided it would have been way too suspicious, so he cleared his throat instead, trying to take a quick breath and sound somewhat cheerful before he accepted the call. “Hey.”

“Hey, Nialler, what’s up?” Louis sounded just like he always did, not as if he was calling Niall because Liam hadn’t answered any of his messages in over a day. Then again, he probably wouldn’t have called the blonde for that anyways.

“Nothing much, just trying to do homework.” Niall lied easily for some reason, biting on his thumbnail as he internally prayed that Louis wasn’t going to ask him to hang out.

“Yeah, me too.” The older boy laughed and the blonde tried to join but it kinda came out a bit weird. “Did you visit Liam at work today?”

“Uh, no. Why?” It wasn’t a lie, not really, because technically there was no way for Niall to visit Liam at work when the brunette wasn’t there, so… 

“I don’t know, just asking. But you’re still talking to him, right?” God, why was it exactly today that Louis had started questioning all of this?

“Yeah, I mean… yeah, we are.” They had spoken just a few hours ago right before Niall had cleaned Liam’s whole apartment, so that counted, right? “Why are you so interested in that, Tommo?”

“I like that you guys are friends, it’s… cute.” What?!

“ _Cute?!_ Did you really just say that?” Niall was speechless and also, his cheeks were starting to heat up and he kinda wanted to punch Louis in the face for letting out such a weird giggle afterwards. “Shut up.”

“Why? Harry also thinks it’s cute.” There was some voice in the background and Niall wasn’t sure whether Harry had declined Louis’ statement or encouraged him.

“Are you two so bored that you gotta talk about me and Liam?” The blonde tried to tease, but Louis wasn’t having any of it right now, he just laughed yet again and Niall kinda really questioned what the purpose of this call had been if Louis was with Harry anyways. “Very funny.”

“I know. Anyways, can you maybe tell Liam to text me back if you’re talking to him anyways?” Oh.

“Yeah, I… I’ll tell him.” So was that what this call was? Louis trying to see whether anybody had had contact with Liam because the brunette was ignoring him also? Or was Niall just getting really, really paranoid? “Can’t blame him for ignoring you though, I’m a lot more fun.”

“Of course you are, Nialler.” It sounded very patronizing, but before Niall could complain, Louis had already been quick to come to an end. “I gotta go, talk to you later?”

“Uh, yeah… bye.” There was no way for Niall to ask what this had been about even though he kinda had a feeling that he was right anyways. Okay, so if Louis was worried as well, maybe this behavior wasn’t normal for Liam after all? Maybe-

“Did you tell Louis where you are?” Hearing Liam’s voice from behind almost caused Niall to jump up and have half a heart attack, but instead he just whipped his head around in shock. 

“No, I… I didn’t.” The blonde promised, not knowing what to do now because he should have left ages ago and anyways… how much had Liam heard? “How… how are you feeling?”

“Alright… “ Liam shrugged, he looked sleepy as hell but he didn’t seem as drunk as before anymore, fiddling with the hem of his shirt before very slowly walking over to the couch, as if he didn’t even wonder why the hell Niall was still here.

They didn’t talk for a moment, Niall just nodded and kept a very close eye on Liam as he sat down on the other end of the couch, very slowly, wanting to say something but each time deciding not to in the end. This was so bloody weird, but at least Liam looked somewhat better, his eyes weren’t as red anymore and though his hair was more messed up than it had already been, he seemed more… awake, kind of, not so disoriented.

“Thank you for… you know.” The older boy finally said after a moment, playing with his phone in his hands, much like Niall. “You really… you really didn’t have to.”

“I know, but I figured you’d feel better if…. if it was a bit cleaner. How was your… nap?” Okay, maybe Niall was choosing the wrong words, but his brain wasn’t really functioning so well and he was still stuck trying to figure out if Liam was an alcoholic. Not that he would have asked him, of course not.

“Fine… I don’t even know how much time passed by… “ Good, then he also didn’t know for how long exactly Niall had been sitting here debating whether he should have already left or not. “Why did you… stay?”

“I felt bad for you and… I don’t know what’s up, but… clearly there is something and it’s fine if you don’t wanna talk about it, I’m just worried, is all. Sorry, by the way, for just staying without asking.” It felt appropriate to apologize somehow, even though Niall was aware just how blushed Liam had gotten by now and the fact that he probably felt more than just embarrassed about this whole situation. 

“’s fine… thank you.” Again, the older boy thanked him, not having looked at Niall just once and the blonde couldn’t say that he didn’t know why. He really got it, if he had been Liam he would have not wanted to look at anybody either, especially not the guy who had stayed to clean his apartment, but then again… it would have maybe been just as embarrassing had Niall simply left and they hadn’t spoken for a while. Not that they were talking now, they had actually fallen in quite a long silence.

Niall didn’t even know why he was still here, maybe he was waiting for Liam to explain or for the awkwardness and the embarrassment to pass, but none of that ever happened. They both just sat there and one time Niall did look over and he saw a new bruise on Liam’s upper arm and his knuckles being scratched open, differently than his hand had been a while ago on the beach. At least that explained where the blood had come from, but it did not explain what the fuck was going on.

“Hey, I was like… wondering if… whatever’s going on…. if you told anybody?” It wasn’t any of Niall’s business really, but he felt really responsible now and also, he was worried for Liam, a whole ton, he just didn’t really know how to tell the older boy that. “Unless you don’t wanna tell me that, I’d understand, I just… “

“Yeah, I did, so… “ So what? Niall should have left? “Look, um… you really don’t have to, like… sit here and… I’m fine, I promise. Everything is fine.”

“I… “ There were a hundred things Niall wanted to say, first of all how NOTHING looked like it was fine in any way at all, but the words just didn’t seem to leave his lips. This was Liam’s place, Liam was a grown up, they weren’t close friends or anything, if he wanted Niall to leave… it was his good right. “If you want me to leave then… then I’ll go, I just… if there’s anything I can do… “

“I’ll be fine, but thank you for… y’know.” Liam suddenly sounded more animated at the prospect of Niall leaving so the blonde had to realize that he couldn’t have just kept on sitting here as he pleased. 

“Right, so… “ Slowly pocketing his phone, Niall got up off the couch and walked to the door where he had left his backpack and shoes, getting dressed before turning around to face Liam once more, who was just standing there as well now, keeping quite the distance between them though, his cheeks still looking as if they were on fire. “I can, um… take that downstairs if you-“

“No, I… that’s fine, thank you.” Niall had been referring to the bin bag, but Liam had been very quick to cut him off and they shared a very awkward look before the brunette lowered his head and the blonde suppressed a sigh.

“Okay then… message me if… if you wanna like… talk or if… if you need anything?” The blonde’s brain was still busy processing so many things at once that he was just rambling by now to win more time.

“Yeah, sure…” Liam agreed but they both knew that Niall was the very last person who he would have messaged had he really needed somebody to talk.

As soon as Niall had stepped out of Liam’s front door and the brunette had locked the apartment behind him, he wished he would have just gone home after uni like he had planned on doing. Of course Niall felt bad for Liam, of fucking course he was worried, but he also wished that he wouldn’t have ever gotten into a situation like this, started to feel responsible for the brunette’s well being, having to promise that he wasn’t going to tell anyone. 

And then as soon as Niall had thought all of that, he started to immediately feel guilty for wishing he hadn’t come here instead of simply wishing Liam hadn’t been doing whatever it was that he had done.

The way home seemed to pass by quicker than it should have, the blonde was so deep in thoughts he actually almost missed his stop. Luckily his mother wasn’t home to ask any questions so the blonde made sure to close his bedroom door before lying in bed, trying to keep himself from pulling up Google and making unnecessary research. 

There was no way he would have found out what was wrong with Liam anyways, it was probably a very personal issue, something that had happened recently or so and who was Niall to demand an explanation? Plus, even though he wasn’t allowed to tell Louis, the fact that Louis and Harry sometimes acted so damn strange when it came to Liam and the fact that the oldest boy had called him up before just to ask about Liam at least meant that they weren’t clueless. So if it was really serious, it wasn’t Niall’s sole responsibility, right?

The blonde felt kinda bad for being relieved, as if Liam’s issues were a burden on _him_ when he had no idea what the brunette was even going through. Then again, he would probably never find out and the message Niall received several hours later at night was proof enough of that. 

 

_From Liam Payne 9:27pm  
Hi. I wanted to say I’m sorry for what happened and I’m sorry you felt the need to stay and clean up my place. I just had a bad day and there is no reason at all to be worried. Also, I know you probably feel like you gotta check up on me or tell Louis or anybody else, but I already talked to him and since it’s kinda personal, I’d appreciate it if we could just forget about this whole thing. Thanks again._

 

The fact that it was so formal made Niall’s stomach turn, almost as much as the part about just forgetting ‘about the whole thing’, because the blonde was pretty sure that Liam wasn’t only talking about what had happened today but rather their whole… friendship. Furthermore, the blonde was also more than sure that Liam hadn’t even thought about talking to Louis, otherwise he would have not been so eager to get Niall to promise that he was going to keep his mouth shut. Which more than clearly implied that he hadn’t just had a bad day.

Still, the blonde gave Liam the benefit of the doubt and typed back a response, trying to save what was left of their friendship or whatever it was, but he never got a reply, even though Liam had received and read the message. So… that was that then.

 

\-----------

 

“So, are you coming to my party or not?” Louis had been bugging Niall since days now and the blonde had kinda avoided giving him an answer each and every time. 

“I don’t know if I’ve got time, I told you, the boys-“

“I already asked your friends, they all said yes.” The older boy interrupted and Niall rolled his eyes. He kinda regretted having introduced Louis to his other friends, but then again, lately he hung out more with him than anybody else. Well, and with Harry too, but he at least wasn’t trying to befriend Niall’s other friends. “So?”

“So what?” Niall asked, annoyed, stabbing his spoon into his yoghurt that he regretted having bought before. It was just the cheapest item the cafeteria offered and usually the blonde brought food from home but he had been in a rush this morning. 

“So you have to come as well because you have no excuses.” Louis concluded and the blonde just rolled his eyes again, throwing a hopeful look at Harry but the boy wasn’t even paying attention to them, he was typing away on his laptop, probably doing homework or something. 

“I don’t need an excuse if I don’t wanna come to your party I would just tell you how it is.” Which was a lie, Niall did wanna come to Louis’ party of course but the thing was… he didn’t know if Liam would be there and maybe it was childish, but he would have rather avoided the older boy ever since the event that had happened a week and a half ago. They hadn’t spoken about it anymore and whenever Louis asked whether Niall and Liam were still messaging each other the blonde just always lied and said yes, finding excuses as to why he couldn’t hang out whenever he wasn’t sure whether Liam was going to be there or not. The blonde didn’t know what exactly it was, maybe he was trying to save Liam the embarrassment, maybe himself or maybe both of them at once.

“Since when do you not wanna come to my parties anymore? I expected it from Liam, not from you, Nialler.” Shaking his head as if he was really disappointed in the blonde or something, Louis ate a bite of his sandwich while Niall tried to pretend that he didn’t at all care about what he had just heard.

“Did Liam say no?” He asked in a voice that hopefully sounded carefree and completely neutral. Probably not at all though.

“Yeah, he said he’d rather die, actually.” What? “No, I’m kidding, but yeah, he said no. Why? Have you not talked about it?”

“Your parties are not the center of the universe, Tommo.” Harry briefly laughed at that comment and Niall found himself grinning, kinda proud of himself for managing himself so well here. But good, Liam wasn’t coming, maybe for the exact same reason or maybe because he didn’t like going out or maybe because he was an alcoholic or… anyways. “I never said I wasn’t coming, I said I had to think about it because I have a lot of things going on and a test next week, but… “

“It’s just a test, we can study together and you come to my party, deal?” They had actually already agreed on studying together anyways, but the blonde just shrugged this time, trying not to feel excited about Liam NOT coming to the party. It wouldn’t have even been that big of a deal anyways, but… the possibility of maybe having to act like friends around Harry and Louis would have been enough for Niall to not show up. “Actually, you could come home with me after uni later because I don’t really have time otherwise.”

“Uhh… okay.” Did Niall wanna go home with Louis when his whole family was possibly there? Not really, but he could have really needed help with that damn test. “What about your… family?”

“What about them?” Louis seemed confused and Niall hated himself for having asked out loud. “I’m allowed to bring friends home?”

“Yeah, sure, I just… I was just wondering… because of your siblings and… “ And anyways, Niall was an idiot, he quickly made sure to fill his mouth with more yoghurt while Louis was watching him, still confused, but luckily Harry helped the blonde out.

“He’s just wondering if you’ll get anything done with 6 younger siblings running around the house screaming with a dog chasing after them and the answer is yes, but only if you are lucky.” Harry concluded, grinning when Louis rolled his eyes at him, but he kissed the other boy on the cheek. “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine. I’ll come anyways, so I can distract them if everything fails.”

“Harry’s a better babysitter than me, I swear to god, the amount of times my mum asked me to have Harry move in is unreal. She’d probably love it if he could live in my room instead of me.” They were both smiling now but Niall wasn’t very sure about what to say so he stayed quiet instead, because even though they had been talking to him at first, it seemed more like they were talking to each other now. 

“C’mon, Lou, that’s not even true. Besides, my mom loves having you over as well. Remember how she made me ask you all your favorite meals the first time you ever met her so she could make them the next time?” Okay, clearly, this was not about Niall anymore so he continued eating while they kept on talking about their families and moving in together, touching each other randomly all the time and the blonde tried not to think about how he had never had a relationship like that. 

Then again, Harry and Louis had been together for years so that was very different. Also, Niall had never been with anybody who he would have wanted to talk about moving in with, he had introduced people he had dated to his mother but she had never really _loved_ any of them like Harry’s and Louis’ families seemed to do. Then again, they were all pretty young and what Harry and Louis had was probably rather rare considering their age and the fact that they had already met in school and were still together. At least that’s what Niall told himself.

Their lunch break ended without Niall having really contributed much more to the conversation, he momentarily said goodbye to the other two after they had all agreed on where to meet after their classes were over and the blonde only briefly looked over his shoulder to see the other two walking away while holding hands and laughing about whatever. 

 

\----------------

 

“Hey, mum. That’s Niall, you know, the friend I told you about yesterday?” Louis gave Niall not even the hint of a chance to get himself ready before introducing him to his mother, his hand still on the blonde’s back as he had half pushed him into the room. Alright.

“Oh, right. Hi, Niall, nice to meet you.” They were in the kitchen that Niall had been in a few times before, only slightly more intoxicated than today. 

“Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Tomlinson.” Niall tried to stay polite as he briefly shook her hand returning her smile and feeling very relieved that she seemed like a very nice person. “I hope it’s no trouble that-“

“You can spare yourself that, Nialler, it’s fine, I told you.” Louis cut the blonde off before rolling his eyes and going to kiss his mother on the cheek while Niall just stood there, watching them all being like a big family, with Harry being greeted by Louis’ mother the exact same way as the older boy. Damn, Niall didn’t even wanna know how many hours Harry had spent in this house, like, who knows, maybe he also celebrated Christmas here or something. “Do you need help with the food?”

“No, but you boys could maybe set the table? I’ve called the twins three times but they have a friend over as well and keep pretending they can’t hear me from down here.” Well, to be fair, this house was bloody massive.

Niall had no idea how they were all going to fit around the table even though it was quite big or how Louis’ mother was ever going to be able to cook for so many people at once, but he didn’t question it. Since Niall lived alone with his mom, he wasn’t very good at setting tables, but he did try his best to help, one time almost falling over a toddler that Harry had scooped up a second later. It was then when everyone slowly came into the room that Niall realized he didn’t know the name of any of Louis’ siblings or their ages.

It were mostly girls, Louis only had one brother as far as the blonde was concerned, but he hadn’t really counted all the kids so maybe there were more that just weren’t home? Niall ended up somewhere between Harry and one of Louis’ younger sisters whose name was Daisy, but the blonde wasn’t 100% sure anymore after a while. 

This was very different both from how Niall usually ate with his mother but also a lot different than maybe the stereotypical way families ate together. This here was a lot louder and more chaotic, but somehow it all seemed to work out just fine even though there were so many conversations going on that the blonde wasn’t really sure how to follow, almost missing Louis’ mom asking him a question from across the table.

“Niall, love, would you mind helping her?” Confused for a second, Niall quickly realized that the girl next to him needed help cutting her food, so he made sure to help her while she told him something about a movie involving some kinda fairy that the blonde could barely follow, but he made sure to smile a lot. Even if that got kinda difficult as well when he suddenly heard Louis’ mother saying the one name he had definitely not expected to hear in this house. “So, how’s Liam doing?”

“Ah, he’s fine… we haven’t really hung out in a few days though.” Louis made it sound very normal but the blonde kinda couldn’t help but almost immediately start to feel worried. Luckily he was done cutting up food for Louis’ sister or he would have possibly dropped the knife or something. “I’ll call him later I think.”

“Tell him I said hi. And also, tell him he’s more than welcome to come over more often or come just for dinner or anything really.” Okay, why was she so desperate for Liam to come over to her house? Did she know what was up with him? 

“I always tell him, but… “ Louis shrugged, but Niall only saw it from the corner of his eyes, he was very busy pretending that he wasn’t listening just so they wouldn’t feel the need to hold back because he was here. Which, yeah, really showed just how desperate the blonde was to figure out the truth but… who could have really blamed him for that?

“I know… poor boy.” What?! “You could still bring him leftovers though, right? Also, I made two cakes before, there’ll be plenty left from that as well.”

“Hmm, maybe, I’ll ask him. You know how he feels about that though.” No, how DID Liam feel about that?! Also, why would he need Louis’ mother to cook for him anyways, was he not able to cook for himself? What did this mean and why was no one willing to give Niall more than just random chunks of information?

“He could still change his mind.” Louis’ mother sounded very hopeful and Niall was just getting more confused because figuring out what the hell was up with Liam was like trying to build a puzzle with half the pieces missing. “I was just thinking about him a few days ago when I- no, no, don’t throw that!”

Niall never heard the end of that sentence as one of Louis’ siblings had been about to throw food across the table or something and the conversation simply broke off like that. The blonde tried his very hardest not to act like he had heard any of that or as if he cared about it, making sure to ask Harry a random question just so he wouldn’t come off as suspicious. Which was stupid really, surely no one took this as seriously as Niall did anyways.

By the time they made it up to Louis’ room, two or more hours had passed by ever since they had gotten here and the blonde didn’t really feel like studying anymore, which he didn’t say out loud though. He might have still needed to skip Louis’ party after all now even though he had had every intention of going ever since he had heard that Liam wasn’t going to be there. 

“Your room is like… twice the size of mine even though you’ve got so many siblings.” Niall had never been in here because Louis made sure to tell people they needed to stay downstairs at parties, so the blonde was really surprised upon entering. It was kinda messy though, which Harry had also noticed because he grabbed a few clothes off of the bed and put them on Louis’ chair before half lying down on the mattress as if it was his own bed. In some ways, it kinda was.

“Yeah, those are the perks of being the first born, everyone else shares.” Louis laughed, about to close the door after them but stopping when one of his sisters walked in, possibly the one who had been sitting next to Niall, but they were twins and wearing the exact same thing so really, Niall had no way of telling who was who anymore. “You okay, babe?”

“Yeah, I wanna show Harry something.” She sounded very determined as she walked over to the bed and Louis just let her, closing the door anyways while his sister climbed on the mattress next to Harry, but Niall barely took notice of any of that once he had spotted the pictures Louis had on his desk. 

“Is that... ?” The blonde started, taking the picture to get a closer look, almost having to smile over it for some very weird reason.

“Yeah, ‘s me and Liam. Stunning, aren’t we?” Louis joked as he came over and Niall nodded, still busy staring at the picture. They both looked very young and very different, happy though as they were grinning into the camera, arms around each other. 

“How old were you?” Niall found himself asking without really thinking about it. Was it strange that he showed so much interest in a picture including Liam?

“That was ages ago, Jesus… I think we have only known each other for a year or two when that was taken, so were like… 13 or 14. Anyways, we kinda spent that whole summer together because his mother had a lot going on and he was at my house almost every day, it was great.” For a moment, Niall wasn’t going to comment it or even really think about it, but then he remembered how Liam lived alone because his family had moved away and he had stayed behind and somehow he was too curious as to hold it in.

“So his mother… where is she?” Okay, maybe the question had sounded kinda blunt but Louis seemed confused rather than annoyed or as if he wasn’t planning on answering.

“Did he not tell you?” Right, everyone still believed that Niall and Liam were constantly talking, so the blonde tried to make it look like it wasn’t a big deal as he shook his head, putting the picture back down, kinda glad that Harry was busy explaining something to Louis’ sister behind them. “Well, she moved away and lives with her boyfriend, that’s all.”

“Oh… “ Okay, that wasn’t half as bad as Niall had thought, it actually didn’t even sound like Liam had been abandoned and disinherited by his family like the blonde had thought for a while. “And… his dad?”

Expecting another answer just as easy as the first one, Niall was a bit taken aback when Louis looked away momentarily, sounding more serious when he answered, very differently than the blonde would have thought. “Uh… he died when Liam was a kid, but… I don’t know a lot of details.”

“Oh, I… I’m sorry for asking.” Well, not like it really affected Louis but Niall suddenly felt like a nosy stalker and an idiot for just keeping on pushing and asking about private matters that were none of his god damn business. Especially not anymore now that he and Liam weren’t on speaking terms anymore and considering the fact that Niall was lying to Louis and Harry about that and furthermore keeping what had happened at Liam’s place a secret. 

“How has none of this ever come up? I thought you guys were speaking all the time.” Louis laughed but the blonde felt caught, quickly making sure to shrug as if it didn’t matter, putting his backpack down now to look for his book. One thing was for sure, he wasn’t going to ask a single question about Liam anymore today. 

Luckily, they dropped the topic and actually tried to study for a while, although it was more Louis explaining things to Niall while Harry and Louis’ sister remained on the bed, watching something on Harry’s phone and looking like they did it all the time. It was kinda cute, Niall decided whenever he looked over and was thankful that they were sharing headphones, but the fact that they were on the bed meant that he and Louis only had the floor as an option.

Which was fine of course, not that Niall had any requests to make, he was just thankful that Louis actually took the time to explain things to him and not make Niall feel like he was stupid. Then again, the blonde also wasn’t really the best at actually listening to his professor for a whole class or lecture and take notes at the same time, so it really was partly his own fault as well.

They didn’t talk about Liam anymore, but their phones were lying somewhere between them on the floor next to their books, and honestly, it hadn’t been Niall’s intention to look when Louis’ phone lit up because he had been texting someone, but he kinda turned his head automatically before the older boy had been able to snatch the phone away from the blonde’s sight.

 

_Payno 6:26 pm  
Nah… I never said that, you just jumped to conclusions, we were never that close. We only talked for a week or so… why u askin?_

 

The very awkward look that Niall and Louis shared afterwards left no doubt about what this message had been about. Well… Niall could definitely forget about getting a good grade on that stupid test now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo guys, hope everyones doing well and had a nice week, happy friday!!
> 
> idk if anyone really enjoys this fic except for 2 people but i feel oddly excited whenever im working on it so thats good haha! anyways as you can tell, things are going to start happening now and itll get a lot more excited! 
> 
> im also thinking about switching to liams POV, but only after we find out whats up with him or itd ruin the surprise :p
> 
> let me know what you thought if you want, thank you for reading!
> 
> <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry guys, i was gonna update earlier bc ao3 will be down in a bit but i forgot! if you wanna read it without having to take a break make sure you dont refresh the page! (but ao3 will only be down in about an hour i think!)

“Umm… so can you maybe explain this to me again?“ Niall was aware that they both knew that he had just read the message on Louis’ phone, but before the blonde could have stopped himself, he had already tried covering it up with an unnecessary question, feeling his cheeks turning a bright red. What the hell, how could Liam expose him like that?! Had he forgotten that he had forced Niall to promise to keep his mouth shut?

“Niall… “ Louis started and the younger boy refused to look at him, relieved that Harry had probably not noticed what was going on just yet. “What’s going on?”

“What would be going on? I’m just not that smart and-“

“No, I’m not talking about the stupid test. Why did you lie?” Right, Louis had never really sounded so serious before and Niall could feel his stomach drop, hearing some shifting on the bed which probably indicated that Harry was now listening as well. “Or is Liam lying?”

“I-“

“Liam?! Is he coming as well?” Louis’ sister chirped up and Niall wanted to smack himself in the head, almost ripping a page in his book because he was too nervous to stop playing with it.

“No, babe, he’s not. Hey… can you maybe go to your room for a moment? We gotta talk about something a little bit more grown up, okay?” At first, Niall didn’t expect Louis’ sister to immediately give in, but she just sighed overdramatically, letting Harry lift her off of the bed before leaving the room, pulling the door closed behind herself and it made Niall flinch just slightly. He was so fucked, why had he ever gotten involved with any of this?

“What’s going on?” Harry immediately asked, coming over to sit on the floor as well, opposite of them, and Louis wordlessly showed him the text message while Niall thought about just leaving. They couldn’t be mad at him, he hadn’t done anything, why would any of them even care if he talked to Liam or not?! “Oh. Did Liam make that up? Maybe he’s annoyed that you keep asking him about it.”

“Well… the only one who can tell us that is Niall.” So now they were both looking at the blonde and Niall rolled his eyes, trying to act annoyed when in reality, he just felt guilty. There was no point in lying, sure, he could have made up a whole story about Liam just wanting to keep their conversations a secret, but seeing as the brunette didn’t seem to care one bit about what Louis and Harry knew… 

“I lied, whatever. You were so keen on me talking to Liam and… it just got awkward and then we stopped talking altogether and I just didn’t wanna explain it. Why are you so interested in that anyways? It’s not like we need you to play match maker or something, just because I’m into guys and because Liam’s hot doesn’t mean I’d wanna date him. And anyways-“

“Wait, wait, why are you getting so upset? I wasn’t trying to play match maker in any way, I was just excited you guys were sorta friends.” Right, Niall’s sudden outburst had been completely uncalled for, both Harry and Louis just seemed very confused and anything besides angry. Great. “But if you think he’s hot then-“

“Forget I said that. We don’t talk anymore, what he said is correct, can we just drop it? Please.” The longer they talked about it the more tempted Niall got to just tell them everything and he didn’t wanna be a fucking snitch. Even if Liam hadn’t cared about that either. 

“What did you mean with… it got awkward?” Harry was the one who asked and Niall hated himself for having said that, almost as much as he regretted the fact that he had just admitted that Liam was hot in the heat of the moment. God, why was this happening?

“I don’t know, it just… got awkward.” Niall shrugged, refusing to look at them and biting his bottom lip. Should he have told them? Liam had told Niall he had already talked to Louis, which surely had been a lie, but didn’t that kinda relieve Niall from his promise not to say anything? If he pretended that he had thought that Louis and Harry already knew? 

“In what way?” Louis kept pushing, him and Harry were sharing looks and Niall didn’t need to be watching them to take note of that. 

“Just… “ The blonde started, kinda wanting to leave and just go home, but kinda also just wanting to blurt it all out. He and Liam weren’t friends anymore anyways, did it really matter what Niall said? Plus, it wasn’t like backstabbing him, it was for his own good. “Something… happened, like… remember when… when you told me to go visit Liam at work?”

“Yes?” Louis asked and his voice already kinda gave away that he had at least had a suspicion that something had happened with Liam that day. He probably hadn’t been expecting for Niall to have been involved though.

“Well… I kinda… lied to you more than once. More like… three times.” Niall confessed, now feeling even more like a fucking idiot, he refused to look at Louis, not even wanting to know in case he seemed angry. “The truth is that… Liam hadn’t replied in almost a whole day when we talked about it, and I did go to visit him at work and… I wasn’t actually doing homework when you called, I… I was at, uh… at Liam’s place.”

“Wait… what? Did you stay until his shift was over?” The fact that Louis sounded kinda excited about this was bad enough, but it got even worse because Niall now knew that Louis really didn’t know what had happened with Liam that day. Awesome.

“No…” Niall started, taking a deep breath while biting his thumbnail, wishing he would have never started talking about this. “I went to the shop he works in and… he wasn’t there. I heard his boss and co worker talking, about how he hadn’t shown up and wasn’t answering their calls. So I got worried because he had never opened my message, right? I thought about calling you but instead I went to his place and… well, he was home and… he looked really bad and he was kinda drunk and then he had to throw up and I told him to lie down and I felt really bad for him so I kinda… cleaned his apartment ‘cos it was a freaking mess and then when he woke up he said he was fine and he made me promise not to tell you any of this and I agreed. But… he did say he talked to you later, he wrote me another message and then… we never spoke again after that.”

There was some silence, a really uncomfortable one and Niall again felt like he should have left. Obviously Harry and Louis hadn’t known about any of this and the blonde didn’t really know what any of this meant. After the blonde had almost bitten his thumb bleeding, Louis did finally clear his throat. “Thank you for… for telling me, Liam didn’t talk to me, as you probably figured. I… I mean, I understand now why you didn’t wanna explain why you stopped talking to him.”

“I’m sorry for lying, just… can someone tell me what the fuck is going on with Liam?” They knew, they both knew and they hadn’t been surprised by Liam’s behavior in the slightest, it didn’t take a genius to figure that out. “I mean, I know that… I don’t really know either of you _that_ long, but… I do consider you guys my friends and I like Liam as well, I liked talking to him and it was so bloody weird at his place, I… I was really worried, I thought he was gonna like… get completely smashed and get himself killed or something. And he kept telling me he’s fine, but… I mean, obviously that was a lie. I was going to tell you, Tommo, because I was scared something might happen to him, but I… I did notice how you guys behave around him sometimes or when we talk about him and I figured you probably know that something is going on with him, so… is he okay?”

Niall hadn’t planned on saying so much but he just couldn’t get himself to stop rambling on and on, somewhere in the middle realizing that it sounded as if he had been thinking about Liam every single day and was dying to find out what was going on with him. Which was true, kinda of, the blonde just hadn’t really planned on letting Harry and Louis in on that secret. 

“Look, Nialler… “ Louis started, clearly uncomfortable now but at least Niall had the bravery to look at him again, already knowing that the older boy wasn’t going to tell him anything at all when their eyes met. “Even if I wanted to… I can’t tell you, because it’s no one’s business really besides Liam’s. He’s alright though, apart from that, if you were worried about him because of that incident, and… I’m sure the reason why he was ignoring you that day and why you guys aren’t talking anymore isn’t because he doesn’t want to.”

“Because he’s embarrassed? Well, I told him there’s no reason to be but he never answered that message either, so… I mean, it’s fine, I get it and I’ve been trying not to make things worse by avoiding hanging out with you guys whenever I suspected he could have been there too. Like your party on-“

“You made that up as well because you didn’t wanna run into Liam?” Why was Louis surprised?

“Well, yeah. Clearly he doesn’t wanna talk to me about whatever is going on, which is fine, but he also doesn’t wanna move past it even when I offered we could just forget about it and keep on talking like we did before.” Niall had indeed told Liam that, as an answer to his quite formal message that night, but the fact that the brunette hadn’t replied was answer enough.

“There’s one thing you gotta know about Liam though and I’m only telling you because I want you guys to be friends, but Liam, he… if you don’t run after him, he’s never gonna talk to you again, to put it simple.” That was not only simple but also… not very motivational.

“Wow, thanks, Tommo, that’s super good advice.” Niall couldn’t help the sarcasm, it wasn’t Louis who he should have taken his bad mood out on, but he really hated himself right now for having broken his promise and in general, when had all of this gotten so mysterious and confusing?

“What’s with the attitude? We just discovered that you’ve lied to me about 50 times during the last few days, I should be the one who’s pissed off.” True, Niall had to give Louis that, but since the older boy sounded more amused than angry, the blonde simply shrugged, not seeing a point in continuing this conversation.

“I’m sorry I lied, just… I mean, there’s no point in talking about this, is there? You’re not going to tell me anything and Liam doesn’t like me anyways, so-“

“No one ever said he doesn’t like you, Niall.” Louis interrupted and Niall would have really loved to believe him, but as things were right now, he doubted Liam had ever genuinely enjoyed talking to the blonde. Then again… there had been that time on the beach and them hanging out until it got dark, but… that had only been one time. “All I’m saying is that Liam’s not the kinda person to run after somebody, especially not after… something like this happened. It’s your decision what to do with that.”

“So what, I should just go and blow his phone up with 50 messages a day, hoping that he maybe wants to be my friend?” What was the point in that? Liam was good looking and he was nice, but… why would Niall try so hard to be friends with somebody who he wasn’t even sure liked him? “I doubt he’s gonna enjoy that very much… also, like Liam said, we were never that close.”

“I know that now, but… I mean, there was a reason you guys were talking in the first place, right?” Niall accidentally looked Louis in the eyes after that but he was quick to turn his head again, not really knowing how to say what he was thinking without sounding like a douche. 

“Yeah, because… talking to him was easy. And now… it’s not.” Okay, that had sounded really douchey, the blonde would have taken it back had he known how else to express what he was feeling about this whole situation.

“Oh, so if I ever have a bad day you’re going to ignore me for the rest of my life as well because you don’t wanna deal with it?” Great.

“No… that’s not what I said.” It hadn’t been, right?

“But it’s what you were thinking anyways. I’m just wondering why you kept this all a secret and kept asking me personal things about Liam when you apparently don’t even care about him.” Niall knew that Louis wasn’t genuinely pissed off at him, he was just trying to get the blonde to talk and sadly… he was succeeding. “Are you just in it for the drama then?”

“No, shut up. I _am_ genuinely worried about him, it’s not like… like I gotta be someone’s friend to realize that something is going on, but I _don’t_ wanna be someone’s friend if all they do is keep pushing me away and being secretive as hell and randomly start ignoring me out of nowhere and making me promise to keep secrets for them.” That had come out a little bit more pissed off than Niall felt, but Louis was just pushing buttons now, he was practically asking for the blonde to freak out a little. “All of this is just… really messed up, okay?”

“Why’d you think you’re entitled to know everything that’s going on with Liam when one, you only talked to him for like a week and two, you never even asked him?” True, Niall had never asked, not really, but for god’s sake, who did that?!

“How am I supposed to ask?! ‘Oh hey, Liam, we’re not really friends, but can you tell me what the hell is up with you, also why do you keep getting bruises everywhere and scratches on your hand, also, are you an alcoholic?’, he’s definitely gonna answer that.” The looks Harry and Louis shared after that were enough of a confirmation that Niall shouldn’t have brought any of this up, but it was too late now and he was getting slightly pissed off. 

“He probably wouldn’t answer that, because as you said, you’re not really friends, so that was my initial question, why’d you think you’re entitled to know? Also, he’s not an alcoholic, how did you come up with that? He was drunk one time, Nialler, you’ve been drunk at my house more often than that.” Louis almost sounded amused, but Niall only got very confused now that he knew what was _not_ up with Liam. So what was it then?

“Whatever… I don’t think I’m entitled to anything and actually, I’d much rather keep studying than talk about Liam because it doesn’t lead to anything.” To make a point, Niall turned the page in his book, pretending to be reading what was written on there and hoping that Louis was just going to give in. He did, but of course not before having the last word.

“Well, you’re the one who asked about his parents, so… I mean, you can pretend you don’t care, I told you what’s going to happen if you’re not the one to make the first move. But since you think Liam is so hot and all… “ Fuck Louis, Niall was never EVER going to come over again. “Anyways, do you wanna go over the last paragraph again?”

The blonde left an hour later with the weirdest feeling in his stomach. He had barely been able to concentrate on the book anymore after that talk and a part of him really regretted having told the truth to Louis and Harry, the other part in him though was slightly relieved. Not only was he finally able to stop lying but also… as much as he hated admitting that, he knew Louis was right, plus Niall had most definitely behaved a little bit like a douchebag just now.

On the bus, Niall decided that if Liam really disliked him so strongly then nothing was going to change that anyways, so he had nothing to lose, right? He did think Liam was good looking and nice and yeah, things had gotten complicated, but as Louis had so nicely pointed out, Niall couldn’t just drop people because they had had a bad day. Even though… he was pretty sure this hadn’t been a one time thing just because Harry and Louis hadn’t sounded surprised when the blonde had told them about what had happened at Liam’s place. Which also meant that hopefully they weren’t going to ask Liam about it.

Either ways, Niall didn’t really know what his real motivation behind messaging Liam was, he just knew that he had felt an urge to ever since they had stopped talking and now that Louis had basically told him he needed to do something if he wanted to save their… friendship or whatever, Niall made sure to hit send before he could have changed his mind and chickened out again.

 

_To Liam Payne 6:57 pm  
Hi, I thought maybe you wanted to see this dog I just saw on the bus, haha! anyways, how’re you doing?_

 

Yep, Niall was pathetic. 

 

\---------------------

 

“A picture of a _dog?_ You… and you’re wondering why he didn’t answer?” Louis made it sound as if Niall had admitted to a crime and the blonde rolled his eyes as he took his phone out of the older’s hand, not wanting to talk about it anymore. He wouldn’t have even shown Louis if he hadn’t been a little bit drunk. 

“He likes dogs.” Niall argued, shrugging and taking another sip out of his cup to hide the fact that his cheeks were getting hot. Then again, he always got blushed whenever he was drinking alcohol anyways.

“A lot of people like dogs, still, it’s not the best ice breaker after you haven’t talked to somebody in days.” Clearly it wasn’t, Niall didn’t need Louis’ smart remarks now, but he had nowhere else to go. The party was in full swing and the blonde had lost his other friends and even Harry was inside talking to whoever. 

“Maybe it was a bit too casual.” The blonde agreed, emptying his drink before feeling his stomach turn a bit when he looked across the garden and saw somebody throwing up in the bushes. 

“No, not too casual, it showed exactly how hard you were trying to make it sound all innocent.” Rolling his eyes at that, Niall thought of getting up to get himself something more to drink, but then again, the house was really stuffed with people and out here they could at least have a decent conversation without having to yell.

“Anyways, it’s rude. I won’t message him again.” Niall made it sound dramatic on purpose, a little bit irritated when Louis simply shrugged.

“If you say so.” Was his answer to that and the blonde didn’t know why but somehow he wanted Louis to care a bit more than that.

“Why? Do you think I can’t stick to that?” Obviously, Louis was just trying to get onto Niall’s nerves and sadly, he was succeeding. 

“I don’t know, whatever.” God, Niall hated whenever Louis got like that because he was so good at reading the blonde’s mind, knowing exactly how many times Niall had been thinking about shooting Liam another message, just to be sure. It’s not like he had ignored the blonde for ages, only two days or something, plus he hadn’t even read it. 

“You should be a bit concerned maybe. Who knows what’s going on, he hasn’t even opened the message and-“

“Niall, I talked to Liam right before the party started, he’s just fine.” Well, awesome.

“Good for him.” Niall pretended like he didn’t care before pushing himself up, leaving his empty cup behind because he wasn’t planning on reusing it. He needed something stronger this time. “I’ll get another drink.”

“Have fun.” Louis raised his cup to the blonde for a moment, grinning at him and Niall playfully kicked at his legs before leaving to go back inside, his head feeling just slightly dizzy. 

It was a lot of squeezing and shouted conversation before Niall made it to the kitchen and found a clean cup, filling it with something he wasn’t quite sure about but it tasted rather promising. He didn’t go back outside immediately, actually not so keen on continuing that conversation with Louis, but the house really was super stuffed with people today and the more Niall drank, the less did he actually care about whatever he and Louis were talking about.

So after somehow making it back to the garden half an hour later, Niall actually thought Louis had left, but after a second he realized that somebody else had joined the older boy, both of them sitting with their backs towards Niall and it was actually fucking ridiculous that Niall immediately recognized Liam like this. What the fuck, had he been at the party all along?

For a moment, Niall wanted to go back inside, pretend like he hadn’t seen them, but then instead he took a big gulp out of his cup before making his way over. Whatever, he was too drunk right now to care and he was done avoiding Liam at every occasion possible. 

“Hey.” Was all Niall said, not really caring if his presence was welcome or not, he just plopped back down next to Louis, watching their faces change a little, his and Liam’s eyes locking for a moment. 

“Hi.” Liam said, all casual, as if nothing had ever happened between them, as if he hadn’t ignored that stupid picture of that dog Niall had sent him. 

“What brought you back out here, Nialler?” Louis joked, throwing an arm around the blonde for a moment, still grinning like he had before when Niall had left. 

“It was too loud and too full inside, maybe you should stop inviting the whole university, just an idea. I’ve seen at least 3 people throwing up somewhere.” The sad thing was, Niall’s cup was already empty once again, which was why he had brought along the whole bottle, very much to Louis’ and Liam’s surprise. “Do you guys want anything?”

“Uh, no thanks. You planning on downing all of that?” Louis sounded unsure and Liam spared himself an answer, as usual. He was even ignoring Niall’s questions now when they were face to face, impressive. 

“I might, it’s good.” Shrugging, Niall decided he didn’t need a cup anymore after all, drinking straight from the bottle and having to really try and keep his facial expressions under control after swallowing because… it wasn’t actually that good. “So, Liam…”

“Yeah?” The brunette asked, looking kinda unsure and so did Louis when in reality, Niall hadn’t really thought about how he was going to continue this. 

“I… Louis said you weren’t gonna come.” Saving it last second before it got too awkward, Niall somehow felt proud of himself for some reason.

“Yeah… I wasn’t planning on coming, but I didn’t really have anything to do and I was bored.” Fair enough, Niall hadn’t actually expected Liam to answer so smoothly and seriously and he didn’t really know what to say and also, he was drunk, so he just blurted out with the next best thing.

“Did you not like the picture I sent you?” He asked, immediately causing Louis to try and interrupt, but Niall cut him off before he had even fully opened his mouth. “Just because you never answered.”

“Oh, I… I didn’t see you messaged me, sorry.” Liar. “What’d you send me?”

“I-“

“It’s a picture of a dog. Niall, I think maybe you should lay off the drinking for a few minutes.” Louis was right, Niall could already feel the alcohol from before affecting him heavily, if he kept on drinking now, he’d probably be the next one to throw up in those bushes.

“No, ‘m fine, don’t patronize me.” The blonde was getting irritated, not only because he had been and still was drinking, but also because what the hell, why was Liam lying straight to his damn face? Maybe that was why he simply kept on going, not considering how stupid and embarrassing this actually was. “I take it you simply don’t like me?”

“Me?” Liam asked, very surprised, as if he didn’t know exactly that he disliked the blonde. “Why… why do you think I don’t like you?”

“Umm, let’s see… you’re ignoring all my messages?” Even though Niall was getting ruthless, there was still a bit of sense in him not to bring up Liam’s drunken escapades, Louis had promised not tell the brunette that Niall had told him and Harry, so as far as the blonde was concerned, Liam thought that he had kept his promise until now.

“I didn’t see it, I’m sorry.” He apologized again, this time sounding more serious, but Niall still believed it to be highly unlikely. “I don’t have my notifications turned on for Facebook.”

Okay, this was too confusing, Niall just looked at Liam for a second, blinking before deciding that he wanted to piss Louis off by drinking even more. “You should give me your phone number then.”

“Um… if you want to.” Liam agreed, but he made no attempts to get his phone out of his pockets and Niall was too drunk to really think about it. “Are you okay? You look a bit… “

“’m fine… just fine.” Right, Liam clenched his jaw a bit at that answer because it was exactly what he had said when he had clearly been drunk as well but had pretended he hadn’t been drinking while the empty bottles had been lying around in the living room. 

There was some silence for a few minutes, Niall was sure that Liam and Louis were sharing looks but he didn’t care right now, he just kept on drinking until there was no bitter aftertaste anymore, his head feeling pretty damn cloudy already and every movement he made, it seemed to take him twice as long. Right, maybe now it was time to stop. 

“Nialler… can I have some after all?” Louis suddenly asked and the blonde gave the bottle up without thinking about it, kinda knowing that the older boy simply wanted him to stop drinking but it was whatever really. Also, it was too late. “Do you think you can still even walk?”

“Don’t know… give me like… a second… “ The blonde half slurred before having to chuckle, kinda thinking about just lying down for a moment because why not? “Where’s Harry?”

“Harry? He’s inside somewhere, why?” No idea, the blonde had just felt like asking somehow so he simply shrugged, sitting back a bit further. “Did you want me to get him?”

“No… ‘m fine.” Niall said though it wasn’t really an answer to the question. Whatever. “Y’know what I’ve been wonderin’… have you two like ever… hooked up or somethin’? Sometimes I think like… okay, ten years or whatever is a really long time and… wow, you could have hooked up so many times.”

“We’ve never hooked up, sorry to disappoint.” Louis laughed and Niall had no idea what Liam was doing because he was just staring up into the sky now. 

“Why not? If I were you, Tommo… I would’ve hooked up with Liam so many damn times… I mean you’ve got Harry now, but let’s be honest… he’s not as hot as Liam.” No idea if the others could even make out what Niall was rambling on about, it would have been better if they hadn’t, the blonde was somehow aware of that but he also didn’t care, he was just too bloody wasted. “Like… Liam… you’ve got really nice hands and also… a real nice face and your _lips_ … don’t get me started.”

“I gotta feeling I should stop him but I don’t want to.” This was about Niall, the blonde was aware that Louis was just laughing at him but it still wasn’t enough to make him stop.

“Also, Liam or Payno or whatever… d’you like it rough in bed? You always got these bruises an’… “ At this, Niall leaned forward a bit to actually be able to look at Liam’s arm, but he wasn’t quite sure if he even saw anything at all because he couldn’t even really see Liam’s face. “Anyways… I haven’t hooked up with anyone in ages… been planning on it but then… you only ever invite people from uni, Lou, it’d be super weird… well, and Liam, but… he hates me anyways so whatever.”

“I don’t hate you.” Liam threw in, but Niall waved him off, suddenly getting the brilliant idea to try and get up because why not, right? 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Nialler.” Louis immediately tried to stop the blonde but it was too late, Niall had already gotten up, not really knowing how exactly he had managed that because he had needed Louis’ shoulder as support and his head was spinning so terribly that he wasn’t even sure if the older boy had even said anything to him at all. “Niall.”

“What?” The blonde asked, irritated, trying to find his balance, not really knowing what he wanted to do, but he was kinda done sitting out here with Louis and Liam, especially now that the oldest boy wouldn’t give him back the bottle he had brought. “I just wanna-“

“I think it’s best you stay, just for a few minutes, okay?” There was a hand wrapped around Niall’s arm immediately after Louis had gotten up as well, trying to persuade him to sit back down but for some reason the blonde really did not want to. “C’mon, Nialler.”

“No… let go, Tommo… “ Niall wasn’t really oriented enough to pull his arm out of Louis’ grip which he could have easily done otherwise, but he still kept on trying to escape the older boy, behaving like a child probably but he didn’t care one bit. “I just wanna… “

“What do you want?” The older boy asked, his voice still sounded amused even though he literally had to physically keep Niall’s drunken ass from doing something stupid. “How ‘bout you wait here with Liam and I’ll-“

“No, no, I told you… Liam hates me. Anyways, I-“

And Niall never got to finish that sentence because just for a second, Louis’ grip had loosened a little bit and the blonde had pulled too hard, almost instantly falling over his own feet out of surprise and lack of orientation and the next thing he knew was that there was a dull and hot pain on his forehead. Also, he was lying flat on the ground. 

“Niall… shit. Are you okay?” Okay, it probably wasn’t a good thing that Niall’s sight had gotten super dizzy, even after he had turned onto his back, groaning a bit as he stared up at Louis hovering over him, kinda automatically pressing a hand against where his head hurt the most. It felt pretty wet. 

“Lou… I think that’s blood.” Niall slurred, somehow not being able to keep himself from giggling. Pretty sure he would have been hurting a lot more had he not been drunk, but honestly, he barely felt anything at all. 

“What happened?!” That was Liam’s voice, he sounded quite worried but most possibly only because it was the appropriate reaction. 

“I don’t know, I… I accidentally let him go and he fell and hit his head right on the edge of the porch.” Well, that didn’t sound very good so Niall just kept on chuckling, wanting to sit up but Louis’ hand on his shoulder wouldn’t allow him to move all too much. “Listen, Niall, I’ll go get some tissues and stuff, I’ll be right back. Li, can you watch him for a moment?”

“Sure.” Liam agreed before Niall could have complained and then Louis had left and it was instead Liam hovering above the blonde, his facial expression worried but then again, Niall could barely even focus on him anyways. “Does it hurt?”

“Nah, ‘m fine.” Niall promised, this time not trying to mock Liam. He momentarily lifted his hand from his forehead to look at it and his stomach would have maybe turned had he not been so wasted, his palm red with blood. 

“It just looks like so much because it’s your head… maybe you should keep your hand there, just in case.” The brunette didn’t at all seem bothered by the sight of Niall’s wound gushing with blood and dripping down into his hair and the side of his head, but the blonde obviously wasn’t thinking about that right now. “Listen, uh… just because you keep saying it and… I know you’re pretty drunk, but… I don’t hate you. I genuinely did not see your message.”

“’s a shame… t’was a really cute dog, y’know… a beagle or somethin’… “ Or maybe not, Niall couldn’t properly remember and his head was spinning and he was feeling rather dizzy. “Did you really not hook up with Lou? He’s gone now… you can tell me.”

“I haven’t hooked up with him.” Liam was smirking for a moment, which was weird, but Niall didn’t look for too long because he had to close his eyes the moment he had pressed his palm against his forehead and it stung a bit more than expected.

“Are you like… not into guys?” A good question, Niall had been dying to know and now suddenly he had the courage to ask and of course, someone had to interrupt Liam and ruin it.

“I-“

“Everything okay? Did he already pass out?” Louis had come back out of nowhere and Niall would have complained about not hearing Liam’s answer, but no one was really paying attention to him anyways. “I tried to find Harry so he can help us get him inside, but he’s nowhere to be found…. Can you hold that for a second?”

“Sure… should I go look for Harry?” Was Liam desperate to leave? Probably.

“Nah, it’s fine… hey, Niall, can you lift your hand for a second? I’ll just pour this over the wound, alright? Might sting a little.” The older boy seemed to be knowing what he did, maybe because he had so many siblings and they probably fell down on a daily basis, but somehow Niall still didn’t wanna let him do this.

“No.” As if it would have helped, Niall kept his palm pressed tighter to his forehead, making Louis sigh.

“C’mon, it’ll be done in a second… Liam can hold your hand.” He laughed after saying that, wrapping a hand around Niall’s wrist and the blonde was too surprised and too weak to really resist, but he did complain for a moment, which simply got ignored by the other two. “Can you hold his wrist?”

Liam’s fingers had an even tighter grip as they curled around the blonde’s wrist, and then Liam immediately grabbed a hold of Niall’s other hand as well when the blonde had been about to use that one instead and there was honestly no way to resist Liam. It did sting when Louis poured whatever over Niall’s wound and the blonde hissed, automatically holding onto Liam’s hand, so tight actually, he was probably hurting the brunette.

Louis made sure to wipe the blood before sticking at least 3 band aids on Niall’s forehead and by the time he was done, Niall wasn’t feeling any more sober but he also wasn’t feeling very amused anymore. Fuck, that had genuinely hurt. 

“Think you can get up?” The older boy asked and Niall only shook his head, pressing his hand back against the band aids as soon as Liam had let go of him. Damn, his head was spinning like crazy, the blonde wasn’t sure if he’d ever manage to get up ever again. “He needs to lie down… ‘m just thinking of which bed to put him in.”

“When’s your family coming back?” Liam asked, sounding concerned, but Niall was barely able to follow their conversation, it all felt more like a dream at this point. 

“Not sure, but definitely not before Niall has sobered up again. Can you help me get him upstairs? I don’t think I’d be able to half carry him.” Niall would have maybe protested had he been fully listening, he didn’t even hear Liam agree before they were already trying to coax him into at least sitting up by himself. Needless to say, it didn’t really make things much better. “If you throw up on me I’ll never invite you again, just so you know.”

“Shut up… “ The blonde half mumbled, not sure if it had even come out as whole words because moving his mouth just seemed so damn hard right now. 

It was really difficult to tell what happened from there on, all Niall knew was that it was mostly Liam who was supporting him and helping him walk and he was leaning against the brunette with almost all of his weight, probably slurring the most stupid shit that hopefully no one heard. Niall almost fell over ten times or something, at some point wrapping both his arms around the older’s waist and he wasn’t even sure anymore why, maybe for balance or maybe because he had wanted to cuddle since he was kinda a clingy drunk at times.

The stairs were the hardest part obviously, Niall couldn’t remember all of it, Liam might have as well carried him or something, all he knew was that at one point, he did half fall into a bed, probably not Louis’ though but one of his siblings’.

“You wanna take anything off?” It was Louis’ voice, Niall couldn’t see him though because he was on his back with one arm draped over his eyes to block out the light.

“My shoes… “ Niall somehow brought out, his amusement from before long gone, he was actually feeling rather emotional instead. 

“I already took them off for you, Nialler. You should go to sleep, alright?” Right, there was also a blanket covering half of Niall’s body that he only really noticed now. Shit, he hadn’t been this wasted in fucking ages. “Do you want me to text your mom or something?”

“No… “ Maybe it would have been a good idea, but then again, she was already asleep and she knew where he was anyways. “Liam… “

“He’s right here, Niall.” No idea why Niall had felt the need to ask for the other boy, but he let his arm drop behind his head just to check whether Louis was speaking the truth. He was indeed, Louis was sitting on the edge of the bed and Liam on the nightstand, his facial expression unidentifiable for the blonde though, his eyes already half dropping closed again. “Just go to sleep, okay? I’ll check on you in five minutes and-“

“No, stay.” Niall could feel himself getting panicked all of a sudden, but instead of reaching out for Louis, he kinda automatically reached out for Liam instead, maybe because it had been him who had mostly helped him to get up here. Or maybe also because he seemed to be giving much better hugs than Louis, not that Niall would have really known, but judging from looks and all. 

“I can um… stay, it’s fine. I’m pretty tired anyways.” Liam hadn’t yet pulled his wrist out of the blonde’s grip even though it was quite weak and the blonde felt very pleased with that answer even though actually going to sleep sounded pretty appealing right now. Especially because Niall started to feel kinda sick, as if he’d actually have to throw up if he had moved too much. 

“You sure? I’ll just go downstairs and look for Harry.” The mattress was moving when Louis got up but Niall didn’t really care. “I’ll come back in a few minutes.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” No idea why Liam would do this, but Niall was too drunk to think about it, he had shut his eyes again, the sound of the door opening and closing only a background noise. 

Still, the blonde only let go of Liam’s wrist when he got too tired to hold on, his fingers slowly slipping from the older’s skin as he turned onto his side to get a little bit more comfortable, somewhere in the back of his head still wanting to get something out though. “You still gotta… look at the pic I sent you… even if… if you hate me… “

“I don’t hate you, Niall.” Was the very last thing Niall heard before he basically passed out a second later, not even sure whether any of this had been real or whether he had been home all along dreaming.

 

\-------------

 

Usually Niall didn’t get too much of a hangover the day after drinking, but waking up in the morning this time actually felt as if he had gone to hell. His head felt as if somebody had crushed his skull and just opening his eyes was enough to make him wanna cry, his throat was burning and his whole body felt so weak, he might have as well fallen out of the window on the first floor last night. Well, shit.

Niall actually needed ages to remember anything that had happened at all or recognize the room he was in because he had never been here before. There were no lights on but the curtains hadn’t been pulled properly and for the few moments Niall managed to keep his eyes open, he realized it must have been one of Louis’ sisters’ rooms. What worried him a lot more though was when he heard a noise and some breathing across the room, very quickly calming down though when he realized that it was Liam sleeping in the other bed.

Right, about that…

The blonde didn’t really remember everything he had said or done, just the really bad parts and it only made him wanna go back to sleep even more. God, what had he been thinking getting this drunk with Liam being right there? Not only had he called him hot and whatnot, he had also been acting like a whiny child, had accused Liam of hating him probably 50 times, oh… and then he had also asked him whether he and Louis had ever hooked up. If Liam hadn’t hated Niall before last night, he surely did now. 

Then again… why was he even still here? Sleeping in the same room as Niall? Maybe there was no other suitable bed or something, but Louis had SIX siblings after all and even though two were still toddlers, the other four weren’t. Whatever, Liam definitely had not stayed for Niall, the blonde didn’t even want to imagine that possibility.

Twenty minutes or more passed before Niall was able to keep his eyes open and sit up, still feeling as if he had died and gone to hell though. At least his mouth wasn’t tasting as if he had been throwing up during the night, that was something, right?

Since Niall had no idea when Louis’ family would come back, he convinced himself to get out of bed, actually wanting to cry for a moment because he was feeling like fucking trash. Also, he was still a little bit dizzy, but not drunk anymore by any means. Before walking out of the room, Niall stopped for a moment to look down at Liam sleeping, deciding that it was the least he could do to repay the brunette as he pulled the blanket up higher, trying not to stare too much. He had being wooing over Liam enough last night.

Slipping out of the room with his shoes in his hand, Niall had actually been planning on quietly leaving and just walking home to maybe clear his mind a bit, but even though it was only 9 am or something, he heard Louis and Harry moving around the house and talking downstairs, so the blonde gave up on trying to make as little noise as possible. Whatever.

“Oh my god, he’s alive!” Louis fake gasped as Niall came down the stairs and the blonde rolled his eyes, kinda hoping he wouldn’t have to help cleaning up now. “You look fucking terrible, mate.”

“Shut up.” Was all Niall said, not really knowing what to do now though because the whole place was still cluttered with cups and stains and jackets people had forgotten. Great. “D’you need any help with that, or…?”

“Maybe you should take it easy, Nialler, get yourself a glass of water or something… “ Harry threw in, sounding a lot more concerned than Louis. Who knows what else had happened last night when Niall had thought he had fallen asleep. But hopefully there was at least one person who hadn’t seen him at his worst. “Do you need something for your head? New bandaids, maybe.”

“Why would I need- oh.” Right, Niall had completely forgotten about that, his hand automatically moving to press against the wound on his forehead, making him flinch. At least that meant that all that pain wasn’t coming from the alcohol only. “Nah, I’m fine, I-“

“There’s a mirror behind you.” Louis interrupted, probably for a reason because as Niall turned around to look at himself, he almost got a bit of a shock.

He really did look terrible, his face was pale and his eyes were still red shot, dark circles underneath, there was dried blood on the side of his face and smeared into his hair, the bandaids covering half of his forehead. Great, his mother couldn’t see him like that, no way. “Oh… do you mind if… if I try to wash the blood off?”

“Go ahead, you know where the bathroom is, right? But just to warn you, I think someone puked in there.” Well, Niall himself didn’t smell all too well, so… “Is Liam up yet?”

“He was asleep before I came downstairs, ummm… “ Niall had been about to leave the room before he hesitated, silently debating for a second whether he should have asked or not but then deciding that it really didn’t matter anymore. “How… how bad was I last night? From one to ten?”

“Nine point five?” Louis actually answered, sounding quite serious for a second before he laughed at the face Niall pulled. “Don’t worry ‘bout it, you didn’t throw up on anyone and you only clung to Liam for a little bit, he didn’t mind too much though… I think. He seemed a bit worried, said he’d sleep in the room with you to make sure you don’t suffocate on your own vomit or something.”

“Umm… why?” Louis was just teasing Niall, right? Because of what he had said about Liam being attractive last night?

“Because like he told you probably 10 million times and despite what you still seem to think, he doesn’t hate you and he also doesn’t dislike you. Also, he definitely wasn’t lying about not seeing your message.” Right, that stupid picture of that dog Niall had seen on the bus… hard to believe he had been completely sober when he had sent that. “I think you two are on the best way to become friends, if you try and hold back a bit with all those compliments about his hands and… what was it? His lips?”

“Fuck off, Lou.” Niall rolled his eyes, his cheeks turning hot as he quickly walked out of the room, still hearing Louis laugh as he reached the downstairs bathroom.

New band aids would have definitely been a good idea but Niall tried to at least clean the rest of his skin and hair as well as possible, in the end simply splashing cold water into his face in hopes that maybe it’d make him feel more like a human again. It didn’t help much, neither did drinking some water and sitting down for a moment, the wound on his forehead now pulsing after Niall had gotten the band aids all wet. At least that distracted him from the slight feelings of nausea. 

The blonde didn’t immediately go back to the others, he made sure to check his phone first, relieved that none of his friends had realized just how smashed he had been and that he had stayed at Louis’ over night. Only his mother had noticed his absence at home, but she had simply texted Niall to tell him that she would be gone for a few hours today in case he came home during that time. 

So really, the only one Niall had to be embarrassed around was Liam, since Harry hadn’t seen him and the blonde didn’t really care about whatever Louis said to him.

Judging by the voices he had heard through the closed bathroom door, Niall had already been guessing that Liam had woken up and come to help cleaning up as well, but it didn’t exactly make things any better. As soon as Niall entered the living room again, his and Liam’s eyes met and the blonde really tried to at least manage something like a smile before very quickly starting to collect some empty cups. 

“Feeling better?” Harry asked and Niall shrugged, not really knowing what to say because the way he was feeling right now, it almost seemed as if he’d never be feeling better, not in this lifetime at least. “Maybe you should eat something or so.”

“Yeah… ‘m actually feeling kinda sick though… “ Niall had managed not to throw up last night, he really didn’t wanna push his luck here. “I’ll eat at home I guess.”

“Hmm… I think you should stay, for a little bit at least.” Right, it was probably a bit noticeable that Niall wasn’t too steady on his feet, it’s not that he was still drunk, just… last night had just been wild. “Or at least not walk home by yourself, just in case.”

“Liam could walk you home. You don’t live too far away from each other, right?” Louis threw in and the blonde wanted to strangle him right then and there but he kept quiet instead, not even moving one muscle in his face. Surely, Liam was going to find a really good excuse now, he wasn’t going to-

“Yeah, I… we can do that.” What? “I actually gotta leave in a bit anyways, so… “

“Yeah, right. Too lazy to help cleaning, huh, Payno?” It was just banter, Niall could barely even listen because he was pretty damn busy thinking about how Liam had just agreed to walk him home like that. Literally what was up with this boy? Could he not decide whether he liked Niall or not or what was this?

The living room was still pretty bad looking half an hour later, but it had definitely gotten better and Niall was more than relieved when Liam once again said he really needed to go now even though he never even said why. The blonde kinda followed him automatically to the front door, not commenting the fact that they would be walking home together because… there was absolutely no reason to.

“Right, try not to give your mother too much of a scare, Nialler. And don’t get hit by a car or something.” Louis seemed to think he was fucking funny, laughing even more when Niall rolled his eyes at him after slipping his shoes on, still allowing the older boy to hug him briefly, only for a second though before he had pulled away again with a scrunched up face. “Ugh, you really need a shower, mate.”

Had Louis not been teasing him nonstop since Niall had gotten up, he might have thanked him for last night or something, but it actually seemed like the older boy had gotten way too much of a kick out of it anyways. Next time, Niall was genuinely going to think about whether he was going to show up or not.

Almost as soon as Liam and Niall had left the house, the blonde could feel himself getting a little bit nervous, maybe also embarrassed once again even though he had been drunk last night and Liam didn’t have to know that he had meant half the things he had said.

“Hey, ummm…. Because of last night, I… I just wanted to say thank you. Also… Louis said you stayed in the room with me, so… thank you for that as well.” Niall spoke up when he couldn’t take the silence anymore, playing with his fingers while they were walking next to each other. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Was all Liam said, and then when Niall had been about to open his mouth again, the older boy suddenly continued. “I mean… you would have done the same for me. Or did, actually…”

“I… “ Had he just finally admitted that he had been drunk after having so hard tried to deny it back then? “I said a few, um… weird things though. And I was touching you a bit much, so… “

“It’s fine, you were drunk after all and you didn’t like… insult me or anything.” Had that been a small smile on Liam’s lips? “We can just forget about it if you want.”

“Thank you… I still wanted to apologize though for always saying that you hate me and… I don’t know, it was just because of the message and stuff, but… I do believe that you didn’t see it. Also… if you had ignored it on purpose, that’s fine too, you’re not like… obliged to answer me, so… “ But it would have been highly appreciated nevertheless. “And about me asking about your phone number umm... don’t worry, I won’t ask Louis for it or anything.”

There was a moment of hesitation before Liam answered, but the blonde was nevertheless surprised. “You can have it though… I don’t mind. I, uh, looked at the picture you sent me last night after you had fallen asleep and… you can send me more dogs if you find any.”

“Don’t say that or I‘ll spam your phone with every animal I see.” Feeling slightly stoked after Liam had said that, Niall kinda got too excited and he hated how much relief he felt as a result. 

“I wouldn’t mind too much.” Liam joined Niall’s laughter for a moment, surprising the blonde even more when he suddenly handed his phone over, already having opened a new contact for Niall to type his number in.

The blonde took the phone wordlessly, typing in his name and having to correct the number he typed in at least 3 times before giving the phone back to the brunette, feeling way more excited about this than he should have. He knew Liam had sent him a text message when he saw him typing from the corner of his eye, but Niall didn’t check his phone, not trying to look desperate and instead switching the topic. “So… did you really just go to Louis’ party because you were bored? Or did he force you to come?”

“Ummm… kinda a bit of both, I suppose, but it was more out of boredom probably.” He shrugged and Niall threw a side glance at him, wanting to ask a million questions all at once but instead biting his tongue and holding back. They were just now starting to talk normally to each other again, he needed to get it together. “Does your head hurt a lot?”

“Yeah, I mean, no, it’s… alright. I can’t really tell if it’s the alcohol or the wound, but the combination probably isn’t the best either. How’s it look, by the way? Do I look as scary as Louis said I did?” Their eyes met for a second and Niall could have sworn that Liam’s cheek had gotten slightly more red as he focused on the blonde’s face for a moment before shaking his head slowly. 

“You look fine, just… the bandaids are leaking a bit. Actually… last night I was thinking maybe we should have called someone or gotten you to hospital because it looked quite bad. Maybe you should think about that, like… just so it won’t leave a scar if you don’t get stitches.” Liam talked as if he was being serious and Niall could feel himself getting slightly panicked all of a sudden. 

“I… are you sure? I didn’t even think about that, you guys said it’s not so bad last night and I… I haven’t even looked yet.” Oh god, what if Liam was right? His mother would have killed him.

“Yeah, we said that because we wanted to calm you down, but, hey… I’m sure it’s not that bad, I mean, it stopped bleeding pretty quickly, if it was that deep those band aids would probably be soaked with blood. Just make sure to change them when you get home.” Right, that sounded like a very smart idea, Niall nodded along, internally still feeling a bit freaked out though but also kinda excited about how much Liam seemed to suddenly care about him. Well, but as he had said before, he was probably just trying to make them even.

The way home seemed a lot shorter with Liam there, they both fell into a silence once a while but it wasn’t really because Niall ran out of things to say, it was more because he wasn’t sure where they were standing or if he was allowed to believe Liam whenever he had said he didn’t dislike the blonde. But then again, he had given Niall his number and agreed to walk him home, so that at least couldn’t mean he absolutely despised him…. Right?

When they got off the bus, Niall actually felt himself dreading the moment he’d get home and would have to say goodbye to the brunette, so he made sure to walk kinda slowly, made sure to keep the conversation steady now just to make use of the time they had together. It was weird, really, just yesterday Niall had been pretty annoyed by Liam’s behavior and now he was cracking jokes trying to make the brunette laugh.

Liam did walk Niall almost up to his front door, about which the blonde was slightly surprised but also very pleased with. “So, um… that’s where I live, thank you for… walking me home and everything.”

“No problem.” Liam smiled at him, honestly having sounded as if he hadn’t minded at all. 

“Are you gonna find back home from here?” No idea what Niall would have done if Liam had said no, but the brunette nodded, so that was Niall’s cue to go inside and not make this awkward. “Okay… thanks again, Liam, really.”

“I told you, it’s fine. Make sure you take it easy.” He seemed to mean it so Niall took the advice to heart, almost going in for the hug but then deciding not to last minute.

“I will… see you around, I guess?” Well, if everything failed, they’d probably run into each other at Liam’s workplace once Niall would run out of self control again.

“Yeah… bye, Niall.” Liam waved briefly before walking back where they had come from, leaving the blonde behind, a little bit confused but overall feeling somehow very happy.

Niall made sure not to think about Liam too much once he was home, showering for at least 15 minutes and brushing his teeth another 10 before going on a search for some band aids. The wound didn’t actually look too bad although it ripped open again as he took the old band aids off, but the blonde decided he didn’t need to go to the hospital after all because he had expected much worse.

Honestly, Niall really tried not to get his phone out, but after being home for an hour and just lying in bed trying not to sleep in, he finally gave in and checked the message Liam had sent him before. It was just a random emoji, but Niall couldn’t help but still feel excitement overcoming him all over again as soon as he had saved Liam’s number in his phone contacts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello lovelies :)
> 
> sooo niall and liam are finally talking again! dont worry, i know what i said about niall being the one who takes care of liam more than the other way around in this fic and about switching their roles to how i usually write them, this is still gonna happen but liam taking care of niall in this chapter was necessary (which will be explained a bit later)!
> 
> hope you all enjoyed the chapter! if you want you can leave me a comment and tell me what you thought or what youre thinking is going to happen! id love to discuss the fic with you guys, its probably my fave hobby haha! so whatever comes to your mind no matter what, id love to know :D <3


	5. Chapter 5

“I still think you should come, it’d be fun.“ Niall tried to convince Liam for probably the ten thousandth time even though he knew that he was not going to succeed anyways. It wasn’t his fault though that he felt kinda stoked as hell about all of this, the fact that they were hanging out, that Liam had immediately agreed to come. 

“I’m not really into golfing anymore though, like… I used to enjoy it, but… “ Liam was running out of excuses and the blonde started to feel kinda bad for him, so he decided to drop it, not wanting to push the brunette too far. 

“It’s fine, I’ll give you a free pass this time because you agreed to come watch this film with me. And because you’re gonna share the biggest popcorn bag they have with me as well.” It was stupid that Niall was so excited about Liam having agreed to go to the cinema with him, but he hadn’t been here in forever because usually whenever he hung out with his other friends then there would always be at least 4 or 5 of them, which meant Niall barely ever got any popcorn and he also couldn’t have asked Louis without asking Harry as well, so… 

“I am?” Liam asked, pretending to be confused even though he had already agreed before, smirking at the blonde though when he rolled his eyes at him. God, Liam looked so good when he was smirking. 

“Yep. But don’t worry, we won’t have to share a drink. Unless you want to.” Wagging his eyebrows at the brunette, Niall wanted to slap himself in the face just a second later so he quickly made sure to instead get his wallet out as they approached the entrance of the cinema. “I’ll just pay for the tickets, we can split it later, okay?”

“I can also give it to you now though.” Maybe Liam was so eager to give Niall money because that would have made it seem a lot less like a date. Then again, it was so far away from a date as it could get, Niall had already been lying in bed, watching trailers of films online before deciding in the split of a second that he was going to ask Liam to watch one of them with him right now. That had only been half an hour ago, who would have thought that the brunette was this spontaneous? “Or… I’ll just pay for the food then.”

“Yeah, sounds good, whatever. My mom actually gave me money before I left, I think she’s really happy I’m not going out to drink.” Chuckling, Niall forgot to keep his hand on the door for Liam entering after him, almost letting the older boy run straight into it. Right, this was definitely not a date. 

“It’s Sunday.” Liam answered, confused, and Niall just laughed at him because he had definitely gotten drunk on Sundays before.

“I know. Do you even wanna see the film?” There were barely any people inside the cinema, it was already 9 pm though and tomorrow was Monday, so that made sense. And no, Niall had not picked that time or day on purpose, it had been pure coincidence.

“Yeah, of course.” Liam seemed confused and Niall felt stupid for having thought about the brunette simply agreeing because he had wanted to make Niall happy. Why would that matter to him, right? They had only made up and swapped numbers a week ago, for which Niall still had the best memory in form of a massive bandaid on his forehead, and he had genuinely waited for a whole day before trying to be funny and send Liam pictures of random dogs he saw on the street. This was the very first time they had met up on pure purpose though, just the two of them. “Why?”

“I don’t know… maybe you’re the kinda guy who watches everything online or something. I would, but I’m too paranoid.” Very true, but then again, Niall didn’t watch films too often in general because he always got kinda fidgety. 

“Me too, actually, but… I haven’t been caught yet, so.” He shrugged and the blonde kinda wondered if that meant that he could count himself lucky that Liam had decided to agree and show up in the matter of about 20 minutes. 

It turned out that there was literally no other person watching the same film but Niall barely thought about it as soon as they were sitting inside because he had more popcorn to eat than he had expected and Liam seemed pretty relaxed as well. Somehow the blonde though about asking Liam not to tell Louis about this, but it was too late anyways because the brunette had already sent Louis a picture of the half empty cinema. 

Like expected, Niall felt his phone vibrating in his pocket two minutes later, making sure to check the message without having Liam notice.

 

_From Louis 9:10 pm  
????? your in the cinema with liam? cute. Have fun :)_

 

One day, Niall was going to strangle his friend and it wasn’t going to be pretty. Obviously Louis had been making fun of Niall all week long at uni and afterwards, asking about his supposed “crush” on Liam and wanting to read every single text message they sent each other, not that he ever saw any, at least not on Niall’s phone. It was annoying but it also made Niall blush a whole ton even though he was definitely getting better at simply ignoring Louis.

Whatever, he could talk and hang out with Liam as often as he pleased, as long as the brunette wanted to as well, right? And it did seem like he did because they were talking to each other as if they were rather good friends and the fact that they could also hang out now was pretty amazing to Niall. Especially because he wasn’t really used to hanging out with just one friend at a time.

“So… do you have to work tomorrow?” Niall asked after putting his phone back into his pocket without answering, making sure to eat another handful of popcorn because dinner was already 2 hours in the past. 

“No, I don’t, actually. Do you have uni?” Liam asked as if he didn’t know, causing the blonde to roll his eyes a little bit.

“I always have uni. I guess I’m gonna skip a few classes tomorrow though, the semester is already dragging on way too long anyways and I haven’t really slept so well the last two nights.” No idea why Niall was bringing this up now, it just kinda came out because he had stopped watching his words so much around the brunette.

“Oh, why?” Right when Liam had asked the adverts started playing, but seeing as nobody was there anyways, Niall didn’t feel bad about simply raising his voice.

“Hm, not sure. Probably because I always sleep in on weekends and then I’m not tired at night.” Eating more popcorn while talking, Niall was focused on that for a moment, not noticing at first that Liam had replied yet, being kinda surprised when he looked over just to see the brunette watching the film trailers rather intently. “What, you actually enjoy watching trailers before the actual film?”

“Um, yeah, don’t you?” Liam asked, still sounding a bit absent and the blonde couldn’t help the smile that was forming on his lips as he shook his head, feeling a weird rush of fond for the older boy.

They didn’t talk during the actual film, which Niall highly appreciated as well because it was a whole lot different whenever he went with his other friends. Niall ate so much popcorn in the first few minutes that he almost felt bad, but Liam then told him he could eat some more because he didn’t want that much anyways, which alone would have been enough to immediately make Liam Niall’s number one go to person whenever he wanted to go to the cinema from now on.

The film was good, not brilliant but they both enjoyed themselves, which was definitely what mattered the most. Not that Niall would have felt too bad had Liam not enjoyed the film, he had agreed to come after all, so he must have at least watched the trailer or something, right? Also Niall managed to reach for popcorn three times the same time Liam did, by the second time not pulling his hand away in shock though but rather laughing it off for a second. Whatever.

“So, what’d you think?” Niall asked once it was over and they were walking outside, it was already 11.30 at night or something and it had definitely gotten a bit chillier now as well. 

“It was good, yeah. Did you like it?” Liam’s hands were buried deep in his jeans pockets while they were walking across the parking lot and Niall wondered whether he was cold, but it was too dark to tell really. Also, not like Niall could have offered him his jacket anyways because he would have frozen to death himself otherwise. 

“I did, yeah. Sorry for eating all the popcorn by the way.” The blonde wasn’t really sorry, he just threw a grin at Liam and the older boy shook his head, smiling a bit. 

“That’s fine, don’t worry. I had something to eat before anyways.” Did that mean Niall had texted Liam to come to the cinema with him in the middle of the brunette having dinner? “Hey, did you, um… check the bus times?”

“No, I… I didn’t, why?” Oh god, if they had to walk home yet _again_ … 

“Because it’s Sunday and the busses don’t go regularly at this time anymore, but… should be fine. I hope.” Okay, that did not sound very encouraging at all. 

“Well, I mean, we’re so good at walking anyways, right?” It was a joke, Niall would have rather died than to walk home from here actually, but if they didn’t have a choice he was still glad it was Liam who he’d have to talk to in the meantime.

Liam just laughed at the comment, not really sounding too motivated to walk at this time of day either, but as they arrived at the bus station, it seemed like they had been pushing their luck a bit too much. “Jesus…. 30 minutes.”

“Sorry ‘bout that, I wasn’t thinking about bus times at all.” Niall apologized because it kinda was his fault, wasn’t it? He had chosen that time to watch the film. “Umm… I don’t wanna walk, actually, let’s go to the beach.”

“The beach?” Liam sounded rather unsure, still following the blonde though as he walked across the almost empty street.

“Yeah, why not? It’s right here and it’s already so late, I’m gonna have to skip my first class tomorrow anyways.” Not true, Niall usually always stayed up pretty late anyways, but that still sounded like a legit excuse to skip a class. 

“I just don’t wanna miss the bus.” It came out sounding a bit worried and Niall felt bad for a second, but the beach was only 2 minutes away from the bus station, so… 

“We won’t, I promise. You ever been to the beach at night? I once almost drowned because me ‘nd my mates thought it would be fun to go into the water while being smashed as hell.” Actually, that wasn’t a funny story at all and Liam didn’t think so either because he had one eyebrow pulled up as he looked at the blonde. “We ever did it again though, it was a stupid idea.” 

“I… sometimes Louis wants to walk his dog at night and we went to the beach a few times, but… I probably wouldn’t go by myself or something. Kinda creepy, innit?” It almost sounded as if Liam was scared for a moment, but he didn’t hesitate to follow the blonde down to the water.

“I guess, but don’t worry, I’d protect you if anybody tries to rob us.” Niall joked, stopping before his shoes were touching the water.

“You were too scared to wait at the bus stop by yourself after Louis’ party.” True, that was already months in the past or something and Niall was actually surprised that Liam brought it up so casually.

“I wasn’t _scared_ , just… it would have been boring, waiting by myself.” Shrugging, the blonde sat down a bit further away from the water, waiting for Liam to do the same, leaving a lot more distance between them though than the blonde would have done. “It’s so quiet.”

“Yeah… we probably won’t even hear the bus.” Liam sounded worried once more and the blonde sighed a bit, not being able to help a smile forming on his lips though while playing with the stones they were sitting on, listening to the soft sound of the waves. Actually, Niall had thought about going surfing earlier today, but there had been no wind at all, so he had instead stayed home, trying to catch up on some uni work, but… needless to say, it hadn’t gone too well. 

“We’ll get on that bus, Payno, I promise.” Niall chuckled, kinda amused whenever he saw the brunette throwing a look back over his shoulder, as if he could have seen the street from down here.

“Payno, huh?” The brunette asked and Niall was confused for a moment, not even having noticed that he had used the older’s nickname.

“Oh, yeah, sorry, Louis always calls you that, I’ve gotten used to it, I guess. I like ‘Li’ better though.” It hadn’t been supposed to be a joke but Liam still snorted quietly as an answer, maybe he was embarrassed by that nickname or something. “I think that is actually the reason he sometimes calls me Ni. We’re matching.”

“Yeah… I guess we are. What about Nialler, though? Did Louis make that up as well?” For some reason, Liam actually sounded interested in that and the blonde couldn’t help but find it funny to think about how they had ended up right here in this situation after everything that had happened.

“Nah, he didn’t, he’s not that creative. Actually, my mom came up with that nickname when I was a toddler or so.” At least that’s what she always told Niall, they didn’t really have any videos of when he had been younger. 

“You… live alone with your mom, right?” The fact that Liam asked made Niall’s heart beat a bit faster, just because that meant that the brunette was probably aware of the fact that Niall could have returned that question and apparently had decided that he didn’t mind. So just to make sure this wouldn’t get uncomfortable, Niall simply blurted out with the whole story.

“Yeah, thankfully. My parents are divorced, my dad and my brother are still in Ireland, I love my dad but I don’t get along with my brother, like, _at all_. He’s older than me and he’s always been stronger and he knew it, it was hell, I’m glad I only see him once a year or so. Do you have siblings?” Niall asked all innocently as if he didn’t know, starting to throw a few small stones towards the water but never really managing to throw them far enough.

“Yeah, I’ve got two older sisters… they don’t live here though and they’re both married.” Liam shrugged and Niall bit his tongue, kinda wanting to ask about Liam’s parents but then deciding not to. He probably couldn’t have faked a reaction well enough and he did feel more than terrible about Liam’s dad, he just couldn’t imagine that the brunette would have wanted to talk about that right now.

“Oh, do they have kids? Are you like, the super cool uncle or something?” Laughing, Niall didn’t have to turn his head to know that Liam was rolling his eyes, the barely audible sigh was enough.

“I do have two nieces, but I doubt I’m a cool uncle. I barely ever see them and also… I’m not so super great with kids.” Okay, how was that possible though? With all of Louis’ siblings?

“Didn’t you have practice at Louis’ house?” Niall stopped himself from telling Liam about how one of Louis’ sisters had sounded excited when she had thought Liam would be coming over because then of course the brunette would have wondered if they had been talking about him and… they were just becoming friends, Niall really didn’t wanna risk Liam finding out about how he had broken his promise just because he had been upset. 

“Yeah, I mean… it’s different, Louis is always there and the kids never stop talking so I never get into a situation where I wouldn’t know what to say. Also… I don’t stay at his house too often anyways.” Understandable, but Niall couldn’t help but feel curious.

“Why not?” He asked, trying to sound casual, still playing with the stones and briefly checking the time on his phone. They really couldn’t miss that bus, not now after he had promised Liam so many times they’d make it on time. 

“Well… he’s got a big family and I live alone, so… “ That made sense, Niall already had his next question on the tip of his tongue, almost feeling a bit of a rush from Liam giving him actual answers concerning his life, but then the brunette kinda ruined it. “Have you ever been to Harry’s place though?”

“Um, no… why?” Niall liked Harry a lot and he did consider him a friend, but… probably not that kinda friend, he surely wouldn’t have asked him to hang out and go to the cinema with him.

“His house is _massive_ , it’s crazy. It’s like a mansion or something.” Sounded greatly exaggerated but Liam seemed so impressed that Niall now wished he could have seen where Harry lived as well.

“Compared to my place you guys all live in a mansion.” Sad, but true, Niall laughed, not really minding it though because if he had lived somewhere bigger, the vacuum cleaning his mother made him do would have taken even longer. 

“It can’t be that bad, I saw it from the outside.” Right, Niall had almost forgotten about that, had Liam walked him home today and had it been earlier, he might have even invited him inside, just to hang out of course, but… 

“You gotta come over sometime, my mother would love it.” That wasn’t a lie, his mother had indeed asked Niall about Liam a few more times, but that had been when they hadn’t really been speaking so the blonde had tried to brush it off. 

“I, yeah, um… sure.” No idea what Liam’s real thoughts were about that, but Niall didn’t plan on getting onto his nerves too much anyways. He kinda felt like he knew Liam too well by now, like, he knew what kinda topics to avoid and what kinda questions not to ask and then Louis had told him some things as well that the blonde wouldn’t have dared to ask Liam himself and… he did feel slightly bad about that now because if Liam ever did tell him these things himself, Niall would have to pretend.

They talked a bit more about life and whatnot and in the end, they actually had to run a bit to catch the bus, neither of them having checked the clock. Liam pretended to be mad once they were sitting down, but Niall managed to make him crack almost immediately by telling him the very worst joke he was able to come up with at this time of day.

Niall did not ask Liam where his real bus stop was because he still had no idea, but when the brunette moved a bit and the bus slowed to a stop, the blonde made sure to quickly blurt out with what he had been meaning to ask ever since they had sat down on the beach.

“Hey, um, real quick… what’re you doing tomorrow?” They were almost at the station Liam had to get off at, the brunette had already half gotten up, thinking about it for a moment.

“Uh, nothing really, I’ve got the day off, so...” He shrugged, holding onto the bar, and Niall took a quick breath.

“I got a break from one to three, do you wanna like… keep me some company so I won’t have to eat all by myself?” Niall tried to make it sound funny, grinning at Liam and he was very pleased to find that though the older boy did seem surprised, he didn’t seem like he didn’t want to.

“Oh, um… sure. Just… text me where?” He asked and before Niall could get up and hug him goodbye, the older boy had already raised his hand in goodbye and the blonde only managed something like “Yeah, sure” before he was sitting by himself with a stupid smile on his face.

 

\-------------------

 

“Why aren’t you telling me any details? I just wanted to know which film it was, I was thinking about going to the cinema myself and-“

“Mhm, of course.” Niall rolled his eyes, trying to actually pay attention to the lecture for once and take notes, but it was hard while sitting in the very back with Louis next to him talking his ear off. And with the knowledge that after this, Niall was going to meet up with Liam and thank god Louis had another class so if Liam didn’t tell him, he would never have to find out.

“You don’t believe me? Just ask Harry then.” Louis was pretending to be pissed off now, Niall tried not to care and ignore him but it wasn’t all too easy. “That’s my pen you’re writing with, I think I need it back now.”

“Lou, seriously? I can’t even remember the title of the film, okay? We just went to the cinema together, that’s it, nothing happened.” This was going to get a problem in the future, Niall could already tell, on one hand he was kinda annoyed, but on the other hand… he still didn’t know if Liam was generally into guys, but the fact that Louis was encouraging all of this so much… 

“But like… how? Did you just randomly ask him to go watch a film on a Sunday at 9 pm?” Why did Louis sound so surprised?

“Yeah? Am I not allowed to or something?” Niall couldn’t help the slight sarcasm, having to cross out the whole sentence he had just written because it literally made no sense at all.

“Sure, I was just… surprised, is all. I mean, just a week ago-“

“I know, okay? I know what I said was wrong and I know I said some really stupid things, but… it’s all good now and I really need to write this down.” The blonde tried one more time but was of course ignored. 

“I still think it’s pretty funny, and cute as well. I mean, what you said to Liam when you were drunk… did you actually mean all of that? I mean, about his lips and-“

“Louis, please.” Niall was ready to beg, he could feel his cheeks getting rapidly hotter and he really hated how much of an effect this still had on him, but he couldn’t help the way his body reacted, could he? “Will you ever move on from this?”

“Hmm… probably not, no, it’s just too funny. And Liam’s face the whole time… too good. So when did you get home last night?” Oh, fucking hell.

“Oh my god, Lou, stop, okay? It wasn’t a stupid date, I just wanted to see that film and obviously I won’t ask you because I don’t wanna third wheel a date and I can’t ask any of my other friends because they wouldn’t be ready within 10 minutes and I was just texting Liam anyways and he wanted to watch the film too. That’s all there is to it and I’m gonna look up the title if you wanna know it that badly, alright?” Actually, Niall had remembered the title long ago, he just didn’t need Louis to go watch the film and then point out every single detail about it that would somehow lead to yet another theory about how this had been a date. It hadn’t, even if Niall wouldn’t have minded, but he really wanted him and Liam to be friends first before thinking about whether or not he would ever ask him out. 

“Why are you so pissed off?” Had he really just asked that?

“I’m not, I’m just… failing all my classes.” That was highly exaggerated, but at least it got Louis to shut his mouth for about five minutes before he started to very noisily go through his bag and Niall just gave up on trying to take notes.

Once the lecture was over, Niall tried to walk as normally as possible, not as if he was in a bit of a rush because the professor had ended the lecture a few minutes too late. Hopefully Liam wasn’t there yet, Niall couldn’t have even gotten his phone out to text him because Louis was still walking next to him, complaining about how much he envied the blonde.

“Maybe I should just skip that class and we get something to eat, I haven’t even skipped just once this month.” Oh god.

“Actually… I’m meeting up with my mom, I-“

“Oh, I don’t mind, I’m sure she’s nice.” What the fuck?

“No, but I mean, like… I gotta go to her work, she works at the kindergarten, and help her carry some things, so… pretty boring.” Lying to Louis because of Liam was slowly becoming a habit of Niall’s and he really hated it, just… why did the older boy always have to be so damn nosy? “But if you wanna help carry boxes and talk to elderly women working there with my mom, then-“

“Nah, I guess I’ll just go to class then. See you later?” Luckily, Louis had backed out quite quickly and Niall tried not to let the relief show on his face.

“Yeah, sure. Have fun.” The blonde grinned as his friend rolled his eyes, watching Louis walk up the stairs before immediately getting his phone out while walking, just to make sure Liam hadn’t texted him yet asking where he was.

A part of Niall was kinda nervous about this, this was different than what they had done last night somehow and for some reason, the blonde was a bit worried that Liam wasn’t gonna show up. They had only agreed on where and when to meet a few hours ago, Niall had texted Liam in the morning, but the brunette had only answered a bit later, probably because he had still been asleep. Lucky him. 

They weren’t meeting at the campus, a little bit because Niall had been afraid of Louis or Harry running into Liam, but more because they would have had to walk somewhere else to get something to eat anyways. Niall had tried to leave it up to Liam, but when the boy had said three times that he really did not mind, Niall had just made the decision for them. 

It was only a ten minute walk and there were some people from one of Niall’s classes, who apparently were going to the same place, but the blonde made sure to walk slower than them, kinda feeling like it would have been really rude to show up while talking to other people. Also, Liam didn’t really seem like the type who would have wanted to meet a bunch of strangers without even having been told first. 

Niall was the first one there, for which he was grateful, but it also got him nervous thinking about Liam simply not showing up and them again ending up not talking for whatever reason. No idea why Niall was so afraid of that thought, he just genuinely enjoyed Liam’s company and he was still curious about what exactly had happened back then in his apartment. Which, of course, was not the reason why Niall wanted to be friends with him. 

The blonde waited somewhere in front of the entrance to the mall, it wasn’t a big one so there weren’t too many people, playing on his phone while waiting for Liam, trying not to get worried about the brunette not showing up. He would have at least texted Niall then and made up an excuse, right? He would have-

“Hey, sorry I’m late.” Hearing Liam’s voice almost caused Niall to drop his phone, his heart skipping a beat as he looked up and right into the older boy’s brown eyes and his apologetic face. “Sorry, didn’t wanna startle you.”

“No, you… you didn’t. Hi.” Not really thinking about it, Niall simply went in for the hug, which Liam had obviously not been expecting, but he did give the blonde a squeeze back and Niall smiled at him after they had pulled apart again. Damn, Liam smelled really good. “I was actually late as well, so I’ve only been here for a few minutes. Hey, by the way, umm… did you tell Louis about this?”

“Umm… no?” Liam sounded confused but he was also suddenly a bit blushed and Niall was praying to god that he was telling the truth.

“Okay, because… I kinda lied to him, I told him I’m gonna help my mom with something because… gosh, he was asking me nonstop about the fact that we went to watch this film last night, it was so annoying.” Well, the main reason why Niall had lied was because he hadn’t wanted Louis to come along because he’d rather be alone with Liam, but he didn’t need to say that, did he?

“Oh… okay. I’m sorry I told him about the film yesterday, I didn’t think it was a big deal, but like… if you don’t want him to know that… that we, um, hang out then… “ Wait…

“No, no, it’s not that, it’s fine, it’s just because… you know, like… the things I said at the party when I was drunk and… Louis just keeps teasing me about it and… it’s not that I care if he knows that we hang out, he’s just… “ Niall awkwardly broke off, not wanting to say anything bad about Louis and make it look like he was complaining about him, he just also didn’t want Liam to think that he was like… embarrassed about them being friends or some shit.

“I… do you want me to tell him stop?” Liam actually sounded serious and Niall hesitated for a second, actually considering it for a moment before realizing what would have happened if he had agreed.

“Nah, it’s okay, ‘m sure he’ll stop talking about the party eventually, right?” Letting out a laugh, Niall regretted having started this conversation and more than that, he regretted lying to Louis once again, but it was too late. “Sorry, if… if that brings you in a shit position, he’s your best friend, I wasn’t really thinking before when I told him I’m meeting up with my mom.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry. I wouldn’t have told him anyways, he… he did try the teasing on me as well because of last night.” Was Liam just saying that to make Niall feel better? Possibly. 

“How’d you get him to stop?” It was a genuine question but Liam just laughed and the blonde decided that he didn’t need an answer if he got to watch the brunette being happy instead.

They went and bought something to eat because Niall only had one and a half hours before he’d have to head back and he was glad when Liam immediately agreed to go and eat their food outside because it was kinda warm today. Maybe, if Niall hadn’t had classes until 6, he might have thought about going surfing afterwards, but sitting on the stonewall by the beach and talking to Liam maybe was better than that anyways. 

It was nice, Niall told Liam about how awful his day at uni had been so far, exaggarting maybe a little bit and pretending to be mad for a second after Liam had told him that he hadn’t done anything so far except for sleeping in and then coming here to meet the blonde. Niall did wonder sometimes if Liam ever hung out with anybody else, if he was friends with any of his coworkers, if he ever talked to his family, but he wouldn’t have asked these questions obviously. It wasn’t any of his business, as Louis had pointed out so nicely a few times already.

“… anyways, I gotta do this group presentation in that one class, and I- oh, sorry.” Niall had accidentally knocked Liam’s bottle off of the wall they were sitting on and it wasn’t high at all, but the brunette was still faster than Niall as he leaned over and down to pick it up.

The blonde didn’t really know why, but he kinda watched Liam leaning down, having forgotten where he had been going with that story anyways, and when the brunette’s shirt kinda slipped up his side a little bit from the movement, Niall was so shocked that he didn’t think before speaking. 

“Jesus Christ! Did somebody punch you?!” Before Niall could have gotten a closer look, Liam had immediately sat up straight again, bottle in one hand and having made sure to pull his shirt down tightly with the other, cheeks having gone bright red in the matter of a few seconds. 

“I… I fell. I mean, I bruise really easily, so.” He shrugged, trying to make it look casual and taking a sip out of his water bottle as if to convince Niall that it really was nothing. Then why had he just reacted like that though?

“That’s one nasty bruise though… “ Niall was still kinda shocked, the bruise had been at least as big as his fist and it had looked kinda fresh as well and anyways… how would Liam have managed to fall down to get bruised in exactly and only that one place? “You um… you had this other bruise on your arm… “

“Yeah, as I said… I just bruise very easily, I mean… doesn’t need a lot of pressure for a bruise like that, actually.” Liam briefly gestured to where his hip was again hidden by his shirt, his face still blushed though and Niall was torn between letting the topic drop and keeping on asking.

Had this been the first time he had seen a bruise on Liam, maybe he would have let it drop like that, but seeing as it had been the fourth time or something, he bit his bottom lip for a moment, hesitating before looking at the brunette, trying to choose his words wisely. “You know if… I mean… just in case, um… if somebody did that, then… I understand if you didn’t wanna tell me, just… if you do then… you can.”

“Thank you, Niall, but… I really just fell, I promise.” He smiled at the blonde but it looked kinda fake. Or maybe Niall was just getting paranoid.

“Okay, I… I was just saying, just in case. I mean… if someone had put those bruises on you then… that asshole would deserve to get exposed.” Okay, maybe a bit drastic, but just the thought of Liam lying to him to cover up somebody… abusing him got Niall really upset.

“I guess… I guess they would.” Liam agreed, but he was clenching his jaw a bit and before Niall could ask, the brunette was already continuing. “But it’s just me… falling down a lot, so… I’m good, Niall. Thanks though… “

“’s okay… I was just worried, because… “ Because of everything that seemed to go on with Liam that the blonde had no idea about and as their eyes met for a second, Niall knew that they were thinking the exact same thing right now. “Anyways… if you ever, um… wanna talk about anything else… “

“I… I kinda really wanna talk about that group presentation you just started telling me about, actually.” Right, that was another way to make sure Niall shut his damn mouth. 

“Oh, sorry, yeah, I… “ Niall cleared his throat, throwing a wary look at Liam before deciding that there was no need to carry on bugging the older boy, if he didn’t wanna talk about it, the blonde had no choice but to let it slip. Maybe he really just fell down a lot, right?

It was only a bit awkward for a few minutes, they finished eating and Niall made sure to fill pretty much every single second with talking just because he was afraid Liam might have stayed quiet because he was pissed off at the blonde or annoyed with him. How could Niall have not questioned whether Liam was telling the truth though? He always had bruises in the weirdest places and then he had had those scratches and of course the thing that had happened at his apartment and… it was hard not to worry at this point.

Sadly, Niall had to leave a lot sooner than he would have liked, he even thought about skipping class just to hang out with Liam a bit more, make sure they were still cool, but the brunette announced that he had to do something anyways, making it a bit easier to say goodbye.

Of course Niall went for the hug again, quickly deciding that he was always going to do this from now on, holding the brunette a little bit longer than before, playing it off with a laugh once they had pulled apart again. Liam was smiling when they said their goodbyes and Niall walked back to uni with his worries having been at least a little bit eased. 

He was probably just being paranoid, right? Then again… Louis had pretty much confirmed that something was up with Liam that he didn’t wanna tell Niall about, so that knowledge combined with that bruise on Liam’s hip was stuck in the back of the blonde’s head for the rest of the day now, which made it significantly harder to make up a story about helping his mother when Louis asked him afterwards.

What if Niall just asked Liam straight up? Was he going to ignore him again? Or simply make something up? And then of course, was Niall even in a position to ask such questions? Liam never asked him anything too personal either, did he? 

Plus, Niall was very relieved that Liam kept on texting him just like he normally did throughout the rest of the day, so the blonde started to tell himself that Liam was probably really just bruising very easily or something. What else could it have been anyways, right? And if Louis knew that someone was doing this to Liam then… he would have already put a stop to it… right?

 

\--------------

 

“Oh, are you going out?” Niall’s mother sounded surprised when the blonde came down the stairs in different clothes and actual jeans instead of sweatpants.

“Yeah, I’m meeting up with a few friends in ten minutes or something.” He was going to be late, which was fine though because Niall’s friends usually were always late as well so it really was whatever. 

“What about dinner?” Right, the blonde had kinda forgotten about that, he was a bit hungry but he wasn’t really planning on staying out very late anyways.

“I’ll be back soon, can you maybe um… just leave me something in the fridge?” While asking, Niall was actually already going through the fridge to get himself some water, accidentally knocking his arm on the counter with a bang as he stretched to get a glass out of cupboard.

“Maybe you’ll be back in time anyways, I actually gotta bring something to a co worker, so I’ll probably only start cooking later when I’m back, she always wants to talk to me and- what are you doing, love?” At being caught, Niall immediately dropped his hand, hastily starting to pour water into his glass, feeling like an idiot.

“Nothing, I just bumped my arm.” Which was very true and it had actually hurt quite a bit.

“So you’re trying to make it better by pressing onto it?” Niall hadn’t been thinking about it, he just hadn’t managed to stop thinking about Liam’s bruise for the past three days even though they had been texting all the time, but then suddenly today Liam had barely answered the blonde and it was getting frustrating as hell. The blonde hadn’t been thinking when he had pressed his thumb into his sore skin, curious as to whether he was going to have a bruise there tomorrow or not. 

“No, I was, um… massaging it.” Quickly emptying his glass and putting the water bottle back into the fridge, Niall kissed his mother on the cheek as a little bit of a distraction, trying a smile. “I’ll text you if it gets really late, okay?”

“Have fun then… are you meeting up with… what was his name? Louis?” They actually hadn’t hung out outside of uni since the party, a little bit because the older boy kept teasing Niall but mostly because Louis seemed to be very busy with his boyfriend and studying otherwise. 

“No, my other friends.” Niall explained, not saying what they were planning on doing because he actually didn’t even know. “I’ll see you later, bye.”

“Bye, love, try and be home before eleven, alright?” It wasn’t a rule or anything, but Niall still took the request to heart as he left, he did have classes tomorrow morning after all.

Niall met his friends down by the pier, not too surprised when he was the second one to arrive even though he had been ten minutes too late already. There was no way they could have gone surfing today because the waves were way too small and it was actually a rare occasion that they hung out without any real plans. Some of Niall’s friends showed up a little bit too motivated and loud and the blonde had a feeling they had been drinking before coming here, not that he really cared, he wouldn’t have said no to a beer had he not known it wouldn’t have stayed at that. 

The fact that Liam hadn’t texted Niall back in 6 hours maybe meant nothing at all but it got the blonde slightly nervous and he tried to check his phone as secretively as possible while sitting on the beach with his friends, some of them having bought something to drink but the blonde had decided to stay completely sober tonight, not really feeling it on a Thursday night. 

It was alright, hanging out with his friends, but the blonde was getting more worried the later it got and he really hated how concerned he always was about Liam’s well being. It’s just… he felt like he should have done something, but there was nothing else to do other than double text the brunette and Niall had already done that an hour ago. Maybe he just needed a break from texting, right? Maybe he had lost his phone or something or he was hanging out with someone, everything was possible. But unlikely, considering past events.

“Hey… isn’t that Louis?” One of Niall’s friends asked randomly while they were walking towards the store because apparently, everyone had decided they needed to get more than just a little bit tipsy. “Didn’t know he had dog… where does he put it during parties?”

Niall turned his head immediately, expecting to see Harry and Louis just walking Louis’ dog, but he actually almost fell over his own feet when he saw Liam instead. “I… I’ll be right back.”

Not sure if anybody had even heard what Niall had said, Niall made sure to cross the street before he could have really thought this through, like… he didn’t wanna just interrupt them or whatever, but they were his friends, weren’t they? It would have been rude not to say hi and just ignore them. Even if… even if certain other people didn’t have a problem ignoring Niall in return.

“Hey, guys?” Trying to sound casual, Niall was a bit relieved when Louis’ dog immediately started yelping and jumping up his leg, at least someone who was definitely happy to see the blonde. 

“Oh… hey, Nialler, didn’t even see you there. Where’d you come from?” Louis didn’t seem annoyed in any way, but it wasn’t his reaction Niall had been worried about anyways.

“Over there, one of my mates saw you, but… actually, I don’t think they realized that I left.” Niall laughed, petting Louis’ dog while trying to look at Liam without being too obvious. Was it rude to say that he didn’t look very… healthy? He was smiling when their eyes met, but he actually didn’t look too happy about Niall having run into them. “I should, um… probably catch up with them before they forget about me, so… have a nice walk.”

“Thanks so much, Ni. I already had to use all of the poo bags I brought.” Louis rolled his eyes and the blonde laughed, wishing he could have just asked Liam whether he was alright. He honestly looked like he had been awake the whole night or something, wearing a hoodie even though it was actually pretty warm. “See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, sure… bye, guys.” Niall made sure to briefly hug both of them, noticing though that Liam only wrapped one arm around him in return, barely applying any pressure at all, very different to three days ago. Alright?

Since Niall’s friends had gone into the story and the blonde didn’t want anything anyways, he decided to just wait in front of it, silently debating with himself for a minute or two before taking his phone out, typing a third message to Liam without even thinking about it or considering the fact that he was with Louis right now.

 

_To Liam 7:34 pm  
Heyyy… just wanted to check if youre ok? You looked a bit tired and beaten down just then x_

 

Niall had added the ‘x’ and pressed send before he had been able to stop himself, not really regretting it though but it his heart was definitely beating faster than it should have. He didn’t really expect an answer, but he couldn’t help staring at his phone anyways, waiting for it to vibrate, but there was still nothing 10 minutes later when his friends had come back out of the store again, not having noticed Niall having been gone because they had all had a bit too much to drink already.

The blonde stayed with them on the beach for another hour before deciding to head home with some excuse, not feeling any of this tonight, especially not now that he had seen Liam and had added one more ignored text message to the count. At least Liam wasn’t alone, right? If he was feeling bad or something, at least he was with Louis and the older boy knew what was going on, so he was more qualified to help Liam than Niall anyways.

Still… it didn’t really cure Niall’s urge to wanting to help as well and being worried, he considered Liam his friend and whatever was going on with him was obviously serious.

There still was no message on Niall’s phone once he had gotten home and not even after he had eaten dinner and had sat down with his mom to watch some TV with her. Niall decided to give it one last shot, very well aware that he was really coming off as desperate now but… this whole up and down with Liam, the ignoring and the badly concealed lies, it was getting a bit too much for the blonde if he was being honest.

 

_To Liam 9:29 pm  
Im sorry if im getting on your nerves texting you so many times, im just kinda getting worried about you and if you could just let me know if everythings alright, thatd be great. if you need me to stop texting you for a while that’s fine as well, just let me know x_

 

Immediately after hitting send, Niall made sure not to look at his phone for the next ten minutes or so, trying to concentrate on the TV but he had no idea what the program they had on was about. Somehow Niall’s heart was still beating fast as he checked his phone again, having expected to be disappointed but definitely not having expected to have a message from _Louis_ instead.

 

_Louis 9:34 pm  
Liams fine, you don’t have to be worried, ok? He just needs some space_

 

What the hell?! Why was Louis answering Liam’s messages for him and what did he need space from? From Niall?! And he couldn’t even tell the blonde that himself or what? Okay, Niall really had not planned on texting Louis back, but honestly, he was slightly pissed off now, this whole thing just getting tiresome.

 

_To Louis 9:43 pm  
Umm… ok? And he cant tell me that himself because… ?_

 

After hitting send, Niall felt a rush of adrenaline, his stomach dropping a little bit though as he thought about how rude this had just been, but then again… was it really so damn hard for Liam to type out one single message? Like… they were friends by now, weren’t they? They had hung out and gone to the cinema together, and Liam couldn’t even tell Niall if he didn’t wanna talk right now?

Surely Niall’s mother was going to start asking questions soon though she seemed pretty captivated by the TV, but she did turn her head when Niall’s phone suddenly started going off rather loudly and the blonde’s stomach turned in the most uncomfortable way.

“Who’s calling you this late?” His mother wanted to know even though it wasn’t actually that late and Niall’s friends were probably still down by the beach getting drunk and possibly drowning by now.

“Just… a friend.” Niall mumbled, staring at Louis’ name on his display for a moment before getting up and walking out of the living room so he wouldn’t disturb his mom before picking up. He really had not expected the older boy to call or he would have definitely not sent such a risky text, like, Niall didn’t wanna fight, he just wanted to know the bloody truth. “Um, hey.”

“Are you seriously pissed off now?” Louis started without even saying hello and Niall rolled his eyes as he sat down on the stairs, playing with a thread that had come loose on his jeans. 

“I’m not pissed off, I was just genuinely wondering if Liam’s alright and I thought if he wanted me to leave him alone, he could have taken two seconds out of his day to tell me and I would have stopped texting him.” Okay, maybe not immediately, but Niall would have definitely understood that more than what was going on now. “I mean, if he’s showing you all my messages anyways then you and me can just talk from now on if Liam doesn’t want t-“

“Niall, stop, okay? He didn’t show me your messages, he’s actually asleep and I saw your text because his phone is right next to me, I didn’t even open the message. I can promise you that he does want to talk to you and he likes you, alright? It has nothing to do with you.” Well, that was some really cliché thing to say, wasn’t it?

“What is it then? Why’s he asleep and why are you with him and why does he always randomly start to ignore me? I mean… I didn’t do anything, I just wanted to know if he’s alright, after what happened last time, I was genuinely getting worried.” He still was, actually, like, anything could be up with Liam at this point and the blonde would possibly never know.

“I told you, you don’t have to be worried, he-“

“You can’t tell me not to be worried and then expect me to just not care anymore, you know?” Seriously though, something was up with Liam, this much was clear by now and the longer it went on, the more worried did Niall get, especially because Louis seemed to be so focused on making him feel the opposite. 

“I know, but… look, even if you knew, there’s nothing you could do to make it better, I’m not making it better either, I’m just… there for him.” See?! Louis just had a real talent for making things even worse sounding than they had already been.

“Just tell me then, Lou. We all know that I know that something’s going on, I was there when he got drunk in his apartment after trashing the whole place, I keep being ignored by him for no apparent reason, I keep seeing all the bruises on him and the scratches and it’s driving me insane.” Okay, maybe Niall shouldn’t have mentioned the bruises, but the fact that Louis didn’t try to correct him already said enough.

“Jesus, Niall… I can’t tell you, it’s Liam’s call, he- wait, he just woke up.” There was some moving and Louis stopped talking and Niall’s stomach turned again, he had now almost ripped a hole into his jeans, feeling like he shouldn’t have been listening to the phone still when he heard Louis’ numbed voice, but it wasn’t his fault that the older boy hadn’t hung up. “… just talking to Niall… no… how’re you feeling?... Niall? No, he’s just worried about you, is all… do you wanna talk to him?... Li, for the hundredth time, he’s not mad at you, okay? He just wants to know, like… what’s going on, but-… Li, don’t just say that, you need to think about it first… umm, because it’s not something you just blurt out with and I think that if you want him to know then… you should tell him yourself… what? He’s not gonna start ignoring you for that, Li, he’s not like that. You guys are friends, right?... you genuinely want me to tell him, now? Liam-… “

And then there was some more moving and Niall thought about simply hanging up, hating himself for suddenly having gotten excited about the fact that Liam seemed to want him to know, but apparently didn’t wanna tell him himself. Which kinda made things even worse, didn’t it? Like… was it so bad he couldn’t even talk about it?

“Niall?” Louis suddenly asked out of nowhere, his voice loud again as he was clearly addressing the blonde now and Niall wondered whether he knew that he had just heard pretty much everything he had said.

“Uh, yes, hi.” Niall brought out, already getting upset about the thought of Louis refusing to tell him even though Liam had given him permission. 

“So… you probably just heard all of this anyways, but… well, the short version is, Liam thinks you hate him and he’s certain you’ll hate him even more if you know what’s going on and… I really don’t wanna tell you because he probably just said it out of frustration, he just went back to his room and locked the door, so… “ The fact that Louis was at Liam’s apartment was kinda surprising to Niall, but not as surprising as the fact that the older boy somehow sounded really exhausted now, almost making the blonde feel bad for him.

“I… I mean… why doesn’t he wanna tell me himself then?” it had to be super bad, didn’t it? Or maybe Liam was just tired and annoyed?

“Because… “ Louis sighed rather deeply into the phone, he sounded seconds from giving in. “He’s embarrassed, Niall, I… look, if I really told you and you in any way start to doubt whether you like him and don’t think he’s hot anymore then I’m gonna kick your ass so fucking hard.”

“Ummm… what? Why would I not like him anymore? I know him.” Also, his appearance obviously wasn’t gonna change, but Niall didn’t say that. Then again… could he really be so certain that he wasn’t gonna see Liam in a different light after finding out? “But… he’s not like… a criminal or something, right? I mean like… it’s not that… that he does something illegal, or-“

“Niall, I think you should just stop.” Louis interrupted and this time, Niall didn’t feel the need to say something back because yeah, that had been really stupid. “It hasn’t got anything to do with anyone besides Liam himself and it’s not his fault.”

“So what is it?” Niall kept pushing, he had already bitten his thumb bleeding at this point and his heart was beating so fucking fast when he heard Louis taking yet another breath, sounding as if he was going to just give in. When he simply said it though, Niall hadn’t been prepared.

“He’s… depressed.” Wait…

“What?” It’s not that Niall hadn’t heard right or as if he didn’t know what that meant, but… okay, maybe he really wasn’t sure what that meant. 

“He’s got depression, Niall.” Louis clarified, only confusing the blonde more though, because… how was that possible?

“But, he… he didn’t seem depressed at all. Actually, he never does, he’s mostly in a good mood, or normal at least and-“

“It doesn’t mean you’re always depressed, I… look, I can’t tell you what it feels like, I’m sure you can google, all you gotta know is that… sometimes Liam just needs a break and it doesn’t have anything to do with anybody, he’s had a few ups and downs lately and you… well, you’ve walked right into one when you went to his apartment a while ago.” Well, that… that kinda made sense, a little bit at least. 

“But… but what about… “ Niall started before suddenly freezing on the stairs, his eyes going a bit wider as he had a terrible realization. “The bruises, he… he did this. To himself. He hurt himself and… what the hell?! And you knew about this? You’re letting him do this and you… you just watch?!”

“Oh my god, Niall, this is exactly why I wanted Liam to tell you and not make me do it. But yes, I know and Harry does as well, but do you genuinely believe that I never asked him to stop or got frustrated as hell because I didn’t know what to do? It started when he was 14 years old, Niall, you think his parents never noticed anything? We only had a real talk about it years later because I never noticed either, he went through therapy a year ago and he used to take medication and… anyways, don’t tell me I’m just standing there watching, I probably know a hundred times better what’s going on with him than you, no offense. Just do me a favor and… google it, like thoroughly and… don’t try to start telling Liam what to do or make him feel bad about it, he already feels bad enough as it is.” The way Louis spoke immediately caused Niall to calm down again and shut his mouth, trying to put things into perspective. 

“I won’t, I just… sorry, I was just… really surprised and I… I never expected this, like, not even for a second… but I… I wanna help, is there nothing at all I can do?” Now Niall felt useless, like, at least Louis was there with Liam, right? And he had done nothing expect for making bratty comments and sending rude text messages.

“Not really… for now I’m sure it would just help if you don’t bug Liam about it and if you just leave him some time to feel better and… if he doesn’t wanna hang out or talk sometimes then just let him be for a bit, maybe offer that he can talk to you or just… go for a walk, that’s what I do. Or ask me first, or Harry, if you’re not sure what to do.” It sounded very difficult, to not do anything while Liam was clearly suffering and going through something… how in god’s name was Louis doing this since so many years?

“Okay, but… but Louis, the bruise on his hip-“

“I know, Niall, okay? I know.” Was all Louis said, sounding more frustrated and exhausted than Niall had ever heard him. 

They actually fell into silence for a while, on the phone, and Niall had a billion questions but he didn’t know which once to ask first, so he didn’t ask anything at all. He had been so keen on knowing what was up with Liam and now that he did, he would have preferred never getting to know if that would have meant Liam wasn’t hurting himself on purpose.

Was there really nothing anybody could do? What about his family, why had they left him if they knew? How had Niall not noticed? How was he supposed to know if Liam wanted to be left alone or not? And how could he be sure if he said things that made Liam feel bad? What if he said or did something at some point and it would cause Liam to hurt himself, because of Niall?

That night, after saying goodbye to Louis a few minutes later, Niall spent more than three hours in his bed on Google, reading pretty much anything he could find on the topic and at around one in the morning when he forced himself to stop, he was feeling worse than he had in a really long time. Niall still had so many questions that his head hurt, his eyes burning a bit from a tear or two that had escaped while reading some entries in a forum.

He planned it out carefully as he pulled up his text messages with Liam, not wanting to say anything wrong and so desperately wanting to show the older boy that he didn’t hate him in any way and that him knowing didn’t mean they couldn’t be friends anymore.

 

_To Liam 1:24 am  
Hi, it’s okay if you don’t feel like texting back. Just wanted to let you know that louis told me and it doesn’t change anything between us, at least not from my side. I’m sorry for acting like such a baby simply because you didn’t text me back, I promise I wont keep pushing anymore if you need some space. I’m still glad louis introduced us and that we’ve become friends. if you ever need anybody to talk to then ill try my best. x_

 

Maybe it sounded a little bit like a middle school letter, but Niall was actually feeling quite emotional and if he was being honest, he kinda envied Louis right now for being at Liam’s apartment. He had no idea what he was supposed to do now or if Liam would ever wanna talk to him again, but if he did then Niall had promised himself that he was going to do anything at all to be a friend Liam needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update, i was at the cinema myself lmao (not that anyone noticed haha)
> 
> hope you enjoyed x


	6. Chapter 6

Liam didn’t find the strength to answer Niall’s text messages, and especially the last one he had sent, until the next day. He regretted having told Louis to just tell Niall, had maybe not really thought his best friend was really going to do it, but it was a problem Liam had anyways, saying things in the heat of the moment that he wanted to take back shortly afterwards.

But it was too late now and Niall knew, no idea how much or how many details, but surprisingly enough, he had still texted Liam in the middle of the night just to let him know that it wasn’t going to change things. It was though, it was going to change things, Niall just wasn’t aware of it now, maybe he thought it was a temporary thing like Louis had thought when they were kids or he was just going to snap at some point like Liam’s mother had done so often and not knowing how Niall was going to handle it in the future was why Liam had been hesitant about him finding out in the first place.

They weren’t that close anyways, but Liam didn’t have a lot of friends and he had no idea why somebody like Niall would ever wanna hang out with him or text him on a daily basis, but somehow he seemed to be really eager to be Liam’s friend. In the beginning, Liam had thought that maybe it was going to be fine, but then Niall had randomly shown up at his place while he had been drunk and it seemed like ever since Liam had met the blonde, he was experiencing more up and downs than usually.

It was partly because of Niall, ever since Liam had met him, he had constantly been worrying about all sorts of things and the blonde finding out and… it had been stressful. Now that he knew though, it seemed to have made things even more complicated and Liam couldn’t help but shy away from Niall even further because he sort of felt embarrassed and… exposed. 

He had never had to really explain how he was feeling to anybody, wouldn’t even be able to probably, which was why he had given Louis permission to just tell Niall and get it over with, but the thing was… Liam hadn’t expected Niall to stick around. The blonde was the kinda person who asked inappropriate and uncomfortable questions all the time without noticing and Liam was really nervous thinking about what this meant.

He really liked Niall though, he wanted to be friends with the boy and whenever he thought back to the party where the blonde had called him attractive and all sorts of things, Liam could still feel his cheeks growing hotter. Which didn’t mean anything though, Liam had never been with a boy and he had never really thought about whether he might be into guys, plus Niall had been drunk anyways, there was no way he was thinking that about Liam, no one ever had and the blonde was so embarrassed by Louis teasing him as well that he didn’t even want Louis to know that they had hung out. Which could only mean that he hadn’t meant a word he had said and was now regretting it deeply.

After having read Niall’s message 10 times just to make sure he wasn’t interpreting it the wrong way, Liam finally texted back in the evening while walking home from work, having thought about it all day long. When he had seen the message, he hadn’t even dared to open it really, had genuinely thought it was something bad, but… it hadn’t been, not at all. 

Niall was a nice person, Liam knew that of course, Louis always told him how worried Niall was about him though and it made the brunette wonder how much of a role pity played in all of this. Would Niall really hang out with somebody though, just because he pitied them? Or because he was just curious to know what was going on with Liam?

But he now knew, so where would the point be, right?

 

_To Niall 7:05 pm  
Hi, thanks for your message, im sorry I didn’t answer earlier. also for ignoring your other messages, I just needed a bit time and… im sorry._

 

Liam didn’t really know what he was apologizing for so many times exactly, he had just found that it worked well for whenever he didn’t really know what to say and he certainly wasn’t going to start discussing anything via text message now. His heart was beating quite uncomfortably as soon as he had sent the message though and he decided to put his phone away for a bit, not sure if he even wanted to see whatever Niall texted back.

 _If_ he would text that was, maybe he had just been trying to be polite last night and wasn’t even planning on ever talking to Liam again. He wouldn’t have been the first one anyways.

Usually Liam took the bus home but the thought of getting home and having nothing to do really made him a bit nervous. Sure, Louis would have hung out with Liam had he asked, but he had spent the whole night on the brunette’s couch and Liam felt really bad for always making his best friend do these things just because he couldn’t keep it together.

So that was why the brunette was walking, along the beach but not on the beach because he actually really hated walking on those stones. He also wasn’t that much of a fan of hearing the waves, so he was listening to some music instead, trying not to think too much about Niall or about how much Louis must have been wishing right now he could have a normal friend instead of Liam, someone who was mentally stable maybe.

It kinda happened out of nowhere, Liam had not been paying attention to anything at all except for the music he was listening to, having turned it up on purpose to block everything else out. When Liam saw a rather big group of people approaching him, he made sure to look anywhere except for in their faces, walking as far by the wall as possible so they wouldn’t have to make space for him. This was literally Liam’s nightmare, so he was glad he had his music playing in case they said anything like it had happened so often when Liam had been a teenager.

To his very surprise though, one of them still found a reason to literally jump right in front of him, stopping him from walking. Oh god, why was this always happening?!

“Liam?” It was Niall and Liam wanted to die, literally, he had NOT been prepared to see the blonde any time soon after last night and yet here he was, standing right in front of Liam and looking like he was about to go out. Which he probably was because those other guys and girls seemed to be his friends, even though only two of them were actually waiting for him.

“Oh, hi. Sorry, I… didn’t see you.” Liam tried a smile, his heart was beating really fast though as he took his headphones out, twisting them in his fingers, not knowing what to say or where the look. God, this was so embarrassing, Niall had probably not even read his text message yet.

“I’ll catch up with you guys, okay?” Niall luckily sent the two boys waiting for him away and they did leave and Liam wasn’t sure if he was happy about that or not. “I just read your text, actually.”

“Oh… okay. Sorry, for… for not answering earlier.” Was all Liam said because… what else was there to say? This was so awkward now, almost as awkward as he had felt when he had gone to Louis’ party knowing Niall would be there as well after the thing at Liam’s place, but then the blonde had been drunk and somehow Niall embarrassing himself as well had really helped Liam to get over it. Now though...

“It’s okay, Liam, I… “ And then Niall just broke off, apparently not knowing what to say and the brunette was about to find an excuse and just leave, staring at something over Niall’s shoulder because he couldn’t look him in the eyes. Right when he was about to open his mouth though, the blonde did the least expected thing ever.

They had hugged before, a few times actually, but only briefly. When Niall suddenly wrapped his arms around Liam’s neck this time, it was really tight and coming out of nowhere and the brunette didn’t really know what to do at first, only hesitantly wrapping his arms around the blonde in return, expecting him to pull away again a few seconds later, but somehow… he didn’t.

Liam had no idea what the purpose of this was, all he could think was that Niall must have been really pitying him a lot if he was hugging him so tightly and for so long. Then again, he wouldn’t have been hugging Liam like that if he hadn’t genuinely been worried about him, right? If he didn’t genuinely like him, at least a bit? Still, the brunette could feel his cheeks getting hot while he was breathing the blonde in, feeling the warmth he was radiating through their layers of clothes.

The thing was that Niall didn’t really say anything at all for a while, he just held onto Liam as if he couldn’t bear to let him go and the brunette didn’t actually mind, he was just a little bit confused because it had come out of nowhere. Was he doing this because he thought Liam was suicidal or something? Had he finally figured out that Liam had been lying about the bruises every time and thought he just needed a tight hug?

When Niall slowly pulled away Liam immediately let go of him, having felt his cheeks getting hotter already but there was no way he could have changed that. Now he wanted to look at the blonde even less than before, especially because he just knew that all he was going to see was pity. 

“Are you… are you doing better today?” Niall finally asked and he _definitely_ sounded like he was worried, but what did he expect Liam to say?

“Yeah, I… I guess.” The standard answer, Liam would have tried a smile had he not known it would have just looked fake as well, so instead he kept on playing with his headphones. God, he really didn’t wanna talk about this, not with Niall and not with anyone else, especially not on the open street with no forewarning. 

“I’m sorry for… for whenever I asked you so many things and… and I was bugging Louis about it constantly and… it was never any of my business. It still isn’t.” True, it wasn’t, but Liam had known that Niall was going to find out eventually, he just seemed to noticed so much and ask so many questions all the damn time.

“It’s fine, I… I told him he can tell you, so… “ Liam shrugged, having nothing else to add because this was the biggest reason why he had wanted Louis to do it, he would have literally died inside if he had had to do it himself, and in person as well. 

“Still, I… I’m sorry, if I ever made you feel uncomfortable and… I know sometimes I ask too many questions, but… I was genuinely worried and… I still am.” He sounded genuine, which was maybe even worse because Liam didn’t need anybody to be worried about him.

“I’m… fine. You don’t need to be worried about me.” Everyone was always worrying about Liam, since years on end now and he still remembered how upset Louis would always get whenever he saw a bruise on Liam or whenever he didn’t answer his phone for a day. It was much better now of course, but Liam kinda feared that Niall was going to be the very same, for reasons he didn’t really understand because they weren’t that close after all.

“I try not to be.” The blonde let out a very humorless laugh and their eyes met for a moment. Niall was studying Liam, the brunette knew and it only caused him to blush even more. He hated this, hated that he had allowed Louis to tell Niall and that he was getting into situations like this all the freaking time, people asking questions about whatever and Liam having to lie even though everyone knew the truth anyways. “Hey, umm… it’s okay if you say no, but, uh,… do you wanna like… do something? We can do whatever, we could even go to my place, my mom isn’t home, she’s at a friends’ or somethin’.”

“I… I thought you were like… going out with your mates?” Okay, where was this eagerness coming from all of a sudden? Would he seriously ditch his friends just so he could ease his worries about Liam and keep an eye on him? Maybe Liam should have clarified some things for Niall about what was actually going on with him and that he had managed years and years without the blonde’s help, but that would have come out way too rude and Liam was too nervous anyways.

“Yeah, I was, but… we go out on Friday’s all the time anyways.” What was that supposed to mean, why would Niall even randomly suggest that they could hang out, now? “I mean… it’s okay if you don’t want to, I’d understand, I… sorry if I’m being pushy or something… “

How was Liam supposed to say no, seriously? With Niall pulling that face and sounding as if he just wanted to help so desperately but didn’t know how? Liam had not been looking forward to getting home by himself, which was why he had been walking in the first place, maybe… maybe this was fate or something? And Niall didn’t even seem to want to talk about anything Louis had told him anyways and if Liam said no now then things would possibly never be normal between them again. “It’s fine, um… we can… do something, if you want, I just got off work, so… “

“Great! Are you hungry? My mom actually left me a ton of leftovers in the fridge which I was gonna eat in the middle of the night when I get back home, but… I’m pretty hungry right now, actually.” Niall seemed to be so genuinely happy that Liam couldn’t help but return the smile, his heart bumping pretty fast though. “How was work?”

“Hmm, it was fine, a bit long, maybe. How was… uni?” They simply walked into the direction next to each other which Liam had been heading for anyways and he tried not to think about how Niall never got his phone out to tell his friends that he wasn’t gonna catch up with them anymore after all. Maybe they weren’t going to notice because they were so many, but then again, how could have somebody not noticed Niall missing?

“The same, but it was alright, I suppose. Do you wanna hear what happened during a presentation someone had in class today? It was so embarrassing, I swear to god.” So Liam obviously agreed and he let Niall tell him the story in every single detail while probably exaggerating greatly, but the brunette always liked hearing the blonde telling stories, he was so expressive and he got really into it, as if he genuinely wanted to share this story with Liam more than anything.

Liam didn’t know whether they were now going to Niall’s place or not, but it did kinda seem like they were because he recognized the buildings after having walked Niall home and he was praying to god that Niall’s mother really wasn’t at home because… meeting parents really was NOT Liam’s thing. Louis’ mom was alright, but even after knowing her for this long, Liam felt weird around her, especially because his own mother had told her pretty much Liam’s entire psychological history so she’d still always look at him with that face of pity that the brunette despised so much.

Niall didn’t leave just one second of silence between them, he was almost glowing and full of energy, so much that Liam at one point wondered whether he had already had something to drink today. When they got to the brunette’s place, Liam actually considered finding an excuse to leave, but then he simply decided he wouldn’t be staying long, just a little bit so it wouldn’t look too weird. 

“It’s really small, so… which is good though, means I’ve got less to vacuum clean.” Niall let out a throaty laugh while fumbling the key into the lock and there was no denying, Liam was definitely a little bit curious as he entered the flat after the blonde, realizing that he definitely had been telling the truth about it being small. “I would show you my room but I’m actually super hungry… you’ll eat something as well, right?”

“I… I’m not tha-“

“I’ll just heat up everything, you can still decide then.” Niall simply decided for the brunette and Liam didn’t bother replying, taking his shoes off just like the blonde before following him into the kitchen, trying not to look around too obviously. “Want anything to drink? We just have, umm… water. My mom thinks everything else is gonna make my teeth fall out or something, she works at the kindergarten so she always says these kinda things.”

“Oh… my mom, um… she’s really on the health trip as well.” Liam could have written a novel on that but he spared Niall the details, actually not wanting to talk about his mother anyways. “I don’t want anything to drink though, thanks.”

“You can just help yourself if you change your mind, yeah?” The blonde was talking really carefree while going through the fridge to find the leftovers, helping Liam to relax a little bit as he leaned against the counter, watching Niall. “You like pasta, right?”

“Um, sure.” He wasn’t really planning on eating anything, but Niall had already put everything into the microwave and was now busy getting out plates while Liam just stared at some pictures on the wall, of Niall and his brother as toddlers and then Niall a little bit more grown up, probably in middle school or something. 

“Yeah, that really is me, I got that tooth fixed though, had braces for _ages_ , it was so annoying.” Niall had noticed Liam’s stare, he was laughing though while he said it so the brunette wasn’t too embarrassed. He had to look somewhere after all. 

“I can imagine… “ Was all Liam could come up with, still busy looking at the pictures and at the same time trying to figure out how exactly he had ended up here in this situation after everything that had happened. Alright, Liam had been very wrong about Niall, the blonde had probably never intended to just ignore him or never talk to him again, but the brunette still had a feeling that Niall was kinda doing this because he felt bad for him and was pitying him. 

“Actually, um… I was gonna ask you something.” After checking on the food, Niall said the thing that immediately caused Liam’s stomach to drop uncomfortably, so he just nodded, not trusting his voice enough to speak up. “You know, um… me ‘nd Louis didn’t really talk much last night, but… I was on Google for quite a while and I just… I really don’t wanna get on your nerves or anything, I just… I was wondering if like… if you could, um… explain it to me, like… just a bit? So that… so that I know what to do and… what not to do?”

Oh god, literally why was he asking Liam to do this, the brunette’s cheeks were literally on fucking fire afterwards and his stomach was turning and shit, he had no idea what to say, didn’t even wanna think about it if he was being honest. “What, uh… what’d you wanna know?”

“Just like… do you always, um… I mean… does it ever… get better?” Liam couldn’t do this, he genuinely could not talk about it without feeling all weird and embarrassed and the fact that he and Niall were all alone in the blonde’s kitchen… why had he agreed to come again?

“I mean, it’s… up and down, I guess… “ What was he supposed to say, there was no way he could describe it to Niall accurately enough for the blonde to understand and he wasn’t sure if the blonde would have even wanted to know. 

“Okay… also…Louis said you used to take… medication?” Okay, WHY had Louis felt the need to include that?!

“Yeah, well… I don’t anymore, because… it actually made other things worse and… I know that’s bad, just… I do feel better now than… than I used to, like… in the beginning.” At least most of the time, there were still days so terrible Liam sometimes looked back at them wondering how he had survived. 

“What… what do you mean?” Oh, of course he was gonna ask that, Liam really did not wanna get into that though because they weren’t really at a point where he would have wanted to share that with Niall. Or anyone.

“Umm… nothing, just… I do feel better, that’s what I mean. And… it’s just… yeah, ups and downs, like I said, so… it’s difficult to explain.” Liam finished, hoping that Niall would let it drop because literally, there was nothing Liam could have really said without wanting to die a little bit inside.

“Okay, sorry for… for asking, I was just wondering , because, I mean… I read some things online and… it was… bad.” The blonde finished, now taking the food out of the microwave luckily, slightly distracted for a moment. 

“What’s… bad?” Did Liam really wanna know though?

“I don’t know, like… you know, um… people, who… who cut themselves and- oh shit.” Before he was able to finish, Niall almost dropped the whole food much to Liam’s relief, he immediately lunged forward to help the blonde though, just praying internally that that was the end of the conversation. 

Luckily Niall never continued whatever he had been wanting to ask, he simply thanked Liam and when their eyes met, the brunette noticed that Niall’s face had gotten a bit flushed as well. It’s not like Niall had really overstepped the line here, Liam knew that he was just curious and possibly worried even though he really didn’t know why Niall would be worried about him in the first place.

Still, Liam was more than happy that they had switched the topic once Niall had made sure to fill both their plates equally as much and they had sat down at the kitchen table. Liam had to admit to himself that he definitely was hungry and that he was kinda glad that he didn’t have to cook anything for himself today. 

“D’you like it?” Niall asked and Liam didn’t know how he would have been able to say no in case he hadn’t liked it, but luckily for him, he really did.

“Yeah, I do, thanks, I… I really hate doing the dishes.” Liam joked and the blonde laughed while shoveling more food into his mouth, the mood having gotten a lot lighter by now. 

“Me too, oh my god… I’m also not that good at cooking in general though, I mean, I’ve never lived by myself, so… I guess one day I’m gonna have to catch up on all that when I move out.” The truth was, Liam wasn’t too good at cooking himself, he just always cooked the same things so he had gotten quite alright at those. Or at least decent, he wouldn’t have served it to anybody though. 

“Yeah, you, uh… can count yourself lucky that you don’t have to cook for yourself.” Honestly, Liam couldn’t even remember a time where his mother would have cooked him food on a regular basis, but he made sure to laugh and do it off as a joke, which worked pretty well because Niall was always amused by everything anyways.

One thing Liam was more than happy about was that he had no visible bruise on his arms anymore for the blonde to see because he definitely saw Niall’s eyes lingering on his skin a little bit longer sometimes and the brunette was sure that there were a million questions to come about this whole topic. How was he supposed to explain it to Niall though, when he could barely even talk about it without wishing the ground would just swallow him as a whole? He couldn’t even really talk to Louis about it without feeling embarrassed and immediately wanting to change the topic, which Louis luckily knew, but Niall on the other hand… 

They did have to do the dishes after they had finished eating, but doing it with Niall wasn’t as bad as having to do it alone. Right when Liam had opened his mouth to maybe hint that he still had something to do and that he needed to leave, Niall very excitedly suggested that he could show Liam his room and so the brunette of course agreed, his curiosity definitely taking over here.

“’s pretty small… I kinda feel like we’re in elementary school and I’ve just brought the first friend ever home to see my room.” The blonde laughed, letting himself drop onto his double bed that almost filled up the entire room. He hadn’t been lying when he had said that it was small, plus he didn’t have any furniture except his bed, a desk and a closet either and yet somehow it fit to Niall. 

“Do you not, uh, bring your friends home that often?” Seeing as there wasn’t really that much room to walk, Liam sat down on the edge of Niall’s mattress because the blonde had moved anyways, now half lying down on the other side, looking rather cozy actually. 

“No, they’d hate hanging out here, I never really hang out at people’s houses actually, only at Louis’.” Louis had always been like this even when they had been kids, just inviting people to have dinner with his whole family and there had been times when Liam had been pretty jealous about Louis being so extremely popular in school. He had gotten over it at some point though, luckily before Louis had met Harry because ever since then things were obviously a lot different. “I still think it’s funny that me ‘nd Louis became friends so randomly and that you and I met at his party, like… “

“Louis makes friends with everyone.” Liam said without thinking about it, because it was true. What wasn’t so usual though was Liam actually genuinely liking the company of the people Louis introduced him to, but he wasn’t going to tell Niall that obviously. 

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?!” Niall pretended to be pissed off and Liam tried not to laugh but he couldn’t help it, just because the blonde was so terrible at acting hurt, even putting a hand to his chest but very quickly letting his façade drop when he saw how amused the brunette was. “It’s probably true though, isn’t it? I just asked him for a pen and we swapped numbers by the end of the lecture.”

“Yeah… that’s what I meant.” It’s not like Liam hadn’t made any friends at uni himself, but then again, not real friends anyways, just people in certain classes he sat next to and did group work with, but… it had never really left the walls of the university. The thing was though, Liam wasn’t sure if he would have even wanted that anyways. 

“Y’know… when I didn’t know you for long I thought you were crushing on him at some point for sure.” Oh god, had Niall’s drunken escapades not been enough for him? 

“Why… why would you think that?” Though Niall had asked that before when he had been drunk, Liam was genuinely weirded out by that, he had never, not once, thought about Louis that way and seeing as he wasn’t even sure if he liked guys anyways… 

“I don’t know, umm… when you didn’t accept my friend request I asked Louis if you secretly hated me but then he said when he introduced you to Harry you didn’t wanna hang out with them either for quite a while, so like… I thought maybe… “ What the hell?! “But, he didn’t say it in a negative way at all, I… sorry if that came out wrong, I shouldn’t have said that, I was just worried you hated me and Louis tried to calm me, that’s all. I mean, is that even true? Probably not, right?”

“No, I… I mean… it kinda is, but like… I wanted to give them privacy, is all.” Why would Louis tell Niall that? He had been all up in Liam’s face about that stupid friend request for days, had he really been this eager to make sure Niall stuck around in Liam’s life? It had occurred to Liam quite often that Louis had been pretty desperate for Niall and Liam to be friends, he had tried that before with other people who Liam had not gotten along with though. Then again… did it really matter, if Louis’ intentions had turned out to be true? “But I could never… think of him that way.”

“Yeah, I figured.” The blonde laughed again before suddenly stopping, obviously hesitating for a moment while Liam just tried not to think about what else Louis had possibly told Niall about him. “So, ummm… if you don’t wanna answer this, it’s fine, I was just wondering if like… if you’re into guys? I mean… in general?”

Okay, Liam had NOT been expecting Niall to repeat that question while he was sober and while they were both on his bed in his room, the brunette immediately felt blood streaming into his face, making sure not to look at the blonde as he thought about what to say. No one had ever asked him this question, not this directly anyways. “I, um… I mean… I’ve never been with a guy, so…. I don’t know. What, uh… what about you?”

“Yeah, I mean… I am.” Right, okay, Liam hadn’t been 100% sure even though Louis had told him for whatever reason, completely randomly as well and then had repeated it after Niall had been drunk at the party saying all these things and… but what did that mean? Nothing at all, most likely, so Liam wasn’t even going to think about it. “Sorry, if… I was just wondering.”

“No, it’s fine, really… “ _Just please don’t tell Louis we had this conversation_ , was all Liam was thinking about this but then didn’t say out loud. Actually, he had no idea why Niall had felt the need to ask or why he had even been wondering if he had already known that Liam and Louis had never and would never be a thing but Liam decided there was no need to think about it really, because… he wasn’t gonna find out anyways.

Liam kinda thought they would fall into an uncomfortable silence now, already thinking about leaving again, but apparently, Niall had different plans for them. “Hey, I started watching this show a few days ago and… if you liked the film we watched then I think you’d like it as well. Or we could also watch something else, you know, whatever you want.”

“Okay, yeah… sure.” He was never going to go home, was he?

Niall seemed very pleased with the fact that Liam had agreed so easily, he crawled out of bed just to close his bedroom door and get his laptop from the desk, on the way taking off the plaid he had been wearing over his shirt and at this point, the brunette wouldn’t have been surprised had Niall gotten out some joggers to wear instead of his jeans as well.

Liam kinda had to half lie down as well once Niall had put his laptop in between them, but it was fine because the bed was big and there was a lot of space between them so Liam didn’t feel too weird. Obviously, he told Niall that they could watch the show he seemed to be so excited about and Liam didn’t tell him that he had already watched it a while back and hadn’t really enjoyed it that much. Honestly, the brunette had no idea why, but somehow the idea of disappointing Niall right now felt kinda terrible. 

It was still beyond Liam that Niall wanted to spend his Friday night with him watching stuff on his laptop and lying on his bed rather than going out with his friends, but if he hadn’t seen Liam as a friend as well then he wouldn’t be doing this, would he? If Louis had somehow forced Niall to be nice to Liam, he wouldn’t have been able to make him go this far, right? And Niall knew about Liam’s problems and yet he didn’t seem to care one bit and was keeping his promise of not wanting anything to change and honestly… that did make Liam kind of happy, as much as he had been thinking about finding an excuse to leave.

The truth was, maybe Liam had never really wanted to leave but had simply not been able to believe that Niall genuinely wanted to hang out with him, but the longer they were in the blonde’s room watching this show and Niall laughing at every bad joke, the more did Liam start to wish that they would have met earlier so they could have spent more time together like this.

 

\------------------

 

When Liam woke up he was more than confused, also feeling a little bit like trash from still having his jeans on and anyways, this did not feel like his own bed at all. It took some time until Liam had managed to blink his eyes open, but he barely saw anything besides the light of a phone display a few centimeters away and… oh.

Niall was lying in bed next to Liam, on his back, his face the only thing visible in the darkness while he was playing on his phone and had the brunette not felt so terribly tired and weak, he would have immediately sat up straight and been embarrassed as hell. Instead, he moved a bit as to not startle the blonde, feeling his stomach twist a bit when he noticed that Niall must have put a blanket over him. “Did I… fall asleep?”

“Oh, you’re awake… yeah, but don’t worry, so did I. I just woke up like… 10 minutes ago or something because I was freezing.” The blonde was half whispering but his voice still sounded rough from sleep, locking his phone and plunging them into complete silence. “We should probably go back to sleep, ‘m so fuckin’ tired now…”

“I… I should go home and-“

“Mate, it’s 1.30 in the morning, you’re not going anywhere.” Oh god, they had both slept for this long?! In the same bed? “Let’s just sleep, okay? You sound really tired… do you want to borrow some clothes?”

“No, I… I’m fine, thank you… “ Liam had only thought about it for a moment before declining, he had no idea if Niall’s clothes would have fit him anyways and he wasn’t so keen on finding out that they didn’t right in front of the blonde. On any other day, Liam would have insisted on still going home, but he felt so tired in that moment that he simply pressed his face deeper into one of Niall’s pillows, pulling the blanket up a bit higher, about to pass out just a second later.

“’mkay… night, Li… “ Niall sounded as if he had already fallen back asleep as well, his voice seemed to come from much closer than before and when his hand awkwardly petted Liam’s arm for a second, the brunette wondered briefly whether this was a good idea or not.

 

\-------------

 

The next time Liam woke up, he actually felt like no time had passed by at all except for the fact that there was now more light in the room, but he was still lying on his side and the blonde was again next to him on his back, playing on his phone with the screen lightning up his face. At least Liam didn’t feel so extremely tired anymore now, but still sort of gross and also… a little bit embarrassed.

“Hi.” Niall said once Liam had moved onto his back, rubbing at his eyes before searching for his own phone somewhere underneath the blanket that the blonde had put over him.

“Hi… how late’s it?” Pretty late probably, Liam’s head was hurting a bit and his voice sounded rough, he surely could have fallen right back asleep had he closed his eyes for a second.

“Hmm, like 11 in the morning. I woke up a bit ago, but then I went back to sleep… my mom woke me up when she went downstairs.” Niall explained and Liam wasn’t at all surprised, he was just hoping Niall hadn’t been lying here awake for too long not being able to do anything because brunette had been asleep. “I think you should, um… text Louis back, maybe.”

“Why, did he… say something?” Oh god, that was so like Louis, Liam still hadn’t managed to find his phone before suddenly releasing that it had been in his jeans pockets the whole time.

“Well… not really, he was just like… asking if I have talked to you and I said yes and then he asked a bunch of other stuff and… I told him what we did last night, hope you don’t mind.” Actually, Liam had never been the one who had cared about what Louis knew or didn’t know, Louis was his best friend and Liam definitely knew a few too many details about Louis’ and Harry’s relationship as well, it was Niall who seemed to be so hesitant about Louis finding out whenever they hung out. Which, again, actually made no sense at all, because if he was so embarrassed… why would he still take the risk and actually hang out with Liam? And if he wasn’t and he was just being nice to Liam because Louis was forcing him into it… why try so hard and pretend?

“No, I… I don’t mind… “ There were indeed about 5 messages from Louis on Liam’s phone, and a missed call as well and the brunette had no idea how to explain that he had been ignoring Louis ever since he had gotten off from work yesterday, but luckily, Niall helped him out with that.

“You, uh… you can tell him, I don’t care.” Right, now that Louis had told Niall about Liam’s life story, things had apparently changed quite a bit. Not that Louis would stop teasing Niall, he had told Liam a few times how much fun he was having making the blonde blush and whatnot.

Liam didn’t answer, just quickly read through Louis’ messages and then the one Harry had sent him asking him to _please_ answer Louis because the oldest boy was going insane. Well, seeing as Harry had sent that message last night at 10 pm… maybe it was time for Liam to finally answer. It’s just, he had totally forgotten about his phone while he had been here with Niall and then of course they had fallen asleep for ages.

 

_To Louis 11:13 am  
Sorry, I was at nialls and then we both fell asleep and we just only woke up now_

 

Honestly, Liam’s heart was definitely beating quite fast as he pressed send, now sitting up a bit and leaning against the wall behind Niall’s bed, actually wanting nothing more than to just go home, have a shower and change his clothes. Before he could say something though, Louis had already texted back, as if he had been staring at his phone since last night, double texting him.

 

_Louis 11:14 am  
Wait what??? youre still there?_

_Louis 11:17 am  
Li, how did this even happen, niall told me you just randomly met on the street and then you hung out at his place? You slept in his bed? See, I told you he could never hate you, hes fucking obsessed with you. sorry for texting so many times, I was worried. Tell me when youre home so I can call you_

 

Liam’s cheek had grown awfully hot while reading the messages so he made sure to lock his phone and put his back into his pocket, not sure if he wanted Louis to call him. When he looked over, Niall was still lying down, probably texting somebody as well or doing whatever, but once Liam spoke up, he immediately turned his head to look at him.

“I, um… I guess I should go home.” For a moment Liam had actually planned on apologizing, but then he didn’t really know what for exactly and so he let it be, not wanting to make it weird.

“Why? You can stay, I can borrow you some clothes and we can have breakfast. My mom won’t care, she really likes you, she kept asking me about you ever since she met you at the store.” That really wasn’t Liam’s favorite memory, although it seemed to be so long in the past by now he still sometimes felt embarrassment washing through him whenever he remembered all those things he had said and done in front of Niall right after they had met.

“Yeah, but, I… I gotta get home anyways and, like… I’ve got no food at home, so I gotta go to the store and stuff.” Bad excuse, but it was true anyways, Liam just really hoped that Niall wasn’t going to suggest that he could just stay here until lunch. He really did not wanna start getting on the blonde’s nerves by staying here for so long, plus he didn’t really feel all too well right now anyways.

“Okay, umm… you still want breakfast though, right?” Niall sounded hopeful and Liam was about to say no, but then the blonde had already sat up and Liam only now realized that he had changed his clothes, probably when he had first woken up at night, possibly when he had also put that blanket over Liam. 

“I… okay.” Liam agreed, looking away when the blonde grinned at him, a bit too wide maybe.

Aware that he was looking like trash right now, Liam followed Niall downstairs, sort of nervous about meeting his mother again, but when they stepped into the kitchen, the blonde made it seem completely normal anyways. “Hey, mom. Liam’s here as well, we kinda fell asleep last night watching films.”

“Oh, I was already wondering whose shoes were by the door. Hi, Liam, nice to see you again.” She was smiling at him and Liam made sure to return it, wanting to say hello but then missing the moment because Niall’s mother was already speaking again. “You can make breakfast, right, love? I have to go check on the laundry.”

“I always make breakfast, mom.” Niall rolled his eyes as he went for the fridge and Liam wasn’t really sure what to do so he was just awkwardly standing in the middle of the room, watching.

“I think with always you mean once every two months? Anyways, make sure you don’t just eat cereal, there’s fruit as well.” And with that and another smile directed towards Liam, she left the room and the brunette felt kind of relieved for some reason.

“I make breakfast all the time… “ The blonde half grumbled to himself and it would have made Liam laugh had he not felt so awkward right now. “So… you want cereal?”

They didn’t have anything besides cereal and water because Niall explained that he was shit at making tea and they also didn’t have a coffee machine, but it was fine because Liam was planning on leaving very soon anyways. Still, he enjoyed having breakfast with the blonde, having him ramble on about all sorts of stuff and making Liam laugh more often than he had anticipated.

When he left, only 15 hours later than anticipated, Niall apparently didn’t care that Liam hadn’t changed his clothes or showered, because he immediately pulled him into a rather tight hug, not as long as the one yesterday, but still tight enough. “I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Yeah, sure… tell your mom that… that I said bye.” Just to not be too rude, Liam smiled when Niall nodded and he kinda had a feeling that the blonde was watching him as he walked out of the door and down to the street, but he didn’t turn around to check.

Liam didn’t need too long to get home, immediately getting under the shower and brushing his teeth once he did, putting on some comfortable clothes because in all honesty, he had had no intention at all to go to any store today. He did feel a whole lot better now already, so maybe it had just come from sleeping in jeans and not being able to change, but the brunette still hesitated when Louis called him while the brunette was lying on his bed, trying not to overthink.

Of course he did eventually pick up, mostly because he always did but even more today because he still felt kinda guilty for ignoring Louis for this long. “Hey… “

“Hi, are you home?” Liam had never actually answered Louis’ messages, so now he felt even guiltier than he already had.

“Yeah, uh… just got out of the shower, actually.” Not really, but… “I was gonna text you, sorry.”

“’s fine. So… are you gonna tell me what happened?” Louis sounded more curious than he probably wanted to let show, but it’s not like Liam really minded telling him anyways.

“Well… we did meet on the street, like… bumped into each other, kinda randomly, but all his friends were there and… anyways, he told them he’d catch up with them later and then he like… hugged me for a minute or two straight and he was so eager to get me to hang out with him and… we went to his place and…fell asleep on his bed watching something on his laptop. He… he told me that… that he googled a lot of stuff and… but we didn’t really… talk about it, he just… seemed kinda eager to get me to stay.” Which still made no sense to Liam, he did feel like Niall liked him as a friend, but it was probably more the pity that had made him wanna hang out with Liam so badly.

“Because he likes you, Li, I told like a hundred times. He was so bloody worried and the fact that he googled everything… I didn’t tell him all that much. Niall’s a good guy, Liam, he really is.” Okay, maybe, but that wasn’t going to make Liam feel less embarrassed or convince him that the blonde genuinely only wanted to spend time with him for… well, for _him_. “He likes you, like _likes_ y-“

“No, he doesn’t.” Liam almost immediately interrupted, feeling himself blushing, this was definitely not the first time Louis had tried to bring that up. “He was just drunk at the party.”

“He was, which is why he was saying what was on his mind anyways. Also, it’s not just what happened at the party, I just meant in general, it’s quite noticeable, actually, I know you don’t believe me and it’s fine, but I know that if you gave him a chance, he wouldn’t say no.” What?

“What… chance?” Changing his position on the bed slightly, Liam removed the arm he had put over his eyes so he wouldn’t fall a sleep in the middle of the conversation.

“I just mean that… I know you’ve never been into a guy before, or just didn’t tell me, but… I did have a feeling that you maybe-“

“Oh god, Lou, please stop.” Liam groaned, making his friend laugh on the other side of the phone. Last night Niall had to ask and now Louis was continuing?! Why did everyone care so much anyways? “Can we not talk about this now, please?”

“We don’t have to, I was just saying… I think it’d be really cute.” Why exactly did Louis keep on using that word in relation to Niall and Liam?! “I mean… you haven’t really been with anyone in really long and Niall’s quite fond of you and he cares a lot and I just think it’d be a good idea if you thought about it.”

“I can’t just… _think_ about wanting to be with someone and then they’ll magically like me or something.” There was NO way that Niall could have ever liked Liam like that, he was funny and he was sweet and good looking and he could have had anyone, he wouldn’t go for Liam, not after everything that had happened and everything that he knew, he was just being nice and he was worried. Well, and curious, maybe.

“He already likes you though, Li, I know you don’t believe me anyways but it’s true. Not everyone in this world is a judgmental prick, you know?” But most of the world anyways.

“I don’t know, it’s just… it seems highly unlikely that… that he would and… I surely won’t embarrass myself just because you _think_ that he maybe-“

“I don’t think so, I know. Anyways, I wasn’t expecting you to do anything at all actually, I’ll just keep on encouraging Niall to go for it and keep dropping hints that you’re interested.” What?!

“Louis, I never said I’m interested, you know, some people would actually think that it’s really fuckin’ rude to interfere so much in somebody’s private life and-“

“I just want you to be happy.” God, there it was again, the one sentence Liam never knew what to reply to, because… he knew Louis meant it, he didn’t just say it because he wanted Liam to shut up, it was the truth and he was proving it over again every day. Still, that didn’t mean that Liam had suddenly come to terms with his sexuality and that he knew where to place these feelings for Niall that he actually didn’t even want to have. “I won’t tell him that you like him, don’t worry, he keeps embarrassing himself anyways all the time asking for you and letting slip how attractive he thinks you are. I think he’s got a kink for your hands or something, it’s weird, he always mentions them.”

“Ummm… can you please not tell me this stuff?” How was Liam going to forget about this in time to not think about it anymore when he saw Niall again? Or IF he saw him again?

“Yeah, yeah, sorry, I just thought it was funny. He still always blushes when I tease him about the party.” Louis laughed and Liam tried not to get too excited because… it wouln’t have been the first time his friend would have tried telling him that somebody was crushing on him when it had simply not been true.

“Have you ever considered that maybe he’s just embarrassed because he’s really not into me at all and would never even think this stuff while he’s sober?” Of course not, Louis never considered stuff like this.

“Yeah, but no, he said he thinks you’re hot while he was sober, you know, when he told me about how he was at your apartment and I wasn’t supposed to know and stuff?” Right, Liam had been a little bit upset that Niall had told Louis after promising he wouldn’t, but then again… the only reason why Liam hadn’t wanted Louis to know had been because he hadn’t wanted his friend to know that Niall had been at his place and then proceeded to stay and clean, it had never really been about what Liam himself had done. It hadn’t been the first time he had gotten drunk after all. “And he keeps being worried about you while he’s sober as well. He likes you, just trust me on this, Payno.”

“Yeah, I… I won’t, but thanks.” Never again in his life would Liam allow himself to think that somebody was really into him and maybe even actually try to make a move, he had had enough of that embarrassment in high school. 

“Thought so, but it’s fine, I’ll sort it out for you two.” Louis actually sounded way more excited and happy than Liam would have liked but he kept his mouth shut. Either he would turn out to be right in the end or he would turn out to be wrong and be positively surprised, so really… Liam couldn’t actually lose by always assuming the worst. “Hey, d’you wanna come over for dinner today? My mom keeps asking about you.” 

“Uh… I don’t know.” No, Liam didn’t wanna ever leave his building again actually, but having dinner with Louis’ entire family sounded even worse than going to the grocery store. 

“You don’t have to, I was just asking because she asked about you again before and also, Harry’s staying home tonight because he has to work on something for uni.” Louis explained, probably not realizing how much it sounded like he was just asking Liam because Harry didn’t have any time for him. 

“I d-“

“Hey, I’ve got an idea. I know you hate having dinner with my family, but we could ask Niall and then us three just do something and grab something to eat.” No, no, bad idea, Louis AND Niall without Harry as a buffer was literally Liam’s worst nightmare.

“Umm… I was actually… thinking about just staying home and… “ And doing nothing at all, but Liam didn’t have to explain that to Louis anymore. “I doubt that… that Niall would want to anyways, I mean… we just spent the whole night together … “

“I can just ask if he’s got anything planned without telling him why.” Sounded like an even worse idea actually.

“Louis, I really don’t know, like… Niall’s probably really annoyed already, and he ditched his friends last night, he probably wants to hang out with them instead.” Liam was torn between kinda wanting to say yes but knowing there was a great possibility that it was going to get weird at some point. The fact that Harry wouldn’t be there was only good in the sense that at least Harry and Louis wouldn’t suddenly start snogging or leave Niall and Liam alone, but… it mostly had disadvantages such as Louis having nothing to focus on besides Niall and Liam. 

“I’ll just ask, okay? I’ll check if he wants to hang out with his friends first, it’ll be fine, I’m sure he’s gonna say yes.” Probably, although Liam really was not sure what answer he was supposed to be hoping for in this scenario. “And if he says no I won’t make you eat dinner with my family, don’t worry.”

“Thanks.” Liam said, it came out a bit sarcastic maybe, but he hadn’t been able to help it.

There was a little bit of silence before Louis spoke up again and Liam had almost allowed his eyes to fall closed in that short time span, wanting to sit up but then feeling too weak to move just one muscle. “How’re you doing?”

“Um, fine.” It was kinda true, Liam felt alright, although nervous about tonight and about having spent the whole night at Niall’s on accident. Mostly though, he was just really exhausted about having to think about the blonde every damn day of his life. “’m kinda tired though.”

“Maybe you should take a nap.” Sounded like a good idea, Liam had actually expected that Louis was going to ask whether Niall’s bed hadn’t been comfortable enough, but the older’s voice didn’t sound mocking or as if he was teasing Liam in any way now. “I gotta go and help Lottie with something, I’ll text you later about tonight, alright?”

“Yeah, okay.” Liam agreed, knowing that he wasn’t going to get out of this anyways and maybe he didn’t even want to, he surely hadn’t tried enough. 

“Goodnight.” Louis said, kinda as a joke probably and Liam laughed shortly before ending the call, letting his phone drop onto his chest and staring at the ceiling, wishing that just for a minute or two, he could have not thought or worried about anything at all.

He did end up falling asleep, probably only minutes after he had stopped talking to Louis, but he kept waking up every thirty minutes or so for maybe two hours, not really managing to take a proper long nap, at some points feeling too hot and then too cold and just overall kinda weird. Liam was a big fan of taking naps during the days, which was maybe why he had done so exceptionally bad when he had still gone to uni, but now that he was working he barely ever had time to anymore, which was sad because it had made him realize just how many hours a day could have. 

Seeing as his motivation to do anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary was non-existent, Liam barely made it out of bed again after his nap, eating some leftovers from the fridge that he should have probably thrown away yesterday already. It wasn’t too late, Liam could have easily gone to the store but somehow he only ever thought about what he was going to buy and never actually got up from the couch to go change or write a list or something.

Instead, he watched a film and then some shows that were on, for a while feeling guilty that he probably wasn’t going to manage to go for a run today, but to his relief, it started drizzling once it was getting a bit later and the brunette decided that there was absolutely no way that he would risk going even after it had stopped.

He tried not to think about Niall all day long but it was hard while having nothing to do and the blonde having texted him shortly after Liam had woken up from his nap. So they kept on talking throughout the day via text messages and Liam tried to make sure to not leave too much time between his replies because apparently, it got Niall upset and worried. 

When it was already around 5.30 or something and Louis still hadn’t texted Liam about tonight, the brunette was kinda feeling relieved, but also slightly upset for whatever reason. He didn’t text back Niall for about 15 minutes or something, but when he did finally read the message, he was slightly surprised about Louis’ talent to make sure Liam had no reason to complain or think Niall was annoyed by him.

 

_Niall 5:29 pm  
Louis just asked me to go get something to eat, do you want to come as well?? Its fine if you say no, I just thought itd be fun :)_

 

See, how had Louis managed to get Niall to ask Liam instead? And make it look like the blonde wanted him to come along more than Louis did? Liam actually hated the jump his heart made after reading the message and making sure to reply, suddenly feeling a little bit more motivated to get up and change his clothes.

 

_To Niall 5:47 pm  
Yeah ok. Where are you going?_

 

The blonde replied not even two minutes later with all the details and when Liam received a message from Louis a few minutes afterwards saying _told you he likes you, didn’t even have to mention your name when he already said he’d ask you to come as well lol_ , the brunette really tried not to let this get to his head. After all, he couldn’t be sure Niall wasn’t only doing this out of pity, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know if you enjoyed the chapter :) xx


	7. Chapter 7

Liam made sure he wasn’t the first one there by leaving the building late on pure purpose. There was just nothing worse to him than sitting at some place all by himself while every stranger around him was with someone else and yeah, even though he was aware that no one would have probably cared just one bit, he still made sure to turn up 10 minutes late. 

He had taken another shower before leaving and putting on more decent clothes, not really sure why but maybe a little bit because he had kinda felt gross this morning waking up in Niall’s bed and since he was gonna see the blonde again now, he wanted to kinda look… better? It had nothing at all to do though with what Louis had said, not even a little bit, Liam didn’t even care if Niall really thought that he was attractive or not, surely he wouldn’t have been able to change the blonde’s mind anymore anyways even if he had wanted to.

Luckily they had just chosen some place that wasn’t really a fast food restaurant but it still kinda was and Liam only walked inside when Louis had texted him that he was already there. He always did that, probably because he knew that Liam would have never sat down by himself but they had never really talked about it either so Liam was just glad that his best friend got him without having to say too much. 

“Hey. Niall’s gonna be late as well, he said he has to… shower or something? I forgot.” Liam sat down opposite of Louis after saying hello, just nodding along because Niall had texted him the same thing. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, I… had a good nap.” Louis let out a laugh at that and Liam smiled, thinking about what he wanted to eat now that they had time while waiting for the blonde to show up.

“I wish just for once it would be quiet enough at my house so I could take a nap as well. Next time I’ll comer over and just sleep on your couch during the day or something.” It was obviously a joke but Liam wouldn’t have minded anyways, they had hung out at his place often enough, not really doing anything at all besides being on their phones or watching TV. “I still can’t believe my plan worked out this well.”

Liam simply rolled his eyes at that, not knowing what to say but instead turning around to make sure Niall wasn’t already here and could have possibly overheard their conversation. He still didn’t know if it was a good idea that he had come here, but it was too late now anyways and if things turned out uncomfortable or embarrassing, he’d just leave or something.

“I mean, I was literally just asking if he had any plans and if he wanted to grab something to eat and his next reply was already about how he thought we should ask you as well. For a moment I almost thought about pulling out after you told Niall you’d come, b-“

“What?” So Louis had actually planned to arrange this for them just to make sure Niall and Liam ended up here all by themselves? “Lou, you can’t just do these things all the time, I… okay, maybe Niall wanted me to come, but… “

“I’m here now, aren’t I? I would have told you beforehand of course, don’t pretend like I wouldn’t have. Would it have really been so bad to be alone with Niall though? You’ve been alone with him the whole night, I thought you like him.” Oh god, why did they have to discuss this again in person now, Liam’s cheeks were literally on fire as he was playing with his phone, not daring to look his friend in the face. 

“I do, just… “ Liam wasn’t quite sure himself and if he was being honest, he also wasn’t too keen on thinking about it either. Maybe it was stupid to think this way, which was why Liam would have never said it out loud, but whenever he thought that he might have actually liked Niall more than a friend, he suddenly wasn’t sure anymore, just because he had never been with a guy and what if maybe his feelings were just… something else, right? He had only been in love two times but even the last time was years in the past and now… honestly, Liam wasn’t quite sure about anything anymore and he didn’t wanna use the energy to actually think about it.

“Just what?” Louis kept asking, but Liam luckily never had to answer because Niall had shown up out of nowhere all of a sudden, standing in front of the table with a huge smile plastered across his face and looking as if he had spent hours and hours just to look this good. 

“Hey, guys, sorry ‘m late, had to help my mom with something and then I couldn’t find my keys and… anyways, let’s eat, I’m starvin’.” Okay, Liam could barely even concentrate when Niall hugged both of them briefly, his cologne getting stuck in the brunette’s nose and he caught himself wanting to breathe in even more deeply and… no.

So they got their food before Niall even sat down and once they got back to the table, Liam was kinda really unsure where to sit, so he simply chose his original spot, more than surprised though when Niall sat down next to him, making it all seem really natural though and the brunette squeezed himself against the wall so their elbows wouldn’t brush on accident. Niall didn’t look like he cared much about that though. 

“I was so glad when you asked me to go out, Lou, my mom invited some of her friends over and they brought their kids.” Okay, see, Niall hadn’t really wanted to come, this was just better than playing babysitter, wasn’t it? 

“You could have come over to my house then if you wanted to have kids climbing all over you.” Louis laughed and Liam just made sure to eat without trying to contribute to the conversation because suddenly he wasn’t so sure anymore if he was all that excited about Niall having asked him to come himself. Maybe Louis had told him to do it, Liam was never gonna find out if he had.

Niall and Louis kept on joking with each other while they were eating and Liam said little to nothing, actually kinda deep in thoughts now and just happy that Louis hadn’t yet brought up the fact that Liam had spent the night at Niall’s. It was kinda funny really, to think that just two days ago Liam had given Louis permission to tell Niall and now they were all here acting like it had never happened.

When Louis excused himself to go to the bathroom, Liam barely noticed at first, he was still busy eating and thinking about how he was gonna find an excuse to go home right after he was done when Niall suddenly moved a bit next to him, speaking up before Liam could have even expected it. “Hey… everything alright?”

“Yeah, sure… why?” Okay, maybe Liam’s silence hadn’t gone by as unnoticed as he would have liked, he only briefly looked over to meet the blonde’s eyes, seeing the worry in his face. Oh god, was this gonna become a usual thing now? Niall just being worried about everything Liam said or didn’t say?

“Don’t know… you’re just being kinda quiet… it’s not because of last night though, is it?” He sounded truly troubled by that thought so Liam made sure to shake his head immediately, staring at his plate though rather than looking at the blonde. 

“No, I’m just… I’m kinda really tired already, so… “ Which was actually true, despite having gotten a decent amount of sleep in Niall’s bed and then at home, but… Liam often found that he was always tired anyways, no matter how many hours he slept. “I’m fine though… no worries.”

“Okay, just wanted to check… do you want some of my fries? I really don’t know if I can finish all that, I actually had something to eat before coming here.” Niall let out a laugh at that, shoving his plate in between Liam and himself, still continuing to eat his own fries though and Liam just never really answered. “Did you end up going to the grocery store after all?”

“No, I um… I actually… kinda took a nap instead, so… “ Had he gone then Niall would have known anyways seeing as the blonde had been texting him all day long and Liam would have surely mentioned it.

“Me too, right after you left, actually, it was great.” The blonde was smiling when Liam looked over for a second, kinda returning it but then making sure to drink something instead, feeling his cheeks getting hotter for whatever reason. “You know I was actually, um... thinking about something.”

“Uh… okay?” Liam didn’t know what else to say, his stomach immediately twisting as he was expecting the most uncomfortable question to follow, like a continuation of last night or something. But it never happened.

“So… I know we kinda fell asleep on accident last night, but like… I thought maybe we could… do that again sometime? Like… just watch something and maybe don’t eat leftovers this time and… I don’t know, I liked hanging out with you last night.” Oh god, what was happening, why was Niall saying these things, was he being serious? But… what had he enjoyed so much about hanging out with Liam anyways? Sure, Liam had enjoyed himself as well, but… that was different. “Only if you want to of course, I just thought we could do that again sometime and it doesn’t have to be at my place either, we can go to your place as well, if you… if you prefer that. Whatever, you know?”

“Yeah, um… sure… we can… we can do that.” Liam didn’t know what else to say, he WANTED to say yes obviously, but he didn’t want Niall to think he had to do this out of pity or something because he had figured that no one else wanted to hang out with Liam. 

“Okay, great. I’ll make sure to buy snacks next time… and more comfortable clothes would probably be better as well, if we… happen to fall asleep again or something.” Okay, Liam had no idea if Niall meant this as like a sleepover or something, but he sounded quite happy about the brunette having agreed so Liam made sure to return his smile though he was kinda confused and a little bit worried. 

“Who is falling asleep?” Louis asked as he came back to the table and Liam almost flinched because he had kinda forgotten that the oldest boy was even here with them. “Haven’t you both gotten enough sleep in Niall’s bed last night?”

“Oh, shut up, Tommo, no one’s falling asleep. What’ve you been doing in the bathroom for so long anyways?” Niall was really good at this, simply changing the topic without anyone noticing, making Louis feel like he was the one who had to explain himself.

“I’ve only been away for like 5 minutes, the bathrooms are all the way back there.” That was probably true, Louis just shrugged anyways and Liam was just sitting there hoping that no one would comment on his red cheeks. Now that Niall had said all of that and suggested them hanging out again, he could barely think about anything else, let alone whatever Louis was talking about across the table. “Should we do something else after? It’s barely eight.”

“Yeah, umm… we can, if you guys want to, I’m a little bit tired.” Okay, what? Was Niall genuinely tired or was he just trying to help Liam out in case he wanted to use the same excuse?

“Oh, c’mon, Nialler, you can’t go home and go to sleep now anyways, even the kids at your house will still be awake.” That was probably very true and maybe the reason why Niall didn’t answer immediately, Liam could feel the blonde’s eyes on him for a moment, trying to decide what to say. He wasn’t going to be able to talk Louis out of this anyways, was he? “Liam?”

“Yeah, uh… I’m kinda tired as well, but… we can do something, I guess.” Only what was the question, Liam was a bit afraid of the smirk on Louis’ face because it never meant anything good. “What were you thinking?”

“Don’t know… we could go to the cinema, or is that you guys’ thing?” Oh god, would Louis ever grow tired of teasing them?

“No, we… we can do that.” Liam agreed as to not make it awkward, making sure not to look at the blonde though. Going to the cinema was actually a good idea, it meant less talking and therefore less Louis saying things that could have potentially made Liam blush.

“Yeah, that’s fine for me as well… provided there’s anything good we can watch.” Niall sounded a lot more motivated than Liam felt, maybe he also hoped that watching a film would mean Louis wouldn’t embarrass them every two seconds. Then again, the blonde was probably gonna be surprised by just how much Louis could talk during anything.

So once again, Liam ended up at the same cinema with Niall. They agreed on some film that Liam wasn’t sure he was going to enjoy very much, but it really didn’t matter anymore at this point. It’s not like he hated hanging out with Louis and Niall or anything, it was just a constant fear he had that any second things could have gotten super embarrassing because he knew the real purpose of all of this after all. 

Louis somehow made sure to subtly make Niall sit in between them with the excuse that the blonde was probably going to eat most of the popcorn anyways so he could as well hold it. Luckily for them, there were a lot of other people today because it was Saturday, so in case anyone, specifically Louis, would have thought about talking too much, they would have at least gotten shushed by a whole ton of other people as well.

Liam was genuinely tired by the time they were all sitting down and watching the trailers playing, he could hear Louis and Niall still whispering next to him but he didn’t really care all that much. He hadn’t contributed to the conversation all too much anyways, not even particularly because of what he had feared Louis might have done or said but more because he wasn’t used to hanging out with only Niall and Louis at the same time. 

Ten minutes into the actual film, Liam decided that he was not gonna manage to pay attention during all of it, he kinda really regretted having agreed to come here because briefly checking his phone told him that it was almost nine and he probably wasn’t gonna get home before eleven. Liam usually stayed up pretty late, but for no reason really not because he wasn’t tired, so sitting here and being forced to watch something he didn’t really enjoy all that much made him wanna close his eyes surprisingly often.

At one point, Liam gave in to this urge and he spend probably half the film falling in and out of sleep, not even able to recall anything that had happened at all. When there was finally a hand on Liam’s arm shaking him a bit, he honestly would have not thought he was going to open his eyes to Niall’s face and the lights back on. Oh.

“Hey… you okay?” Niall’s voice sounded soft and Liam had to rub his eyes a bit before looking around, feeling even more tired now and somehow embarrassed about having fallen asleep but too exhausted to really care.

“Yeah… where’s Louis?” The older boy seemed to have already left for some reason, which confused Liam but not as much as he would have been had he not just woken up from an hour long nap.

“He went to the bathroom just a second ago, said he was gonna piss himself if he didn’t hurry or something.” The blonde chuckled before getting up out of his seat and Liam did the same though he really couldn’t have thought of anything he was less excited about than walking right now. “Were you asleep the whole time?”

“I don’t even remember actually… I don’t even know anymore what the film was about.” Though Liam had watched the first ten or so minutes, he honestly wasn’t able to recall them, even now just walking outside next to Niall and holding back a yawn, it was sort of difficult for the brunette to focus on their conversation. God, he wasn’t gonna be able to lie in his bed for at least 30 minutes or so.

“Me neither, it wasn’t good at all. Also looking at you kinda made me really sleepy as well, you leaned against my shoulder for a while and I would have passed out as well if I hadn’t been afraid of what Louis was gonna do. He actually suggested drawing something on your face afterwards but I talked him out of it.” Wait… what?!

“Oh… thank you.” Liam was more taken aback by what Niall had said before, so casually as if it had happened a hundred times before. Had Liam really put his head on the blonde’s shoulder without noticing?! Oh god. “Sorry for… for moving over, I-“

“Hey, no worries, I didn’t mind at all. I’m glad if I was a good enough pillow that you didn’t even notice.” Niall’s smile was bright but Liam didn’t look at him for too long because his cheeks had already gotten hot again and he didn’t even want to imagine what Louis was going to say about him sleeping on Niall’s shoulder. “I’m kinda scared we’ll miss the bus now because Louis is taking so long, I swear to god if we have to walk today… we really gotta check the bus times more often.”

“Yeah… but they’re never right anyways.” Which was true sadly, also their town wasn’t too big so the bus didn’t go very often in general and it was exhausting. “Should we… wait outside?”

“I guess. Louis didn’t say where he’d wait, I’m gonna text him.” Liam knew that Louis wasn’t really in the bathroom anyways but of course he wasn’t gonna tell Niall that the oldest boy had simply wanted to force the blonde to be the one to wake Liam. Honestly, by now Louis was really taking it a bit too far.

It was kinda cold outside and Liam hadn’t brought a jacket because it had been warmer before and he had never really planned on staying away from home for this long. He didn’t even want to check the time actually because it would have meant he would have had to move his arms, so he just stood next to Niall in front of the cinema while the blonde texted Louis, hoping that his friend was going to hurry the fuck up.

“Okay… he’s not answering so he’s probably still in the bathroom.” Niall rolled his eyes before pocketing his phone, about to put his jacket on that he had been carrying the whole time before suddenly looking at Liam and changing his mind. “Here, I’m not that cold anyways.”

“I… thanks, I’m fine… “ Actually, Liam would have loved to put Niall’s jacket on, he was so tired and that made him feel even colder, but he couldn’t do that, no way.

“You’re not, you’re practically shivering. Just put it on.” This time, Niall sounded almost strict as he half shoved his jacket into Liam’s arms and the brunette momentarily felt warmer as his cheeks again started to heat up. “Go on.”

Actually, Liam doubted that they were the same size, but Niall’s jacket had looked kinda big on him before and it didn’t seem like the blonde was going to accept no for an answer so Liam gave in, still really nervous as he thought about what he was going to do if it turned out that the blonde’s clothes were way too small for him. Like, how embarrassing would that have been, right?

It never came to that though because the jacket fit Liam just fine and the blonde seemed to be very pleased that the other boy had obeyed so easily. “If you get cold though just tell me and I’ll-“

“I won’t, it’s fine.” Niall smiled again, he really did not look like he was cold at all but Liam still felt kinda bad, also nervous about what Louis was going to say if he ever decided to show up again. “If Louis still isn’t here in ten minutes we’ll just leave, okay?”

“Okay.” Liam agreed because it would have served Louis right anyways, but of course the oldest boy decided to show up right when Niall had been rubbing Liam’s arm in order to warm him up and the brunette wanted to actually die right then and there.

“Sorry, I couldn’t find you guys… what’re you doing?” Louis made it sound like he was confused, but the way he looked at Liam clearly said _see, I told you he likes you_ , so naturally, Liam made sure to look away.

“Freezing our asses off because you took ages?” Niall half laughed before Liam could have even thought of replying, he was pretty busy now trying not to breathe in too deeply too obviously because Niall had definitely sprayed his cologne on the jacket as well. “Let’s go, I really don’t wanna miss that fucking bus again.”

“How was your nap, Li? Isn’t that Niall’s jacket?” Almost as soon as they had started walking, rather quickly, Louis softly bumped his elbow into Liam’s ribs, startling the brunette just a little bit. He was never going to hear the end of today, was he?

“Um, yeah… and it was… fine. Did you, uh, enjoy the film?” Liam asked just to make conversation, pulling Niall’s jacket closer around himself because the wind was blowing quite a bit now. 

“Yeah, it was good, why? Did you guys not like it?” Both Niall and Liam shrugged at this question and the brunette would have laughed had he not felt as if he was going to freeze to death soon. “What, are you two only into cheesy romances or something?”

“No, it just wasn’t good.” Niall simply said, again simply shrugging and Liam shouldn’t have been so excited about having the blonde on his side for this. “Maybe you should have taken Harry instead.”

“Oh, alright then, next time we’ll just all go and watch separate films or what?” He was only pretending to be pissed off now, Liam didn’t even need to look at his best friend to know. 

“Sounds like a good idea to me.” The blonde laughed again and Liam joined this time just because.

They kept on bickering for a while and Liam simply tried to stay warm, pretty relieved once they had reached the bus station and the time only read 2 minutes. Like yeah, that had been pretty damn close, but they had made it on time after all and Liam would be able to go lie in his bed in just a few minutes. 

Louis actually lived further away from here than the other two, but he was going to Harry’s instead so he rode on the bus with them for a few minutes before getting off, giving Liam a really intense look though that the brunette had no idea really how to read. He almost fell asleep again while sitting next to Niall, trying his very best though to focus on whatever the younger boy was talking about, apparently not half as tired as Liam felt right now.

Pretty sure Louis had already texted him twelve million times to talk about tonight’s events but Liam didn’t even bother checking, already feeling half dead when he got up right before his stop, more than surprised when Niall did the same, seemingly without thinking about it. And honestly, the way he said what he did somehow left Liam no room to protest or even question his words. “I’ll walk you home, yeah? You look like you’re gonna walk into the wrong building or something. And don’t say I don’t have to, I know that, but I’ll still do it anyways and I’m sure you would have done the same for me. I mean, you did once already, so.”

“I… “ Liam started, not knowing what to say and of course he was blushing yet again while wondering why Niall would do something like this because the theories that Liam had established for himself as to why the blonde was talking to him in the first place couldn’t really be applied to that situation. So really, he could only give in right away. “Okay…”

Niall seemed quite happy about that answer, also when they got off the bus together, and Liam kinda realized that he would have forgotten to give Niall his jacket back had the blonde not come along. Maybe that was why he had decided to come? 

“Umm… I should probably give this back to y-“

“Keep it on for now, your building is still a few minutes away, innit?” Niall immediately waved Liam off as he had been about to take off the jacket off and before Liam could have even attempted to pull the zipper down, Niall’s hand was already there to cover his, stopping him. He didn’t hold on for more than a few seconds but Liam could still feel it in his whole body, even more goosebumps rising on his arm now, this time not from the coldness though. “You know… I was wondering if you actually like… enjoyed hanging out tonight? I mean… I wasn’t sure and I was trying to make Louis believe that I wanted to go home because I didn’t know if you still wanted to go to the cinema and… I don’t know.”

“No, I… I did. I was just… genuinely tired is all.” Which was true, but of course Liam couldn’t exactly tell Niall about the phone call he had had with Louis today, which had been the main reason for tonight to even happen. How would he have ever told the blonde that all Louis wanted was to play match maker between the two of them and that that was why Liam had been hesitant tonight?

“Okay, that’s good, I mean… not that you’re tired obviously. But, um… you know when I talked about Louis teasing me and stuff? Because of… the party?” How could Liam have ever forgotten that? “When he makes jokes like… about how you spent the night at my place and stuff, does it… bother you?”

“Umm… no, it doesn’t. Louis just… he’s just Louis, you know, he’d never wanna like… genuinely piss either of us off or something, it’s just jokes.” Well, not really because Louis seemed to genuinely believe that Niall was somehow and for a very weird reason crushing on Liam, but that wasn’t really the topic right now. “I told you, I can like… talk to him about it if-“

“No, no, it’s not about me, I don’t care anymore anyways. I mean… it’s not like I lied at the party so whatever.” What? “I was just worried that maybe… that maybe you were annoyed by it or something. But he’s your best friend obviously, so… I keep forgetting that you guys have all known each other for so fucking long.”

Liam had a hard time joining Niall’s laughter because… what? He had NOT lied at the party or just said things because he had been drunk?! Had Louis asked Niall to tell Liam that? But he wouldn’t do that, would he? Give the brunette false hope on pure purpose? “Yeah, umm… I’d tell him if… if I wanted him to shut up.”

“Good.” The blonde seemed to mean it, he was smiling when Liam briefly looked over, his face only illuminated by a street light. Little did Niall know that one, Louis wasn’t just teasing either of them and two, he wouldn’t have actually shut up about it either if Liam had asked him to.

Once they reached Liam’s building, Liam almost thought Niall was going to walk him up to his front door or something, but then the blonde simply pulled him into a really tight and unexpected hug that Liam kinda returned automatically, his stomach twisting into knots. Niall was really warm and he smelled amazing, his body almost melting into Liam’s because of how firmly he was holding him and the brunette almost let his eyes fall closed for a moment.

When Niall pulled away, Liam made sure to drop his arms quickly even though he wouldn’t have minded if the hug had lasted longer and he really hated that he felt that way. “I’ll text you tomorrow or so?”

“Yeah, sure, um… thank you for… walking me home.” Liam finally brought out, Niall was smiling at him and he was standing way closer than appropriate.

Just when Liam had been about to take off Niall’s jacket and give it back, the blonde literally did the least expected thing ever, which was leaning forward into Liam’s space again and then he fucking _kissed_ Liam’s cheek, very briefly but it was enough to cause the brunette to freeze because… _what?!_

“Goodnight, Li.” And with that, Niall simply turned around to walk down the street, either not caring what Liam had to say about this or not wanting to know. Had he just… really done that?!

It took a few moments longer until Liam was able to force himself to walk into the building and take the elevator to his floor. He could barely even remember how he had gotten into his apartment or when he realized he was still wearing Niall’s jacket because he was so busy trying to figure out what this had just been about.

First Niall had said he had actually meant the things he had said at the party and now… now he was kissing Liam’s cheek?! It had just been a peck, but Louis would have still had a blast with that, so Liam decided not to tell him, ignoring the older’s text messages as he went to lie in bed after undressing, only briefly letting him know that he had gotten home alright. 

What was Niall’s deal? Was this all pity and worry? Did he think he HAD to do these things? And how much exactly was Louis involved in all of this without Liam knowing?!

Had Liam not been so bloody tired, those questions would have probably kept him up all night, but he fell asleep sometime in the middle of worrying and feeling as if his head might explode, still with Niall’s jacket lying on the same mattress. Was it bad that Liam kinda hoped that Louis’ theory turned out to be true even though he wouldn’t have even known what to do if Niall was genuinely into him?

 

\--------------------

 

It was always weird for Liam to walk around on campus ever since he had dropped out. 

He didn’t miss going to uni most of the time, but he did sometimes think about what this meant in the long run and it would have been a lie to say that he didn’t get worried about it. His decision to drop out had been well thought through of course, he hadn’t just decided overnight, and at first it had really made things better, with all the pressure gone and all the disappointments and sleepless nights trying to catch up on things.

At some point though, Liam had been forced to finally realized that no matter what it was that he did, it wasn’t going to magically heal him from being like _this_. When Niall had asked Liam to explain, he literally had had no idea what to say because in all honesty, Liam didn’t understand what was going on either sometimes. For the longest time he had told himself that it was nothing, that he was just having bad days, that getting out of bed surely was physically impossible for a lot of people sometimes, that not being able to do or concentrate on important things was maybe just because he was lazy and that this emptiness that would overcome him sometimes or his constant worrying and all those tears were just temporary.

Turned out though that by now Liam couldn’t even remember anymore how he had felt before, how he had ever woken up in the morning being actually happy that he had woken up at all, genuinely looking forward to things or even just being able to deal with a problem like a normal fucking person without. The things Liam had come up with at uni just to get out of presentations or active participation would have probably seemed quite ridiculous to most people, but at least not as scary as the more drastic things Liam was sure he would have at one point gone through with had he not dropped out.

And yet he was here, walking around campus again where he had spent so many hours in the past, this time not actually going inside the building though but rather waiting outside for Niall to be done with classes.

It was Friday, almost a week after he had last seen the blonde, but definitely not a week since Louis had wanted to talk about Niall. Liam had never told him about the cheek kiss or the fact that he still had Niall’s jacket or that the blonde had walked him home that day and yet Louis was more convinced than ever that they would end up getting married or some shit.

Luckily Liam had gotten off work early today or they wouldn’t have been able to meet up. It had been Niall of course who had texted Liam first the next day and then about them hanging out as well but it’d be a lie to say that Liam hadn’t been more than excited about all of this. He was really nervous as well and he still had no idea at all why exactly the blonde seemed to want to hang out with him, but… matter of the fact was, if he was doing all of this out of pity, he would have surely already grown tired of it, right?

Liam wasn’t too afraid of accidentally running into Louis or Harry because they knew about his and Niall’s plans anyways, but the brunette was still pretty relieved when he saw Niall walking towards him all by himself, the same usual smile playing around his lips that caused Liam’s stomach to do a little flip. 

“Hey! I’m not late, am I?” Niall immediately went in for the hug, but this time Liam had been expecting it and he honestly would have maybe been a tiny bit disappointed had it not happened today. 

“No, I… I just got here, actually, so… how was uni?” It felt natural for Liam to ask, maybe having breathed in a bit too deeply while they had been hugging.

“The usual. Work?” The blonde asked back while they were walking across campus together and Liam briefly wondered if they would have had any classes together had he not dropped out. 

“Boring.” Liam shrugged, hoping his heart was going to stop beating this extremely fast soon because it couldn’t be healthy, could it? “So… what’d you wanna do?”

“Well, I thought of a lot of things we could do, but I know you wouldn’t be enjoying yourself very much watching me go surfing or while playing golf with me, so I thought maybe we can just… eat something because I’m starving and then head to yours?” They had agreed beforehand that they would go to Liam’s and pretty much repeat last Friday, but the brunette still wasn’t actually sure how long Niall intended to stay for. Either ways, he had made sure to clean up a bit last night. 

“Yeah, sure. We could also, um… just order something.” At this, Niall’s eyes actually lit up and Liam couldn’t help but laugh shortly, already feeling way too happy than he should have. Why was hanging out with Niall so easy as if they had already done this a few hundred times?

“You know what, I think I might enjoy hanging out with you a lot more than with anybody else.” It was a joke, obviously, because Niall laughed, but Liam could still feel his heart speeding up yet again and his palms getting a bit sweaty as he watched the blonde’s profile for a moment, immediately turning his head though as their eyes met.

“So… is that a yes?” Liam asked as if he didn’t know, his voice maybe sounding the tiniest bit shaky and breathless. How could Niall make him feel everything so… intensely?

“I don’t think you need to ask, Li, you just about read my mind.” His smile was so bright, teeth showing and honestly, anybody would have gotten flustered had Niall looked at them this way. It wasn’t a crime to think that he was very good looking though, was it? No matter if Liam was into guys or not, he wasn’t fucking blind after all.

Niall talked a lot about wanting to go surfing this weekend while they walked to Liam’s place and the brunette kinda felt like the younger boy was dropping a few too many hints that he wanted Liam to come along and watch. He never really asked though and Liam didn’t say anything either, kinda afraid that he was misinterpreting the conversation a little bit. Had Niall asked him to go golfing with him again though, Liam might have actually agreed just to see him smile a bit more, and he also would have gone to watch him surf had he asked because the one time he had, he had actually really enjoyed it for some reason. 

When they got to Liam’s, the blonde immediately dropped his backpack and took his shoes off as he spotted his jacket hanging over the back of Liam’s couch. Since they hadn’t seen each other for almost a week, Liam had never given it back, but he had definitely moved it out of his bed the next morning after having woken up with his face smushed into it and Niall’s cologne stuck in his brain. 

“I totally forgot you had my jacket.” He sounded genuinely surprised and Liam kinda felt weird because now it definitely looked like he had kept it on purpose or something.

“Yeah, sorry, I… I totally forgot as well and then we didn’t see each other, so… “ Shrugging, the brunette made sure to kinda hide his face for a second so Niall wouldn’t see that he was yet again blushing, taking a bit longer than necessary to take his shoes off and close the door.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t need it anyways, it was really warm this week.” True and Liam had kinda hated it because there was no air conditioning in the store he worked at, plus he didn’t really enjoy hot weather in general. “So… what’re we gonna order? Pizza? I know this place but they don’t have a website so we’d have to call.”

“Umm… yeah, sure, we can get whatever you want.” Okay, Liam was definitely NOT going to call anybody, especially not to order food, but Niall had luckily already gotten his phone out anyways.

“Great, what do you want on yours?” He was already scrolling through his phone and Liam kinda found that it was a bit funny for Niall to have saved the number of his favorite pizza place, but he didn’t say anything, just told the blonde what he wanted, watching his eyes going a bit wider before he smiled all of a sudden. “Are you serious? I’m always getting the _exact_ same thing.”

Since Liam had no idea what to reply to that he just returned the smile, waiting for Niall to order on the phone before going to the kitchen to get them something to drink, maybe look into the mirror for a second because Liam wasn’t quite sure what he looked like after blushing five hundred times in the last half an hour. He had definitely thought about what to wear today, which was really stupid, because… why would Niall care, right? It’s not like Liam would gain anything from it but he had done it anyways, spent like 40 minutes on deciding what to wear only to realize that it was kinda pointless and also really weird.

It was only like 4 pm or something but Niall still got up immediately after ending the call to pull some sweatpants out of his backpack by the door, changing into them right in front of Liam and without a warning. “You don’t mind, do you? I just physically cannot stand to just sit around in my jeans.”

“No, I… sure.” Great, now Liam was the only one in jeans and he couldn’t really change either because the thing was… he definitely looked better in jeans. Not Niall though, because when he came back to sit on the couch again, he had definitely not gotten any less attractive. 

They didn’t turn the TV on until the food had arrived and though it had taken at least 30 minutes, it seemed to pass by a lot faster than that while they were just talking, about their day and about what they could watch and then Niall again brought up wanting to go surfing on the weekend, but he kinda got interrupted by the delivery guy calling him. So Liam was never going to find out whether the blonde was going to go with his friends or whether he had meant to ask the brunette to come watch.

“Can I like… ask you something?” Niall started when they were halfway through their pizzas, watching a different show than a week ago though, very much to Liam’s relief.

“Um, sure.” He hated hearing that question, not knowing what to expect and everything, but Liam tried to keep his cool because he knew the blonde wasn’t asking to make him feel uncomfortable after all, he was just… curious, probably. Plus, he always apologized for asking too many questions, but it seemed like he just couldn’t help himself sometimes.

“I was just… wondering, like… for a while, because you said your sisters live somewhere else and stuff, I… I was just wondering why… why your family moved away?” The blonde asked very carefully, almost as if he already knew the truth anyways, which he maybe did because Louis seemed to have told Niall a few things about Liam that he hadn’t been aware of.

“Well… my sisters both went away for uni and they’re older than me, so they’re both married and have families now like I already told you and… my mom, she… she just moved away, with her boyfriend and I… I stayed, I guess, because of uni and… “ And nothing, it had never occurred to Liam to leave this place as well, Louis was here and Harry and he had a job here and… it wasn’t Liam’s favorite topic, knowing that everyone was moving on with their lives, everyone was making plans for the future while he just… wasn’t. Of course Liam had left out the part with his dad, but after a moment of silence, he decided to add it still, just to give Niall some clarity that he seemed to need on a lot of things. “My dad, uh… he died when I was like… 7 or something, so… “

“Oh, Li, I… I’m really sorry.” It didn’t sound truly shocked though and Liam didn’t bother thinking about why Louis might have told Niall that or if the blonde had asked him, it didn’t really matter, did it? 

“’s fine, I mean… it was a long time ago and… if I’m being honest, I don’t really remember what it was like before.” Which was true, but maybe that was even worse, to not have all the memories, not actually remember any of the stories behind the pictures in the photo albums that Liam’s mother had left here. 

“Can I… can I ask what happened?” Niall’s voice was soft and he did sound really sorry, his face was enough proof of that so Liam made sure not to meet his eyes, focusing on playing with the pizza carton in his lap.

“Umm… I was a child when it happened and… my mom never really… she never really told me, you know? It was some virus though, I guess, he was like… he had a cold or something, he had just come back from a business trip overseas and then… during the night, I… my mom woke my oldest sister and I heard them and… they were really loud, crying and stuff and then, I don’t know… my mom called the ambulance because, uh… he was like… having seizures and stuff? I don’t… I don’t remember all of it, but I did see him and… it was… I don’t know… “ Okay, Liam had definitely overshared here, but he had just kinda forgotten that Niall was still here, just caught in the memory kind of, and now he definitely did not wanna look at the blonde anymore.

There was a little bit of silence before Niall shifted a bit on the couch, apparently not knowing what to say. Which was fine, really, Liam probably shouldn’t have told him so many details. “You mean, you… you… _saw_ him?”

“Yes, I… he didn’t die at home though, he died in the ambulance, I think, umm… but yeah, I did, for just a moment or something before one of my sisters pulled me out of the room, but… they were doing like… CPR or something and… there was also a lot of blood, I think he hit his head when they moved him but… I don’t know. I never really… asked about it.” He also didn’t plan on ever asking, Liam knew that his mother had never gotten over his dad, probably never would, not even now that she had been with her boyfriend for so many years. 

This time, Niall really didn’t say anything at all anymore. Liam had actually been kinda lost in thoughts, so when the blonde had put his pizza carton on the coffee table and had closed the distance between them to wrap his arms around Liam, the older boy almost flinched out of surprise. It was a slightly awkward hug because of the way they were sitting but Liam didn’t try to resist, immediately feeling more than distracted.

“I’m sorry… “ Niall mumbled after a while of just having his arms wrapped around Liam’s neck, not really specifying what he was sorry for and Liam never asked because he was way too shocked when the blonde suddenly turned his head just to kiss his cheek. Again, for the second bloody time and Liam froze for a moment just like he had almost a week ago, his mind just going blank. 

Neither of them moved for a few minutes actually, except for Niall rubbing Liam’s shoulder for a bit shortly before letting go of him, his arms slipping slowly, their thighs still almost pressed together. Liam would have loved to ask Niall what all of this was actually about, what he actually thought of him and why he was doing all of this, but knowing himself, he was never going to ask these questions, would have rather died not knowing than embarrass himself like that.

“Are you… okay?” Liam noticed that he hadn’t said anything in a while, he just really had had no idea what. “I’m sorry, I… I didn’t wanna make you sad or anything.”

“You didn’t, it’s fine, I mean… it was all a long time ago, so… “ Well, at least the day his dad had died, not whatever had happened as a consequence because Liam was still living it to this day. “I don’t even remember it that well.”

“Still, I… I shouldn’t have asked and I know I’m always being way too nosey and-“

“It’s fine… really. You can ask me about stuff, I mean… we’re… “ Friends? But somehow Liam didn’t manage to get himself to say it, not knowing if this was what Niall saw them as as well or if he was just here out of pity or for whatever else reason Liam didn’t even want to try and think of. Luckily for him though, the blonde didn’t even hesitate for a second to finish Liam’s sentence for him.

“Friends. Right?” He asked as if he wasn’t sure anymore, but as their eyes met and the blonde’s were still soft but full of worry, Liam immediately found himself nodding, the small smile spreading on Niall’s lips sending tingles down his spine. “You can ask me anything you want as well, you know.”

There were a lot of things Liam would have wanted to ask the boy, but none of them would have allowed him to live his life in peace anymore without wanting to die of embarrassment, so he swallowed the really bad ones down and settled for a different one that still caused his throat to close up a bit. “When, uh… when Louis told you about… you know… did it… really not change anything?”

It was obvious that Niall had not been expecting an actual question right now and honestly, Liam wanted to take it back a second after it was out. On the other hand though, he was sure he would have exploded at some point without letting Niall know that he was kinda worried about their… friendship because he wasn’t really sure what it was based on. And if the blonde told him now or even just dropped hints that he was only here because he felt sorry for Liam or because Louis had asked him to be the brunette’s friend then… yeah, of course that would hurt and it would be disappointing, but at least Liam would have finally known the truth. He was never again going to invest into a friendship of any sort just to find out that he had interpreted it all completely wrong.

When Niall did answer, he was talking slowly, as if he wasn’t quite sure which words to use and Liam wasn’t looking at him but rather at half his pizza that was going cold on his lap. “I’m not… really sure what you’re referring to, but… I mean, obviously, things changed in the sense that I now know and that a lot of things make more sense to me, but… nothing else changed, I still like hanging out with you all the same and talking to you and… being your friend. When Louis told me, I… yeah I was really shocked and I was worried and afraid I’d do or say something and… that I’d make it worse. But it didn’t change the way that I think about you, so… if none of this had happened, if Louis hadn’t told me or if… if you were completely fine, we’d probably still be sitting here right now.”

They wouldn’t, Liam was about to just say it but he held back because there was no way of knowing what would have been if he wasn’t feeling the way he did. His stomach had grown a lot warmer at the blonde’s words though and he didn’t regret keeping up the questions so much anymore. “Okay, um… so… it has nothing to do with… with you, like… feeling sorry for me or… or Louis telling you that, uh… that you should like… befriend me or-“

“Wait, wait, what?” Okay, shit, Liam was already more than just blushed, he didn’t know where he was getting all this courage from asking these things, it’s just… he needed to know these things or he’d never be able to get a full nights sleep again. “Li, I didn’t even know anything was up at first when we were already talking and stuff and Louis didn’t say anything to me at all. He introduced us at the party and then we walked home together and, I’ll be honest, I thought you were really nice and funny and… good looking, so I stalked you on Facebook and… you know what happened then. Like yeah, sometimes things happened that got me worried or thinking, but… Liam, I’m not hanging out with you because I pity your or some shit or because Louis asked me to, I… I can’t believe you were thinking that the whole time. Do I seem like… like I’m that bad of a person?”

“What? No, I… no, you don’t, of course not, I just… I mean… it kinda… kinda happened before, uh… and I was just thinking about why… why else you would, like… wanna stick around.” They needed to stop this conversation even though Liam all of a sudden felt a lot happier than before and was apparently switching his brain off because he would have never even dreamed of saying these things to Niall before. Especially not in fucking person.

“Liam, I… “ For some reason, the blonde seemed to be speechless and when their eyes met, Liam quickly realized that it wasn’t because he didn’t know what to say but because he was so shocked that the older boy had just said that. “Do you… do you want me to tell you why I’m sticking around?”

“I… “ Did he wanna know? All of a sudden Liam’s heart was bumping really fast again and he was expecting the worst once more, like… what if the reason why Niall was trying so hard to be his friend was even worse than what he had thought? “Um… why?”

They weren’t looking at each other but Liam could feel Niall’s eyes on him, knew that the boy saw every single movement, registered every shade of red tainting the brunette’s skin. His answer definitely didn’t help with that. “I like you, I really do, it’s that simple and there’s absolutely nothing else to it. No one encouraged me and I’m not pitying you even though of course I feel really sorry for you, but that’s not the reason why I’m here. I… I actually… I mean… I would have maybe… maybe told you at some point, but uh… I really don’t wanna make things weird now or anything, I just… I want you to know that I’m being serious, so…”

What was he even talking about? And why was Niall suddenly the one who seemed to be getting nervous, having to actually take a break and suck in a breath? Was it really that bad? But if he wanted Liam to believe that he was being serious then… it wouldn’t make sense if he now told him a reason why he actually didn’t like him as a person.

“Look, I… I told you that… that I’m into guys, right? And when we first met, I… I couldn’t help but like… think that you’re really nice and attractive and that… that I definitely wouldn’t say no if you’d ever ask me out and… the longer we know each other, the more I realize that this isn’t gonna change. And don’t panic now, I know that you’re not sure if… if you like guys, and it’s completely fine, I just wanna tell you so you know that I’m only here because of _you_ and… not because of anything else. I like you, I really do, if you know what I mean, and I really hope this doesn’t make things weird or anything. Just… please never think that I just pity you or that somebody is making me do this because the truth is… I actually like you a whole lot and… I’m sorry if it’s now weird that I kissed your cheek and stuff, I just… I always keep thinking that maybe… that maybe you could be into me as well and… but if you’re uncomfortable, that’s totally fine, I’d really get that and I’m sorry if I made things awkward. I just really want you to believe when I say that the only reason I’m here is… you.” Okay, wow.

Liam had no idea what to say, he would have never in a million years expected to hear anybody say this to him, but especially not Niall. Of course there was a part in him that immediately questioned every single word the blonde had just said, but thinking logically about this, there was no reason for Niall to make this up, was there? None at all, but that didn’t change the fact that Liam had no clue why the younger boy would… like him like that.

Funnily enough, all Liam could think of for a moment was what Louis would have said had he been here and he couldn’t help the breathless, humorless laugh that escaped him as he still refused to look at Niall, not knowing what to say. So that’s what he told the blonde. “I… I’ve got no idea what to like… say or even think… “

“’s fine, I… I didn’t plan on telling you like that, um… actually, I didn’t really plan on telling you at all. Like… I don’t, uh… make a move on anyone unless I know they’re at least… a bit interested. But with you it’s like… took me ages to even ask you if you’re into guys and now… “ Niall made some movement with his hand and Liam accidentally looked up, licking his lips because they had gone dry and he just couldn’t help but somehow feel excited because… this had never happened to him before, like… ever. “Anyways, I… I’m not making a move now either, unless… you want me to but, ummm… yeah, I’m just… sorry if I made it weird and stuff.”

“No, you… you didn’t.” Not at all actually, for some reason, Liam kinda felt a bit more relaxed around the blonde now? Because if what he had said was true, if he really liked Liam after everything he knew about him then… did it really matter, for example, that Liam had spent time thinking about his clothes before? Or about not embarrassing himself?

“Okay, good… I promise I won’t mention it again, I just really wanted you to believe me and… you do, right?” Now he was asking for confirmation and again, Liam nodded automatically, just because the blonde seemed so desperate for him to believe him. “Thank you. I really do mean everything I said, Li. “

“Yeah, um… “ Okay, now Liam was facing another problem which was that… he didn’t want Niall to be all distant now because he was afraid that he was freaking him out, he also didn’t want the blonde to think that Liam had never thought about how he might actually be into him as well. If he let the moment slip now, then… god knew he would never build up the courage again and the thought of Niall simply giving up and moving on to somebody else was… almost unbearable somehow. So Liam had to actually grow some balls for once and just fucking say it. “I didn’t… like, I didn’t actually mind when… when you kissed my cheek and stuff and… maybe… I mean, I’ve… I’ve been like… thinking about it as well, maybe, I just… I’ve never… been with a guy and I… never really… but I… it’s uh… it’s new for me, so… “

Right, Liam probably wasn’t making any sense at all, he couldn’t help that he was stumbling over every second word and that his mouth had gotten awfully dry. Right now he wouldn’t have dared to look at Niall if his life had depended on it even though the younger boy suddenly sounded almost hopeful. “So what you’re saying is… it’s not a lost case?”

“Umm… yes, I- I mean, no, it’s not and… “ Liam didn’t know how to tell Niall, how to let him know that he had no idea where to place these feelings he had for him or that he wasn’t sure if they were even something more than just friendship because… maybe he wasn’t into guys after all, maybe… maybe he was just imaging it or something. Then again, the thought of Niall liking him in that way made Liam wanna agree to all sorts of things right then and there. “I just… the thing is, I… I’ve never really… been in a relationship, I mean… in general and… I know what this sounds like, I’m 22 and everything and... I only ever fancied girls really, I mean… maybe also guys, I don’t know, I just… I don’t know what to say or… or do and… but I… I don’t want you to like… I don’t know how to say this… “

“You don’t want me to just give up on you?” Niall tried to help and the way it sounded made Liam flinch, but yes, that was exactly what he had wanted to say. Which was ridiculous really, but not as much as the fact that his heart almost jumped out of his chest when the blonde reached out for his hand, slowly and carefully, only squeezing a little bit, giving Liam the chance to pull if he wanted to. But god, he really didn’t. “I won’t. I don’t care who you’ve been with or haven’t been with, it doesn’t matter, okay? And we can… just see where it goes and what happens and if it goes too fast for you or if you think that… that you’re uncomfortable then… then you need to tell me, okay?”

“I… okay…” What exactly had Liam just agreed to? Maybe he would have asked Niall for clarification, but as he looked at the blonde with his cheeks being on literal fire and saw how happy Niall’s face was and how soft his smile was, he suddenly didn’t really care anymore. 

“You… You’re really cute.” Was all Niall said to that, out of nowhere, causing Liam to blush furiously yet again but somehow he didn’t turn his head away this time. For a second they just looked at each other and Liam tried to think of something smart to say but it was difficult with Niall’s hand still holding his and then suddenly the blonde pulled it away in shock, his eyes going wide. “Oh shit! I bet our food’s gone completely cold now.”

And they just went back to eating and watching TV and Niall switched the topic as if nothing had happened while Liam’s mind was literally running wild. He even thought maybe nothing was going to come out of it, maybe he had just imagined this entire conversation, but once they were done eating and Niall came back from needing a quick bathroom break, he sat a lot closer to Liam this time and the brunette was definitely not imaging Niall’s hand resting on his arm for a while and then his thigh, or his head dropping onto his shoulder for a few minutes.

Could it really be that things were going to turn out to be this simple just for once?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, thank you so much for all the lovely comments!!! <3
> 
> i decided it was time to move things a bit further bc it seemed appropriate, so i hope you all enjoyed the chapter, let me know :D


	8. Chapter 8

Liam was staring at the ceiling in almost complete darkness, knowing that he wasn’t going to find just one second of sleep tonight. Not after everything that had happened today and especially not with Niall sleeping next to him in the same bed once again.

After their… talk, they had just continued completely normal though Liam hadn’t really been thinking about anything else other than what Niall had said and the blonde had maybe been a bit more touchy than usual. When it had gotten late, Liam had finally opened his mouth and asked whether Niall was going to spend the night so then the younger boy had looked at him and had simply asked, “Do you want me to?”.

So what had Liam been supposed to say? Yes, he had wanted Niall to stay, especially after their talk and it was embarrassing but he was so excited about everything going on and at the same time terrified as hell that maybe he had misinterpreted it yet again. Or that it’d turn out that Niall hadn’t meant any of it, which would have been a lot more logical than him actually being into Liam.

Seeing as Liam had lived here with his family, there were spare beds, but the brunette actually hadn’t put any sheets on them and then Niall had never even asked whether he could sleep in Liam’s bed or not. Not really at least.

So now they were both lying on the same mattress, each of them with his own pillow and blanket though luckily, and the blonde had fallen asleep after 15 minutes in the middle of their conversation, not before leaning over in the darkness and kissing Liam’s cheek once again. At least he had been aiming for his cheek, he kinda got his eye instead, but that was fine because it made the brunette feel all the same anyways.

Now with Niall asleep and Liam feeling more awake than ever before and nothing there to distract him from his own thoughts, the brunette felt like he might have been going crazy any second. He wanted to tell Louis, but it was already like 2 or 3 in the morning and he was most likely asleep. Plus, Liam had ignored a few of Louis’ text messages today already because he had been a lot more busy with other things and now he didn’t feel only guilty but also annoyed with himself.

Niall barely moved in his sleep and he also didn’t really make any sounds at all and yet Liam left the room after lying awake for what felt like ages. He made sure to take his phone as he quietly went into the bathroom, locking the door just because before turning on the lights, having to squint his eyes shut for a few moments before he was finally able to keep them fully open. 

Looking into the mirror, Liam realized that he actually looked quite terrible, kinda tired and as if he had just woken up or something even though he hadn’t even been asleep. The brunette tried to distract himself, drinking some water before sitting on the cold tile floor with his back pressed against the shower wall, silently debating on what to do.

Eventually he unlocked his phone and briefly read through the messages that Louis had sent him throughout the day, his stomach twisting into knots.

 

_Louis 4:45 pm  
Are you already with niall? tell him I said hi and have fun!!!_

_Louis 6:01 pm  
Ok I suppose youre not answering me because youre too busy staring at niall but while youre at it maybe think about what i told you. you know, about how he likes you and stuff? Just a suggestion ;)_

_Louis 7:16 pm  
Ill stop bothering you but just one thing: im being dead serious when I say that nialls into you & I know youre unsure of what to do but maybe just this once you should believe me and PLEASE don’t push him away again. I know whenever you hang out with him youre getting doubts, but theres nothing im more certain of than the fact that he genuinely likes you_

 

There were a few more like that and Liam could tell that Louis had been worried about him because he hadn’t answered and because of the way Liam gotten whenever he had hung out with the blonde before. Yeah, Liam believed that Louis was convinced that Niall liked him and Niall had said so himself, but… how could Liam ever believe either of them? After everything that had happened? And considering the fact that _no one_ had actually ever been into Liam like this before?

Feeling guilty, Liam made sure to type out a reply to Louis though he knew that the older boy was asleep, but he just kinda needed to get it off his chest, he wanted to tell somebody even if he knew that Louis wouldn’t really understand Liam’s worries in this situation. It was worth a try though.

 

_To Louis 2:28 am  
Youre probably asleep, but im sorry for not answering earlier, we were just watching stuff. anyways, niall said that he likes me. Like… LIKES me because I kinda asked him if he was just here out of pity or because you asked him to befriend me and he sounded really serious. And I told him I might like him back but that im not sure and he suggested we just take it slow and stuff but ive got no idea what it means. Also im kinda scared I just imagined all of this and hes asleep in my bed right now and I don’t really know what to do in the morning or what any of this means._

 

Right after hitting send, Liam felt relief washing through him and at the same time regret. There was nothing he could do about this now so he just locked his phone again, closing his eyes momentarily as he let his head fall back against the wall, trying to calm himself down. It shouldn’t have been such a big deal, somebody telling Liam that they liked him and kissing his cheek all the time, but it kinda was because one, this was all new and two, Niall was a guy and Liam was still confused about his sexuality. 

Of course the brunette felt an urge to just escape these worries, even if just momentarily, but he held back, not doing any blemish to his body except for maybe picking a bit too much at the skin next to his thumb until it bled. Liam only noticed though when it was already too late.

Ever since he knew that Niall now knew about where his bruises and stuff had come from, Liam had been very careful to hold back, not wanting the blonde to directly confront him about any of this because that would have been even worse than just being asked about his mental state in general. Now that Niall had said all this stuff though and was being so touchy, Liam would have thought he would be happy, which he was, but it also seemed as if his anxiety had just increased about 100% at the same time. 

Shit, how was he even going to wake up next to Niall tomorrow, like, what was he supposed to do? What did the blonde expect from him? What did he even WANT from Liam? And what had he meant when he had said they would just take it slow, take _what_ slow?!

Liam spent an embarrassingly long time on the bathroom floor, probably over an hour, before he finally walked back into his bedroom guided by the flashlight on his phone. Louis hadn’t texted back, but that had been to be expected considering the time and everything. Also, Liam wasn’t sure if he had actually wanted an answer or just write it down.

Niall was still lying in bed in almost the exact same position as far as Liam could tell. He tried to get underneath his own blanket as carefully as possible, making sure to put his phone screen down onto his nightstand just in case Louis texted back something embarrassing. Before Liam could only try to close his eyes though and maybe attempt to fall asleep, he heard the blonde moving all of a sudden, mumbling something in his sleep that the brunette couldn’t really understand at first so he turned around onto his side, facing the blonde, waiting.

There was nothing for a second and Liam turned back around when he heard Niall clearer this time, immediately feeling his heart bumping faster. “Hmm… where’d you go?”

“I… I just used the bathroom… go back to sleep.” Liam added the last part quickly, not sure whether Niall was really awake or not or whether he had noticed just how long the brunette had been gone. Probably not though, right?

“Mkay… “ Was all Niall mumbled and then there was silence again to Liam’s relief and he quickly turned onto his other side, not that much distance between them though because the blonde had moved more into the middle of the bed, even before he had fallen asleep.

All of Liam’s attempts to try and fall asleep, not think about what he was going to do in the morning or just how close he was to the blonde got promptly destroyed when Niall moved yet again. This time though, he seemed to move closer to Liam and before the older boy knew it, Niall’s arm had wrapped around his waist over the blanket and he was pressing himself so close that Liam could feel his breath in his neck.

Well, shit.

Liam just froze, he knew Niall was asleep because his grip wasn’t really tight and he was breathing very evenly against the older’s skin, but that didn’t change anything. Never in his life had Liam been lying in bed like this with somebody else or even just cuddled while sleeping or something so of course this made him feel all sorts of things. 

At first, the brunette wasn’t sure what to think, kinda embarrassed as well about enjoying it because he actually didn’t really like sleeping in the same room as other people. But this was Niall and though Liam wasn’t sure what any of this was, he did like the boy and he liked being close to him, which was scary as fuck.

Niall didn’t move away, he did move once but only closer into Liam and after a while Liam managed to relax a little bit, knowing that he couldn’t have gotten up because it would have woken the blonde. More though, he actually didn’t even want to move anyways, he just wanted to lie here for a bit and pretend that Niall actually wanted to cuddle with him, that he hadn’t just moved in his sleep and happened to wrap himself around Liam on accident, that he actually meant everything he had said earlier. 

Strangely enough, it were those thoughts that finally helped Liam to fall asleep.

 

\-------------------

 

When Liam woke up in the morning, the arm around his waist and Niall’s warm breath was gone and he wondered whether he had just been dreaming. The blonde was definitely still there though, sitting up in bed next to the brunette and typing on his phone as Liam turned onto his back, rubbing his eyes and not yet feeling guilty for sleeping longer than the younger boy.

“Morning.” Niall sounded cheerful, immediately putting his phone away and Liam wanted to say something but instead he just yawned, making the blonde chuckle. “Still tired? It’s really early actually, considering it’s Saturday and all… “

“Hm, how late is it?” Liam asked, slowly attempting to sit up a bit, memories of last night flooding back into his memory, especially the text message he had sent to Louis and then of course Niall making him the little spoon as he had cuddled into the brunette. It was definitely too early to be blushing.

“10.30 or something. You wanna sleep a bit longer? I could probably go back to sleep as well… “ As if to prove it, Niall yawned as well, slipping down a bit further on the bed until he was half lying down again and Liam regretted having sat up so he did the same, his eyes already getting heavy again. “Where’d you go last night?”

“I… I had to go to the bathroom.” Luckily it was still kinda dark in the room although the blinds were letting in some light, because Liam’s cheeks felt a bit hot. He kinda didn’t even wanna check his phone to see if Louis had already answered him because in all honestly, Liam was kinda embarrassed now about the message he had sent. 

“Oh, okay… felt like you were gone for ages or something, but I wasn’t really awake anyways.” See, so he hadn’t even noticed cuddling up to Liam, had probably moved away in the morning as soon as he had noticed and Liam couldn’t blame him anyways. He doubted that anything would come out of whatever they had talked about yesterday, they’d just continue normally and then Niall would realize that Liam wasn’t that great anyways. 

They fell silent for a moment and Liam tried his best to stay awake because he knew he could have gone to sleep for another 3 hours probably, but then Niall would have surely gotten bored or he would have left so the brunette wasn’t going to do that. Even if that meant that he would have to function on only 5 hours of sleep or so, but that wouldn’t be the first time anyways.

“Hey… “ Niall mumbled after a while, kinda ripping Liam out of his thought when he moved a bit closer, his hand suddenly resting on top of the brunette’s upper arm. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, I’m… I’m good…” He was, although he was confused as well and had no bloody idea what was going to happen or what Niall’s deal actually was, but… it could have been worse. A lot worse.

“Okay… just checking.” The blonde’s voice was soft as he moved his palm up and down Liam’s skin a few times, of course giving the older boy way too many goosebumps. “Y’know… because of yesterday… I still mean all of it and I’m not gonna change my mind all of a sudden. So… I’m still in, if… if you are.”

Niall let out a soft laugh, almost as if he was embarrassed and Liam’s heart was beating so hard he was sure the blonde could hear it as well. “I… I am… “

“Okay, good.” And then, as if his hand on Liam’s arm wasn’t enough to give the older boy breathing troubles, Niall leaned even closer, until he could press his lips against the brunette’s cheek, leaving them there for a lot longer though than he usually did, his breath hitting Liam’s skin as he half whispered. “Is this okay?”

“Um… yeah… “ More than okay, but Liam wasn’t so good at showing it because he was so surprised each time Niall kissed his cheek or touched him that he could barely even manage a clear thought. So he had meant it all, and he wanted this and Liam had no bloody idea why, but… somehow Niall seemed to genuinely mean it.

“You’re cute.” He said again, just like last night, right before pressing his lips to Liam’s cheek once more before putting his head down, pretty close to the older boy’s, his hand still resting on the brunette’s arm. Was Liam still dreaming or something? “Do you have anything planned today?”

“Not really… “ Liam started because it was true, it was Saturday and he only had to go back to work on Monday so usually if he had the whole weekend off he didn’t plan anything at all and just tried to relax even though he actually barely ever managed to do that. 

“If you’re up for it… maybe we could go to the beach later. I was thinking about going surfing, but I don’t want you to get bored so we could also do something else.” There it was, he really wanted Liam to watch him, didn’t he? For some reason knowing that caused Liam’s stomach to grow warm.

“No, I… I liked watching you the last time, so we… we can do that.” Liam made sure to agree immediately just to make Niall happy but also a bit because he was excited that the younger boy wanted to hang out with him even longer. 

“Are you sure? We can do something else after as well. If you want to, I mean, I… don’t wanna get on your nerves or anything and if you don’t feel like hanging out so much that’s fine, just… let me know, okay?” Niall was so sweet, like really, he was genuinely trying hard to always give Liam an easy way to say he wanted out and make sure he was comfortable. The only thing Liam was slightly worried about was that he had no idea what would happen if he really did say no, or if Niall would spot a bruise on his body or if he felt too exhausted to text the boy back because Liam had really been trying hard this week to not give the blonde any reasons to worry, but… of course, he wouldn’t be able to keep that up forever.

“I... I’ve got nothing to do today anyways, so… “ Liam didn’t wanna just say yes, so he said it like this, hoping that the blonde would understand what he meant.

“Okay, good. Also, I really had fun last night, we should do that a lot more often. Your bed is a lot more comfortable than mine as well.” It seemed so easy for Niall to just say this stuff while Liam could barely even function hearing it, he would have probably died had he attempted to say it himself.

So instead, Liam decided he was just going to pretend like the blonde hadn’t said anything at all. “Do you… want some beakfast?”

“I’d never say no to breakfast.” Niall almost immediately sat up, a smile on his face when their eyes met and Liam couldn’t help but return it, even while still feeling way too aware of everything the younger boy had just said.

Liam had actually made sure to go to the grocery store yesterday, so they had a lot of choices for breakfast and Niall seemed very impressed by the fact that Liam actually offered cooked breakfast. He wouldn’t have done that with normal food, but Liam was quite good by now at making toast and scrambled eggs and the blonde’s eyes lit up like the sun. 

“If I tried to do that, I’d just burn everything.” Niall was sitting on the counter next to the stove, watching and Liam was slightly nervous about the blonde burning himself but he didn’t say anything because he didn’t wanna look like an idiot.

“You just gotta keep moving it.” Shrugging, Liam really did not see how anybody could mess up scrambled eggs, but apparently Niall had a pretty sophisticated opinion on that.

“I know, but everything I make still burns. One time my mom banned me from trying to even just heated up food for a month because the smell was so bad.” Sounded highly exaggerated but Liam chuckled anyways, leaving his eyes on the pan though because seeing Niall’s face was way too distracting. 

“If it still burns then you’ve got the setting too high probably.” He answered, trying to find a solution to the blonde’s problem but Niall just huffed.

“I’m not an idiot, Li, I know it has to be low.” Now he was pretending to be mad but one short glance was enough to let Liam know that it was just for show anyways so he relaxed.

“What about oil?” He kept asking, half expecting Niall to again let him know that he also used plenty of oil and that him burning food had no reasons other than the fact that he just had tough luck.

“What…. what about oil?” Niall asked instead, sounding wary, and as their eyes met again and Liam pulled up his eyebrows, he realized that the blonde was now genuinely confused. “What would I need that for?”

“So things don’t burn?” Liam suggested carefully, only causing more confusion to spread in Niall’s face, he even cocked his head a little, distracting the brunette for a second. 

“Wait… are you being serious?” When the brunette nodded shortly, Niall stared at him a bit longer before slowly shaking his head, looking a bit defeated. “Oh. I guess… I guess that explains things.”

“Did your mom not tell you to use oil or butter or whatever?” Apparently she hadn’t, now Liam felt kinda bad for having assumed that Niall had only been pretending that he had actually attempted to cook but had given up because he had always failed.

“Ummm… I think she probably did multiple times, but… I never really listened to her.” The blonde explained and Liam would have laughed had Niall not sounded quite serious, as if it had genuinely never occurred to him before. “Well, now I know, so I’m gonna try that, thanks for the tip.”

“Um… you’re welcome.” It hadn’t actually been a tip, but Niall had sounded grateful and as he half jumped off the counter top and reached for the spoon that Liam was holding, the older boy complied, stepping back though he felt a bit unsure as he let Niall take over.

“What was that look on your face just now?” Niall laughed while stirring the food in the pan and Liam tried to get his facial expressions under control while watching the blonde carefully.

“Umm… nothing.” He lied, scratching the back of his neck and hoping that the blonde would just let it drop. Of course he didn’t though.

“You think ‘m gonna mess it up, don’t you?” Yes.

“No, I don’t, I-I… I w-“

“Liam Payne, don’t you lie to me.” Niall was trying to sound strict, pointing with the spoon and all, but he just made Liam laugh anyways. “I’m gonna become a gourmet chef in a few years and then you’ll be sorry for laughing at me.”

“Mhm, we’ll see about that.” Liam joked, successfully moving away when Niall tried to playfully hit his arm. “Watch out, you’re getting food all over the floor.”

“Right… sorry.” The blonde quickly apologized, bending down to pick up some pieces he had sent flying over the floor with the spoon. “Do you wanna take over again? This is boring.”

“Did you already give up on becoming a gourmet chef?” Liam asked as he took back the spoon and Niall went to sit on the counter once more, shaking his head with a smirk. 

“Nah, I just gotta make sure I don’t overuse my hands too much, you know.” He explained, actually managing to sound somewhat serious and Liam had to bite back another smile. 

It wasn’t something that happened very often, Liam actually eating at the table in the kitchen, much less with somebody else, but it was actually really nice. Niall complimented him on the breakfast at least 10 times, only once trying to take some of the credit but it was clearly just a joke anyways. The blonde also checked the weather while they were eating and Liam was pretty damn sure that nobody’s smile could have made him feel as happy as Niall’s when he told the brunette how warm it was today.

Honestly, Liam didn’t enjoy warm weather nor did he enjoy going to the beach, but he would surely pretend just to make Niall happy.

 

\---------------

 

Niall had left after they had done the dishes together to get his surfboard and stuff and Liam had stayed behind, thinking about the blonde’s offer that he could have come along but he kinda wasn’t in the mood to meet the younger boy’s mother again. Sure, she was nice and all but Liam just wasn’t so good with parents.

They had agreed to meet on a certain spot at the beach, right before Niall had pulled Liam in the tightest hug ever, laughing into his neck and kissing his cheek for at least 4 full seconds or something. Not that Liam had been counting because he had been busy getting blushed as hell, even more so when the blonde squeezed his hand, thanking him for letting him stay over and making him food before walking down the hallway to the elevator.

Liam missed him the moment he was gone and also, he was really fucked and in way too deep already.

After showering and brushing his teeth 2 times, putting on some beach appropriate clothes though he didn’t plan on even just touching the water, Liam still had plenty of time left so he finally checked his phone to see what Louis had answered him probably ages ago. He wasn’t surprised to find a message from Harry as well. 

 

_Louis 10.02 am  
He told you he LIKES you???? I TOLD YOU I WAS RIGHT _

_Louis 10.03 am  
But wait… you actually told him you think you like him as well? Im so proud of you, liam!!! does this mean youre dating or something? I mean, taking it slow sounds a whole awful lot like that. can I call you?_

_Louis 11.34 am  
CALL ME IMMEDIATELY WHEN NIALL LEAVES WE GOTTA TALK ABOUT THIS_

_Louis 11.58 am  
Make sure to use protection_

_Louis 12.46 pm  
I was just kidding before but seriously tho, CALL ME!!!! I don’t wanna call you when nialls still with you_

_Harry 13.34 pm  
Please call louis if you’ve got time, I told him to stop bothering you but hes ignoring me. Also congrats!_

 

Okay, this wasn’t good. It was now shortly after 2 pm and Liam was going to meet up with Niall again in about an hour and he definitely had time to call Louis, but… he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to. What would he have said anyways, he didn’t even know what was going on between him and Niall at this point, he didn’t know what taking it slow meant either, all he knew was that Niall seemed to really enjoy hugging him and kissing him on the cheek, but then again… he hadn’t asked if he could kiss Liam on the mouth, so maybe that’s what he meant with going slowly?

Just because Liam was so confused, he did finally give in and called Louis, somehow needing to talk about it because maybe Louis could help him figure out what was going on. Or even better, Louis could pretend not to know anything and actually ask Niall.

“Why didn’t you call earlier?” Was the first thing Louis said after picking up 3 seconds into the call.

“Niall only left a few minutes ago.” More like half an hour, but Liam had been busy until now. “We, uh… we’re gonna meet up again in an hour though, he… he wants me to watch him surf.”

“Seriously? You guys are so cute.” Okay, Liam shouldn’t have called, but it was too late now and he really needed his best friend’s advice on this one. “So, are you together or not?”

“No, we… we aren’t, I… I mean, I told him that… that I might like him as well, b-“

“You _might_?” Louis interrupted, making it sound as if Liam had just confessed a murder.

“Yeah, I mean… I’m not sure, I… I’ve never really… I don’t know if I like guys, okay? And… I told him and he said that… that we could just see where it goes and take it slow and… we didn’t, like… do anything, he just… kissed my cheek, umm… a lot and… and we slept in my bed and like, he kinda moved over, but he was asleep so it doesn’t really mean anything.” Why had Liam just said all of that?!

“And yet you texted me at 2.30 in the morning?” Right, Liam had almost forgotten about that.

“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep… also, he only moved over when I went back to bed, so… “ Though they weren’t face to face, Liam could still feel his cheeks getting hot and his hands getting sweaty.

“But… you do want this though, right? You didn’t just say that to him because you didn’t wanna say no?” Wait, what was Louis thinking?

“No, I… I do. Actually… Niall was already trying to switch the topic and he said he’d never bring it up again and then, I… I knew I would have never gotten the courage again to say something, so… “ Had Louis thought Niall had forced Liam into this or something?

“Okay, just wanted to make sure… did you really think that I made him do all of this? Or that he’s just pitying you? You think he’d talk to you so much and ask you to hang out so often if he didn’t genuinely want to?” The way Louis said it now made it seem pretty damn impossible that Niall wasn’t being genuine and Liam almost felt stupid for ever having thought that, but… he just couldn’t help always expecting the very worst. 

“I don’t know… I still don’t know if… if I fully believe him, I mean… surely he’s gonna find out soon that I’m not actually that great and like, what if… you know… if it gets really bad and then… “ And then Niall would decide it wasn’t worth all the trouble, he had never seen Liam at his worst and the brunette was terrified of what was going to happen if he did. 

“Li, he knows what’s up though and I know he googled and he probably still does and he’s asking me tons of questions ever since I told him. I didn’t tell him a lot though, don’t worry, it was nothing personal or anything, but he still knows what’s up and… honestly, if he runs away as soon as things get hard then he’s an asshole and I’m gonna make sure to let him know.” That was comforting but also… slightly scary. “He likes you, Li, he really does.”

“Thanks, Lou, it’s just… it seems so unlikely that he would actually… be into me, I mean… “ No one ever has, but Liam didn’t wanna say that out loud because Louis knew it anyways.

“I don’t think that’s unlikely at all. I know you… you’re having your doubts, Li, but… you can really trust me on this one, okay? I would never want you to get hurt, you’re my best friend and… I know things aren’t always easy, but Niall _likes_ you, he really does and I promise you that if he even just thinks about running away when anything happens I’m going to kill him.” Louis sounded so genuine and serious all of a sudden that Liam almost got scared for Niall for a second. He wanted to trust his best friend, he really did, but he also didn’t think that there was any way for Louis to know what was going on inside Niall’s head.

“Do you… do you think he will? Like… decide that… that it’s not worth it, if… “ If he ever found another bruise on Liam or anything else or if Liam had a really bad day or… or a really bad week. 

“No, I don’t think he will, Payno. Look, there’s no way I can ever know for sure but he’s always asking me questions about you and googling stuff and I don’t think that he thinks that it’s always going to be just sunshine and butterflies.” That was true, however, Louis had said it himself, there was no way for him to really predict what Niall was going to do or what he wasn’t going to do. “You know… it’s not always going to be easy, like… it’s not always just good times for me and Harry either, like, we do fight and stuff, it’s normal.”

“I know… but… we’re not in a relationship anyways, so… “ So it didn’t matter because they were probably never going to be truly together anyways, Niall had just been saying things and eventually they would be taking it so slowly that the blonde would maybe just… forget what he had said about liking Liam. 

“Li, stop, okay? He clearly said he likes you and he knows exactly what’s going on, just try and relax, yeah? Just… try and let it happen without overthinking too much.” Great, that was so fucking easy for Louis to say and Liam would have maybe gotten a little bit upset had he not known that the older boy was just trying really hard to help. 

“I’m trying, it’s just… hard.” Really fucking hard. “Anyways, uhm… I should probably get going or something, we’re meeting at the beach, so… “

“Are you gonna let him teach you how to surf?” When Louis asked he was half laughing, probably because of how unlikely it was that Liam was even just going to touch the water if somehow avoidable. 

“No, I… I’d just embarrass myself. Also, Niall never really offered… luckily.” Maybe the blonde knew that Liam was just going to decline anyways. “Um… talk to you later?”

“Sure, have fun, okay? Call me when you’re home?” Oh, of course Louis would wanna know all the details again, but just this once, Liam maybe didn’t even really care. At least he had something to tell for once, it had always only been Louis when they had been younger, or actually… just in general.

Liam still had time before he had to leave, but he decided to just walk slowly instead because he was kinda getting a bit too excited. Sure, he was also nervous, but it was just Niall and apparently, they liked each other and mutually enjoyed being around each other and just… yeah, Liam really wanted to see the blonde again. Even if it had just been… a bit over an hour, basically, so maybe that wasn’t really normal.

Liam didn’t need very long to the beach or the spot they had agreed to meet up at, so he bought something to drink before that and walked extra slowly, still being like 10 minutes early in the end. Actually, Liam hadn’t even been planning on looking for Niall just yet, but his eyes kinda got stuck on a few guys in surfing attire and he couldn’t help that his eyes got stuck right on the blonde’s.

Oh, Liam hadn’t realized that Niall’s friends would be here as well.

Not thinking, the older boy slowed to a stop, still so far away that he couldn’t hear what anybody was talking about, his throat kinda closing a bit. Right, it had been stupid to think that Niall wanted to hang out with him even more, of course he had asked his friends to come and they’d all go into the water together and surf and Liam would just be sitting on the beach waiting and… he shouldn’t have agreed to this.

For a moment, the brunette almost thought about turning around and leaving, which he couldn’t have of course because Niall had already seen him and was coming over, with the top half of his swim suit just hanging down and exposing his whole upper body. Great. 

“Hey, you’re already here!” Niall was smiling so bright that Liam almost couldn’t be mad or upset anymore, more than surprised by how tightly the blonde hugged him in front of his friends, even smushing his lips against Liam’s cheek for a moment and of course causing him to break out into a sweat. “Sorry, I didn’t plan on my friends being here by the way, I was just a bit early and they saw me and… but I can introduce you.”

“Umm… “ Liam started, not really sure if he was feeling relieved just yet because Niall did sound like he meant it, but they still wouldn’t be alone today and the brunette felt really stupid for being so damn disappointed. “I don’t know, I… I mean, um… maybe… maybe I should, like… leave o-or-“

“Wait, why? Do you not wanna hang out anymore? I… we can do something else, you know, if you don’t wanna watch, it’s completely fine, I can get my stuff and we just leave.” Oh no, now Niall was disappointed as well which was even worse and god, Liam already hated this, most of all himself for having been so excited. 

“No, um… it’s not that, I… I wanna watch you surf.” He just didn’t wanna meet Niall’s friends for anything in the world, they looked exactly like the kinda people Liam would have avoided on normal occasions. 

“Are you sure? I really don’t mind if we leave.” Except, he probably would have minded because he had already changed his clothes and his face had immediately fallen and god, Liam was an asshole.

“Yeah, I am sure, I… “ Liam didn’t know what to say so he just started biting his bottom lip, trying not to look into the blonde’s eyes, which was difficult seeing as he was standing right there in front of Liam, way closer than any other person would have. “But I, um… I don’t know if… your friends… “

For a moment, Niall didn’t answer, throwing a look back over his shoulder where his friends were getting reading to go into the water, not really paying attention to them whatsoever but Liam still thought he could hear is own heart beating. “I don’t have to introduce you, they probably didn’t see you anyways, I… can I leave my stuff with you then?”

“Umm… sure.” Liam felt relief spreading through him, almost allowing himself to return the blonde’s smile but then Niall reached out for his hand and squeezed for a moment. 

“I’ll be right back.” He promised before turning around and the brunette was a tiny bit too distracted by Niall’s bare back as he watched him.

Liam tried his very best not to look over to where Niall’s friends were, some of them having already gone into the water. The last thing he wanted was to hear them asking Niall about Liam or even worse, coming over themselves or something. Had Liam known that Niall had so many friends that all looked like the kinda people Liam had avoided both in high school and at uni, he would have probably been way too shy to ever really become friends with the blonde.

Niall came back just a minute later carrying his surfboard, backpack and his towel, which he handed to Liam. “Here, you can sit on it if you want, I just need it back when I get out or I’m gonna be freezing to death.”

“Thanks… “ Feeling slightly weird and embarrassed now, Liam was more than grateful for Niall acting like nothing had happened just now. 

“Okay, I’m not gonna go for long, yeah? We can go somewhere after?” He sounded very hopeful so Liam immediately nodded without really thinking, deciding that it was way worth seeing the blonde grin at him like that while making sure to get fully dressed.

“Yeah, um… have fun.” Liam returned the smile briefly before yet again watching the blonde walk away from him with only his surfboard, not yelling out to his friends to wait for him like the brunette had expected.

Sitting on Niall’s towel and watching the younger boy paddle out into the water wasn’t all too bad. Liam didn’t actually feel bored, he was just very relieved right now that he had a chance to come down a bit from what had just happened, tell himself that Niall’s friends had probably not seen him anyways and that they weren’t going to ask the blonde about the weird boy he had been kissing on the cheek. Did they know that Niall was into guys? It hadn’t at all seemed as if Niall would act less affectionate in front of his friends or as if he would care whatever they said, but… would he be the same if they were ever… genuinely together?

For quite a while, Liam made sure not to take his phone out, just watching the blonde even if he couldn’t always see him that well. He did look like he knew what he was doing though, Liam knew that Niall used to go to competitions and stuff and he believed it when he saw the blonde surfing, for real this time. Of course Niall had muscles from doing this but he still didn’t look like the typical surfer guy and Liam kinda hated the fact that he knew because he had seen the blonde shirtless a few times by now. One thing was for sure though, even if Niall didn’t exactly have a six-pack or anything, his body was definitely more toned than Liam’s.

Liam had been trying to start running again a few months back but he always found it hard to really stick to regular workout, especially because… well, because sometimes he simply felt too weak to really do anything at all, even if it was just getting out of bed. Still, he didn’t really understand how Niall could have thought that he was attractive because Liam had never just once thought that way about himself, he had been quite chubby as a child and then it had been up and down once he had become older.

Niall though, he didn’t seem as if he had ever been self-conscious about his appearance and Liam kinda envied him for that, but it also made him question this whole situation even more. What was it about Liam that made Niall feel drawn to him? Especially if Niall looked like this and was so bubbly and so open to meeting new people? Surely, he could have had anyone he wanted.

Trying to distract himself from overthinking this too much again, Liam played on his phone for a bit, momentarily having to smile about a text message Louis had sent him a few minutes ago, just telling him not to worry too much and that Liam could call him if he wanted to talk. Liam did not deserve Louis and he never had, he also didn’t deserve Harry because even though they weren’t that close, they were still friends and they had definitely hung out by themselves as well. Seeing how unlikely it was that Liam had two people in his life who cared this much about him, it seemed even more impossible that there could have been three.

When Niall came out of the water he was absolutely dripping and Liam made sure to get up and off the towel, holding it out for the blonde to take because he was actually shivering as he dropped his surfboard on the stones, thanking the brunette. Had Liam been braver he might have offered to hug the younger boy to help him warm up, but he had never been brave anyways.

“How was it?” Liam asked once they had sat back down next to each other, Niall now wrapped up in the towel, sniffing every few seconds.

“Cold and the waves are kinda shit.” He had fallen quite a lot, but so had his friends and Liam hadn’t planned on saying anything about it anyways. “I was a bit scared you might be gone when I come out.”

“Why would I be gone?” Genuinely confused, Liam looked over just to see the blonde shrug, his eyes stuck on the water where some of his friends were still surfing. 

“I don’t know, thought I’d bore you too much.” The laugh he let out was short and not really amused and Liam’s stomach felt a bit weird.

“No, I… I actually quite enjoyed myself.” Which was true, he would have surely enjoyed himself more had he not been overthinking this much but there wasn’t exactly anything anyone could have done to change that. “I mean I’ve got no idea about surfing, but… it looked like you knew what you were doing.”

“Yeah, I… I’m not as good as I used to be. But hey, I’m much better at golfing if you wanna see me do that as well.” When their eyes met, Liam couldn’t help but smile, still not being able to believe that Niall would have rather sat here than over there with his friends. “No, but… it’s true, my friends are all better than me, but… thank you. Also for coming.”

“Yeah, I… of course.” Liam didn’t know what else to say so he just looked away, wishing he could have at least reached out to rub the blonde’s back a bit because he still seemed to be shivering a tiny bit. He wasn’t gonna do that though because maybe Niall wouldn’t want him to and Liam was definitely not going to touch the younger boy when he wasn’t sure how it would be received.

Right when Niall seemed like he wanted to say something else, one of his friends called out for him, so loud that Liam flinched a little bit. “Hey, Niall! You coming over or what?”

For a second, Liam almost thought that the blonde was maybe thinking about it, but when he answered, half yelling into the brunette’s ear, he didn’t seem unsure about his decision at all. “Nah, I’m gonna stay over here!”

The other guy said something else, making a joke about Niall having fallen off the board a few times but the blonde just chuckled next to Liam, giving his friend some sign with his hand and luckily they stopped the shouted conversation. Even better, none of Niall’s friends ever asked about Liam or came over, helping the brunette to relax his body just a tiny bit. 

“Are you going back in?” Honestly, Liam wouldn’t have minded to wait a bit longer for the blonde, he had been watching him for about an hour now but time had passed by a lot more quickly than he would have expected. 

“Hmm… no, I don’t think so, it’s really cold.” As if to emphasize it, the blonde pulled his towel more tightly around his body, maybe moving a bit closer towards Liam but the brunette wasn’t sure and his arm was twitching a bit before he yet again decided not to touch the blonde. “Are you hungry?”

“Hmm, not really, we ate like… not too long ago.” Looking at the blonde, Liam had to laugh when he saw Niall shrugging his shoulders. “Are _you_ hungry?”

“I mean… I wouldn’t say no to anything. But I’d probably be fine with a snack or something, I… d’you wanna go to the pier?” The question came kinda out of nowhere but Niall sounded very pleased with his idea so Liam agreed, not only to see Niall smile but also because he really wanted to somehow.

Niall changing back into his normal clothes took quite a while, Liam did his best to help and hold the towel for him, blushing one too many times and the blonde of course noticed but he didn’t say anything, just smirked at the brunette. God, who could have blamed Liam though, honesty?

They decided to walk because it wasn’t a very long way anyways and also, Niall had his surfboard with him so it was easier than taking the bus. Liam offered to carry the blonde’s backpack but the blonde just waved him off before slinging it over his shoulders, surfboard under one arm, a hat backwards on his head that he had pulled out of his bag before, his face having gone red from the sun and the salt, but… he looked absolutely lovely like this. Just like always.

As they were walking next to each other and Niall gave Liam a very detailed report of what he had done wrong just now in the water, the brunette suddenly couldn’t stop thinking about what it would have been like to hold Niall’s hand right now. He had never done that, only when he had been a child or a toddler obviously, but that was different.

Obviously, Liam would have never in a million years reached out for Niall’s hand, especially not now, but the thought became so prominent in his mind that he almost couldn’t concentrate on the younger boy’s words anymore, especially because he was using terms Liam wasn’t quite sure he fully understood. What would Niall have done, if Liam had asked to hold his hand? Or just reached out for him? Would he have agreed or… or found a nice way to tell the brunette that he needed to stop?

God, just the thought of doing it made Liam all hot and nervous. 

“… should probably practice more. But god… uni is such a fuckin’ pain in the ass and also, I don’t know if I still enjoy surfing as much as I used to. I mean, I obviously enjoy it, but… I used to be so into it when I was younger, but then again, I’d probably also have to find another sport ‘cos my diet is shit as well.” Niall kept going on and Liam nodded sympathetically, only having heard every second word though because his hand had just accidentally brushed against Niall’s because the pavement wasn’t all too broad. “Why are you so quiet? Everything okay? You look a bit red, did you put on sunscreen?”

“No, I… “ It wasn’t a sunburn, obviously, Liam was just blushing over his own thoughts this time and he couldn’t tell Niall because… god, he would have _died_ inside. 

“What’s wrong?” Niall asked, his voice softer now, suddenly sounding really worried and as if the universe wanted to just make Liam’s life an actual living hell, they suddenly encountered a couple holding hands walking towards and almost into them.

Maybe, just maybe, Liam’s eyes had gotten stuck on them for a bit too long, his mouth half open as he had been planning on telling Niall a lie, closing it then before his face turned even hotter and he quickly looked anywhere except for at this couple that he had almost just run into. Oh god, what if Niall had noticed that?

The blonde didn’t say anything at all, he also didn’t repeat his question and Liam half expected the boy to be weirded out now, already tried to think of an excuse when Niall almost gave him a heart attack. He didn’t reach out for Liam’s hand immediately, but when he did, he did it very slowly, catching the older’s hand in the movement as if he had done it a million times before, giving the older boy a chance to pull away as he only held on lightly before all of a sudden slipping his fingers between Liam’s and… oh god, could he feel just how sweaty Liam’s palm had already gotten?!

“That okay?” Niall sounded so bloody carefree and happy and he was squeezing Liam’s hand now, sending a million shivers down the brunette’s spine, his stomach feeling as if it had been filled with butterflies. This couldn’t really be happening, there was just no bloody way.

“S-Sure… “ Liam half choked out, trying to cherish the feeling of Niall’s hand in his, the way his fingers were pressing against Liam’s, how warm his palm was and slightly rough, how it felt like to be doing this, actually holding somebody’s hand in public just because they wanted to. And it was Niall on top of that and he had probably done it because he had guessed Liam’s trail of thoughts, which was embarrassing as hell, but… now Liam was kinda really fucking glad that he had. 

“You’d tell me if I ever did something you didn’t like, right?” Was there anything he could have done that Liam wouldn’t have liked? Well… he would have maybe freaked out a tiny bit if Niall had kissed him on the mouth, but the bigger part of Liam had actually been thinking about it way too much. If Niall had tried to kiss him properly… Liam would have definitely not refused, but he wasn’t gonna do that anyways, was he?

“Yeah… “ Liam answered, kinda quietly because his voice felt a bit rough and his throat was tight and he could feel his own heart beating as he held onto Niall’s hand, not being able to get over the fact that they were actually doing this, in public and all casual. Somehow Liam really wanted to tell Louis about this right now, which he wasn’t going to do of course, not until much later when he was alone at least. “What uh… what’d you wanna do on the pier?”

“I don’t know, just hang out, I guess, it’s nice weather. Also, I’m kinda getting a lot hungrier the longer we’re walking so I could probably go for a bit more than a snack right now.” Niall laughed about himself, all carefree, swinging their arms a little bit between them and as Liam turned his head to look at him, he almost felt overwhelmed with how much he actually liked the other boy. Did it really matter if Liam was into guys or not? Because he was definitely into Niall and there was no denying that anymore. “You know… I don’t know if… but I figured I should probably tell you, but I’m going away in two weeks with some of my mates, we already planned it months ago because it’s a bank holiday on the Friday before that and… anyways, I just remembered because we were talking about it before you came and… yeah.”

“Oh… okay, that’s… where are you going?” It’s not like Liam actually minded, it’s not like they were really dating or anything or as if they hung out every weekend and… if Niall hadn’t been the one asking to meet up, they probably never would have because Liam would have been way too afraid of rejection to ask. 

“London. So… not that far away.” Still a few hours by train but Liam envied Niall for a second because he had only been in London a handful of times, but then he remembered how much stress it would have been to catch all those trains and get up early on the weekend, so… maybe he wasn’t all too jealous after all. “You ever been?”

“Um… yeah. But the last time was when I was like… 17 or something, so… “ That was a few years in the past and though sometimes Liam thought it’d be nice to go somewhere other than this town, he didn’t actually have anybody to go with. Harry and Louis had once asked him to go on holiday with them but Liam had declined without thinking about it because that would have just been bloody weird, wouldn’t it? 

“That’s like… ages ago. We should go sometime, it’d be so much fun. Have you ever been outside the country?” Niall somehow sounded excited at the thought of them actually doing it and though Liam was pretty sure they never would, he still felt his heart beating a bit faster imaging it, unconsciously holding on tighter to the blonde’s hand but the younger boy didn’t seem to mind anyways. 

“Yeah, we… we used to go on a lot of vacations when I was a kid… you?” Liam couldn’t remember it all that well though, but it was fine anyways, he wasn’t too keen on going anywhere really. 

“Well, not really besides Ireland, but I was in Spain once, it was pretty great but I got the worst sunburn ever. Then again… I pretty much get a sunburn every day in summer, it doesn’t even matter how much sunscreen I put on.” He sounded pretty troubled by that and somehow Liam also felt worried about him all of a sudden because that surely couldn’t be healthy. “How’d you manage to always stay so tan?”

“I don’t know, I… it’s just my skin tone, I… don’t really go to the beach, so… “ Liam had had a really hard time giving an answer because while saying what he had, Niall had actually lifted their intertwined hands, inspecting their difference in skin tone and Liam couldn’t believe that the blonde was doing all of this so… casually. “It’s uh… probably just because you’re irish.”

“Probably, pretty fucking annoying.” The younger boy sighed and for a second Liam’s heart almost dropped as he thought the blonde was going to pull away his hand, but he somehow managed to adjust his surfboard under his arm without letting go of Liam, a smirk forming on his face. “Hey, Li?”

“Um… yes?” Liam asked, a little bit lost in thoughts and he would have definitely not expected what the blonde said next. 

“I really like that shirt on you.” Oh god, why did he have to say and make Liam all flushed and hot and of course the blonde noticed because he chuckled, squeezing Liam’s fingers before making it even worse. “And I also really like holding your hand.”

Okay, now Liam’s throat was truly closed up, he was literally so fucking embarrassed that he could barely even breathe but at the same time he felt really happy and god only knew how he managed to actually answer the blonde. “Uh… me too… “

For this, Niall leaned over and pressed a kiss to the brunette’s cheek, causing his stomach to twist into knots and yet he couldn’t help but smile like a dumb idiot as the blonde had simply switched the topic a second later, still holding Liam’s hand while thinking about what he wanted to eat out loud and Liam could barely stand not to look at him for just a second. 

They had a great time on the pier even though they didn’t do anything at all besides sitting and talking and Niall buying food and then offering it to the brunette at least 10 times so at one point, Liam simply gave in. He did buy Niall something to drink though to kinda make up for it but the blonde insisted that they shared that as well.

Liam had no idea how much time they had actually spent together that day, all he knew was that Niall definitely had gotten a sunburn on his nose by the end of the day and it was kind of endearing but Liam barely allowed himself to think about it. Niall insisted on walking Liam home when it had already gotten dark, holding his hand again and still with his surfboard under his arm that he put down just to hug the brunette goodbye. 

“I had fun today.“ Niall half mumbled into Liam’s shoulder, holding on so tight that it didn’t seem like he was ever going to let go again and the brunette wouldn’t have minded. It kinda felt weird to think about being by himself again now that he had spent so many hours with the younger boy, but… it was fine, Liam didn’t actually mind being alone most of the time. 

“Me too… “ The blonde smelled really good and Liam was trying hard not to breathe in too obviously as he held onto Niall. 

“We should do that again soon.” Honestly, had Niall asked him to hang out tomorrow, Liam would have probably agreed without thinking. “You know… I still can’t believe yesterday actually happened but… I’m really happy that we talked about it and… I really like you, Li. And… if there’s ever anything that I can do or… or if you need to talk or… or a cuddle or something, then you can always come to me, yeah? Even if it’s super late or… it doesn’t matter, ‘m always there.”

“I… thank you, Nialler, I… I’m… I’m really happy yesterday happened too… “ More than that actually, but Liam was already blushed enough so he interrupted himself, trying to cherish the feeling of having Niall wrapped around him for as long as possible. 

For a moment, Liam actually thought about kissing Niall’s cheek as they pulled apart, but then he decided not to and he was definitely not disappointed, the blonde’s lips brushing against his skin before he even knew it. When Liam was lying in bed that night, after having texted Louis and telling him that he was too tired to talk on the phone, he was pretty sure that tonight, he was finally going to be able to go to sleep without overthinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, thank you for all the lovely comments and the kudos <333
> 
> i hope you all liked the chapter, let me know if you want!


	9. Chapter 9

“So, are you gonna be alright when Niall’s gone tomorrow?“ Of course Louis was having a blast with that and Liam just huffed, trying not to get blushed over it.

“He’s only gone for three days, Lou, I think Liam’s gonna manage.” Would Liam have not been kinda embarrassed, he would have maybe turned around to throw a thankful glance at Harry, but he held back instead, staring over the beach and at the water, trying not to actually feel a bit sad about Niall leaving tomorrow.

It had been two weeks ever since Niall and Liam had had their… talk, and after they had hung out for so long, Liam had woken up the next day worrying that maybe it would get super weird or that… that Niall was going to change his mind still, but… he hadn’t. He had texted Liam the next day and then asked him to hang out again three days later and, well… they had pretty much spent the whole last weekend together, even the nights.

Nothing had really happened between them, other than the fact that Niall seemed to be grabbing Liam’s hand on every occasion now and the fact that he was touching Liam a lot in general actually. They also slept in Liam’s bed two nights in a row and though Niall did move really close in his sleep, he didn’t actually cuddle into the brunette like he had before. Which was fine, really, Liam hadn’t expected that and also, Niall was really cuddly during the day anyways.

Honestly, Liam knew that maybe he was getting a bit too into this, that maybe he shouldn’t have allowed himself to genuinely fall for Niall, but… he couldn’t help it. If Niall wasn’t serious about all of this then he wouldn’t be doing this, right? There was just no bloody way anyone would pretend like this, was there? And he was just… so fucking gorgeous and so funny and sweet and… Liam was definitely in too deep. 

What he was really worried about though was the fact that he couldn’t fucking stop thinking about Niall and then of course he also started getting doubts again whenever they spent a few days apart, even if they texted. All in all, Liam was doing fine mentally, not brilliant, but there was only one bruise on his hip that he wasn’t ever going to let Niall see and maybe a bit of a break down two days ago that no one had to know about.

Being with Niall wasn’t going to cure Liam, he was very well aware of that, but it would have probably made him feel slightly better if he could have talked about it with the blonde. Which he couldn’t, because he was embarrassed and uncomfortable as hell saying these things out loud because it kinda made them even more real and… thank god Niall hadn’t really asked anything about this topic the last two weeks.

“I know, babe, but they only just got together, I’m just saying, we can take his mind off or something.” Okay, Liam really didn’t feel like hanging out around Harry and Louis lately, not the two of them together at least because they were always so damn touchy and it made Liam miss Niall but then he felt stupid about that and… it was complicated. “Oh, look, there’s Niall, he’s only… twenty five minutes late.”

Liam didn’t turn to look up the stairs they were sitting on leading to the beach, his cheeks were still hot from before and if he had made eye contact with Niall right now, he knew it would have only gotten worse. Still, his heart was bumping kinda fast as soon as Louis had mentioned the blonde’s name and he somehow felt like smiling for no real reason. 

“Hey, guys, sorry, I had to pack my stuff and everything.” They hadn’t really agreed on a certain time anyways, but Liam had been a tiny bit scared about the blonde not coming at all and then not seeing him for even more than three days. But no, here he was, and before Liam could even fully turn around to look at him, Niall had sat down on the step behind Liam, legs on either side of him and his arms wrapping around the older’s neck from behind, kissing Liam’s cheek before he had even had time to fully take this in. “Everything okay?”

“I… yeah.” Liam half choked out, half expecting Niall to move away but he didn’t, just loosened his arms a little bit but keeping them around the brunette, his cologne so familiar already and so prominent in Liam’s nose that he almost felt a bit dizzy. 

“You guys are so cute.” Louis just blurted out with it, of course, Liam wouldn’t have expected anything else anyways, he was just glad that he couldn’t actually see the older’s face because he was sitting the furthest down. Then again, maybe Liam didn’t even care all that much, maybe he was a tiny bit proud that Niall was this affection in front of everybody else, they hadn’t all met up ever since Niall and Liam had talked, so… of course Liam had been a bit worried. Not anymore though. 

“Thanks so much, Tommo, I wish I could give that back, but… “ Niall was teasing Louis and Liam had to bite back a laugh, resisting the urge to lean back and more into the blonde or reach out for one of his hands resting on his chest. 

“Think you’re funny, Nialler, huh?” Judging by the sounds and the way Niall moved a bit, Louis had either been trying to playfully kick or hit him, which ended with the blonde holding on tighter to Liam again. “How’re you gonna stand to be away from Liam the next few days?”

“Actually… I was going to cancel but my friends got real mad at me and Liam told me I needed to go, so… “ True, never in his entire life would Liam have wanted Niall to cancel anything at all for him, especially because he had somehow thought that the blonde was only offering because he thought Liam couldn’t be without him and he really didn’t wanna appear clingy or needy. Also, it’s not like they saw each other every day anyways. “We’ll talk on the phone, right, Li?”

“Yeah… sure.” They had never talked on the phone before and Liam wasn’t really enjoying talking to anybody on the phone, not even Louis that much but he had gotten used to it over the years. 

“If he’s got the time, we already have tons of stuff planned to do, you know?” Oh god, could Louis just stop?

“Really? What’ve you got planned?” Liam wasn’t sure if the question was directed at him or not, all he knew was that Niall sounded really amused, pulling Liam back against him a bit more. 

“Fun stuff, you know, we-“

“We’ve got nothing at all planned.” Liam interrupted his friend without thinking, making the blonde giggle right into his ear before pressing a kiss there as well and the brunette almost died right then and there. 

“Don’t be so boring, Li, I’ve barely seen you lately because you’re always with Niall.” That was true, but Liam didn’t think that Louis actually minded it, he was just making fun of them and Niall wasn’t going to have any of it. 

“’cause I’m more fun than you are, Lou.” The blonde sounded kinda proud now and Liam had to smile for just a second before Niall kinda changed that and at the same time made his heart skip a beat. “And because he’s with me.”

He said it in a way that clearly indicated what he meant and Liam could feel shivers down his spine and his arms, barely being able to hold back as he almost reached out for Niall’s hand, just because he kinda missed holding onto it, but… he didn’t move in the end, chickened out just like always. Niall probably wouldn’t have minded, would he? He always grabbed Liam’s hand whenever they were walking somewhere and even sometimes while they were watching TV. Which hadn’t happened that often obviously, seeing as it had only been two weeks. 

“Aww, look at you two lovebirds. I still can’t believe I’m the one who you gotta thank for that.” Harry cleared his voice at that and Liam would have rolled his eyes as well if anybody had been able to see him actually do it. Also, he was still thinking about what Niall had just said, in that soft voice of his and… god, Liam was so gone.

“You didn’t contribute anything to all of this though, Tommo.” True, although he had encouraged Niall but Liam kinda had a feeling that the blonde didn’t need anybody telling him to go through with something. By now Liam was pretty much over thinking that Louis had talked Niall into doing this somehow because that would have just been cruel and Louis was his best fucking friend. 

“I introduced you guys.” True, they would have never met otherwise, probably not even if Liam had still been at uni because then he would have seen Niall with those friends of his and made sure to avoid them. “Anyways, who’s gonna play some footsie with me?”

Thank god they had dropped that topic, only now Niall seemed like he was going to get up and go play with Louis and without even thinking about it, Liam reached out to wrap his fingers around the blonde’s wrist, kinda panicked about him leaving and not sitting here like this anymore.

“I… I’m not really into it, so… “ He was and Liam knew it and he almost felt bad but then Niall turned his hand and instead slipped his fingers between the older boy’s, squeezing.

Louis just rolled his eyes after he had gotten up, trying to balance the ball he had brought on his finger and Harry agreed to play with him after a moment of the oldest boy attempting to convince him. Thank god because he surely would have found a way to make Niall do it instead and that would have felt like the worst thing in the entire world to Liam right now.

They watched the other two for a minute without saying anything and Liam finally allowed himself to lean back a bit against the blonde, feeling his warmth through their shirts but also because Niall was leaning really close to him, his legs brushing up against the older boy’s. “Hey, Li… “

“Yeah?” The brunette half whispered back, feeling more than just a little distracted by how close they were and Niall’s fingers pressing about against his and his scent stuck in Liam’s brain. 

“’m really gonna miss you though… even if it’s just three days.” His voice was soft as he said it, suddenly holding tighter onto Liam and kissing his temple, not really moving away again afterwards though, lips still brushing Liam’s skin. “D’you want me to bring you something back?”

“I, uh… I don’t know…” Liam had almost said it back, that he was going to miss the blonde as well, but then he had missed the moment and Niall had already carried on and Liam could barely even produce one clear thought when they were this close and when his skin was tingling underneath the younger’s touch. 

“Hmmm… I think I might, if I find something cool.” He laughed, very softly and quietly but still right against Liam’s skin. “Also… I’m coming back Sunday night and… I know you gotta work Monday, but uh… can we still see each other? Only for a bit if it gets late.”

“Yeah, we… we can.” Not like Liam would have been able to sleep knowing he could have been with the blonde instead, right?

“Okay… how was your day today?” They had been texting the whole day long, but Niall always asked Liam these things as if he really and genuinely cared and… it felt kinda good. Not like Louis or Harry had never asked these things, or Liam’s coworkers, but whenever the blonde asked, it was just different. As if he would have genuinely been planning on helping had Liam told him that his day had been absolutely horrible.

“Hm, alright, I guess… there were no customers at the store, like… none at all.” Sometimes Liam worried a bit that the store might close down and he’d be jobless, but then he remembered just how long the store had already been there and that Louis’ mother would have helped him get another job like she had already offered 30 billion times. Which was funny considering Liam had never once complained to her obviously, she just always assumed that it was a bad place to work at. 

“Weird… but I assume there are more people during the summer break, right? If you want to, I can come in and pretend to be looking around and I’ll tell your boss that you were helping me and about how nice you are.” Niall chuckled against Liam’s skin, as if he was really excited about that thought and Liam couldn’t help but smile a bit, holding a bit tighter onto the blonde’s hand. 

“She wouldn’t believe you… I actually don’t know why she hasn’t fired me yet.” There had been too many days where Liam hadn’t shown up or half slept in during work, which was embarrassing and he hated the fact that he was this way, but… for some reason his boss excused him every time. Maybe she had figured out what was going on with Liam, or maybe Louis had given her an anonymous phone call or something. Or maybe she just couldn’t find anybody to replace Liam, that was the most likely option here. 

“How could she fire you? ‘m sure the only reason why you ever get any customers in general is because they just come in to look at you because you’re so gorgeous.” God, was he ever going to stop with these compliments and making Liam blush every ten seconds?! 

“Stop… “ The older boy mumbled, not knowing what to say but at the same time feeling kinda flattered, his heart beating faster when Niall tightened his arms, squishing his cheek against Liam’s before taking a quick break to kiss it as well. 

“You’re so fucking cute, Li.” Was all Niall said, for probably the one hundredth time and Liam would never be able to believe that he really thought about him that way. He liked to pretend. “Harry’s so bad at this, it’s almost painful to watch.”

It was true, Liam had been watching Harry and Louis playing with the older’s ball as well and Harry had fallen over at least 3 times by now. Then again, Liam wasn’t really one to judge. “It’s probably because of the stones… also I think he would let Louis win even if he was better than him.”

“Would you let me win as well just to make me happy?” If Niall only knew what Liam would have done just to make him happy.

“I wouldn’t have to let you probably...” Not that he had ever seen Niall play, but he had told him it was a hobby of his and he was also 100 times more athletic than Liam in general, so…

“Awww, come on, I’m sure you’re not that bad. At least not as bad as Harry.” Wrong. “But I won’t ask you to play with me, don’t worry. But… we could play golf sometime, if… if you’re up for it.”

Liam had been waiting for this question actually and he was very relieved Niall had asked him that instead of asking him to let him teach him how to surf because that would have been a pain for absolutely everyone involved. “Yeah, we… can do that. But just to warn you… I’m not good at that either.”

“I’ll help you.” Niall offered, suddenly sounding super excited and even though Liam actually didn’t feel like playing golf anytime soon, he was kinda excited as well. Even more so when Niall added the last bit. “I’ve always wanted to go on a golf date.”

No idea whether he meant it like a real date or not, all Liam knew was that he had never quite felt the way he did in this moment, leaning back against the blonde, their hands still intertwined and the younger’s skin pressed against his, the slow fall and rise of his chest against Liam’s back, the fingers of his free hand drawing patterns on the brunette’s arm. 

 

\--------------------------

 

When Liam woke up the next day he felt alright, it was kinda late already but he had the day off so it was fine. The blonde had promised him last night that he was going to text him throughout the whole time that he was gone and sure as hell, there were already about 6 messages from him on Liam’s phone as he checked.

It had been a bit hard saying goodbye yesterday, but somehow it always was and it got worse the more time passed by, the longer this was going on. Liam couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not though, but if Niall felt the same about him then it was good, which Liam would never know for sure, but he was fine pretending for now.

Niall was already in London when Liam texted him back, looking at the pictures the blonde had sent him and he did for a moment wish that Niall had meant it when he had said they needed to go together one day. Maybe they would, right? Niall never said things just because, so why would he have made that up for no reason?

There was also a text from Louis, but Liam waited before answering him as well, just trying to find the right words to tell him that he actually didn’t feel like hanging out today. For no particular reason really, Liam felt alright today, he just wasn’t an outdoor person, not really. 

It was probably already 2 or 3 pm by the time Liam had finished breakfast and done the dishes, not bothering to wear anything else besides the shirt from yesterday and some track bottoms before lying on the couch with his laptop on his stomach. Actually, Liam could have probably slept the whole day long if he had wanted to, but then it would have been tomorrow much quicker and he would have had to go back to work. On the other hand though, he would have also seen Niall much quicker again.

The blonde was apparently having a blast in London and Liam was happy for him, even if he was texting back kind of infrequently now. Which was really fine though, Liam kinda forgot about time anyways watching stuff online, only really taking a break after an hour or so when he suddenly noticed his phone lightening up.

At first Liam thought that it was either Niall or Louis, but when he actually read the name on the caller ID and it just said ‘Mom’, he was suddenly unsure whether he wanted to pick up the phone. She sometimes called him, but mostly sent random text messages to start conversations that broke off after a few texts.

Liam felt a little bit nervous as he picked up the phone, sitting up and putting his laptop down on the couch next to him. Hopefully she was just calling because she was in a good mood and not because she had just remembered something Liam had done a year ago or had just felt like making him feel like trash for having dropped out of uni. 

“Hi, mom… “ The brunette tried to sound somewhat happy and relaxed, as if he had been expecting her call and as if he wanted to talk to her. He did, but only whenever she was in a good mood and he had no way of knowing if she was because they barely ever talked or saw each other. 

“Hi, Li, how are you?” The brunette relaxed a little bit because she sounded kinda normal and somewhat happy. 

“I’m good, how are you?” He wasn’t asking about her boyfriend, but of course she was going to take it that way anyways because apparently ever since they had met, they weren’t individual people anymore.

“Oh, we’re good, we both got a lot of work to do of course, like always. I just thought I’d call you and see how things are, do you still have that job of yours at this… store or something?” Ah, there it was, although it wasn’t as hateful as he knew she could have gotten. 

“Yeah, I do, umm… “ What else was there to say? 

“Right… and how’s Louis doing, at uni? You know, Ruth has been promoted at work, she’s now almost the head of the whole newspaper, isn’t that amazing?” Yeah, really amazing. “You should call her and Nici more often, you know, they’re always worried about you.”

“Why?” They could have called Liam themselves if they were worried, which they did, but apparently it wasn’t enough for his mother. 

“Because we barely ever hear from you and also, I was actually thinking that maybe it would be time for you to go back to uni, you’re already a year behind.” Great, she still didn’t sound mad or pissed off yet, but she sure as hell was on the way to get there if Liam said the wrong thing now. 

“Yeah, I… I don’t know.” That wasn’t the thing his mother had wanted to hear but the truth was, there was actually nothing in this world Liam could have said that she would have wanted to hear, he had tried way too many times. 

“Well, you know you can’t just lie around in that store forever, right? I mean, Liam, you gotta go and live your life at some point, how are you ever going to meet a girl if you don’t go outside and meet people your age?” Oh, great, there it was, Liam’s favorite topic in the whole entire world. 

“I… I do go outside, I’ve got friends, I also work with people who are my age.” Well, not exactly but kinda. The thing was though, Liam also hadn’t had a lot of friends when he had been at uni still, there had been people he knew and who talked to him of course, but it had never gone beyond that. Which was fine, he wanted it that way, and he had Louis and Harry and… he had Niall. 

“Louis and Harry?” The thing was, sometimes Liam wondered if his mother actually secretly enjoyed poking fun at him and wasn’t just doing this because she was worried about him and because she cared just like she always claimed. Well, maybe she did, but she had always had a rather strange way of showing it. Or attempting to at least. “Look, I was just wondering, I mean… you’re 22 now, Liam, and once Louis and Harry are done with uni they probably won’t stay here anyways and then it’s just you.”

“Why… why did you call me just to tell me this?” Liam couldn’t help it, he was getting slightly upset now but most of all, he was disappointed because he knew his mother was disappointed in him and no matter how many times he told himself that it didn’t matter… it still did. 

“No, of course I didn’t. I just care about you, you’re my son, Liam.” And apparently that meant she could talk to him in whatever way she wanted. “I mean, you do give us a lot of reason to worry, first with your depressions or whatever and then you just dropped out of uni and now… I just don’t want you to be left behind all by yourself.”

“I’m not.” Liam answered, blinking back a few tears because the fact that his mother was still refusing to acknowledge the fact that depression and mental illness existed in general was just unbelievable to him.

“You just gotta get yourself together, Li, you can’t just sit at home or at work and wait for things to happen, they won’t. You gotta deal with these things yourself, everybody else does and they didn’t have to see a shrink.” She still wasn’t yelling, but it was going to come and right now, Liam kinda really felt like yelling at her as well. “I mean… if you never go outside, how do you expect you will ever be in a relationship? Do you think somebody wants to be with you when you’re always being lazy and not taking care of yourself?”

“I... I don’t.” Liam simply said because it was true and his mother was probably right, not about the mental illness thing but the fact that it made it hard for people to stick around. Niall was still here now, but it had only been a short amount of time and Liam had really tried to keep it together for the blonde. But he wouldn’t be able to do that forever. 

“See, you just gotta try harder, Liam, if you don’t want to change then things won’t ever get better.” It was so easy for her to say and Liam didn’t even have to wait one single second before she was already carrying on, with the same exact things that she told him each and every time. “You know, a lot of people have it a lot worse than you, you still got your family and if you would have just studied more at uni your grades would have been better as well. And if you hadn’t stopped going for runs daily then maybe you’d finally be in a relationship as well. I didn’t have it easy in life either but now look where I am, if I had let myself go like you then you would have probably never been born.”

It’s a pity that he had been born was all Liam could think, but he didn’t say anything instead because that would have made his mother even more angry.

“You just gotta turn your life around and stop being lazy and get back to uni and this time really study. I mean, you can’t do that from one day to the other, but you gotta start at some point. Can’t Louis introduce you to some girls or something? I’m sure he knows a lot of people but you probably always say no to going out, am I right?” Wrong, but where was the point in arguing?

“I… I don’t need Louis to introduce me to anybody, I-“

“Then how are you ever going to meet somebody, hm?” Well, to be fair, Louis had introduced Liam to Niall, but the brunette didn’t have to say that, did he?

“I… I already did.” Liam finally said, he hadn’t planned on telling his mother that and he kinda hated that he suddenly wanted to have her approval, tell her something she wanted to hear for once.

“Oh, really? Who? What’s her name?” Right, this was where things started to get complicated once more, seeing as Liam had never talked to his mother about possibly liking guys as well and he knew her opinions on it all too well. 

“It’s… it’s actually, uh… a guy.” That had been a lot harder than Liam would have thought and his mother didn’t answer for a moment and Liam wondered if Niall had told his mother about him as well. “His, uh… his name’s Niall.”

“I thought you meant you finally found a nice girl, but I’m glad you’re making friends. How’d you meet?” Of course, Liam should have expected the conversation to take this turn. 

“At Louis’ party, but I… um… I like Niall, I… we’re… kinda…. together.” Actually… Liam wasn’t all too sure about that, but how else would he have explained the situation?

Now his mother was quiet for even longer, so long that Liam actually thought about adding something else or asking whether she was still even there. When she spoke though, it didn’t sound angry, just a bit shocked. “What, are you gay now?”

“I… “ Okay, maybe Liam should have thought this conversation through before randomly blurting out with it, but it was too late now anyways. “I don’t know, I… I just… I like Niall, so… “

“And you met at a party? Did you… oh my god, Liam, did you have sex with him at the party?!” Oh god.

“No, I… we didn’t, we… we’ve never, uh… even kissed and-“

“But I thought you’re together? But it’s probably better to wait anyways, you know how long I waited until I kissed your father for the first time. And maybe it’s just… maybe it’s just because you’ve never been in a relationship so you think you like that boy but that could easily change again. Anyways, if you’re gay then that’s fine, I was actually discussing this a lot with-“

“Mum, why… why would you discuss that with him?” She was talking about her boyfriend and Liam couldn’t believe it, he hated how she told her boyfriend everything about him, from the moment they had gotten together she had shit talked Liam with that guy behind his back. Why would they care about Liam’s sexuality anyways?

“Because we’re together, we discuss everything. I don’t know what kinda relationship you and that Niall are in, but… I mean, I’ll be honest with you, Liam, I don’t think this is going to last, but it’s your decision anyways.” Couldn’t she just let Liam have one thing and at least pretend to support him?

“Why… why would it not last?” Liam knew that there was a possibility that Niall would run as soon as he saw Liam at his worst, but… his mother didn’t believe that mental illness was real either ways so that was surely not what she meant.

“You just told me yourself you don’t even know if you’re gay and you met at a party. Also, I thought about it and I’m really surprised that you told me you might like boys, I mean… you never acted that way before.” What? “But I haven’t seen you in a while… you’re not wearing all pink now and shaving your legs, right?”

“That’s… a stupid stereotype, you can’t assume someone’s sexuality by just looking at their clothes and-“

“Anyways, I don’t feel like discussing this with you now. You gotta know what you’re doing and if it ends badly then don’t come crying to me, you gotta be able to deal with certain things yourself. Is that Niall also a uni drop out and working at this weird store with you?” Liam was so done with this conversation, everything she had said before he had mentioned Niall and now it was getting even worse if any possible.

“No… he still goes to uni… “ Liam explained slowly, not really feeling like saying much more because she would have just used it against him anyways.

“Right, well, maybe he can motivate you stop being lazy then?” Was that… a rhetorical question?

“Yeah, maybe, um… I gotta hang up now, I… I meeting Louis, so… “ There was no way Liam would have been able to last another minute in this conversation, no fucking way.

“Alright, tell him I said hi. Maybe I’ll call you again tomorrow and remind you about what I said.” She said it in a really annoying way, like she knew that she was making Liam feel like shit and was enjoying every single second of it. “Oh, and Liam, if this relationship is serious after all, I wouldn’t tell that boy where those ugly scars on your thighs are from, wouldn’t wanna give him another reason to run, right?”

“Right, uh…bye.” Was all Liam said in the end before ending the call, just sitting there on the couch for a moment, staring at the opposite wall and trying not to cry.

He had known that this was going to happen if he ever told his mother about Niall and it also wasn’t anything new that she called him lazy and told him to get himself together, it was just always different whenever they hadn’t talked in a while. Liam didn’t cry after all, he also didn’t try to think about this conversation or think about whether his mother was right or not, he simply changed his clothes and went for a run and when he came back home an hour later, he spent 45 minutes in the shower until his arms were covered in bruises. When he got out, he got so drunk that he didn’t even know anymore how he had made it to bed.

 

\-----------------

 

Liam woke up to somebody repeatedly ringing his doorbell. His head wasn’t hurting all too much but his mouth tasted weird from the alcohol and he was so tired that he was almost able to ignore the annoying sound of the doorbell.

He had his suspicions about who was at the door, so Liam made sure to put on a hoodie over his shirt that hid his arms and put a chewing gum into his mouth before making his way to the door, the bright light still hurting his eyes as he had just now woken up. Did he even wanna know how late it was and how often Louis and Niall had tried texting and calling him ever since he had started ignoring his phone after the conversation with his mom?

When Liam opened the door, he half expected it to be one of his neighbors, that his friends didn’t even care that much about him ignoring them, that they had both just gotten fed up with his behavior. But no, it was Louis, looking like he was going to rip Liam’s head off any second.

“You gotta stop doing this.” Was what the older boy said without saying hello first and really, Liam couldn’t have blamed him. This had definitely happened too often. “What happened?”

“Nothing, I… “ Should Liam have told Louis? But he had told the boy too many stories about his mother, it wasn’t anything new.

“Stop, okay? You’ve been ignoring me for more than 24 hours now and… did you just wake up?” Right, so it was already afternoon, well… “I mean, I’m used to it, I know it’s no reason to completely freak out, but… Li, you really gotta call back your boyfriend. Or at least fucking text him.”

“He… he’s not my-“

“Yeah? Then how come you were cuddling and holding hands on the beach on Thursday and he was almost sobbing into the phone before because he thinks you’re dead or something?” Great, Liam had known that this was going to happen and he did feel bad but on the other hand… did Niall really think Liam was going to kill himself out of nowhere? Just because he was feeling bad and depressed? “I’m being serious, Li, I could barely even calm him down, in fact he begged me to go check on you since last night. I should text him, actually, but… maybe you could do that instead?”

“I… I don’t know, uh… I don’t know what to say.” Liam admitted because just the thought of texting Niall now and having to read all those messages the boy had sent him in the last 24 hours was stressing Liam out a bit too much. 

“That you’re alive, maybe?” Louis suggested and Liam sighed before stepping away from the door, letting his friend enter as he hesitated to take out his phone. Niall would be angry for sure, wouldn’t he? 

“Um… can’t you do that?” Of course Louis commented this with his eyebrows pulled up, looking like he was going to punch Liam in the head. “I… he’s surely upset and… what if he calls and then-“

“Liam, Niall is your boyfriend.” Was all Louis said and Liam had no idea what that was supposed to mean. “You know he’s been on Google and shit and reading the worst horror stories, I’m used to this and to you ignoring me for a few days, but… it doesn’t mean I don’t worry because I do. So imagine what it’s like for Niall right now.”

“What does he think I did though? Killed myself?” Liam couldn’t help but feel a little bit upset, he didn’t need anybody being all up in his face and demanding text messages at least every few hours just to prove that he was alright. 

“I know you don’t need a babysitter, Li, but cut Niall some slack here. He’s really worried and he cares about you, if that was him not texting you back and ignoring your calls for over 24 hours while he’s away, wouldn’t you be worried about him? He’s your boyfriend.” Why was Louis always using that word?!

“Yeah, but… we all know he’s just worried because he thinks I’ll off myself as soon as he turns around.” This was exactly what Liam had feared. “I… I’ll text him, but… what if… what if now he’s always gonna be this worried and… “

“You gotta talk to him, but you really can’t blame him for freaking out, Li. He’s in love with you.” Louis’ voice had gotten a bit softer now and it almost distracted Liam enough to not take his phone out after all.

“I… I don’t think he is…” Liam mumbled while writing a short message to Niall, ignoring everything the blonde had sent him before because he just couldn’t deal with it right now. 

“Sure is. Did you text him?” It almost seemed as if Louis would demand to see the sent message, but then he let Liam be after the brunette had nodded. “Right, then maybe you should call your boss now.”

“I… _shit_.” God, Liam had completely forgotten that he had been supposed to be working today. Fuck and it was already so late as well and… he was so screwed. “I bet she’s gonna fire me, she was so fucking upset last time I didn’t show up.”

“Nah, she won’t, I was at the store before to check if you’re there and when you weren’t I told her that you’re sick and that you were at the hospital, my mom got you a note.” Louis’ mom was a nurse at the hospital and Liam had definitely gotten more than a few fake doctor’s notes from here, but he had never been as relieved as right now when Louis handed it to him. “She said she completely understands and get well soon. I also texted you that just in case you were gonna decide to read your messages at some point.”

“Thank you so much, Lou, I… thank you, really.” Liam meant it, he could barely even believe that he had a friend like that.

“It’s fine, just… tell me what happened?” Just because he really couldn’t have said no, Liam agreed to tell Louis after calling his boss.

After pretending to have a really sore throat and cough a few too many times while calling his boss and feeling a bit too guilty when he heard how sorry she was for him, Liam had just been about to tell Louis about his conversation with his mom yesterday when he got interrupted by somebody else calling him. Niall.

“It’s… it’s Niall.” Liam told Louis without having even moved his eyes away from the screen, they were both sitting on his couch now and Louis already had his feet on the coffee table and when Liam threw a look at him, he made some wild gesture with his hand.

“Pick up then.” He said it like Liam didn’t have an option, like he was going to make him do it anyways if he refused and somehow, it did make Liam swipe his thumb across the screen of his phone without really thinking about it. 

“Uh… hi.” Liam still hadn’t read any of the messages Niall had sent him, had only briefly seen the last few ones when he had answered the blonde before, so he really didn’t know what to expect as he waited for the younger boy to say something, purposely not looking at Louis. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” Niall blurted out before even saying hello and he sounded so relieved that Liam was overcome with another wave of guilt. 

“Yeah, I… I’m sorry.” Of course he had apologized in the text message as well, but he couldn’t really think of anything else to say and he hated the fact that it was his own fault for making things so awkward between them. Surely Niall was going to ask what had happened, just like Louis would again after this phone call, but other than the older boy, the blonde was probably going to flip out, even more if he happened to see Liam’s arms. “How, uh… how’s London?”

“Fucking shit.” Amazing, now Liam had ruined Niall’s whole trip as well. He hadn’t forced Niall to be worried about him though, had he? He had ignored the blonde before and just because they were kinda… _together_ , Niall thought he needed to check up on him? Or make Louis check up on him? “I was so worried about you, I… I stayed at the hotel today because I couldn’t think about anything else and… shit, Li, what happened? I thought… I thought you… did something to yourself or… I don’t even know. I even thought about coming home to check on you but then Louis said he would and… sorry, I’m… I’m rambling, just… I know that… that you didn’t feel like talking but… but could you maybe, like… just tell me next time? Just tell me you need some time for yourself and I won’t bother you for however long you want?”

“Uh, I didn’t exactly…. _plan_ it, you know?” Liam couldn’t help but get annoyed, deep down he knew that what Niall was saying was kinda logical and what Louis had said before also made sense, but… the conversation with his mother was still all too prominent in Liam’s head. Also, this was what he had been afraid of, having to talk about all of this and making compromises as if he could control it and just… why couldn’t they just never talk about it again?

“What? No, I… that’s not what I meant, Li, I just meant that… if you feel like not talking because… because something happened then… I can leave you alone, it’s fine, I just… look, I thought that… now that we, you know… I thought maybe we could like… talk about it instead of you ignoring me and… if you don’t want to, that’s fine, but… if you could just tell me and… so I don’t have to worry.” Okay, now Liam felt bad but he also really hated himself and he honestly didn’t know how to deal with all these emotions because this was a whole lot different than anything he had ever experienced before, like… Niall was… he was _Niall_.

“You… you don’t have to worry about me at all.” This made no sense, Liam was aware of it, but he kinda just wanted everybody to just stop worrying about him and to stop trying to make him change things and do them differently than before and… it was exhausting. “And you also don’t need to send Louis to check up on me, I… I’m sorry, for ignoring you, but… “

“Li… how can I _not_ worry about you? Should I just… ignore the fact that you’re not using your phone for 24 hours or something? I… I wanna be there for you, I wanna help, but if you don’t want me to help then I gotta accept that, I just… I physically can’t stand not knowing what’s going on and you can’t ignore me and expect me to not worry because what if something really does happen one day and then I won’t know because I gotta sit it out and hope that you’ll answer me at some point.” Right, this was now turning into a fight and Liam could feel Louis’ staring at him but he didn’t turn his head, he was actually feeling kinda hot and shaky and just… god, why did Niall have to call him now? 

“Nothing will happen, I just needed some time and I… I’ve survived my whole life without you checking up on me.” Okay, there it was, this was what Liam had really been thinking the whole time but he hadn’t been planning on saying it, especially not like this, but now it was out and somehow it did feel a bit relieving, even if Niall took some time to answer.

“Okay, um… if this is how you feel, but I… I care about you, I genuinely do, Li, and… I mean… we’re… together, right? We’re taking it slow, I know that, but I really like you and I wanna be with you, I just… why… why do you not trust me, Liam? I wanna be there for you, but… why can’t you let me?” Niall almost sounded sad now and Liam’s stomach turned in the most uncomfortable way and he really didn’t know what to say because… was the blonde implying that… that he couldn’t be with Liam anymore if… if this happened again and the brunette didn’t like… warn him before that? 

“If… if you don’t wanna like… be with me, I-“

“What?! I never said that, Li, and I never would because I _wanna_ be with you, I… shit, I just want to help, okay? I want to help you so badly and I don’t fucking know how and I don’t know what to do or what to say because I’m scared I’ll make it worse or make you upset and… I can’t just decide not to be worried, I know you don’t need me, I know that, okay… I just… I wish that… I wish you did.” This had taken a whole other turn and Liam was kinda speechless because… Niall sounded so genuine and hurt that the brunette almost wanted to cry. 

“I… I don’t know what to do or say either… “ Liam finally admitted after hesitating for a moment and by now he had almost forgotten about Louis sitting there as well, right now he kinda just wanted the blonde to come back and… Liam didn’t even know what.

“We can figure it out though, Li, I… I can come back, right now, if-“

“No, no, don’t, I… “ Had he come back today then Liam would have possibly not even known what to say, all he knew was that he needed to tell Niall to stay where he was because otherwise he would have felt even worse about himself. 

“Okay, but… tomorrow, we’re gonna talk this out, okay? When I’m back I can come over or… or we go to mine and… we’ll figure it out, I know we will, it’s gonna be alright, I… I’m sorry if I upset you before, I really am.” How could they have kept on fighting if Niall was apologizing now and if he wanted to make it work so badly and… Liam did as well, he just didn’t really know how this was ever going to work.

“Yeah, um… you didn’t, it’s… it’s fine… “ Not really, but when was anything ever _fine_? “I’m sorry too… “

“No, don’t be, Li, I… I was being stupid… “ Well, not really, it was probably natural for him to be worried whenever Liam randomly stopped texting back and purposely ignored phone calls, but how was the brunette ever going to make him understand that there was basically ZERO reason to be worried because he would have never had the balls to like… _genuinely_ injure himself? “So, uh… is… is Louis with you?”

“Yeah… “ What else was Liam gonna say? It was true anyways.

“Okay, then… then I’m gonna… let you guys talk and… I’ll see you tomorrow?” Right, Niall did NOT sound like he wanted to hang up, if Liam hadn’t known better, he would have said the blonde had almost sounded a bit bitter when he had said he was going to let them talk. Was he… jealous? That Liam was talking to Louis instead of him? But… that wouldn’t have made any sense. 

“Yeah… see you tomorrow.” Liam could already feel his stomach twisting just at the prospect, he wanted to see Niall, but now things had gotten so complicated and he actually just wanted to hide from the entire world and preferably turn his brain off for a few… weeks.

“Okay… I miss you.” The blonde didn’t leave Liam any time to answer, he just hung up the phone and the brunette sat there for a moment before finally removing the phone from his ear, not knowing if he was prepared for what Louis had to say about this.

“You guys really need to sort some shit out.” The older boy was shaking his head, Liam only saw him from the corner of his eyes though before he leaned his head back against the couch, letting out a sigh as he stared up at the ceiling. Fuck. “Promise me you won’t break up with him tomorrow?”

“I… why?” Had Liam been thinking about it? Definitely, but not because he didn’t wanna be with the blonde anymore, he just had a bit of a problem doing and saying things in the heat of the moment and then deeply regretting them a second later. Or a day or something.

“Because I know you, Li, and I knew that all this was going to become a problem, I… I told Niall to chill out, even before yesterday, and that he doesn’t need to babysit you because you don’t need him to, but… “ How many times exactly had they talked about Liam without the brunette knowing? “He just means well, he doesn’t mean to control or upset you.”

“I know… “ But that didn’t change the fact that that was exactly what he did.

“Just… talk it out tomorrow and… give him a chance to learn. Please.” Louis made it sound as if he wanted this… relationship happening more than Liam, but the brunette nodded anyways, not knowing what else to say. “So… will you tell me what happened yesterday?”

There was no point in resisting, so Liam just started talking about his mom, about how he had told her about Niall, playing her reaction down a bit and trying to distance himself from the problem while talking about it because that’s just what he did. By the end of the day, Louis had stayed over pretty much until 10 pm or something and Liam wasn’t surprised at all that Niall started texting him again as if nothing had ever happened and just because the brunette still felt embarrassed, he made sure to answer as if nothing had happened as well.

Going to sleep that night though wasn’t the easiest thing in the world.

 

\-------------------------

 

Liam was so nervous as he waited for Niall to make it up in the elevator, it was already 11 pm at night or something and they both had to get up early tomorrow, but the blonde had asked him already this morning if it would be alright if he came to Liam’s place right from the train station so they could talk. In all honesty, even if Liam was scared as hell right now, he was relieved about the younger boy coming now instead of tomorrow because he would have probably lost his mind otherwise.

When he heard a knock at the door, Liam’s heart skipped at least ten beats as he got up off the couch and hurried to let the blonde in, only hesitating for the split of a second with his hand already resting on the door handle, trying to prepare himself.

“Hi… “ Upon opening, Liam barely had any time to look at Niall at all, not only was it dark outside but the younger boy had also thrown his arm around the brunette in the split of like two seconds, causing him to stumble backwards into his apartment while automatically wrapping his arms around the boy. He hadn’t realized that it was going to feel like such a relief to be held by Niall again.

“Hi… “ Niall answered after a moment, mumbling the word somewhere into Liam’s shoulder before turning his head to kiss his cheek, more than once but the brunette lost count because he could barely even form a clear thought anyways feeling the other boy so close, smelling him. “I missed you so much… “

Liam didn’t answer immediately, needing a second to take this in, the butterflies in his stomach almost blocking out the nervousness he felt about what they were going to talk about in a moment. When he did though, he really meant it. “I missed you too… how, uh… how was it?”

“Would’ve been better if you had been there.” Was all the blonde said, still not letting for another minute or so before very slowly pulling back and Liam dropped his arms while Niall’s hands remained on his waist as they looked at each other, the brunette of course already blushed like crazy. “Can’t believe how much I missed your red cheeks as well.”

Seeing as he had no idea what to say to that, Liam made sure to look down as soon as he had seen Niall’s soft smile and then as if the blonde wanted to make it even worse, he suddenly reach out to brush the back of his fingers down Liam’s cheeks. He didn’t drop his hand afterwards either, just very slowly let it brush against the side of Liam’s exposed neck before letting it rest against his shoulder, thumb rubbing a bit over the material of his jumper. 

“Can we talk?” The blonde asked after a moment and Liam licked his lips as he nodded, already missing the younger’s hands on him as Niall stepped back to close the door, dropping his bag on the floor and taking his shoes off before following Liam to sit on the couch. “Are you… feeling better?”

“Yeah, I… I’m fine… “ Besides the fact that his heart was going to jump out of his chest any damn second.

Niall nodded slowly, sitting sideways on the couch and reaching out to intertwine his fingers with Liam’s without hesitating, pulling their hands over into his lap so he could trace the back of Liam’s with his free one. “I’m really sorry… about freaking out so much and… and sending Louis to check up on you, I just… I read all these things online and… I just got so scared and I know that’s no excuse, but I… if anything ever happened to you… “

“Niall, I… “ Liam started, staring at their hands instead of the blonde’s face, having to swallow a few times in order to bring out what he had been rehearsing since this morning. Or more like, afternoon because he had only woken up kinda late. “I thought about it and… I’m sorry for the way I reacted yesterday and… and if I need some time, I… I’ll tell you from now on, but… but also, just so you know, I… I won’t… I won’t like… _kill_ myself, you know? I… I’ve never tried to either, I don’t think that… that I could.”

“Okay… “ The blonde sounded somewhat relieved and Liam suddenly felt really weird about actually having said that out loud. There was a moment of silence, kind of uncomfortable, but not as much as when Niall continued, very slowly and carefully, as if he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to ask such things. “Have you… have you ever, like… thought about it?”

Right, Liam did not know what to say to that, he knew that it would show if he lied, but saying it out loud… “I… I mean… yeah, I guess… “

“Why?” Niall asked, kinda bluntly and had this been anybody else, Liam might have thought he was being made fun of, but this was Niall and he knew the blonde was just curious and that he wanted to understand so badly but Liam never really gave him any explanation at all. Simply because one, he was embarrassed talking about it and two… it was difficult to put into words. But he was willing to try now, something he would have probably never been before meeting the blonde.

“It’s like… you know when… you know that feeling when just… when _everything_ goes wrong? And… you were trying really hard but… it just wasn’t good enough and it never will be? And you just wanna… stay home and not talk to anybody and actually… you don’t even wanna like… exist? Except that… nothing actually went wrong and... you also didn’t try and you _know_ that there’s actually no reason to like… feel this way but you still do and… sometimes I feel like that, like… there’s nothing I can do to ever feel better, that I’m doing everything wrong and that… it’s all just… a waste of time and… and then I’d just do anything at all, just to… to stop feeling this way because… it’s unbearable.” Liam had no idea if that was understandable or not, but it was the best he could do right now.

The blonde had stopped tracing the back of Liam’s hand with his fingers, he was just holding it in between both of his now, letting Liam’s words sink in and only answering when the brunette almost thought he was going to die of embarrassment. “Did you… did you feel like that on Thursday?” 

“I… no, I… it was just because… because my mother called me and… we don’t really get along and then… then I told her about you and… “ There was no point in telling Niall what she had said about that even if he didn’t know Liam’s mother, so the brunette just shrugged. “We, uh… we used to get along, but… then she met her boyfriend and… she thinks that, you know… that I’m just… _imaging_ all of this and that… that I’m being lazy and that I need to go back to uni and… she’s just… unhappy with everything I do and… I wanted to tell her about you though but… she said she doesn’t care, but I know that… that she’s disappointed. I mean… I don’t really care, I just wish that… that I could for once say something to like… not make her hate me more… “

“Li… I’m sure she doesn’t hate you, I…” Niall clearly didn’t know what to say and it was fine, Liam had already talked this out with Louis yesterday, he just wanted to keep the blonde in the loop as well, seeing as he seemed to want to be part of every aspect of Liam’s life so desperately. “It doesn’t matter, I… I know she’s your mom and everything, but if she makes you feel this way… you’ve got people who love you and who are always there for you and… you don’t need her approval. I know that… that you want her to be proud of you, but… you can be so proud of yourself, okay? And if she doesn’t understand and if she wants to pretend that you’re just… lazy or whatever, then let her, because we all know that’s not true. You’re amazing and you’re kind and strong and no matter what she said, it doesn’t mean anything at all. You’ve got Louis and his family and Harry and… you’ve got me and… we’re always there for you, no matter what happens, I won’t run, I promise, I won’t just walk away. And not because Louis said he’s gonna murder me in my sleep if I ever hurt you, but because I really and truly wanna be with you, more than anything in the world and I’d do anything for you, I really would. I won’t leave you.”

Damn, now Liam felt like crying even more, he just nodded, not trusting his words while still staring at their intertwined hands and before he knew it, the blonde had suddenly leaned in so close that Liam could breathe him in, their foreheads almost brushing as Niall hesitated for a moment, as if he was also unsure about what he was actually doing.

“Can I… “ He started before trailing off and Liam didn’t know what exactly he meant but he nodded anyways because he would have let the blonde do _anything_ right now.

Niall didn’t kiss him immediately, he dragged the moment out until Liam thought he was going to go insane and then when he finally closed the gap between them and pressed the sweetest and most gentle kiss ever against Liam’s lips, the older boy almost felt overwhelmed. They didn’t deepen it or anything, but it was a lot more than a peck and Niall tasted so sweet and somehow familiar and there were tingles down Liam’s spine and goosebumps on his arms and he could have kissed this boy forever, that was for sure.

It wasn’t Liam’s first kiss, but the first one with a boy and while he was completely sober, the first one that actually clearly stayed burned into his memory as Niall pulled away with a smile on his face and the brunette couldn’t help but return it, even though his cheeks were getting all hot and red and god… he was so into this boy it was fucking ridiculous. 

“Jesus… I’ve been wanting to do this since months.” Niall let out half a laugh, as if he couldn’t believe he had really done that and in all honestly, Liam couldn’t either. His lips were still tingling in the best way ever and he almost leaned forward to do it again. “C’mere…”

Before Liam could react, Niall had already wrapped both his arms around his neck, holding him so tightly that Liam could barely breathe, but it was so good and so comforting that he didn’t mind almost being squished by the younger boy. His heart was still beating so fast that Liam was sure Niall could feel it against his own chest, but just for now, he didn’t actually mind as he let his eyes fall closed, trying to treasure the feeling for as long as possible. 

“You know… “ Liam started after a while of having tried to silently build up some courage, just because it would have physically killed him if he hadn’t at least dropped a tiny hint at what he wanted. “If… if you don’t wanna, like… if you don’t feel like going home now because it’s so late and dark then… then you could… stay, if you want… “

“I’d love to.” Niall answered easily, squeezing Liam even tighter and the older boy couldn’t help but smile into the younger’s shoulder.

They ended up sleeping in Liam’s bed of course, Niall had his sleeping clothes with him anyways but Liam wouldn’t have minded letting him wear some of his own. This time, they were actually both lying on their sides while talking, holding hands in between them and when they got too tired, Niall kissed Liam’s lips again, just as sweet and gentle, before demanding that the older boy turned around so he could spoon him from behind, pressed up tightly against the brunette the whole night long.

Pretty sure Liam had never had such a good night’s sleep before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! :D
> 
> thanks for all the comments once again, i never get tired of reading them and talking to all of you <3
> 
> i hope you all liked the chapter (and the first kiss!!!) and that your week was less stressful than mine hahaha! i wrote half this chapter on trains and im just relieved i got it done in time but i must say im happy with how it turned out!
> 
> let me know what you think if you want!


	10. Chapter 10

Liam woke up because somehow his pillow seemed to be moving and he was feeling kinda warm as well and just for once, his blanket didn’t seem to have ended up somehow crunched up by his feet leaving him half freezing. It took quite a while for him to fully wake up and not pass right out again, only after a few minutes realizing that his hand was clenched around the sheets or so and also, there was something in his hair.

It was only when Liam heard Niall’s soft voice, half a whisper, that he actually remembered what had happened last night and how they had gone to sleep and the fact that he probably wasn’t lying on a pillow but rather… on Niall. 

“Go back to sleep, Li… “ Niall must have noticed that Liam was in the process of waking up and the brunette was actually really tempted to just press his face into Niall’s shirt, let himself be lulled back to sleep by the younger’s fingers playing with his hair.

Instead, Liam actually tried really hard to stay awake, kinda waiting to get embarrassed about having moved in his sleep, but Niall was really comfortable and he smelled good and also… it didn’t seem like he was bothered by having Liam’s head on his chest, like… not at all. So instead, Liam didn’t move but he also didn’t go back to sleep, just tried to memorize this moment for as long as somehow possible.

“How… how late is it?” Liam asked after a while, suppressing a yawn and feeling himself getting a bit hotter when the blonde turned his head until his lips were pressing against the older’s forehead, his fingers thumbing at Liam’s ear.

“Hmmm… too early. Last time I checked it was 6 or so and that was probably only 10 minutes ago… sorry for waking you.” Okay, that really was way too early, Liam had no idea why he was awake either, but that didn’t trouble him half as much as why Niall might have been awake. Had he been uncomfortable sleeping like this? “You should try and go back to sleep.”

“Why are you awake?” Liam half mumbled into Niall’s shirt, suddenly feeling slightly tense. The thing was though, he wasn’t actually that tired anymore, he felt somewhat well rested which was remarkable seeing as he was usually always tired, even after sleeping in on his days off.

“Hmm… I don’t know… I mean, I do, but… you’re gonna think it’s weird.” Niall let out something that sounded almost like a nervous laugh and Liam felt it due to the fact that he was lying on the blonde’s chest. Okay, at least that didn’t sound like he hated this too much, right? “I just… I like watching you sleep and also… I had to go to the bathroom before and when I came back you immediately cuddled into me and I thought it was really sweet so I actually didn’t really feel like going back to sleep because just lying here like this feels a lot nicer.”

“Oh… “ Okay, that… wasn’t weird, but… it was definitely not what Liam had been expecting, his cheeks were on fire and he was just glad that the blonde couldn’t see his face right now. 

“Told you it’s weird. Then again… it’s not my fault you’re so cute.” He let out another soft chuckle at this before suddenly wrapping both his arms around Liam and holding him tight for a moment, burying his face in the older’s hair and breathing out hotly against his scalp. Liam was gonna die. “Are you still tired?”

“I don’t know, uh… not really… “ Liam answered truthfully, his words almost getting stuck in his throat though but his stomach was actually getting really warm and he couldn’t help but think that he had barely ever woken up before actually being kinda happy about it. “You?”

“Nah, strangely enough and even though we’ve only slept for like 6 hours, I feel pretty awake. When do you have to leave for work?” Oh god, Liam had almost forgotten about that and even though his boss believed that he had been sick on Saturday, he was going to feel kinda weird going back. Just like he always did after skipping. 

“At 8.30 or so… you?” There was no way Niall would have to leave sooner than that, Liam didn’t know the boy’s uni schedule by heart, but he couldn’t remember the blonde ever say he needed to be there before 9.

“I guess the same, although… I don’t know how long I’m gonna need to get there from your place, um… how long is it?” Niall seemed slightly hesitant about asking, but Liam didn’t actually mind it at all.

“About 20 minutes, a bit less probably.” At least that was how long Liam had always needed to get to uni, but to be fair, he had always been terribly horrified about coming too late to classes or even lectures because walking into a place with everyone already sitting down… no thank you. 

“That’s less time than I need to get there from my place. I should always sleep over at yours.” The blonde suggested it just like that, as if it wasn’t a big deal, and the thing was… Liam would have probably let him. “Also, can I maybe borrow a shirt or something? I only brought stuff for the time I was gone. And… do you have a pen or so?”

“Yeah, sure, um… you can borrow anything you want.” Even Liam’s old notebook, but he didn’t say that just yet because it was only shortly after 6 and Niall already sounded a bit too much like he was going to leave.

“Thank you.” It sounded genuine and he pressed a kiss onto the top of the older’s head afterwards, still holding him really tightly before suddenly freezing a bit. “Oh my god, I completely forgot something last night… I got you something in London.”

“Oh, what… what is it?” Unwillingly, Liam half sat up when he felt the blonde moving underneath him, his cheek feeling all warm from having been pressed against the younger boy. 

“I’ll get it, wait.” Before Liam could really react, half sitting up now and leaning against his elbow, Niall had suddenly and very briefly kissed his lips before getting up and out of bed, leaving Liam wanting more and also completely erasing every thought he had just had. He would never get used to kissing Niall, even if it had been so short it felt so intense and already familiar and Liam had goosebumps all down his arms. 

It was kinda dark in the room, but Liam could still watch Niall’s silhouette as he got down to search through his bag and the brunette made sure to sit up properly in the meantime, not knowing what to expect, still stuck brushing a finger against his lips where Niall’s had just been. They had only kissed three times now and Liam was already sure that he was never going to get used to the way it felt.

“Okay, don’t laugh, yeah? I was just thinking, y’know… I didn’t wanna bring you back like… a magnet or some shit even though it kinda reminded me of when I was at your store with my mum and stuff, but… anyways, I made this for you.” Liam was still clueless when Niall came back to the bed because he couldn’t see too well due to the fact that they didn’t have any lights turned on and the blinds being shut, but when Niall sat back down on the bed next to Liam, it was unmistakably a teddy bear that he placed on the older’s lap.

“I… thank you, Ni… what do you mean you… you made it?” To say Liam was surprised would have been an understatement, he wasn’t quite sure what to think yet as he looked at the teddy bear, briefly wondering how Niall had carried that around because it wasn’t that small.

“I mean, not really, but I got it at Build-a-bear, put that plastic heart in and kissed it before they filled him and everything. I even got him a shirt.” Okay, now Liam was even more surprised but he also couldn’t help his heart swelling a bit, even before Niall continued to explain. “I just thought, that… you know, I wasn’t sure what to get you, but I went there once when I was a kid and I loved it and then I thought that… it’s kinda more personal than just getting you some souvenir and also… you know, if you’re not feeling so good, maybe it reminds you of me and even if you don’t feel like talking or hanging out then… you still don’t have to sleep alone and… yeah.”

That really was sweet and Liam didn’t know what to say at first because Niall had sounded so genuine and a little bit unsure as well about the older’s reaction. It was still dark in the room and Liam couldn’t see the bear or Niall’s face very well, but he felt a really incredible urge to lean over and kiss the blonde for doing this. 

It was really awkward for a second because Liam almost missed Niall’s lips and his heart was beating so incredibly fast, almost like an adrenaline rush or something, except for the fact that all Liam had done was kiss Niall’s mouth very briefly, making sure to lean away again before talking because he hadn’t brushed his teeth yet. God, that made four times of them having kissed and Liam having actually _initiated_ the fourth time and… he couldn’t actually believe that he had been brave enough to do that. 

“Thank you, Niall, I… that’s really… you really didn’t have to and… thank you.” Liam didn’t know what else to say, especially not now after he had kissed the blonde and he just hoped that Niall knew how grateful he was. 

“You’re welcome, babe.” It was the first time Niall had used that word and of course it caused Liam to feel all sort of things.

“What uh… what did your mates say when you made it?” Liam didn’t actually know if he wanted to know the answer to that, he just kinda wanted the conversation to get a bit lighter and move on from the kiss even though Niall had sounded really happy about his reaction.

“Nothing, we went in anyways because one of my friends made one for his little sister. I mean, he only did it because I went in first, but… they didn’t really ask me who I was making it for, I… actually, I think they might believe I made it for myself.” Niall sounded very amused by that thought and Liam relaxed, for some reason he had been scared that Niall’s friends had been making fun of him because of something he had done for Liam, but that didn’t at all seem to have been the case. “It doesn’t have a name though, you know how you can name them and get a birth certificate and everything? But it’s yours anyways, so I thought you can decide. Or not, you know, maybe I got a bit too into that, I almost bought him shoes as well.”

“What, uh… what’s on the shirt? I can’t really see it.” Liam couldn’t even tell what color the bear had, he just kinda had a feeling that it was bright blue. 

“Just the London skyline thing that’s on all the souvenirs… I thought it was pretty cute. Not as cute as you though.” Okay, Liam wasn’t going to ever be able to calm down again, was he? Niall just kept on making him blush and causing his heart to beat as if he had just run a marathon and the truth was… Liam actually enjoyed it. “Do you wanna… lie down for a bit longer? I’m kinda getting sleepy now sitting up… “

“Yeah, uh… me too… “ Not really, but Liam didn’t mind lying on his side while the blonde did the same, not too sad about not lying half on top of Niall anymore when the younger boy almost reached out immediately to cup Liam’s cheek, looking at him in the darkness, the bear still lying somewhere in between them underneath Liam’s arm.

“I’m glad you like the bear...” Niall said after a while of them lying there and Liam almost having to fight to keep his eyes open, but it got a bit easier when the blonde reached out for him, moving a bit closer in general as he brushed some pieces of hair out of the brunette’s face, continuing to play with it. “You know… I meant it when I said we should go together sometime… or anywhere really, it’d be fun.”

“Yeah, I… we could… “ Liam wasn’t really sure if the blonde really meant it so he tried to stay neutral about it, which was hard because the younger boy was also brushing his fingers through Liam’s hair and then down his cheek, making it hard to concentrate.

“And we also gotta go on our golf date as well.” Right, Liam had almost forgotten about that and he didn’t want to go any more than on Thursday, but the quick laugh Niall let out kept him from saying anything wrong. “Only if you still want to, of course, I don’t wanna like… force you to go golfing with me, you know. Shouldn’t feel like… a punishment to be with me.”

“It’s not, I… we can go golfing, that’s fine.” It really was actually, as long as Niall was happy and he really seemed to be even though Liam couldn’t see the younger’s face all that well in almost complete darkness still. He could feel him very well though, his fingers against Liam’s skin, his body so close that the brunette could feel the warmth the blonde was radiating.

“Okay, I’m looking forward to that.” Niall was probably smiling but Liam wasn’t sure, so he made sure to return it anyways, his breath hitching a bit when the blonde’s fingers brushed his lips while he was tracing the older’s face, suddenly moving even closer. 

It’s not that it had come out of nowhere when Niall lifted his head a bit to kiss Liam, but it still felt like the brunette had just gotten off a roller coaster or something. The way Niall waited, breathing out against Liam’s skin before very slowly pressing his lips on top of the brunette’s, his hand still cradling Liam’s jaw.

The thing was, Liam didn’t have a lot of kissing experience, so he was glad that they weren’t really deepening their kisses but Niall was definitely and very clearly working towards that. He was the one doing most of the work while Liam only lazily kissed him back, not wanting to do anything wrong and also holding back even more because they still had not brushed their teeth. Not like Niall seemed to mind, he was actually kissing the older boy more eagerly than before, but it was still really gentle and slow and Liam actually couldn’t even believe that this was really happening.

When the blonde leaned more towards him, pressing his lips more firmly against Liam’s, he also move his hand a bit, cupping the back of the older’s neck and Liam kinda wanted to touch the blonde as well but one of his hands was trapped and anyways, he didn’t want to do anything wrong. He did get a little bit nervous when Niall parted his lips a bit, his tongue darting out just for a moment to brush against Liam’s bottom lip.

When Niall pulled back just a little bit, Liam felt kinda out of breath and he could tell that the blonde did as well, staying really close to the older boy though and Liam kept his eyes closed when Niall proceeded to peck his mouth a few times, giving him shivers each time. One thing was definitely for sure, there was nothing in the world that compared to feeling the way that Liam did in that moment, he had no idea how to describe it, all he knew was that he kinda never wanted this to stop.

They didn’t talk once Niall had put his head back down as well, right next to Liam’s with their foreheads almost touching, his hand having slipped down to the older’s arm, unknowingly rubbing right across the bruises from Friday. Liam shouldn’t have worn a short sleeved shirt to bed, but it would have been weird not to and it was dark in the room anyways.

Maybe it was stupid but Liam did get a bit cold after a while because the blankets had somehow ended up down by their feet and the brunette moved a bit closer towards Niall without really thinking about it, still holding onto the bear as well in between them, not wanting to move though and having to leave this position. 

“You okay?” Niall half whispered, his fingers drawing patterns on Liam’s skin, adding to the goosebumps that had already been there due to the fact that it was kinda chilly. “You cold?”

“No, I… it’s fine.” Liam answered quietly, still trying to keep his eyes from dropping closed every few seconds and he almost complained out loud when Niall suddenly sat up out of nowhere, quickly calming down again though when he noticed what the blonde was doing.

He was untangling the blanket for Liam, covering him with it a second later and only barely lying underneath it himself, making the brunette blush of course when he properly tucked him in before lying back down, his arm now wrapped around the older boy, lips briefly pressing against Liam’s forehead. Okay, this was definitely new and it definitely made Liam feel all sorts of things that he didn’t really know where to place. It was good though, really good. 

“Better?” So much better.

“Yeah… “ Okay, now Liam was definitely way too comfortable to keep his eyes open any longer, he had no idea how late it had gotten, but he was pretty sure they still had at least 40 minutes to an hour before they’d have to get up. And even then, they only had to get up if they wanted breakfast. 

“We should take another nap… I got my alarm set anyways.” Niall was still so close that his lips were actually brushing Liam’s forehead while he talked, making the brunette feel all warm and tingly, still tasting the blonde from having kissed him for so long. 

“Okay… I can make breakfast later.” Liam offered while suppressing a yawn and the blonde probably noticed because he chuckled, running his fingers through the brunette’s hair again just like he had before. The older’s arms were trapped underneath the blanket and the bear Niall had given him as well, but even if they hadn’t, Liam didn’t know if he would have been brave enough to touch the blonde anyways.

“Sounds good, babe.” It was just a word and yet it caused Liam’s heart to beat faster, making him feel slightly more awake, even if just for a moment.

He didn’t sleep in immediately, but eventually Niall’s even breath against his skin and the younger’s fingers playing with his hair helped Liam to take another nap. Actually, he had no idea if Niall had ever fallen asleep again or not, all he knew was that the blonde woke him up a while later by scattering kisses across his face and asking him quietly if he wanted to keep on sleeping or have breakfast.

So of course Liam forced himself to wake up then and go make breakfast for them. It was all good and fine at first, Niall was staying very clingy when they walked into the kitchen and Liam hadn’t been thinking at all because he had just woken up or maybe he would have done something to avoid what happened then. Then again, what could he have done anyways?

“Hey…” Niall suddenly started while Liam was going through his fridge and the blonde suddenly jumped down from where he had been sitting on the counter.

“Hm?” Liam had no idea what the blonde was going to say so he wasn’t nervous, it was only when the younger boy suddenly grabbed a hold of his wrist that Liam suddenly froze right after closing the fridge.

“Did you… “ The younger boy started as he turned Liam’s arm around and then grabbed a hold of his other wrist as well and the brunette’s stomach dropped as he looked at the floor, just anywhere besides Niall’s face. God, why did this have to happen? “Li… “

“I… it’s nothing.” Liam finally brought out, trying to gently wind his wrists out of the blonde’s grip because he had no bloody idea what to say or what to do because… they both knew what he had done and why, what was the point of talking about it? 

Niall didn’t say anything at all, he let Liam go when the older boy pulled his hands away, waiting for the blonde to freak out or start crying or tell him to stop or demand an explanation. But he didn’t do any of these things, they basically just stood there in silence for a moment and Liam played with the hem of his shirt, refusing to look up because this was just terrible. How come this morning could have taken such a dramatic turn in just a few seconds?

Somehow, Liam had thought that because of how Niall had reacted to Liam ignoring him and just the fact in general that everybody had reacted really badly to Liam hurting himself, that the blonde was going to top everyone else and like… leave him on the spot or something. Which was fucking stupid because Niall had told him just last night that he wasn’t going to do that, so Liam should have known.

He didn’t know if it was just because of them having talked some things out, but all Niall did after what seemed like fucking ages was to take a step forward, cup Liam’s cheeks in his palms and press a kiss to his mouth before the brunette could have even reacted. Oh.

It wasn’t a long kiss but still a lot more than a peck and the older boy almost forgot about what had just happened for a moment, almost going with the blonde when he pulled back to kiss him some more. Now that they were so close and Niall was still cupping Liam’s face, the older boy had no choice but to look the blonde directly in the eyes, already feeling himself getting hot and nervous from embarrassment. 

“I’m… not gonna pretend like I didn’t already figure it out a while ago… “ Niall started, his voice sounding so sad that Liam felt guilty as hell. “I also, um… looked it up, a lot, and… I mean, I probably read a lot of stuff that doesn’t apply to you, as we’ve already seen, and I… I don’t wanna say or do anything wrong or… or make you feel bad, so… I just wanna say that, if you wanna talk about it or… you know, if you ever feel bad and as if you’re gonna do something like this and you’d rather talk then… please call me or text me or anything really. Even if it’s like… 4 in the morning or while I’m at uni, I honestly don’t care, just _please_ , if you need to talk or if… if you just need something then… I’m here.”

What Liam appreciated the most about all of this wasn’t just how genuine Niall sounded and how gentle his voice was, but also the fact that he didn’t keep staring at Liam’s arms or touch them and the brunette had no idea whether that was intentional or not, but it did help him a little bit. Still, he had no idea what to reply, so he just looked at the blonde before being forced to lower his eyes, his cheeks burning up underneath the younger’s palms and his pulse racing. 

“I’m sorry.” Niall suddenly said and Liam looked at him again, now confused by the younger’s expression.

“For what?” He asked even though the words came out sounding really weird.

“That I wasn’t here and that…. that I don’t know what to do or what to tell you to… to not make you wanna do these things.” The blonde sounded genuine, his thumb rubbing over the older’s cheekbone before he dropped his hands down to Liam’s shoulder.

“I… you don’t… you don’t have to do or say anything… “ There was nothing in this world the blonde could have said, nothing at all, and it reminded Liam of when Louis had told him years ago that if he didn’t stop, then he was going to hurt himself also. In the end, it had just made thigs worse for Liam because he had felt guilty so all he had done was hide it more and Louis had eventually apologized for it months later. They had been younger back then, like 16 or something, but Liam had always been afraid that Niall was going to say all these things as well, trying to force him to stop by yelling around like his mother or threatening him.

“I know… but I want to and it’s killing me that I can’t and… you probably don’t even want me to, do you? You don’t want me to tell you to stop.” True, but Liam didn’t just wanna nod so instead he stayed quiet, staring at the younger boy’s shirt instead of his face. “I’ve been trying to understand, when I first realized that your bruises… I yelled at Louis for not making you stop. But now, I… you hurting yourself is like… like a consequence of everything else, it isn’t the real problem, is it?”

“No… “ Liam answered truthfully, a bit surprised though that the blonde had come to that conclusion so quickly. Then again, who knows how many hours he had spent on Google. “I just… sometimes it feels like… like it’s the only thing I can do to, like… control it and… it feels better than… than feeling everything else or… feeling nothing.”

Okay, Liam had not explained that very well but he wasn’t used to putting it into words, he could have told Niall all these things his old doctor had told him, but what was the point in that? At least the blonde wasn’t freaking out, he did sound and look guilty though and as if he was somehow trying to singlehandedly think of a solution for all of Liam’s problem. 

“I don’t… I don’t do it because it’s so much fun, I… I wish that… that I could just… deal with things like a normal person, but… I can’t.” It wasn’t like Liam did it on a daily basis and for years now he had come to think that maybe a bit of pain wasn’t all that bad, that it was still better than being all alone with this torturing mind set, not knowing what to do or how to even make it through another minute and a lot of times, he didn’t even plan it, it felt like a natural reaction, like crying or screaming. After all the bruises healed, didn’t they? Not the ones he had put there in the very beginning that had left scars, but the lighter ones.

“Li, why did you… why did you stop seeing a doctor?” Niall suddenly asked and Liam figured that Louis must have told him that as well. 

The older boy stepped away from Niall before answering, slowly getting started on making their breakfast because otherwise they would both leave here without having eaten anything at all. Niall let him, but he did go with Liam and then again sat on the counter, watching the brunette and Liam wouldn’t have minded at all had they not been talking about this thing.

“Because… one, it’s expensive and so is medication and two… there aren’t a lot of options around here and… I went to two doctors, but uh… I just didn’t like them and… also I felt like shit whenever I took the medication and… I never felt like it really got better and… my mum forced me to go and… she always demanded I tell her everything we talked about and then when I was old enough, I… I finally stopped going and… I started to feel better, for a while, but… all in all… I never noticed a difference to how I felt when I still went there and when I stopped, so…” It was possible that Liam hadn’t been very cooperative back then, but it was definitely true that the medication had made him feel bad and he knew that there had been other options but he had never tried them and then he had stopped going and now… now he was here. 

“But, Li… “ Niall started and Liam kinda wanted to roll his eyes thinking that the blonde was going to hold the usual speech that people liked to hold, as if Liam didn’t know it by heart yet. “If you, for example, break your arm, then… you’d go to the doctor as well and not just hope that it heals by itself, and you’d probably go to physiotherapy and stuff and… I mean, you’re not imaging this stuff, it’s a real illness.”

Okay, Liam had NOT expected that, he actually stopped with whatever he had been doing in the moment to look at the blonde, check if he had been serious or not, but… he seemed to have really meant it. “Do you… do you really think that?”

“Um, why would I not think that? It’s not like a question of what I believe or… I mean, it’s a fact? Depression isn’t just a mood or something you pray goes away, I… did you think I was thinking that?” Right, maybe Liam had underestimated Niall a little bit too much.

“No, I… I don’t know, I mean… a lot of people think that, like… like my mother or… “ Or most people, at least that’s what it felt like but Liam didn’t continue because he was now getting embarrassed about all the things he had told Niall.

“Fuck everyone who thinks that, Li, that’s just ignorant and… it’s not your fault they refuse to educate themselves, it’s not like no one ever told your mom, right? I mean, if you told her what the doctor said and stuff and… don’t listen to her, she’s wrong.” Liam knew that Niall was right, he had known that before the blonde had said it obviously, but it didn’t change the fact that he still cared what his mother thought about him and… his situation. 

“I know… “ Liam mumbled, not really knowing what else to say but he did feel slightly better now, to know that Niall took this serious, that he wasn’t telling Liam to just snap out of it or something. “Thank you.”

“For what?” The blonde asked and he sounded genuinely confused but Liam just shrugged anyways, not feeling like continuing this conversation because he felt like everything had already been said and Niall adding stuff and trying to convince him to maybe go see a doctor again would have just felt pointless right now. “Can I… ask another question?”

“Um, yeah.” He had been asking so many questions by now, did it really matter anymore?

“Do you, like… do you think that… if nothing ever changed and if you decide to not go see someone again or take medication and stuff, do you think that… that you could live like this forever?” What was he asking right now? “Like… if it never changed, I mean, sorry if… if this sounds weird.”

“Niall, I told you… I won’t like… kill myself.” Liam couldn’t actually believe that the blonde had just asked him this, again, but could he really blame him though? “Who really enjoys their lives so much anyways? I mean… everyone feels bad sometimes, it’s… it’s not like I gotta love every second of being alive.”

“No, but… I enjoy my life, I mean, of course things go wrong and I’ve got bad days, but Liam… you can’t use that as an excuse to-“

“As an excuse?! I’m not making excuses for myself, if I needed someone to tell me that it’s all my own fault because I’m too lazy or whatever to go get help then… I could have just called my mother, thank you.” Liam couldn’t have helped it, even if he had wanted to, just… what the fuck? Was Niall going to tell him the exact same things now, only in a nicer way?!

“I’m sorry, Li, that’s not what I meant, I… none of this is your fault, okay? I know that and your mother should know it as well. What I meant was that you shouldn’t tell yourself that everyone feels bad sometimes because the truth is that… most people probably never feel as bad as you do and you shouldn’t try to tell yourself that it’s something everyone experiences because that’s not true and the more you think that, the less you will want to get help because you tell yourself you don’t have a reason to get help in the first place. I’m not telling you what you should or shouldn’t do and I know you never asked for my opinion, but I just wanted to say that… I think you’re really strong and if there’s anything I can do then I’m going to be there and… if you do decide one day that you maybe wanna see a doctor again, I… I’d fully support you.” So in short, Niall wished he could have told Liam what to do, but he was trying really hard not to let it show.

Liam didn’t answer immediately, he just got two plates for them because they needed to hurry up a little bit, suddenly feeling bad for his small freak out before. “I… thank you, Niall, and… sorry for… you know.”

“It’s alright, Li, I shouldn’t have said it like that, I’d never think you should blame yourself for any of this or that you’re dealing with it the wrong way because… how would I know anyways?” He was smiling a bit when their eyes met, still looking really sad though and Liam could almost feel his heart getting lighter when the blonde _finally_ changed the bloody topic. “That looks really good, thank you.”

“You’re welcome…” Trying to fill their plates up equally, Liam tried not to spill any food when the blonde jumped off of the counter, rubbing his hand over the older boy’s waist as he went to go get some glasses. 

It was still a rather nice breakfast, they never talked about Liam’s bruises again that day, just did the dishes really quick before getting changed, Niall wearing one of Liam’s shirts that kinda fit him really well, immediately grabbing a hold of the older’s hand the moment they had walked out of the front door. 

Their ways parted after some time and Liam made sure that Niall knew where he had to get on the bus and how he’d get to uni, still a little bit surprised when the younger boy pulled him in for a kiss instead of saying goodbye, despite the fact that other people were passing them by. It wasn’t just a peck either, but they still hadn’t deepened the kiss and Liam knew it was because Niall was still trying to take it slow and not startle him, but his anxiety still made him question that a bit by now.

Somehow Liam felt kinda alright though when he arrived at work, not like he had expected to feel after having that kinda talk with Niall, but… maybe talking about it wasn’t too bad after a while and if Niall always reacted so supportive. Which Liam couldn’t know of course, but… it was sort of a relief that they had gotten that over with now.

 

\--------------

 

_Niall 07:05 pm  
Do you wanna come over to my place? You’ve just gotten off work right?_

 

Liam had been staring at the text message for good 10 minutes now after he had left work and he still didn’t know what to answer. He wanted to see Niall, really badly actually, but he didn’t know if the younger boy had told his mother about Liam and he also didn’t wanna ask because he knew that Niall’s mother was surely going to be supportive. And if she wasn’t, Niall would surely not ask Liam to come, would he?

But actually, that wasn’t even why Liam hesitated, he didn’t really enjoy going to other people’s houses that much in general, but he barely knew Niall’s mother and… well, in short, he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to because there were already so many scenarios of what could have happened, like Niall’s mother opening the door and asking what he wanted because she didn’t know he was coming or her having friends over or Niall saying something embarrassing in front of her and making Liam blush or… literally a billion other things.

Also, Liam kinda wanted to go home and shower and change, but it was already 7 pm and if he went home and did all of that before going over to Niall’s, he couldn’t be there sooner than in an hour or something and it was a Monday. So, in short, Liam really didn’t have any choice other than to tell Niall yes if he wanted to see him and not waste too much time. 

 

_To Niall 07:17 pm  
Ok. Now?_

 

Liam couldn’t help but ask, just wanting to make sure while very briefly having to actually think about the best way to get to Niall’s place from where he was. Of course the younger boy texted back within like 20 seconds, simply having sent a “Yes?” that caused Liam to blush a bit, but he still sent back a thumbs up, trying to play it cool.

He had barely been able to concentrate at work today because of everything that had happened the last few days but especially this morning. Luckily his boss had only been there for an hour and she had spent it asking Liam if he was sure that he was alright because apparently he still looked a bit exhausted and tired. Hadn’t she already figured out that he always looked like this?

There had barely been any customers luckily, so Liam had been free to text Niall all day long and overthink stuff without actually wanting to. He thought a lot about what the blonde had said, the fact that he had yelled at Louis for not getting Liam to stop hurting himself or that he had seemed really confused that people like Liam’s mother truly believed that mental illness was just… made up or some shit.

Actually, the blonde hadn’t said just one thing that had been questionable, he had sounded very genuine and he had immediately explained after Liam had freaked out a bit that one time. So what more could the brunette have wanted, right? The only thing was that he was worried that maybe Niall wouldn’t always react this way, that maybe he was just trying really hard right now but eventually he would get fed up or realize that he couldn’t actually magically heal Liam just by offering that they could talk about anything.

But he wasn’t stupid, he had read up on all of this and he very obviously went to Louis for advice so… Liam just needed to relax probably, even if this whole thing felt more than surreal and too good to be true. Then again, Liam had never really opened up like this to anyone except for Niall and maybe Louis, but Louis had never asked such deep and detailed questions, so Liam couldn’t actually compare it to anybody else’s reaction.

It was just the fact in general that Niall was being so fucking sweet and affectionate, always touching Liam and kissing him and wanting to spend time with him that seemed kinda strange to the brunette. Could it really be that Liam was just really fucking lucky? And that he didn’t have a reason to worry? Or was he going to have to pay a price for all of this later?

Instead of ringing the doorbell or even walking up to the front door when he got to Niall’s place, Liam made sure to text the blonde that he was there instead, kinda wanting to force him to open the door himself rather than risking that his mother was going to do it. Liam also made sure to rub his hands on his jeans and he had chewed some gum while walking, still feeling kinda gross though from not having gone home to change his clothes or have a shower. Also, it was kinda warm outside and after all the walking he had done, he was feeling a bit hot and probably also looked exactly like it.

“Hey, why’re you standing all the way over there?” Niall had opened the door literally two seconds after Liam had texted him, startling the brunette a bit. 

“I… I just got here.” Liam lied as he slowly shoved his phone into his pocket before making his way over to the front door, returning Niall’s smile a little bit but feeling even less uncomfortable in his own skin when he realized just how good the younger boy looked. He was just wearing casual clothes, the same shirt Liam had borrowed him this morning and some joggers, but he definitely didn’t look kinda sweaty and gross like Liam probably did right now. “Hi... “

“Hi, babe.” Niall said it all casual, apparently not caring about Liam’s appearance because he even took a step outside the door just to wrap his arms around the brunette, despite the fact that he was only wearing socks. “Everything alright?”

“I’m good… you?” Hugging the boy back tightly, Liam tried to subtly breathe in the boy’s cologne that he had definitely put on just a bit ago and he kinda enjoyed pretending that Niall was trying to impress him a little bit as well, that it wasn’t only one sided even though they already kinda were together. 

“Me too, now that you’re here.” As if to put more meaning on his words, the blonde turned his head momentarily to kiss the side of Liam’s, his hand rubbing up and down the brunette’s back. “Y’know… whenever we spend the night together, I kinda miss you even more during the day than I normally do. Louis got really annoyed with me because I didn’t shut up about you today.”

“Ummm… what… what did you talk about?” Liam was sure that it couldn’t have been anything good, Louis had been texting him as well asking about how everything had gone with Niall last night but seeing as he and Niall had seen each other in person… they had possibly talked about it in more detail.

“Nothing important, really, you know, I just… I left my phone lying on the desk and then I checked the time and… Louis saw my lock screen and then he wouldn’t stop teasing me about it.” Wait, what did that have to do with Liam?

“What, uh… what’s your lock screen?” Liam was kinda curious now because he had thought he knew what the boy’s lock screen was anyways, but a picture of the beach surely wouldn’t have caused Louis to tease him. 

“Well… I think I should have asked you first, but, um… you know when… when you were sleeping this morning and then you cuddled into me and… it was really cute and I took a picture and… I’m sorry, do you mind? You just looked so cute.” Oh god, this was so bad, Liam couldn’t even really comprehend, he just held on tighter to Niall just because he didn’t want him to pull away now and look at Liam’s bright red face. He had taken a picture of Liam sleeping on his chest?! “Do you mind, Li? I’m sorry Louis saw it, I wasn’t really thinking.”

“No, I… “ Did Liam mind? All he knew was that he kinda felt really flattered, his stomach having grown all warm from just the thought that Niall seemed to genuinely think that he was cute while sleeping. “I don’t mind… “

“You sure?” At this, Niall moved as if he wanted to pull away but Liam just held on tighter so the blonde stayed, keeping on hugging Liam half in the doorway while anyone could have walked by. 

“Yeah… I’m sure.” Somehow, Liam was both embarrassed but also kinda proud, if that made any sense? So Niall really hadn’t minded Liam cuddling into him in his sleep, had he? If he had taken a picture of Liam that the brunette never wanted to see and if he had been lying there not trying to move away, then… he couldn’t be lying about it, could he?

“Okay, thank you, I was scared you’d make me delete it.” The blonde laughed softly before suddenly pulling away, just enough to kiss Liam on the mouth and the brunette was almost too surprised to kiss the younger boy back in time. “Are you hungry?”

“I… not really.” Which was true, it was kinda too hot outside for Liam to feel hungry and he had eaten a few hours ago during his break, but Niall asking this question kinda reminded him that hopefully the blonde wasn’t going to eat dinner with his mother in a bit. 

“You sure? Well, we can also eat a bit later, my mom’s at a friend’s house but we could either attempt to make something ourselves or order some pizza or whatever. Or eat some cereal maybe, as a snack or something, I actually might really want some.” Niall’s arms were still around Liam’s neck, loosely now though and the brunette’s hands were resting on Niall’s hips just because he had kinda forgotten to take them down, their foreheads almost touching and Liam tried not to be too relieved about Niall’s mother not being home. “You want some as well?”

“No, thanks.” Smiling, Niall pecked Liam’s lips one more time, kissing his cheek as well before very slowly letting go of him, intertwining their fingers though to pull the brunette inside before closing the door behind them. “Did you do anything, uh, interesting at uni today?”

“Jeez, no, not really. I mean, I did enjoy a few classes, but it was a kinda boring day, nothing happened really. Also, Louis was keeping me from taking any notes at all, it was getting slightly annoying. Did you have any customers today?” Good question really, Liam was leaning against the counter while watching Niall making cereal once they had gotten to the kitchen and it shouldn’t have been allowed really, to look good even while doing every day activities. 

“A few… some kid came in and I think he wanted to actually steal something, but uh… we have no alarm system or anything and I didn’t wanna call the police so… I didn’t say anything.” That had actually happened a few times already, Liam felt kinda weird saying it out loud but Niall only commented it with a pulled up eyebrow before letting out a laugh.

“Really? D’you think he actually took something?” The blonde sounded kind of amused really and Liam relaxed a bit because for some reason, he had thought that the younger boy might tell him that he needed to take his job more seriously. Which he did, but having his heart almost jumping out whenever he made a phone call to someone he knew wasn’t really a good thing if he was supposed to call the police about something he wasn’t sure he had actually seen. 

“I don’t know… I don’t think so. If he did it was probably just some candy.” And who was Liam to care if nobody would ever find out, right? It sure as hell saved him a lot of anxiety to just ignore these things.

“Have you ever stolen something as a kid?” Niall randomly asked after having poured so much cereal into his bowl that he had to get more milk as well, for the second time now, and Liam wondered whether he was doing it on purpose as an excuse to eat more.

“No… I haven’t. I used to always feel really guilty for everything when I was a kid, like… whenever I thought something bad about someone, I’d immediately tell my mom. If I had ever stolen anything… I would have never been able to sleep again probably.” Liam had been quite weird as a kid really, he kinda regretted having said that out loud but the blonde seemed kinda interested anyways for whatever reason.

“Awww, that’s cute though. I didn’t really tell my mom a lot when I was a kid, but… it’s different now.” So their relationships with their mothers were pretty much switched and Liam couldn’t help but feel the hint of jealousy. “But I’ve never stolen anything either, so don’t worry, you’re not dating a criminal.”

“Oh, thank god.” Liam tried to laugh it off even though the word dating had startled him a little bit, but Niall had used it all casually and as if it was a fact anyways. “I was already getting scared you might have had a criminal childhood and start confessing to me now.”

“Nah, my childhood was boring as fuck, I literally never did anything. I only got sent to the principal once because I brought my guitar to school and then we’d all sing during the lesson and apparently that was my fault.” The blonde shrugged, getting himself a spoon before taking his bowl and making his way out of the kitchen, Liam automatically following behind.

“You can play guitar?” Okay, he had never heard that before, he had seen the guitar in Niall’s room but it had never really occurred to him to ask about it.

“Yeah… used to be obsessed with it. I haven’t played a lot lately though because of uni and everything else going on, but… I might write you a song sometime and it’ll be terribly cheesy, so beware.” Liam couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not so he just laughed along with the blonde as they walked up the stairs to his room and the brunette felt kinda weird about not having known about the guitar thing. It’s just, it was usually Niall who asked all the questions. “I might do it for your birthday or something.”

“That’s… still gonna be a while though.” Had Liam ever told Niall about when his birthday was? He didn’t even know when the blonde’s was and now he felt really stupid.

“August 29th, right?” Wait, what? “I asked Louis a while ago, I was kinda afraid I’m going to miss it and I knew you wouldn’t tell me yourself. Really funny though, we’ve only been born a year and like 2 weeks apart _and_ we have the same zodiac sign.”

“Yeah, I… um… when… when is your birthday?” Liam wanted to die right now, he should have asked Louis as well instead of Niall, but it just kinda came out without him being able to stop himself.

“September 13th. Don’t look so guilty now, Li, it’s not like you missed it or anything, I only asked Louis about yours a few days ago as well, ‘s fine.” Niall had noticed the look on Liam’s face and the brunette only blushed more as he slowly sat down on the younger’s bed, waiting for Niall to close the door before coming to sit on the other side, crossed legs, his cereal bowl in his lap. “It is funny though, isn’t it? How close our birthdays are?”

“Yeah, I… I guess.” It was unexpected for sure, Liam kinda wanted to write the date down because he was pretty sure he was going to forget and then panic. “Why… why didn’t you ask me instead of Louis?”

“It just kinda came up and… wait, do you mind? If I ask Louis these things? Or talk about you with him? I swear, we’re not saying anything bad or like… it’s like when we talk about Harry, it’s just… y’know… bragging about our boyfriends, I guess.” What?

Okay, Liam was so confused now that he basically just stared at Niall and the blonde ate three spoons full of cereals before really noticing and pulling up his eyebrows, waiting for Liam to say something. Had he really… called Liam his boyfriend? Just like that? Of course Liam didn’t mind Niall talking about him with Louis in this way, he just hadn’t known that that was what he had meant, he had kinda thought the blonde only asked Louis stuff about Liam’s illness and his past life or something. 

“Li? You okay? I’m really sorry if that’s bothering you, I won’t do it again, if-“

“No, I… it’s fine.” Liam said, very slowly, thinking about how much he talked about Niall with Louis as well, asking for advice and stuff but… that was different, wasn’t it? “I didn’t… I just thought… I don’t know, it’s… fine.”

“Okay… “ Niall seemed confused, probably because Liam was making no sense whatsoever, he just kinda couldn’t get over the fact that Niall had called him his boyfriend. “Tell me though, okay? If like… if I do something you don’t want me to.”

“Yeah, uh… you too.” Who knows, maybe Liam should have asked Niall before telling his mother about the blonde, right? He had never been in a relationship and even now he didn’t know if they were because they had never used that word, but now that Niall had said it like that…

“Don’t worry, you can go around talking about your amazing boyfriend to anyone you like.” It was clearly a joke and Niall was having a blast with it as he laughed over himself while eating some more cereal and Liam apparently got a bit too courageous.

“Are you?” He just blurted out with it without thinking about the consequences and the blonde almost immediately stopped chuckling, cocking his head slightly in confusion.

“Amazing or your boyfriend?” The blonde asked, letting out another quick laugh before he probably realized that Liam had meant the second because his face got a whole lot more serious. “Of course I’m your boyfriend, Li, I… unless, you… unless you don’t want us to like… unless you don’t wanna call it that. I’m sorry, I should have asked or something, I know we’re taking it slow and stuff, but… I thought that… you know… “

“No, it’s… I was just surprised, is all, I didn’t… I never know what to like… call this between us because… we only talked about it once and… “ And Liam had never really asked because he had been too embarrassed but now that Niall was kissing him and calling him his boyfriend, it was kinda clear what they were, right? At least from Niall’s side and the brunette surely didn’t mind it in any way. 

“Yeah, I mean… I know we never talked about it again, but… but I’d be happy if we could make it, like, official? ‘cos I really like you a lot and I wanna be with you and I’ve kinda called you my boyfriend in front of like 10 people now… “ Oh. “So… is that okay?”

“Yeah… of course.” Liam made sure to answer quickly, maybe a bit too quickly because it made Niall smile really big and before the brunette could even take in the younger’s gorgeous face, Niall had already put his almost empty bowl on the bedside table, half falling into the older’s lap as he pressed a kiss to his lips, both palms pressing against Liam’s cheeks.

Though it had been more than unexpected, Liam kissed back of course, this time not too shy to touch the blonde as well because he kinda did it automatically when the blonde had almost knocked him over. The kiss was kind of eager, but Niall still didn’t try to deepen it really, his tongue did move over Liam’s bottom lip and maybe it was Liam’s fault really that they didn’t go further because he wasn’t really sure what to do and when.

Niall didn’t seem to mind at all though, he always seemed really into their kisses, pressing closer and closer into Liam, tightening his grip on him, his hands touching the older’s face, his biceps, his hair and everywhere else he could reach. His touches felt hot and cold at the same time against Liam’s skin and the way Niall tasted and how his lips felt made the brunette’s head spin as he did his best to return the kiss.

The blonde was kinda pushing against Liam’s shoulder at one point until Liam eventually let himself fall back a bit against the pillows, never breaking their kiss though because Niall went right with him, half landing on his chest.

“Li… “ Niall mumbled against Liam’s lips when they had to take a quick break due to lack of air, the younger’s fingers threading through Liam’s hair, stroking his jaw. “Relax… ‘s just me… “

Yeah, and that was exactly why Liam wasn’t fully relaxed, but when Niall kissed him again this time, both of them already breathing hard, the brunette really tried to relax a bit more, parting his lips a bit when Niall dragged his tongue over them again. Liam had kinda wanted it for a while, but he still felt his heart hammering in his chest, tightening his grip around Niall’s arm in surprise when the blonde licked into his mouth after having nudged his lips further apart.

It made Liam feel so damn dizzy in the best way possible, having half of Niall’s weight on top of him and the younger’s tongue massaging his, both of them panting a bit as they snogged and Liam couldn’t help but feel relieved. He had never really thought he’d ever get to experience something like this, but now here he was with Niall, who he genuinely liked so much, who had just called Liam his boyfriend, and they were making out on the blonde’s bed and though Liam’s lunges were kinda burning, he kinda never wanted to stop again. Of course Liam was kinda inexperienced, but he was trying his best and Niall was doing it slowly and gently, showing Liam what to do.

They had to pull apart though at some point, both of them breathing heavily but Niall’s grin was giant as he looked at the brunette, pecking his swollen lips one more time, stroking his face as he looked down at him. “Fuck… I could kiss you all day long, you know.”

_Me too_ , Liam thought, but instead he just returned the younger’s smile, feeling lucky that the boy wasn’t fully lying on top of him so he didn’t know that the brunette had gotten half hard in his jeans. Who could have blamed him though?

After a break and Niall stroking and kissing Liam’s face for so long that the brunette almost died from getting so blushed, they kissed again, much shorter this time though and Niall pressed himself even more tightly into Liam’s side afterwards, snuggling up to him, his face against the older’s neck. Liam hesitantly put his arm around Niall’s shoulders, holding him close, and it felt really nice to just lie there, listen to each other’s breathing getting more even again, not really talking for a while but just enjoying each other’s company. 

Liam would have never thought that he could ever have something like this and he tried to treasure every second of it, not trusting this to last.

 

\-------------

 

When Liam got home, he still felt good, though he had kinda regretted not having said yes to Niall’s offer to stay at his place over night. It was midnight when Liam was finally lying in his own bed and thinking about everything that had happened today. They hadn’t done a lot at Niall’s place, just snogging some more and cuddling on the bed and watching a movie and Liam might have slept in a few times, only to wake up again a few minutes later to the blonde kissing or stroking his face.

It was bad but he really missed the blonde a whole lot while lying in bed, using the teddy bear Niall had given to him as a pillow because it reminded him of him. The reason why Liam hadn’t stayed over night was simply because he had to be at work at 8 in the morning tomorrow and he still hadn’t showered before or changed his clothes and… he would have asked Niall to come sleep at his place instead, but… he hadn’t had the courage to.

So the blonde had kissed him goodbye in the doorway, for pretty long, hugging him as well and making Liam promise him that he would text him the whole time while walking and until he was home. The thing was, now that Liam was lying in bed by himself, he was kinda getting those worries again and he tried to go to sleep, for at least an hour, but it simply didn’t work.

By 1.30 in the morning, Liam had kinda convinced himself that he had interpreted the whole thing between him and Niall the wrong way and it was driving him the fuck insane. Also, he kinda was really worried all of a sudden that he had been really bad while kissing the blonde or while cuddling with him and just because Liam simply couldn’t take it any more at some point, he reached for his phone.

Part of the reason why Liam was brave enough to text Niall was because of what the blonde had said this morning, that Liam could always come to him and talk if he wanted to, no matter how late it was, and Liam didn’t actually want to talk about anything in particular, he just kinda wanted some reassurance that Niall was still talking to him like he always did. Also… maybe talking to the blonde would help him to finally fall asleep.

 

_To Niall 01:25 am  
Are you still awake?_

 

The thing was though, Liam never got an answer, which he should have expected of course because it was really late, but for some reason, that really got to him. Liam had known that Niall had only told him they could talk at any time because he hadn’t actually thought Liam would wanna talk so late at night. Which was fine, just… in this moment, it kinda really got the brunette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!!!
> 
> glad a lot of you liked the last chapter, i really hope you enjoyed this one as well <3 thank you to everyone who leaves kudos and comments and to everyone who keeps on reading my story, it really really means a lot and i appreciate every single one of you :) <3
> 
> Also i feel like i gotta address certain things happening in the story at some point. now, there is a trigger warning, but if anybody needs me to still put a warning for certain scenes in the individual chapters, then please let me know! or if you have any other concerns really, i want everyone to be able to read without feeling uncomfortable.
> 
> also, if you identify with liam and/or are suffering from depression or any other mental illness, i want you to know that you're not alone, ever, and if you ever need anybody to talk then feel free to leave me a comment and i promise i'll answer! i also do NOT think that liam not seeing a doctor anymore and trying to deal with it himself is the best option (although switching doctors who make you feel worse instead of better is of course a good thing), i just know that in general, mental illnesses are often not treated. but if you or anybody you know needs help, then please do go see an expert if you have the means and if you dont, please talk to a friend or a teacher or a family member or anybody really, dont be ashamed to ask for help. and if you think that someone might be going through something/hurts themselves, offer to be there for them and listen, you wont be able to heal them but you can still make a difference.


	11. Chapter 11

Niall felt like shit as he entered class, eyes still glued to his phone as he almost bumped into ten people on the way to the very last row of the lecture hall. Ever since he had met Louis, he made sure to sit as far away from any professor as possible whenever the older boy was there as well because otherwise, they’d get into trouble every five seconds.

When Niall had woken up this morning, at like 10 am or something because his first class on Tuesdays’ started kinda late, he had immediately seen the text message Liam had sent him, in the middle of the night when the blonde had been fast asleep. Of course he had texted Liam immediately, three times already, but the brunette was at work so Niall couldn’t call and he also didn’t know if his messages were being ignored intentionally.

He had promised Liam just yesterday morning that he was always available to talk and then he had fucking allowed himself to fall asleep last night, even after he had thought he wouldn’t be able to because his whole bed still smelled like Liam. So now Niall was left feeling anxious and worried about whatever had happened last night when Liam hadn’t been able to fall asleep, what he had done to himself and what he thought about Niall now. Liam almost never texted first or asked to hang out, so the fact that he had reached out to talk was actually a big deal but of course Niall had had to go and fucking fall asleep.

Shit.

“Hey, how’re things on cloud nine?” Louis simply never ran out of stupid things to say and jokes to make about Niall and Liam and usually Niall didn’t care anymore, he was so in love with Liam it was actually ridiculous, but today, he really wasn’t in the mood.

“Can we not talk about my love life for like… one hour?” Niall asked, not even lifting his head from where he had it resting on his crossed arms on the table. He could barely even think because he felt so guilty and stupid, he wanted to give Liam the world but instead he just made empty promises and couldn’t even fucking be there if the brunette needed to talk. 

“Trouble in paradise?” Louis of course made the chair squeak across the floor as he sat down next to the blonde, still sounding very amused. 

“No, shut up.” The blonde said before immediately regretting it because he couldn’t simply deny what he had done, right? It was all his own fault, after everything had gone so well, after Liam had been so fucking cute yesterday morning snuggling into Niall and then their conversation that had really opened the blonde’s eyes to how Liam saw himself and his illness and then them snogging for the first time and now… now Niall just wanted to skip uni to go to Liam’s store and apologize. “I fucked up.”

“What’d you do? Did he not enjoy a teddy bear as a present?” Right, Niall shouldn’t have told Louis that, it had been mistake when he had sent the older boy a picture from London and the bear had been in the background. Of course Louis had been bound to ask about it.

“He did, but... last night… Liam texted me at like 1.30 and asked if I was still awake and I wasn’t and… now he won’t answer my text messages and fuck, Lou, what if something really bad happened last night? And I wasn’t there? _Again?_ ” What if he had hurt himself because of Niall? Fuck, the blonde really needed to calm down about this but he just couldn’t help googling stuff all the time, trying to think of ways to help Liam without being too controlling but it was just so fucking hard. If Niall could have, he would have wrapped Liam up into bubble wrap and never ever left him out of his sight again.

“Well, it was 1.30 in the morning, I don’t think he can expect you to still be awake at that time.” Was all Louis said, he shrugged when Niall finally lifted his head to look at him, kinda wanting to punch him in the face.

“It was my fault though, I should have put my phone on loud. Also, he hasn’t texted me back, what if something happened, what if he-“

“Niall, calm down, okay? We talked about this, Liam doesn’t need a babysitter, alright? It’s not your fault, Nialler, if he texts you in the middle of the night. If it was really serious, he would have surely called.” Um, were they talking about the same person?

“You know he would never call, Lou. And it WAS my fault, because… I told him I’d always be there, even in the middle of the night, I told him if he… if he ever felt the need to like… hurt himself and he’d rather talk then… I’d be there. I told him that yesterday morning and then last night I already broke the bloody promise.” Niall wanted to cry, he could actually feel tears starting to build in his eyes so he made sure to look away, sniffing a bit and internally praying that his phone was going to light up any second.

“Jesus, Niall, you gotta stop blaming yourself, seriously. Liam is fine, I can promise you that, and I doubt you could really talk him out of hurting himself, he probably just couldn’t sleep or something.” Why was Louis so damn relaxed all the fucking time? Was he not worried?

“Yeah, but _why_ couldn’t he sleep?” Had it been because of their evening together? Because they had snogged? Or because Niall had called Liam his boyfriend? 

“I don’t know, Ni… all I know is that he will be fine, just give him some time, he’s gonna text back. And don’t do anything impulsive, like, showing up at the store or calling him there or telling him you thought he killed himself like when you were in London.” Okay, Niall now realized that that had been a bit over the top, it’s just… holy fuck, he had barely been able to still breathe that day. “I know you’re in love with him and you’re worried as hell, but… don’t make worrying about Liam your whole life, okay? And don’t make your whole relationship about him being depressed or him hurting himself, you’re not doing any of you any favors.”

“It’s easy for you to say… you’ve known him for ages.” And Liam had been diagnosed through most of it, so of course Louis knew how to deal with it better than Niall, but part of the reason why Niall did so much research on the topic was also because he didn’t always wanna have to ask Louis. Or be lectured by him, especially because he knew Liam wouldn’t have appreciated that very much if he had known.

“Yeah, which is why I know that you just need to give him some time. He’s been much worse and it’s actually gotten better the last few years. And now he has you as well and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want your whole relationship to consist of you guys talking about his illness. He’s a normal guy, Nialler, he’s not always feeling down, he doesn’t hurt himself on a daily basis or whenever you look at him the wrong way, he’s not made of glass. True, he can be shy and he sometimes gets really distant, but that’s partly just who he is as a person, so look at him like that, as a person, your _boyfriend_ , and not a walking time bomb.” The thing was, Louis sometimes sounded really harsh, but he didn’t actually mean it and somehow, it always helped Niall to calm down a bit. “Do you ever… regret this?”

“What, being with Liam?” What kinda question was this?

“Yeah, I mean… if you could have chosen to fall in love with somebody, would you have still chosen him? Now that you know what’s going on and what it feels like?” Okay, this was definitely a trap, Niall knew that Louis wouldn’t have hesitated to break something in his body if he ever did anything to hurt Liam. Luckily for him, what he answered came out easily because it was the truth.

“I wouldn’t choose for him to be unhappy or to have any kind of illness, but I’d still choose him any day no matter what. It didn’t change anything for me when you told me what’s up with him or when I did research or asked him about it, I want _him_ , I don’t care what comes with that.” Also, who knew if Liam would be the same if his life had gone differently? Which of course was no reason for Niall to wish that Liam had to feel bad his whole life just because otherwise he wouldn’t have turned out like the guy Niall knew today. “Why?”

“Because I also worry.” Louis shrugged, but he sounded very pleased with Niall’s answer either ways. “And I gotta be there to pick up the pieces if you decide to walk away.”

“I love him.” Niall blurted out with it without even thinking about it, but it was the truth anyways, even if his cheeks suddenly turned hot and he had to slip down in his seat a bit, still staring at the empty front of the lecture hall, their professor clearly running late. 

“Did you also tell him that yesterday?” Now Louis’ voice sounded a bit softer and Niall kinda had a feeling he was smiling but he didn’t dare checking.

“No… I never told him that, it’d be too soon and I don’t wanna scare him away or make it weird. We… we just only figured out yesterday that Liam still didn’t know that we’re dating.” Niall should have maybe really initiated that conversation sooner, he needed to stop thinking everything made sense to Liam the way it did for him. Liam had never been in a relationship before even if it was kinda hard for Niall to keep that in mind because the way Liam kissed him definitely didn’t feel like he was doing it the first time.

“How did that conversation go?” A lot better than Niall had thought for a moment. 

“Good… we… we snogged afterwards.” He tried to play it cool, actually not having planned on telling Louis that detail, but he somehow always had an urge to tell the older boy everything just because he loved talking about Liam so damn much that it was probably unhealthy. 

“Congratulations.” Louis snorted and Niall couldn’t help but roll his eyes, not giving the older boy a playful slap though like he had thought about for a second. “What happened to taking it slow?”

“We ARE taking it slow, how long did _you_ wait to snog Harry?” Unbelievable, Niall knew that Louis was making fun of him, but still. Considering how long Niall had fantasized about Liam, they were definitely taking it slow, there were a billion things Niall wanted to do with Liam but he was holding back, taking one step at a time, waiting for signs that Liam might be wanting them to go further as well.   
“Hm, five minutes?” Louis let out a laugh while Niall just rolled his eyes, flinching a bit when the older boy suddenly patted is back. “No, I know, you’re taking it slow and you’re probably close to combusting by now, I’m sorry.”

“Oh my god, shut up, Lou.” Right, now Niall’s face felt as hot and bright as Liam’s was every day, but honestly, this conversation had taken a really weird turn. “If you say anything to Liam, I’m going to-“

“Yeah, yeah, you really think I’d say anything to him? I’m glad you’re taking it slow.” Niall wasn’t sure if he was also glad, but he was trying his best to make sure Liam was always comfortable and that he really wanted things as well, that he didn’t just do them for Niall. Which was hard sometimes because the blonde knew Liam wouldn’t have said anything if he hadn’t wanted something. “See, I told you he’s alright.”

“What?” Confused about the sudden change of topic, Niall looked down just in time to catch his phone getting dark again and his heart must have skipped at least 10 beats as he hurried to unlock it to read the text message Liam had sent him, relief washing through him.

 

_From Liam ♥ 12:10 pm  
Sorry, I was really busy at the store. I’m alright, don’t worry, I just couldn’t sleep last night is all. How’s uni? :) xxx_

 

When Liam texted, he always was a bit more confident with words than he was in real life and it always got Niall’s heart beating so damn fast whenever the older boy sent x’s or heart emojis. Usually Niall had to write those things first, but it was alright, they were definitely getting there. It’s not like Niall felt like Liam didn’t like him as much as the other way around, he just knew that Liam was kinda shy and that he had never done any of this before, so the blonde was maybe just being a little bit extra affectionate for the both of them.

But Liam always immediately went with it, Niall would have never touched him or kissed him without the older boy wanting him to. And after all, he had also initiated certain things himself as well, like kisses and some cuddles, and whenever he did, it felt like the best fucking thing in the entire world. 

Niall made sure to text Liam back immediately, a little bit more than necessary just because he really wanted his boyfriend to answer him. Louis luckily never got the chance again to keep the conversation going because their professor finally decided to show up and the younger boy kept on texting Liam throughout the whole class, not taking a single note.

 

\-------------------

 

When Niall got home, he had tried really fucking hard not to go to the store and ‘surprise’ Liam, because surely, that wouldn’t have been a very good surprise. Niall was really trying hard to take Louis’ advice to heart, Liam was texting back just like he usually did but the blonde still wasn’t convinced that everything was fine and that the older boy really simply hadn’t been able to sleep last night.

“Hi, mum.” Niall absently called out while closing the door behind him, still busy typing out a text message to Liam, not paying much attention to anything else. He really, really wanted to ask Liam if they could hang out once he got off work, but what if Liam just couldn’t say no? What if he didn’t actually wanna hang out with the blonde every day? What if he really needed some time because of whatever had happened last night? Or maybe... maybe he just needed to think about all of this, about yesterday and stuff, but… how was Niall NOT going to be worried while trying to give Liam space? This was literally killing him.

“How was uni?” His mother asked from the kitchen and Niall slowly made his way there after pressing send, pocketing his phone even though he actually felt like just staring at it until Liam answered him.

“Yeah… fine, I guess.” Not like Niall had been paying all that much attention, he had actually skipped a class in order to try and do homework for another class, which he had kept for later tonight in the end. Not like he was going to do it then, he was probably just going to lie in bed debating whether to call Liam and ask him to hang out or not. His mother also didn’t really make it any better.

“Is Liam coming over today?” Niall had told her about him and Liam dating kinda randomly, not actually using those exact words but his mother had been thrilled and then she had assumed stuff and Niall hadn’t corrected her. Besides, they were officially dating now anyways, right?

“Ummm… I don’t know, I haven’t asked him, I don’t know if he wants to, he’ll probably be tired when he gets home from work.” Just like he had been last night probably, but Niall hadn’t been able to resist then. 

“When are you gonna invite him over for dinner? I wanna meet him.” Right, about that…

“You already met him.” More than once as well and Niall was sure that Liam had hated absolutely every single second of it. Not like Niall was disappointed or anything, he knew that the older boy just didn’t like talking to people he didn’t know all too well so he felt even more proud that Liam was opening up more and more to him. “And… I don’t know if he likes dinner invitations that much.”

“Why not? I promise I won’t ask any embarrassing questions.” The thing was, Niall’s mom obviously had no idea about what was going on with Liam and the blonde wasn’t going to tell her because he knew for a fact that at one point she would let something slip in front of Liam. Simply because she’d feel so sorry for him and then she’d wanna invite him over for dinner every day and offer to do his laundry and… that was surely the very last thing Liam would have wanted. 

“It’s not that, but… we haven’t been together that long and… “ Niall made some movement with his hand as he went to get something to drink from the fridge, trying hard not to take his phone out yet again and obsessively stare at it until Liam finally answered him. Usually Niall wasn’t THAT crazy about the older boy texting back, it was just about what had happened last night and the fact that the blonde still felt guilty and no matter what Louis said, he would always be worried. “Also, I have a lot of homework and I gotta study tonight.”

“Ni, if this is just an excuse because you think I will embarrass you in front of your boyfriend, I won’t, I promise, I can hold back. And I already know Liam and he’s such a nice boy, I won’t make him feel uncomfortable.” She was never going to stop until Niall agreed, the blonde was aware of that but he was trying to avoid saying yes for as long as somehow possible, for Liam’s sake.  
“I can ask him, I guess, but I don’t know if he’ll want to. And probably not tonight anyways because he has to work late, so… “ Actually, not that late, but Niall’s mother was just smiling anyways and going on about how Niall needed to tell her what Liam liked to eat so she could prepare and the blonde already kinda regretted this even though he hadn’t even done anything.

When he got into his room, Liam still hadn’t texted back so Niall tried to do the homework he had been procrastinating for at least a month now, taking a break like every 2 minutes because he had probably never been this demotivated in his entire life. That’s what it felt like anyways.

Liam did text back after a while, but his replies were getting kinda inconsistent the later it got and after Niall had had dinner with his mother and went back to his room, he couldn’t help but feel that wave of worry washing over him once more. There was actually nothing more for Niall to google because he was pretty sure he had read up most stuff he had wanted to know about anyways, he had even gone to the psychology section in the university library, not wanting to rely on just stuff written on the internet.

He did find a lot of similarities in those people sharing experiences online and Liam’s behavior, not all of it of course, but a lot of aspects and it really worried Niall. At first he had kinda thought that just maybe he would be able to make Liam feel better, that maybe it wasn’t so bad, but he had now fully realized that that had been a foolish thought. This was a lot more serious than Niall could have ever imagined before meeting the brunette and he was aware that he had been too controlling and too… into Liam’s face, but it was just really hard to just accept it like that.

At some point, Niall figured that Liam had probably gone to sleep or something, seeing as he hadn’t been able to last night, so he tried to calm himself down with that thought, pretending to study for a while as it got late. Really though, Niall was just cleaning up files on his laptop and putting away things in his room and clearing out his backpack, and he could have easily continued doing that until he got too tired and able to tell himself that it was too late to still study. Which he didn’t do though.

Letting himself fall onto his bed after having cleaned his room for at least half an hour and trying not to think about Liam, Niall was looking for a different song on his phone, still with his headphones in, when Louis kinda interrupted his plans a little bit.

 

_From Tommo 10:59 pm  
I’m honestly trying not to get involved too much, but please call your boyfriend and don’t tell him that I said anything._

 

Alright, this was more than confusing but the mentioning of Liam got Niall’s heart beating three times faster. He had wanted to call Liam all day, but the brunette hadn’t texted him back in hours and the blonde hadn’t wanted to wake him up and… one second. 

 

_To Tommo 11:00 pm  
I can’t, he’s asleep?_

 

He was, wasn’t he? Or… was he ignoring Niall again? While texting Louis at the same time?! Okay, if that was true then Niall really didn’t know anymore what to do, like… he was really trying, but how could he ever not worry about Liam, seriously? He was about to ask Louis what the hell his first text message had been supposed to mean when the older boy had already texted back, kinda confirming Niall’s theory. 

 

_From Tommo 11:02 pm  
He’s awake. Just call him, please_

 

Okay, so Liam WAS awake and he was again ignoring the blonde and Niall couldn’t help that his stomach turned in the most uncomfortable way ever, his throat getting kinda tight. He wasn’t mad at Louis nor was he jealous, but he still didn’t text the older boy back again. It’s like… was Niall really so fucking bad at being Liam’s boyfriend that he needed Louis to tell him what to do on a daily basis? And did he have to do everything Louis told him, was that what Liam would have wanted him to do? Or did he just wanna be left alone? But if he had talked to Louis then Louis probably knew what Liam wanted right now, didn’t he?

Niall was torn between wanting to just ask Louis what the fuck was up and simply take his advice and call Liam because that’s what he had been wanting to do anyways. It’s not like Niall could have honestly been mad at Louis, he was asking him for advice all the time and without him, he would have probably already said so many wrong things to Liam concerning his mental state that the brunette would have broken up with him 10 times. Or maybe not, maybe Niall was just overreacting. 

His decision was made when he locked his phone for a few minutes and then looked at the time, staring at his lock screen that kinda never failed to make him feel kinda warm. Of course it was weird that Niall was randomly calling Liam now, when it looked like he was actually asleep and stuff, but the blonde had already thought of an excuse as he waited for the brunette to pick up the phone, still lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling while chewing on his thumbnail.

At first, Niall thought Louis had made fun of him or something, or that Liam was just going to ignore his call as well as his texts, but he did eventually accept the call, his voice making Niall’s heart beat faster. “Hi…”

“Hi, babe… did I wake you?” Niall asked all innocently, not in a mean way or anything, but he also didn’t want Liam to know that he was calling because Louis had told him to. Of course also because he himself had wanted to, but he hadn’t known it was an option before.

“No, I… you didn’t.” It had sounded a bit as if he had wanted to say something else but then he had changed his mind or something and Niall was already so worried that it was killing him.

“Okay, good, I just cleaned my room and I’m not tired enough to sleep, so… and we haven’t talked all day.” Well, through text messages, but Niall had been craving to hear Liam’s voice for hours now. Also, he had no idea what Louis had wanted him to say to Liam or what was really going on, so he decided to just have a normal conversation, like he would have had had he simply called without anybody telling him to. “What’re you doing?”

“Nothing really… just lying in bed and… watching stuff.” Okay, that didn’t really sound like it but Niall decided he shouldn’t have asked, just because that’s what he usually did whenever Liam said things like that. “You?”

“Same, although I was gonna clean some more but I don’t really feel like it anymore and I actually just did it so I had an excuse not to study.” Chuckling a bit, Niall rolled his head over thinking about turning off the lights or getting underneath the blanket but that kinda seemed like a bit too much work. “Hey, I was thinking today… about us going golfing, if you still want to, I was thinking maybe we could go next weekend?”

“Oh, yeah, sure, we can do that.” Niall kinda had a feeling that Liam actually didn’t wanna go at all and that he was just agreeing to make the blonde happy, but Niall was determined not to make him regret it. 

“Awesome, I’m really excited, it’s gonna be great, I promise. And I’m sure you’re not half as bad as you always say and I’m a good teacher.” Okay, maybe that was a slight exaggeration but Niall was just really excited now and he was desperate to keep the conversation going just to convince himself that Liam was indeed fine. But then why had Louis sent him those text messages?! “I mean… I haven’t played in a while, but I don’t think you can really… _unlearn_ that, right?”

“I don’t know, maybe a little… “ Liam was speaking slowly, as if he was afraid of making Niall upset but the blonde just laughed anyways, letting his eyes fall class for a second when Liam did the same. 

“I guess we’ll find out, right? But don’t laugh at me if it turns out I actually really suck.” That was another reason why Niall had stopped asking his friends to come along, just because they were all getting better than him at surfing as well.

“Don’t worry, I’m gonna pretend that you’re super good, even if… even if you mess up a little.” Liam joked and Niall found himself smiling, still pretending to be pouting for fun though. 

“Hey! You gotta be honest with me, Li, I’m your boyfriend.” God Niall loved saying that word so much in relation to Liam, it was actually fucking ridiculous. 

“Sorry, I’m pretty sure there’s not even one tiny chance that you’re gonna mess up. You also said that when you were surfing and… it looked really good to me.” God, he was so fucking sweet, Niall couldn’t even stop grinning, the fact alone that he thought he needed to apologize even when the blonde had just been making a joke. 

“It’s fine, babe, I was just joking anyways. Thanks though, you’re cute.” Niall didn’t have to see Liam to know that his cheeks were getting red now and he was suddenly overcome with a really empty feeling lying alone in his bed and not having seen Liam since last night. But it was really late now, Niall couldn’t randomly suggest that they hang out or that he could come over and sleep in Liam’s bed. 

There was a second of silence and Niall was about to say something else, talk about a kinda funny story he had meant to tell Liam earlier via text message, but then he just couldn’t hold back anymore. He needed to know if Liam was fine, if he would be alright tonight or if he needed Niall to do something, or just stay on the phone and talk.

“Hey, babe… “ The blonde started, kinda wanting to finally add the “y” instead, but not wanting to go too far just yet. “You know because of last night… I’m really sorry I was already asleep, I was super tired and… but, you know… if there’s anything that you wanna talk about still or if you think that maybe… maybe you can’t sleep tonight either then I’m here, I won’t go to sleep until you’re sure you’re fine, I promise, and I’ll also put my phone on loud so I’ll hear it from now on if you text me or… or just call me next time.” 

Liam didn’t answer immediately and Niall was kinda getting worried that maybe this had been too much or maybe he had been rambling on too long and now Liam was going to get annoyed again because he hated whenever Niall got too protective, but… it was hard not to be. “You… you really don’t have to put your phone on loud, um… everything was fine last night, I was just… bored. But… thank you, Ni, really.”

“Okay… but you know you can tell me anything, okay? I won’t judge your or freak out, I promise, whatever it is, we can talk about it, whenever you need to.” Internally Niall was going to freak out probably, but he was going to keep his cool on the outside, like he had done yesterday morning after having seen the bruises covering Liam’s arms. They surely looked worse today. “Also… I wanted to say that… I know that you’ve never been with anybody like this before and we’re taking it slow and everything, and I just wanna make sure that if you ever feel like not hanging out when I ask then… that’s completely fine, I won’t get mad or anything, I just thought I should tell you that.”

“Thanks… whenever you asked me to hang out though, I… I really wanted to, so.” Okay, that was a nice surprise, even though Niall of course had no way of knowing whether that was true or not, but he was definitely going to tell himself that it was. 

“Okay, I’m glad.” The blonde was smiling to himself as he let that sink in, of course still worried because of last night and then suddenly getting worried because of a whole other thing. If he told Liam that it was fine if he sometimes said no to hanging out, maybe he thought that that was also the other way around, namely Niall rejecting him. Which the blonde would have never done, not only because Liam was holding back in general even with touching, but also because he could have never known whether the older boy wanted to hang out because he really needed Niall. “But, uh… if you ever, like… you know, if you wanna see me and stuff, then… you can just tell me and you don’t have to be embarrassed or… or anything, because… chances are I probably really wanna see you as well. Also… if you wanna kiss me or hold my hand or… anything really, it’s all completely fine, we’re dating and… you don’t have to be embarrassed about stuff, it’s just me.”

Right, maybe Liam didn’t wanna do any of these things and Niall was just assuming, but he was pretty damn sure that Liam did wanna do all of these things but he was easing into it very slowly. Whenever he did kiss Niall though without the blonde initiating it or cuddling into him, the blonde always noticed him building up courage first and the cutest thing ever. 

“I just… “ Liam started and Niall thought he was really going to drop the bomb now and say something really worrying. But he didn’t. “I just get nervous sometimes and… I’ve never done all this before, so… “

“I know, babe, but it’s fine, yeah? It’s fine to be nervous, everyone is.” Niall himself had been really fucking nervous as well before kissing Liam, his heart had almost jumped out of his chest and then the very first time their lips had met, he had barely been able to hold back. “I almost died right before I kissed you the first time, don’t think I’ve ever been this fuckin’ nervous.”

Niall let out a laugh, hoping that this was going to lighten the mood a little bit and maybe make Liam feel like he could talk more freely as well. “I was really nervous as well… when, uh… you know, when I watched you surfing and then we walked to the pier… “

“Yeah… I know.” The blonde had thought he could have actually heard Liam’s thoughts going crazy that day, not knowing what it had been about at first but then when he had realized the brunette had simply wanted to hold his hand really badly, Niall had never felt happier. Well, of course it didn’t come close to kissing Liam or cuddling him before going to sleep, but definitely in his top ten. “’m really happy we met, you know… I would have really missed you if we hadn’t.”

“But… you wouldn’t have even known.” Liam argued, not sounding very serious though and Niall was determined to let him know that he really meant all of this. 

“’course I would have, Li, don’t say that.” Niall had never been into anyone the way he was into Liam, but that would have sounded way too cheesy so he held back, kinda wanting to tell the brunette a whole lot of other things and god knows he wasn’t the best at holding back. “You know… when we met, I was kinda really into you, like, I just found you super attractive, which I still do of course, and then I stalked you on Facebook and all that and… I was really into you, like, pretty much from the moment we met and I never really thought anything would come out of it and then I was kinda desperate to find out if you were into guys and… anyways, I still can’t believe I just told you about it without even planning and… damn, I was so happy with your reaction and… anyways, I forgot where I was going with this, I’m just really happy is what I wanted to say, all because of you.”

Now Niall had definitely left Liam speechless, but it didn’t feel like an uncomfortable silence at all, Niall didn’t mind waiting, he was just glad that it was out and he really hoped that this hadn’t been too cheesy and that Liam wasn’t super freaked out now. It was all the truth though Niall probably wasn’t the best at putting things into words without rehearsing them ten million times, but… how else was he going to tell Liam that he loved him without actually saying the words out loud?

“Anyways, I just… I like you a lot, Li, and I’m really glad I got you and I’m always here for you and… I don’t wanna make this sound too cheesy or anything or like… make a ton of promises, but I do promise that I’m trying my best and I’ll always be genuine with you, and I’m there if you need me.” Okay, was this what Louis would have wanted Niall to say after he had told the boy to call Liam? He wouldn’t have told Niall to do that if it hadn’t been for the brunette feeling a bit down, right?

Again, there was some more silence and Niall would have kinda been alright with Liam not answering because he knew how embarrassed he always got, but he still waited for a bit, hearing the brunette taking a noticeable breath in the background before speaking. “Um… last night when… when I came home, I kinda… I started overthinking and then… I don’t know, I kinda started thinking that I was… bad at like… being your… boyfriend and that I did everything wrong and… anyways, I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop worrying and I texted you because… I felt like I needed reassurance or something, I don’t know, it was really stupid and I know you were asleep and it’s fine, I was just… freaking out over nothing at all. I’m good now though, I promise and… and thank you for saying all of that, I… no one’s ever, um… said anything like that to me, like… ever and… I’m… I’m really glad I met you as well and… I promise, I… I’m trying my best as well and… I’m sorry if, you know, if I get distant or like… need some time and… it’s not because I don’t trust you or anything… “

“I know, don’t apologize for that, Li, never, it’s not something you can control and I’d never get mad because of that and also, I can tell you those things a few hundred times more if you want, I’d never get tired of it because it’s all the truth and I really just hope I’m not doing as bad of an job at trying to help as I think I am.” Niall truly had said some straight up bullshit, also the thing he had pulled in London had been more than an over exaggeration as well and he actually couldn’t believe that Liam had forgiven him so easily.

“You’re not doing a bad job at all… “ Liam sounded like he meant it even though they had just talked about last night where Niall had broken his promise and the blonde tried not to feel too flattered because Liam was probably just being nice. 

“Thanks, Li, but if I ever, you know, behave like I did in London then… just tell me like you did or… slap me or something.” Or actually, Liam would have just had to tell Louis and then the older boy would have probably gladly smacked Niall across the face. Sure, they were friends, but Niall had always known that if he and Liam for some reason didn’t work out anymore or had a fight, Louis wouldn’t think twice about choosing a side. Which was good, because Liam very obviously didn’t tell Niall everything that was going on, but the blonde was relieved to know that Louis would always be there. “But I won’t, I learned my lesson.”

“It’s fine… “ Was all Liam said to that, even though it probably wasn’t really fine and Niall would never fully get over it, but he liked to think that they were able to move on from this. “Anyways, um… I kinda… really gotta use the bathroom ever since you called.”

“Oh, right, yeah, just… should I call you back in a few minutes?” Niall wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet and he didn’t wanna make Liam call him back because he knew the older boy didn’t like doing that.

“Yeah, of course.” Liam immediately agreed, kinda sounding relieved and the blonde wondered whether he had held back not only because of how emotional their conversation had gotten but also because he hadn’t wanted to end the conversation either.

So Liam hung up the phone to go use the bathroom and Niall felt slightly better, finally getting underneath his blanket and turning off the lights, giving his boyfriend 10 minutes before calling him back. They probably talked for another hour, their conversation topics more random now and less serious, and Niall absolutely loved how much he could make Liam laugh with silly stories. Once Niall got tired, he still tried his best to stay awake, really glad though when the brunette also had to yawn and they hung up once they were both about to fall asleep. It wasn’t Niall’s fault really, that he almost dropped the L-word on Liam shortly before hanging up, but he didn’t in the end, luckily still having just a little bit of sense left to simply blow him kisses over the phone.

 

\--------------------

 

“I told you I suck at golfing.” Liam said for probably the one hundredth time and Niall had run out of things to reply. It was true, the brunette really wasn’t very good at all, but he also didn’t suck as much as he tried to make it seem.

“No, you don’t, babe, you’re much better than all my friends.” Which wasn’t true but no one had to know that. “C’mon, I’ll show you again and you’ll get it this time, okay?”

The older boy didn’t do much besides shrug and Niall had to bite the inside of his cheek so he wouldn’t smile too much over Liam’s behavior. He was being all pouty and a bit upset and it was just so freaking cute that Niall could barely believe it. Of course he had been using Liam’s lack of knowledge to his advantage, constantly touching the brunette to correct his posture, putting his arms around him from behind and Liam would always blush like hell but he never even did as much as flinch, even leaning back against Niall. 

Niall first put his hands on Liam’s hips this time and then on his arms before telling him to try again, not letting go of him even after he had hit the ball, just because they hadn’t seen each other too often this week. They had spent the night together at Liam’s the day after their kinda very emotional phone call that Louis had actually planned for them but never told Niall why, but on Thursday and Friday Liam had been at work until late and Niall had visited him once but it wasn’t the same as when they were all alone, free to do whatever they wanted.

Or what Niall wanted, in this case.

“I was even worse than before.” Liam complained and though the blonde couldn’t actually believe it, it quite sounded like he was truly upset.

“Awww, no you weren’t, Li, you’re not half as bad as you say, I promise.” Fully wrapping his arms around Liam’s stomach from behind now, Niall pressed himself up against his boyfriend, kissing the back of his neck before resting his cheek there, feeling Liam’s hot skin against his own. It was really warm today, like, almost to a point where it was kinda uncomfortable and maybe that explained why they were almost all by themselves on the golf course. 

“You’re just saying that.” Liam complained, but he didn’t try to wind out of Niall’s embrace, just stayed still, slightly leaning back against him and it motivated the blonde to tighten his arms around the brunette. Had he not already asked Liam to sleep over at his place tonight, he would have maybe been even clingier than he had been feeling all day long. “Also it’s really hot.”

“D’you wanna take a break?” Niall offered, again biting back a smile but actually feeling quite up for a break as well. They had been here for two hours already and all of Niall’s friends would have started finding excuses to leave after only one, so he didn’t wanna scare Liam away just yet. “C’mon, my mom made me take food for us.”

“She, uh… she made you… lunch?” The brunette seemed truly surprised by that fact and Niall almost laughed before thinking about how Liam’s mother had probably not done that in years. 

“Yeah, for both of us. She even put in some cookies just because she wants you to like her.” Actually, that was true, but Niall had still not asked Liam to come over for dinner, he was waiting for the right moment and stuff, which would possibly never come but… Liam’s well-being was more important to the blonde. 

“I… she’s nice.” Liam said, as if he thought he needed to say at least something and Niall chuckled, kissing Liam’s neck again before very slowly letting go of him and stepping away, already feeling the loss though the second they weren’t touching anymore. “I mean, we barely talked… “

“I know, but she really likes you, she always asks me about you and stuff.” Now would have been a good time to throw in the dinner invitation but Niall bit his tongue, deciding that he didn’t wanna ruin the mood. Also, Liam would come home with him after this and Niall’s mom would possibly be there and again offer them food and snacks and dinner, but the blonde was going to make sure they could either eat alone or in his room. 

“Did you, uh… did you tell her that we… “ Liam made same movement with his hand between them, as if he was too nervous to say the word dating out loud and Niall thought it was the sweetest thing ever. Just like pretty much everything else Liam did.

“Yeah, I did, a bit ago already, she was thrilled. Still is, of course.” The blonde explained as he went through his backpack to get what his mother had made for them. They weren’t actually supposed to just sit around on the golf course and eat, but Niall knew the owner and also, the chances of anyone seeing them were little to non-existent. “Do you want a sandwich or cookies or something to drink or all three?”

“I… whatever you’re having.” Liam decided quickly and Niall was glad about that because he was definitely going to go for all three of the things he had just listed. “Can we just take a break like that? I mean… it’s a golf course.”

“It’s fine, no one’s here anyways and I know the owner from when I used to come here all the time, he doesn’t mind. We’re not like… just hanging out and ruining the grass or something, we’re just taking a break, it’s alright.” Niall made sure to calm the brunette down immediately, sitting down next to him in the grass, somewhat in the shadow of a very lonely tree, but the sun still lit up Liam’s face and Niall didn’t wanna look away. He would have reached out to fix that one hair that had fallen out of place, but he kinda had his hands full. “Here you go. Sorry, I forgot to pack a second bottle, but we can share, right?”

“Yeah, sure… thanks.” Liam still seemed really surprised by the fact that Niall’s mother had actually made them sandwiches and the blonde couldn’t help but imagine just how often his mom would have tried to make Niall give Liam food she had made for him if she had known about this. “You know… even if it’s kinda hot and even though I’m really bad at golfing, I… it’s… nice here.”

“I know, right? It almost seems like no one else has ever been here before and is if we’re the only ones here.” Which was of course kinda another reason why Niall had thought that golfing with Liam would be nice. Not only that of course, he also really liked Liam and golfing so it seemed like a good combination, right? “It’s even nicer when the sun sets, but don’t worry, I’m not gonna make you stay this long.”

“Thank you.” Liam actually sounded quite sincere when he said it and Niall threw a playful glare at him, immediately returning the older’s smile after only a second though.

Niall made sure not to ask Liam whether he liked the sandwich or not, taking it as a good sign though when the older boy kept on eating it. Not like Niall would have said anything otherwise, he wouldn’t have wanted to embarrass the brunette that much after all. They shared the bottle of water between them and talked about their favorite movies because Niall had already figured out a while ago that Liam seemed to be really passionate about that.

Short, it was a really good day, even though it was getting hotter and hotter and they remained seated for quite a while even after having finished all the cookies Niall’s mother had packed for them. Niall made sure to brush Liam on accident all the time when they kept on playing, or lean into him, take his hand to play with his fingers, kiss his cheek and his lips and maybe he shouldn’t have gotten quite as thrilled as he did whenever Liam did the same. Not as excessively as the blonde, but also not as little as he had in the very beginning. It was probably the best date Niall had ever been on, but that was probably because they had known each other for a while.

They played for another hour or so before the blonde suggested they could go home after Liam seemed to be getting a bit too frustrated with the way he played. He also wasn’t getting any better as the day progressed and Niall got it, he himself actually felt a tiny bit relieved when they left because he hadn’t played in a while either.

“What’d you wanna do now?” Niall made sure to ask almost as soon as they were walking down the street to the bus stop. It’d take them at least 30 to 40 minutes or so to get back to where they lived, which was why they had left kinda early, but it was only 4 in the afternoon now and it was a Saturday, so they had plenty of time. Also, if they didn’t go home then it kinda felt like their date wasn’t over yet, which was kinda ridiculous because they would be together anyways, but still. 

“Hmmm, whatever you want.” Liam said, like he usually did and the blonde tried to think of something they would both enjoy. He kinda didn’t feel like going home just yet and he knew Liam would have agreed with him had he known that the younger’s mother was at home. 

“We could… get some ice cream and sit by the cliff, maybe? I used to do that when I came here more often, it’s really nice and the lighthouse is also right there.” Sometimes Niall forgot how nice it actually was out here, or also in the town they lived in, but he was probably just used to it after so many years.

“Yeah, sounds good.” Liam agreed, but he was smiling when their eyes met and Niall had no idea for how long the brunette had built up the courage to reach over and seemingly accidentally brush his hand against the Niall’s a moment later. The blonde kinda reacted automatically, intertwining their fingers like he had done so often and squeezing Liam’s hand, swinging their arms a bit between them while they walked. 

Niall had a bit of trouble deciding what flavors ice cream to get because he always liked to experiment even though more often than not he ended up not enjoying it afterwards. Liam was the opposite, as he told the blonde, always taking the same ones that he liked best and once they were sitting down on a bench near the cliff, Niall kinda started thinking that maybe the brunette was a lot smarter than him.

“Y’know, it’s not like… it’s not _bad_ , it’s just… weird. Here, try it.” The blonde was sitting sideways on the bench so he could look at Liam, his legs crossed, not giving the older boy a chance to react before he had already put some ice cream on his spoon and was holding it in front of Liam’s lips.

“That’s disgusting.” The way Liam immediately pulled a face and had to cough made Niall laugh because it was clearly an exaggeration. “Fruit flavors are the worst.”

“Not at all of them though, I think I’ve tried quite a few now and this is somewhere in the middle.” Still, Niall wouldn’t have minded had Liam wanted to eat some more and help him finish because he wasn’t really sure if he wanted to.

“Mine’s better.” Liam simply said, holding his cup towards the blonde, his eyes going wider though when Niall was about to use his own spoon. “Wait, take mine, I don’t want that lemon or whatever in mine.”

“There’s hardly anything on there.” Niall rolled his eyes but he did Liam the favor anyways, using his spoon instead and trying not to let it show on his face just how good it was. “It’s alright.”

“You can have some more if you want.” The older boy offered, probably having looked right through the younger one, but Niall just shrugged, making Liam grin and of course the blonde did give in in the end, eating some more before handing the spoon back to Liam, brushing his fingers a bit unnecessarily much. “We can also go back, if-“

“No, no, that’s fine, I do like mine.” It was only half a lie, but Niall made sure to eat some more, partly also because he knew it was going to make the older boy laugh. “I just… enjoy experimenting.”

“They don’t have that many flavors, how have you not already tried them all?” Well, Niall probably had, thinking about how many times he had already gotten ice cream from that place.

“I probably did, I just haven’t been here in a while and I forgot. It’s fine though, I like surprises.” Not necessarily bad ones, but… “But you can still help me finish it if you want, even though it’s so good I don’t even want to share.”

“Mhm, well… if it’s so good I’m gonna let you have it.” Liam teased, watching the blonde eating a spoon full and trying not to scrunch his face up because he hadn’t yet tried the second flavor he had gotten. “If you gotta puke the cliff is over there.”

“Thanks, Li, very thoughtful.” Rolling his eyes a bit, Niall made sure to kiss Liam’s shoulder over his shirt afterwards, just to be sure that he knew that he wasn’t upset or anything, deciding to switch the topic. “Y’know what I’ve always wanted to do that I just remembered when we sat down? Go cliff diving, but apparently you can’t do that anywhere around here. Or sky diving, that’d really cool as well.”

“I wouldn’t do that even if somebody paid me for it.” Somehow, Niall was really surprised by this, but he immediately felt guilty when he realized that that was because he had simply assumed that Liam probably wasn’t too worried about his own life. Which, of course, wouldn’t have been a good thing, but the brunette followed it up with an explanation anyways. “It’s not that… that I’m scared of doing it, but I’m really scared of heights.”

“Really? I just feel a bit sick but usually it passes right away. So you couldn’t go and stand right over there and look down?” Okay, maybe that was insensitive, Niall almost wanted to take it back but Liam just shrugged anyways.

“I could, but it would really freak me out and I get really dizzy and I feel sick and… yeah.” That didn’t sound very nice, but there was one thing that Niall took from this that he was embarrassed about being relieved over. If Liam couldn’t stand heights or going near edges, there was also no way he’d ever wanna jump down somewhere. “I’d watch you though, if you wanna go sky diving, I’d just… be nervous for you as well.”

“Why? Nothing can happen if you do it with a professional, it’d be fine.” Well, Niall would have probably also gotten a bit nervous as soon as it would have gotten to the moment where he would have actually had to jump out of the plane, but just thinking about it now was exciting. 

“Yeah, but… things could always go wrong.” Liam answered slowly, suddenly sounding genuinely worried and Niall decided that if it was his well-being that the older boy was worried about then he would definitely never actually do something like this. Just because he knew how it was like to be worried about somebody else, especially Liam. 

“I don’t know a place where I could do that anyways, so… “ Niall shrugged, eating another spoonful of ice cream and slowly starting to genuinely question whether he would be able to even finish just half of it. He felt kinda distracted for a moment though because he was still flattered by the fact that Liam didn’t want anything to happen to him even though he had never actually said those exact words so he ate some more.

They sat in silence for a moment while Niall tried not to gag, once a while noticing Liam throwing a look at him and smirking a bit because he definitely noticed. Some people walked past them with kids and then a man walking his dog and Niall would have gone to ask if they could pet it had he reacted more quickly.

“Why don’t you have a dog?” He asked Liam without thinking about it, but he had been wondering about that ever since he had learned that Liam lived alone and that he was so in love with Louis’ dog.

“I don’t know… I’ve always wanted one, like, ever since I was a child, but… I’ve never had one, I don’t wanna do it all wrong, or… I don’t know.” The older boy shrugged, almost finished with his ice cream now while Niall was still not even halfway done with his own. “Also… it seems like a lot of responsibility.”

“True… “ Niall answered slowly, suddenly feeling stupid for ever having felt the need to ask Liam that question. Why would he get a dog if he sometimes didn’t even feel like getting out of bed, right? Why would he wanna take care of a pet when he sometimes didn’t seem to know how to take care of himself? It’s not that Niall thought that Liam was irresponsible or not mature enough or anything like that, but getting a dog would have surely only added even more stress, right? “I mean, you can probably see Louis’ dog whenever you want, right?”

“Yeah… I was even dog sitting once when both Harry and Louis went away on holiday with Louis’ family, it was nice but sometimes… I don’t know, I guess I just feel like I shouldn’t do it. Maybe one day.” He added the last bit as if to tell Niall that he was still thinking about it even though it sounded quite like he didn’t actually plan on ever getting one. “What about you?”

“Me? Well, my mom doesn’t want a dog and our flat is quite small so I never truly thought about it if I’m being honest, I only ever had a cat growing up. You?” Niall had really loved that cat even though it hadn’t really enjoyed his company too much when he had been a child and constantly tried to touch it.

“I had a few hamsters and bunnies… and a guinea pig. But they all died and then at one point my mom said we shouldn’t replace them anymore, so… but that was already like… 7 years or something.” It didn’t sound like it affected Liam still, or as if he desperately wanted a pet even though Niall couldn’t help thinking that maybe it would have been good for him. Like… having someone to be responsible for, but he of course didn’t say that, not wanting to sound patronizing. 

There were a lot of things Niall wanted to say, for example how they could get a dog together one day, if they ever moved in together, but then he realized that that was probably exactly the kinda things that caused Liam to freak out so he kept his mouth shut, instead moving around until he was sitting closer next to Liam, also facing the cliff, resting his head on the older’s shoulder for a moment.

Niall never finished that ice cream and Liam laughed at him when he threw half of it away a while later when they slowly started to leave. They walked along the cliff for a bit and the blonde couldn’t help but notice how tightly Liam was holding his hand, even more so whenever Niall accidentally took a step too far away from him, so for the rest of the way, the blonde tried to stay close to Liam, so he wouldn’t have to be worried about him falling off.

When they were lying in Niall’s bed that night and Liam had fallen asleep like ten minutes after a lazy, but really good, snogging session, Niall was evenly stroking rubbing his thumb over the older’s hand while spooning him from behind, thinking that if every day would have been like this, just the two of them and lots of hand holding and kissing and cuddling, he would have never had a reason to ever feel unhappy again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update guys! i kinda forgot i still had homework until midnight so i had to quickly do it haha, but its all good now!
> 
> hope you all liked the chapter, let me knew as always if you want! <3 
> 
> also today was my last day of term so im on summer break now and i couldnt be more excited yay!


	12. Chapter 12

Blinking his eyes open, Liam was a bit disoriented at first, not realizing that he wasn’t in his own bed for a moment, only after he had moved a bit and his arm brushed someone else’s. Right, he was in Niall’s bed, at the younger’s place, and they had moved so much in their sleep that the blonde was now on his back, head turned towards Liam though, still deep asleep, his chest rising and falling evenly.

Liam had no idea how late it was and he also didn’t feel like checking, he actually thought about taking another nap or something, cuddle up against Niall and just going back to sleep. Instead of doing so though, Liam slowly propped himself up on his elbow instead, never moving his eyes away from the blonde’s face, just staring down at him as far as that was possible but the blinds weren’t fully shut anyways. 

It was a rare occasion that Liam woke up first, so he hadn’t gotten a lot of chances to admire Niall sleeping, but it didn’t look like the blonde was even just in the process of waking up, so the brunette just couldn’t help it. He would have been way too embarrassed to touch Niall’s face out of nowhere when they were both awake, but now he looked all soft and cuddly and Liam didn’t even try to hold back as he reached out for his boyfriend, brushing his fingers down Niall’s warm cheek, touching his thumb to his lips.

Niall was so beautiful, with his hair all messed up from sleep and his face relaxed, his lips parted only a little bit and the blanket only covering half his chest because he had gone to bed without a shirt on, which had gotten Liam quite flustered last night. Looking at the blonde like this, slowly tracing his features and stroking his face, brushing some hair out of his forehead, almost forgetting that Niall could have woken up any moment, made Liam feel all sorts of things he couldn’t have named.

Of course Liam knew that the blonde would have probably not minded at all had he done this while they were both awake and Liam sometimes wondered if it bothered Niall that the older boy was holding back so often, that it was the blonde who initiated most kisses and cuddles. It wasn’t on purpose of course, Liam just didn’t wanna do anything wrong.

He felt like it was definitely getting better though, like, he was getting slightly less nervous and less embarrassed, but Liam still had his moments of doubts of course, he couldn’t just turn it off or stop overthinking or he would have gladly done it. Being here with Niall in bed after having spent the whole day together yesterday almost seemed like too good to be true if Liam was being honest, he could have kept on lying here forever just looking at the blonde, thinking about how much he actually didn’t deserve him at all.

After a while, Liam started to get really crazy ideas, somehow craving to do this so much that he simply leaned forward to press his lips against Niall’s face like the blonde had done so many times to him but Liam had barely ever returned. He did feel a bit stupid suddenly feeling confident now that Niall was asleep, it’s just… god, Liam’s fear of making a fool of himself was the worst thing ever.

Kissing a few more parts of Niall’s face and continuing to caress his cheek, Liam finally forced himself to stop, his hand dropping down next to Niall’s head when the younger boy sighed before moving a bit. He was clearly waking up and Liam would have loved to have enough confidence to carry on, but all he really kept on doing was looking down at the younger boy, watching him slowly blinking his eyes open. 

“Hmmm… hi.” Niall mumbled, rubbing his eyes before looking at Liam, all sleepy but still smiling a bit, already reaching out to rub his hand over the older’s arm, all the way up to his shoulder. “Gimme a kiss… “

Liam didn’t hesitate for as long as he maybe would have before their phone conversation a few days ago, he just leaned down, very gently pressing a kiss against Niall’s lips, making sure not to part his though because they had both only just woken up. Of course Niall’s hand immediately moved into Liam’s hair, cupping the back of his neck to keep him close, dragging the kiss out longer even though neither of them really did much because Niall seemed to be too tired and Liam was trying not to ruin it. 

“How’d you sleep?” The blonde asked as soon as they had pulled apart, turning onto his side now while Liam did the same, blushing a bit more than usual when Niall kept on caressing his cheek and temple, playing with his hair while looking at him. 

“Good… you?” Actually, more than just good. Somehow Liam always managed to fall asleep faster whenever Niall was there, cuddling into him and not giving Liam any reason to worry that this relationship maybe wasn’t as amazing as it seemed, that maybe Niall would wake up one day and realize that he thought Liam was crazy or that he couldn’t handle it anymore. 

“Really good. Like whenever I’m with you.” Niall smiled, rubbing his thumb over Liam’s bottom lip now and the older boy sucked in a breath, not wanting to lower his eyes though. “Thank you for coming golfing with me yesterday, it was fun.”

“You already thanked me like… five times, Ni, it’s fine, I… I also had fun.” More once they had left, but Liam had still enjoyed Niall trying to teach him how to play golf, touching him all the time and giving him kisses for whenever he did good. Or whenever he didn’t do good, just all the time in general. “Are you still feeling sick from the ice cream?”

“Oh god, don’t remind me.” Of course Niall exaggerated the whole thing, pulling a face and Liam couldn’t help but laugh a bit. “Maybe next time I’ll just get whatever you’re having and be on the safe side for once.”

“I think that’d maybe be a good idea.” Liam was slightly surprised when Niall leaned over to kiss him one more time, his fingers lightly pulling on the older’s hair and Liam almost parted his lips on accident, feeling the younger boy moving in closer, holding on tighter. 

It was really warm underneath the blanket that they were sharing and Liam felt goosebumps all over his skin from wherever the younger boy was touching him, his shirtless upper body almost pressing into Liam and it got him really hot thinking about what would happen if they ever took this further. What Niall was going to think or say if they ever… if they ever had sex or… anything else related to that. If Niall ever wanted to that was, Liam kinda did but thinking about it got him kinda too nervous and he was too afraid to initiate anything himself.

“Hmm… did you have anything planned for today?” Niall’s forehead was knocking against Liam’s once they had stopped kissing, his fingers still running through Liam’s hair and the older boy would have let his eyes fall closed and just enjoyed the younger’s touches had he not also wanted to look at him. 

“No… not really.” Alright, Liam had kinda been hoping for Niall to just ask him to hang out all day and anyways, he wouldn’t have made any plans even if he had never even met Niall. Which was a terrible thought, so Liam tried to push that into the back of his head. “…you?”

“Nope.” The blonde simply said and just because Liam apparently couldn’t think straight anymore and because he had been thinking before about how he felt kinda bad that he never really initiated anything, he just blurted out with it, just because he was 99% sure Niall would have asked him anyways.

“Do you wanna… do something?” Liam asked, his heart beating uncomfortably fast as he waited for an answer, already kinda getting it though when the blonde’s face lit up like the sun just a second later. 

“I always wanna do something with you.” The blonde simply said right before kissing Liam again and the brunette could actually feel him smiling against his lips. Okay, now Liam was really relieved that he had just grown the balls to ask, even though Niall took him off guard once again a minute later as they broke apart. “Baby…”

Not knowing what to reply, Liam just didn’t say anything at all, feeling hot and cold at the same time though just because of a little word. Well, and also because of the way Niall had said it, half whispering, all soft and as if he hadn’t even meant for Liam to hear him. It hadn’t been a question so Liam stayed quiet, not being able to help but smile when Niall rubbed their noses together, giving Liam another kiss. 

Liam would have loved to say that he would have started to enjoy mornings had they woken up like this every day, but he knew it wouldn’t have been the truth. Being with Niall definitely wasn’t going to heal him, but it was still a pretty damn good feeling to know that maybe… maybe he wasn’t gonna end up by himself after all and maybe not everyone on this planet besides Louis and Harry thought that he just needed to get himself together. The fact alone that Niall wanted to kiss him and be with him like that… Liam would have never even dared to just imagine anything like this.

“D’you want some breakfast maybe? I promise I’ll try my very best not to burn anything.” Niall chuckled, not making any attempts to move though and instead just pressing closer into Liam and the older boy didn’t mind in any way. He didn’t even know how late it was, but probably late enough to have lunch because Liam definitely felt well rested. “I could also ask my mom to make something, but I don’t know if she’s even home and… anyways, you always make breakfast for me, I think it’s my turn.”

“If you want to… but I can also help and… we can do it together.” Sounded like a good idea to Liam, the thought almost got him excited, like, Niall did always try to help him but he usually just sat on the counter, demanding to taste everything before it was halfway done. Which was fine, really, Liam didn’t mind either way. 

“Maybe you could, like, watch the temperature and stuff, I… also the seasoning maybe.” The blonde suddenly sounded a bit unsure and Liam couldn’t help but smile a bit, almost leaning in further to kiss him again.

“I can do that.” Liam promised, kinda having a feeling that he was going to end up doing most of the work anyways, but honestly, he just really hoped that Niall’s mother wasn’t home. She had been there, when they had gotten back yesterday, but all she had done was smile a lot and ask whether they had liked the sandwiches and whether they had had fun and Liam had let Niall do all the talking, so it had been fine. Still, Liam was much rather alone with the blonde, he liked making breakfast for him and having him say how much he liked it and how good of a job he had done. 

“Okay, thank you… maybe… maybe we should wait five more minutes though.” Niall suddenly decided before very unexpectedly kissing Liam again and the brunette of course went with it, really enjoying how much kissing they had already done today even though they had probably only been awake for like 10 or 15 minutes. Well, if he didn’t count the time he had spent stroking Niall’s face of course. 

They stayed in bed for way longer than 5 minutes, but Liam didn’t mind of course, he was starting to get sleepy again by the time Niall decided they should have gotten up to go get something to eat. The blonde did put on a shirt before going downstairs, but his mother wasn’t there anyways, she had left the blonde a note and Liam had no idea what it said, but he was just relieved that they were alone. Niall did start off making breakfast for them and Liam settled for watching, keeping from interfering unless the blonde asked him any questions.

He was doing just fine though so Liam wasn’t too worried, he kinda really enjoyed watching the blonde making food for them because it was usually the other way around. Liam didn’t sit on the counter though like Niall always did, distracting the brunette by randomly pulling him closer and touching him, the brunette just leaned against it instead, only tasting the food whenever Niall almost pushed the fork between his lips without a warning.

“Y’know… I might still become a gourmet chef one day.” Niall sounded very proud of himself and Liam smiled at him, about to say something when his phone lit up in his hand and he barely paid any attention to what the younger boy was talking about him being a master chef or something while reading the text message.

Well, this was certainly not what Liam had been expecting.

 

_Louis 11:38 am  
You know how my family was supposed to go to London in two weeks? They can’t go anymore because of something work related, but they already got the hotel rooms and they can’t get the money back  & my mom said if we want, we could go instead. Like, me, you, Harry & Niall? We got more than 2 rooms anyways, so… :D And don’t worry, we won’t take any of my siblings _

 

Alright, Liam had not been expecting this in any way and he really needed to think about it for a moment before randomly reaching out to touch Niall’s arm, startling the blonde a bit. “Hey, um…. look.”

“Hm?” Niall was confused when Liam handed his phone to him but he took it anyways and Liam took over the stirring while the blonde read the text message, not really knowing what to think or what to reply to Louis. “Holy shit, that’s super cool. Oh my god, how funny that we talked about going, right? Do you… do you want to? Do you have anything else planned? It’s on the weekend, right? I think Louis said something… “

“Yeah, um… it’s a weekend.” Liam didn’t know his schedule by heart right now, but if everything went wrong and he didn’t have the weekend off, he would just have to call in work and ask if he could get the day off, which probably wouldn’t have been a problem at all, but on the other hand… “I… do you want to?”

“Yes! Of course I do, that’s gonna be great, right? And we don’t have to do _everything_ with the other two, do we?” Alright, thinking about it like that really did sound like it would be great, but… “Li? Everything okay?”

“Yeah, uh…. I just… you know, I don’t really, like… I mean… it’s pretty spontaneous and stuff… “ And Liam kinda wanted to go but then he thought about how much stress it was going to be and stuff and maybe his boss wouldn’t allow him to get off work if he didn’t have the weekend off, but then… Niall was so excited and Liam DID wanna go to London with him, definitely, he was just worried that maybe it wouldn’t be as great as they imagined. Also, what if Liam like… what if he really didn’t feel like going anymore once it was time? “But, uh… I’ll text Louis and tell him that you’re going for sure and that…. that I’m still thinking about it and-“

“Hey, what? No, I’m not going if you’re not going, Liam, I wanna go with you, not with them.” Right, this wasn’t good, now Liam felt really pressured to say yes and Niall already had his hand rubbing up and down his hip while Liam was still absently stirring their food. “It’s fine if you don’t want to, baby, we don’t have to. We can also just stay home and do something else.”

“I… “ Liam started, but then he simply broke off because he didn’t actually know what to say or how to explain and looking at Niall’s disappointed face sure wouldn’t have helped in any way. 

“Li, what’s wrong?” God, this was literally the worst thing that could have happened, not the part where they got to go stay at a hotel for free, but the part where Liam didn’t have enough time to really think about it and where he suddenly was starting to have doubts. “I thought you wanted to go, Li, but if you’re not sure that’s okay, I… it really is short notice. Also… it’s not like Louis’ gotta know right now, does he? It’s not like they can cancel any of the rooms anyways.”

“Yeah, I… I guess and… I do wanna go, I just… I don’t know if… “ God, why couldn’t Liam just say yes? He WANTED to after all. “But, um… I’ll tell Louis that we’ll come.”

“Liam, look at me.” Niall suddenly demanded and it’s not like Liam really had a choice, right? So he turned his head, the younger’s face not as disappointed as he had feared, but instead it was really worried. “Tell him we’re still thinking about it and then we can just decide when you’re sure, okay? It’s fine, I’m not mad, I just wanna spend time with you and we can do that at home as well.”

“Yeah, but… I know you really wanna go and I wanna go as well, I just… fuck.” Liam was getting frustrated with himself and he couldn’t stand to look at Niall right now so he stepped away from the counter, rubbing his hands over his face while he tried to calm down. God, he was so fucking annoyed with himself sometimes. 

“Baby, c’mon, it’s fine, everything’s fine. It doesn’t matter, yeah? I get it, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want, I’m not mad or anything, just… talk to me, please.” Niall had possibly turned off the stove so they wouldn’t burn down the house but Liam couldn’t have really cared right now anyways. 

“I’m sorry… I wanna go, I really do, but… whenever… you know, I don’t know if… like, if I still wanna go when… when it’s the day before or something and… if I’ll feel up for it. And also… I haven’t really gone anywhere, like, for a while and stuff, so… “ So short, Liam had gotten used to not really going anywhere anymore and now he was kinda scared because… he had never gone anywhere with Niall after all, not for that long, and Harry and Louis were there as well of course, but… it was complicated to explain and the brunette just didn’t wanna make a wrong decision now and then regret it later and ruin it for everybody. 

“Okay, I get it, babe, yeah? C’mere.” Liam was a bit surprised when Niall stepped around him and wrapped his arms around Liam’s waist just a second later, kissing the side of his head when the older boy hugged him back, kinda automatically burying his face in Niall’s shoulder, trying not to freak out. “Everything’s going to be okay, whether we go or not, I don’t care, I really don’t. I just want you to be alright, nothing else matters to me, okay? I just wanna be with you and do whatever you wanna do as well, whether that’s going or staying home. We can always go another time, or somewhere else, it’s whatever, yeah? I promise everything’s fine, don’t stress yourself out over it.”

Not knowing what to say because his heart was aching from how sweet and comforting Niall’s words were, the younger’s hand rubbing up and down Liam’s back soothingly, Liam simply nodded against the boy’s shoulder, holding on tighter to him, his fingers kinda automatically curling into the blonde’s shirt. “Okay… “

“I love you.” Niall said, just like that, as if he had done it before and Liam suddenly couldn’t think straight anymore, his whole body freezing up with his arms still tightly wrapped around the blonde, not knowing what to do or what to say. “I really do, Liam… I didn’t plan on just saying it like that, but… it’s the truth. And I want you to know that no matter what happens, if we ever fight or if we don’t go on that trip or whatever, it doesn’t matter and I’ll still love you, okay?”

Fuck, Liam couldn’t actually believe that Niall was saying these things to him, sounding so damn serious and at the same time all sweet and soft and… Liam would have loved to find comfort in the younger’s words. But he just couldn’t, he couldn’t believe that Niall could genuinely love him, that he could really mean all of that or make promises if he didn’t even know what was going to happen. “Ni… “

“You don’t have to say it back, it’s alright, I just wanted you to know is all.” Niall was still rubbing his back with one hand, the other one cradling the back of Liam’s head and the brunette actually had to blink tears away. Maybe Niall meant it, right in that moment, but that didn’t mean that he was still going to mean it tomorrow, or in a week or a month, because there was no way that he would and maybe Liam had been fine pretending for a while, but he had always kinda known in the back of his head that this wasn’t going to last forever. One day, something would happen and it would be Liam’s fault and it would push Niall over the edge, Liam just knew it.

“Niall… “ The brunette started, not letting go of the blonde though because he knew he would never be able to say this while looking at the younger boy and his stupidly gorgeous face full of worry. “I… it’s not that… that I don’t think I can say it back, it’s just… I believe you, like… right now, but… we don’t know what’s going to happen or… or if I’ll ever do something and then… I’ve… I’ve ruined a lot of things and… I’ve made a lot of mistakes that I regret, so I know what it’s like and… don’t… don’t let me be yours.”

“My mistake? Liam, what the fuck are you talking about? Being with you is not a mistake, _you’re_ not a mistake, I love you and you can’t tell me that I won’t love you anymore if things go bad or wrong or whatever. I know it’s not always going to be easy, I’m not an idiot, but that’s not your fault, Li, relationships aren’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get through stuff and it doesn’t mean I can’t love you. Because I do, alright? So don’t try to talk me out of it, I wanna be with you, not just right now, and I won’t run if things get hard, I already told you.” But how would Niall even know? He couldn’t know how bad things could get and neither could Liam.

“I just… I don’t want you to wake up one day and... regret it all. And think that you have to be with me, like… out of pity or something, or because you’re afraid that… that I’ll do something to myself or whatever.” Because Niall had thought these things already and he surely wasn’t going to just stop worrying. “I don’t… I don’t wanna be like… a burden and… keep you from doing things you wanna do, like, going to London and-“

“Louis wouldn’t have ever asked me to come if I wasn’t your boyfriend, Liam, so stop it, okay? You’re not a fucking burden and you’ve never kept me from doing anything, you told me to go to London with my friends, you always come watch me surfing when I ask and you even went golfing with me and I surely wouldn’t have gone by myself. How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not with you out of pity, Li? I’m here because I genuinely love _you_ and yeah, I can’t promise we’ll be together forever or that we’ll never fight, but I can promise that I’ll always try my best to make things work because I wanna be with you. This has nothing at all to do with your illness, of course I wish I could help you better or… make you feel better and I know I can’t but… I love you, Li, for you and not for anything else, even if you can’t believe me, it’s the truth.” Niall almost started to sound desperate towards the end, all of a sudden pulling away from Liam, his hands still on the older’s hips though and his face looking so sad that Liam wanted to cry. “I love you, Liam, and I promise I’ll try my hardest to make things work.”

What was there to say for Liam, honestly? His worries didn’t magically disappear with Niall’s words and he knew that there was no guarantee that they would stay together, he just didn’t wanna be the one responsible, he didn’t wanna be the one who ruined things yet again because of the way he was because he had ruined too much for himself already.

“Look, we’re taking it slow and we’ll always tell each other when something’s up, okay? And then we’ll try to work it out and if you feel I’m too controlling then tell me, and if I feel like I’m not getting to do everything I want or whatever, which won’t happen, then I’ll tell you as well and we’ll just… talk stuff out, yeah? And right now, you’ll tell Louis we still need some time to think about it because anybody probably would, especially if they got a job, and then we’ll see what happens, okay? And whatever happens, it’s going to be just fine.” Niall was looking so deep into Liam’s eyes that the brunette couldn’t look away, even if he had wanted to. “Okay?”

Liam didn’t know what to say, didn’t know if it was indeed okay, he just knew that the blonde was way too convincing and that he wanted things to be as easy as Niall made it sound. He was just really scared, because they didn’t know what would happen and no matter what Niall said, things could still go wrong and get messy and… but that could have happened to anyone, right? Not only to Niall and Liam.

“Okay… “ The older boy answered quietly after hesitating, not knowing what else to say and very slowly it started to sink in that Niall had genuinely told him that he loved him and Liam hadn’t said it back and now it was too late, but… he had never really thought about that, if he even could have said it back, but… if it wasn’t love he felt for Niall, what else could it have been?

Niall didn’t do anything besides smile sadly at the brunette, suddenly cupping his cheeks and leaning in to kiss him before wrapping his arms around Liam once more, holding him close and the older boy automatically hugged back, pressing his face into Niall’s shoulder. “How about I make us some breakfast now and then we think about what we wanna do today?”

All Liam could do was nod, he knew he’d have to text Louis in a bit, but right now he just wanted to hold onto the blonde a bit longer, hang onto his words and try to internalize them, try to really believe that he had meant every single one of them. The sad thing was, even though the day had taken such a bad turn because of something so small and seemingly unimportant, it was exactly those things that Liam was afraid were going to ruin them in the end.

 

\------------------

 

The following Friday, Liam was at home sitting on the couch, not really knowing what to do with himself, the TV turned off. He hadn’t been feeling all too great today and because he hadn’t had work, he had actually not left his apartment at all. 

Ever since Sunday he had seen Niall a lot, and they had moved on from what had happened even though Liam had been quite embarrassed about it for two days or something. He had explained things to Louis via text message and of course his best friend had understood, telling Liam not stress out about it because it was 2 weeks away anyways. Well, now it was only one week away and they hadn’t really talked about it anymore.

A few times Liam had thought about just telling Louis that they were going to come, but then he had kinda felt really down since last night, and this morning had been really bad. Not that he had told Niall, the blonde was going out with his friends tonight and he had offered Liam multiple times that he could come or that they could hang out instead, but Liam had of course told him to go have fun with his friends. He’d never wanna keep Niall from doing these things, because it would have lead to what he was afraid of the most. 

They were texting though, kinda infrequently because Liam didn’t really feel up for doing anything at all. He had barely eaten today, was surprised with himself that he had even made it out of bed, but he had been craving to go back there since hours now, he just felt like he would have rather stayed on the couch right now because it seemed like less work. 

Still, he didn’t know if he’d be able to sleep even if he had tried, Liam felt quite stupid about it but he really wished Niall would have been there, not to talk because Liam actually didn’t feel up for that, just… to keep him company, maybe cuddle with him in bed. Even though the blonde had offered to stay with Liam and even though they were texting, the brunette still felt kinda lonely. 

Well, until a certain text message.

 

_From Niall 11:37 pm  
Not much is going on really, my friends mostly got drunk and im actually kinda bored. Can I call you?_

 

This had been really unexpected but it got Liam’s heart beating faster. He hated talking on the phone but he was slowly getting used to Niall calling him and right now he somewhat really craved to hear the younger’s voice. So Liam hesitated for only a moment before he texted back a simple ‘okay’ and his heart was beating quite unsteadily when his phone vibrated not even 2 minutes later. 

“Hi, babe.” Niall actually sounded happy, not drunk though, and there wasn’t any background noise like Liam had thought there would be. Maybe the blonde had gone outside or something. “What’re you doing?”

“Um, nothing… you?” Okay, well, that had been kind of a stupid question, hadn’t it? 

“Well, we _were_ at a club but I just left because I didn’t feel like drinking and one of my friends is already so smashed he could barely even talk. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to go out with them after not going for a while.” There was a chuckle and Liam thought he could actually hear Niall walking in the background so he suddenly got kinda nervous thinking about the blonde all by himself in the middle of the night. “Are you already in bed?”

“No, I… not yet.” Liam answered slowly, again wishing that he would have been in bed but he was afraid of just lying awake there and overthinking and not being able to sleep for at least a few hours. That was always the worst, wanting nothing more than to just sleep and be unconscious for a while, but simply not being able to escape his thoughts.

“Everything okay?” Niall’s voice had changed immediately and Liam wanted to slap himself for sounding so sad and pathetic.

“Um… yeah, ‘m fine.” The brunette lied even though he had been about to just tell Niall the truth, tell him that he actually felt like fucking shit and that he just wanted Niall to come here and tell him that everything was alright, that he still loved him because he hadn’t said those words ever since Sunday. 

“Are you sure, baby? You sound a bit… “ Niall broke off, the pet name giving Liam so many goosebumps as if he had just gone to lie in snow even though the blonde had started calling him baby quite frequently. “What’d you did today?”

“Um… not much, really… “ On a lot of other days, Liam would have gotten annoyed by the blonde asking so many questions with a clear purpose, but the brunette actually only felt really embarrassed right now, playing with the throw pillow he had on his lap, biting his bottom lip and trying to get the courage to ask Niall if he still felt up to come over. Then again, Liam wouldn’t be good company at all right now and maybe the blonde was tired. 

“Okay… d’you wanna go to bed?” Well, yeah, but then again, it was also kinda the last thing Liam wanted to do so that was a bit of a dilemma.

“I… I don’t know, I… I’m not really tired, so… “ Okay, Liam could have definitely sounded a bit less sad and pathetic, but it was too late now anyways.

“Hey… “ Niall started, of course having noticed that something was up and Liam didn’t know if he should have been relieved or not. “I don’t know how you’re feeling or if you want me to, but… if you’re not feeling good I can come over? And I can stay with you if that would help, but… you gotta tell me what to do, baby. I’m actually about as far from home as from your place and… I wanna see you, but if you wanna be alone or if you want me to hang up, then you just gotta tell me, okay?”

“I, um… “ Okay, now Liam was blushed like crazy and he didn’t actually know why he was still hesitating when Niall had basically just offered coming over, even telling him that he WANTED to. “I… I wanna see you too, if… if you want, but, um… I don’t know if… if I’ll be good company right now…”

“It’s okay, Li, we don’t have to do anything or even talk, yeah? I’ll be there in 20 minutes.” This was a huge relief to Liam but he tried not to let it show too much, kinda scared that Niall was going to hang up the phone now, but the blonde actually immediately took that fear from him a second later. “I’ll stay on the phone meanwhile, yeah?”

“Okay… “ Liam didn’t really know what else to say, he just knew that the knot in his stomach was loosening a little bit even if he didn’t really feel all that much better.

“Did you eat anything today?” The blonde kinda asked quite randomly and Liam felt a bit caught, kinda thinking about lying but then again, what was the point in that anyways? Again, Niall did sound a bit as if he was babysitting Liam, but the brunette actually didn’t care at all tonight, just because the thought of Niall caring so much about him was actually comforting.

“Umm… a bit.” That was true and Niall could probably guess himself what that meant, there was no need to actually tell the blonde what he had eaten, right? 

“I can bring you something, if you want. Or make you something with whatever you’ve got, I’ll even do the dishes.” Niall tried to sound carefree and happy and it got Liam feeling a bit warmer even though he would have never ever agreed to letting the younger boy cook for him at midnight when he didn’t feel like eating anyways.

“Thank you, but… it’s fine, I’m not… I’m not hungry, so… “ Or maybe he was but Liam actually wasn’t sure, his stomach kinda hurt but that had different reasons. “But, uh, if you’re hungry then… you can eat whatever I have.”

“Thanks, babe, but I’m good, I only had one beer and that was like two hours ago and my mom made me eat dinner before I left.” The blonde’s mom was so nice, she really cared about Niall and they seemed to have a great relationship which Liam tried not to be too jealous of. He had barely seen them interact, but he had been able to tell just from those few times. “D’you have work tomorrow?”

“Um, yeah, I start at 12, but… only for 4 hours.” And Liam didn’t know if he’d be able to make himself go but he really did not wanna get fired and have to go through the process of going to new job interviews. Or actually, finding job openings at first because their town wasn’t too big and also, he wasn’t really that qualified for… well, for pretty much anything, and his record wasn’t the best either. 

Niall then proceeded to ask questions that Liam would have gotten annoyed with any other day, but he answered slowly instead, feeling embarrassed but also kind of relieved when he got those things out, even if only momentarily. Liam honestly did not know how he convinced himself to get up off the couch to let Niall into the building, almost sitting back down as he waited for the blonde to come to his front door.

Liam was aware that he probably looked like shit, he also hadn’t showered, but then again, he also hadn’t gone outside and he hadn’t been feeling hot or anything and now it was too late anyways. When the blonde softly knocked on the door, already having hung up once he had gotten into the elevator, Liam forced himself to open up immediately, not hesitating like he had wanted to for a moment.

“Hi.” The blonde looked incredible, it was obvious he had spent thought on his hair and outfit before going out and Liam’s heart sunk a bit when he thought about just how shitty he must have looked in comparison. Niall was smiling though, not waiting for Liam to invite him inside but instead just taking a step forward to cup the boy’s face like he always did, pecking his lips before looking at him, ever so gently rubbing his thumbs underneath Liam’s eyes, his expression getting a bit sadder as he studied the brunette. “C’mon, let’s go lie in bed.”

Still not having said anything, Liam just nodded, waiting for Niall to take off his shoes and closing the door before curling his fingers around the older boy’s, pulling him with him towards his bedroom, turning off all the lights on the way. Had Niall not come, Liam wasn’t sure if he would have even managed to make it to his bedroom. 

“Can I borrow some sweats?” Liam had never changed out of the clothes he had slept in last night so he just sat on the mattress as soon as Niall had let go of his hand, already feeling exhausted and not really up to talk anymore. They had already talked enough on the phone anyways and it wasn’t that Liam was sleepy or anything, he was just not feeling like doing things. 

“Sure… “ Moving more into the middle of his bed, Liam watched Niall pull some sweats out of his closet before undressing right in front of him and it did get the brunette kinda blushed, but normally it would have been way worse. 

Niall was still smiling when he flicked on the bedside table lamp before turning off the main light, closing the door and crawling on the mattress with his whole upper body exposed, smelling like cologne and hair gel. “You wanna lie down?”

Instead of saying anything, Liam just moved after Niall had kissed his forehead, something he didn’t usually do and to say that it gave Liam quite some unsteady breathing would have been an understatement. The blonde made sure to move the blanket out of the way, waiting for Liam to lie down, with his back towards Niall because he was kinda used to it and Niall made sure to tuck him in before lying down behind him like he usually did, arm wrapping around the brunette, maybe more tightly than usually. 

“Do you think you can sleep?” The blonde asked after a moment, his lips having been pressed into Liam’s hair a second again, placing a kiss, his hand rubbing up and down Liam’s arm. 

“I don’t know… ‘m not really tired…” Liam half mumbled, feeling even less like talking now that they were lying down.

“Okay… me neither, we can just relax, yeah? And we don’t have to talk, just cuddle.” Okay, Niall was kinda really good at this, or was starting to get better at it at least, Liam still felt like the blonde was kinda babysitting him, but the thing was, when he felt like this, he didn’t care. Quite the opposite actually because tonight, it felt really calming to have the blonde there, evenly breathing against Liam’s neck, holding him tightly, stroking his arm and his hand, sometimes his face, and kissing the back of his neck and head. 

There was no pressure at all though, they were just lying there and Liam didn’t actually close his eyes because he knew he wouldn’t have been able to fall asleep, he just stared at the closet instead, trying not to think about anything besides the way Niall felt pressed up against him, fingers dancing across Liam’s skin.

There was no specific reason for Liam’s mood and that was how it usually went, which was also why it was so bloody hard to deal with it. It were just those days where he woke up not seeing much of a point in anything at all, where just sitting up and going to the bathroom seemed like it would waste all the little energy he had and the thought of having to engage with people or deal with everyday problems almost made him wanna cry.

Even now late at night Liam knew that he could have cried any second, about nothing but at the same time about anything. He never really knew how long it lasted, but the first day was usually the worst and the fact that Niall was there handling it like Liam would have wanted him to was kinda nice. Usually Liam just wanted to be left alone and just sleep or at least stay home and try to distract himself with music or the TV and hope that the hours would pass by faster or that he could at least go to sleep.

Now though, he had actually missed Niall before the blonde had come over, and even then he had been worried that the blonde wouldn’t take it well, that he would wanna make Liam talk or make him eat or something alike, but he was just lying there now, doing nothing else besides holding the brunette. 

Actually, Liam wouldn’t have minded even if Niall had fallen asleep, it was getting late but there were multiple reasons why Liam wasn’t sure if he would have even wanted to go to sleep even if he could have. One, he wasn’t sure how he would feel tomorrow, maybe even worse, two, he would have to go to work, and finally three, he wouldn’t be lying here like this with Niall anymore and he’d probably have to wait at least a day or two until they’d be in bed together again. 

Which was fine, the brunette needed time to himself as well, they didn’t need to be together every breathing second, but he did find himself missing the blonde randomly during the day, even if he couldn’t have told him without blushing like an idiot. The only time he had really asked Niall to hang out had been last Sunday, but then he had gone ahead and ruined that like half an hour later by freaking out over the whole London thing that had been on his mind all week, especially today.

When Niall suddenly moved, Liam got kinda scared that he would move away or get up, but all he really did was lean a bit more into the brunette, kinda over him as well, just so he could press his lips against Liam’s cheek, pulling away a bit too fast though, his voice shocked. “Baby… why’re you crying?”

“I... “ Liam started, automatically reaching out to touch his cheek and it was indeed wet with tears he hadn’t even really noticed had escaped. Or maybe he had and he just hadn’t care. “I don’t know… “

“Do you… do you wanna talk about it?” Niall was very clearly trying to sound calm, but his voice was shaking a bit as he softly brushed the back of his fingers across Liam’s wet skin, placing another kiss then and the brunette made sure to rub his eye a bit, not as embarrassed as he would have thought he would be. 

“No… not really… “ He answered truthfully because he wouldn’t have known how to explain it to Niall, how to tell him that it was just _everything_ , that all day long, he had been trying to distract himself so he wouldn’t start thinking about the point of all of this, so he wouldn’t just sit there and stare at the wall and try to make himself less numb by hurting himself. 

“Okay… “ The blonde gave in after quite some hesitation, he was still stroking Liam’s cheek though, suddenly kissing his temple, his lips still pressed against the older’s skin as he half whispered. “I love you.” 

Liam would have loved to say it back, really, but instead his throat got tight and he felt so relieved that Niall had said those words that he didn’t think twice before turning around underneath the youngers arm, until he could push his face into the younger’s throat. Niall adjusted seemingly automatically, one of his arms ending up underneath Liam’s head, the other one wrapped around him underneath the blanket they shared, slotting one of his legs between the older boy’s, something he had never done before.

“Try and go to sleep, baby, I’ll be awake if you wanna talk.” He whispered into Liam’s hair, breathing out against his scalp and giving the brunette more than just a few goosebumps. 

Niall let go for a second and stretched a bit a few minutes later to turn off the lights before going right back to holding Liam tightly, stroking his hair, his lips pressed against the older’s head. There was no way Liam would have been able to sleep but he still let his eyes fall closed, tried to focus on nothing besides the way Niall smelled, how warm he was against Liam, his naked chest and the way it moved evenly in time with his breaths and the soothing movements of his fingers through the brunette’s hair.

Liam would have thanked Niall for just being there had he found the words to say it, had his throat not been kinda too tight and his thoughts a bit too messy. Maybe he could tell him tomorrow though, if he felt better and if the blonde was still there because right now, it felt more like a dream or just wishful thinking.

 

\----------------

 

Liam couldn’t actually remember falling asleep, he just knew that he felt more than confused when he moved and Niall wasn’t there anymore, his voice a bit numbed in the background though, possibly still in the same room, but the brunette suddenly felt too exhausted to check.

“… only fell asleep a few hours ago, ‘s why I only wanted to wake him a little later… mhm… yeah, I know he’s got work, but only at 12… I can’t decide that though, I- yeah… I’m gonna ask… I’ll tell you later, or tell him to text you… hmm, yeah, I don’t know that yet either… I guess we’ll see, you don’t need to know now, do you?... yeah, okay… hey, I think Liam’s waking up… yeah… okay bye.” The brunette hadn’t even really blinked his eyes open when he already felt the mattress dip in and Niall suddenly crawling half over him, at least that’s what it seemed like. “Li?”

“Hmmm…. Hi… “ Liam half whispered, his throat feeling tight, but from sleep this time and he wasn’t sure how he felt, wasn’t even sure if he had just imagined that whole phone conversation or not. 

“Good morning, babe… ” Niall seemed to be half lying on top of Liam, brushing hair out of his face before kissing the exposed skin and then moving on to kissing Liam’s eyebrow and then his closed eyelid and his cheek and finally, his mouth. “Hey… do you wanna go to work or not? I know you start at 12 and it’s only 9 right now, you can still sleep if you want and I’ll wake you up in time if you wanna go. Or… if you don’t wanna go I can also call your boss for you or something.”

“I… “ The brunette started, trying to finally blink his eyes open even though it was hard, especially with Niall’s fingers caressing his skin and his lips still placing kisses once a while. “I don’t know…”

“How’re you feeling?” The blonde sounded worried just like always and Liam already felt guilty for not being able to tell Niall that he felt just fine again. Maybe he felt a bit better, but he had only just woken up and right now the thought of getting out of bed seemed a bit too much.

“Fine, I guess… “ Liam shrugged as far as that was possible, rubbing at his eyes before finally being able to keep them open for a few seconds at a time, almost immediately meeting Niall’s. “Um… who… who was on the phone?”

“Louis, he called you and your phone wasn’t on silent so I picked up so it wouldn’t wake you and then… I probably woke you anyways, ‘m sorry, baby. But I wanted to ask if I should let you sleep or not.” He was still stroking Liam’s hair, threading his fingers through gently and Liam allowed his eyes to fall closed for a few more seconds. “How ‘bout you sleep a bit longer and then I’ll ask you again in an hour or two? You only need twenty minutes to get there, right? I can make you breakfast as well then you’ve got more time, but you look really tired, baby.”

“Yeah… what about, uh… what about you?” Liam couldn’t remember falling asleep, he just remembered lying awake for what seemed like ages and Niall just holding him, sometimes moving a little bit and one time he had left to go to the bathroom but he had come right back.

“I’ll be fine, I’m not tired anymore, don’t worry.” This was very clearly a lie but Liam didn’t really have the energy to argue anymore, especially not when Niall kissed his lips a second later, rubbing their noses together like he seemed to love to do. “Go back to sleep, yeah? And if you don’t feel like going in two hours then you can just sleep for as long as you want and I’m gonna be right here if you want me to, okay?” 

“Okay… “ Liam really did not want Niall to leave, but lucky for him the blonde only moved to pull him back into his arms, leaving all the blanket to Liam though and the brunette would have asked if he was cold, but he didn’t actually feel like he could have brought out the words without them sounding weird because of how close he was to falling asleep again.

When Liam woke up again Niall was still there, but he was half sitting up in bed now, leaning back against the pillows and Liam’s head was on his chest. The older boy had no idea how late it was and he also wasn’t really sure if he wanted to know because Niall’s fingers were brushing through his hair, thumbing at his ear, and Liam really questioned whether he was going to make it to work or not.

He felt worse than before if he was being honest, it wasn’t just because he noticed the lack of sleep but also because he just felt so damn exhausted and as if he wouldn’t even be physically able to get out of bed right now. Having Niall there made things better in the sense that Liam didn’t feel lonely, but he still felt on the verge of tears for some reason because he didn’t wanna get up and he had no idea how to make it through this door or actually go to work or even get dressed and just… fuck.

“Li?” Niall’s voice was soft, quiet, as if he wasn’t sure if Liam was awake or not, his hand momentarily slowing to a stop.

“Yeah… “ Liam had to clear his throat a bit, pushing his face into the younger’s bare chest, trying to block out the light a bit because it hurt and every aspect of being awake seemed a bit too much to handle right now.

“You want me to call work for you and tell them you’re not coming because you’re sick?” The blonde made it sound so damn easy, Liam just not going and saying he was sick, giving the brunette a really easy way out by offering to deal with it. Of course Liam knew it wasn’t a good idea, but right now he really didn’t give a shit, he had no idea how late it was but just the thought of having to force himself to even just sit up right now made Liam wanna cry.

“Okay… “ So he agreed without really thinking about it, wanting nothing more than to just go back to sleep and for Niall to keep on holding him until then.

“Alright, you got the number saved?” Niall’s fingers were still threading through Liam’s hair and maybe Liam would have been slightly embarrassed for behaving like this but it’s not like he was able to control it and having the blonde there meant that at least Liam didn’t have to worry about work or oversleeping or anything the like. Instead of answering the younger’s question Liam just nodded, hoping that Niall noticed. “Okay, baby, just sleep. I love you so much.”

It felt good, to hear Niall say these things to Liam even though the brunette was pretty much back asleep a second later and still hadn’t replied to the blonde telling him that he loved him all the time. Liam had some really weird and kind of scary dreams that he usually had whenever he was so wiped out and exhausted from simply feeling like shit and trying to make the hours pass by faster.

He couldn’t remember any of them though when he next woke up, kinda really randomly because he felt kind of hot, only then noticing that he had pretty much kicked off all the blankets, lying in the middle of the bed with the blonde somehow gone. For a moment or two, Liam thought Niall had gotten fed up and just left him, or that maybe he had dreamed the blonde being here in the first place, but after Liam had let a few tears slip and actually managed to change his position, he heard some noise coming from somewhere in his apartment shortly before Niall entered, seemingly on tip toes.

“Oh, hi… you’re awake.” The blonde sounded somewhat worried, probably because Liam looked exactly like he felt, like absolute trash. “Are you hungry? I made something to eat, I hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah, umm… maybe.” Liam wasn’t sure, he sat up just a bit, trying to untangle the blanket but Niall was there 0.5 seconds later to do it for him, making him half lie down against the pillows while sitting on the mattress next to him, running his fingers up and down Liam’s arm, his smile kinda sad. Great. “How, um… how late is it?”

“Hmmm, last time I checked it was like 3 pm or something. Sorry I left by the way, I just got kinda hungry and I made something for you as well if you want. Also, I called your boss before and told her that you’re sick and not feeling well and she said it was fine and that she hopes you’ll still come in on Monday.” Alright, that didn’t sound too bad but Liam was still embarrassed as he nodded along, trying to stay awake for now as Niall slowly took Liam’s hand in his, threading their fingers together before bringing them to his lips and kissing the older’s knuckles. “It didn’t sound like she was mad or anything so don’t worry about it, yeah?”

“Okay… thanks for calling… “ Liam rubbed his eyes with his free hand, somehow feeling tired but on the other hand not really, he just felt weak and sad and not up to do much or anything at all.

“No problem, babe.” Niall smiled, leaning forward just to kiss Liam’s forehead and then his lips, very gently and softly. “Do you want something to eat? I can bring it to you, you don’t need to get up if you’d rather stay in bed.”

“No, I… I can get up… “ Eating in bed was something Liam did a lot, but with Niall here and everything, he wanted to at least try a little bit, feeling a bit more like he could have actually gotten up compared to a few hours ago.

“Alright.” The blonde was wearing a shirt now that also belonged to Liam, but the brunette barely noticed as he fully sat up, needing a while to convince himself to actually get out of bed, having to let go of the blonde’s hand in the progress. “Okay?”

“Yeah… “ It was kinda remarkable really, how good Niall was at this, but then again, no one had ever really stayed with Liam during an episode like this, his mother had just yelled at him to get out of bed and stop being lazy, but… Niall was really good at this, he was smiling the whole time, kissing and stroking Liam’s face, but at the same time giving him space, not asking too many questions or making him do things. He was just there for Liam and it felt really nice not having to be alone right now. 

Though Liam kept wishing he was still in bed or could have just put his head down as soon as they had made it to the kitchen, he tried to keep it together when Niall made him sit down at the kitchen table. “I made pasta, I hope that’s okay. I’m not the best at cooking as we all know, so… I did google before I made it and I tried it and I think it’s alright.”

“’m sure it’s fine… thank you.” Liam tried to return the smile though it felt really stiff, but it still seemed to make Niall happy either ways because he kissed the back of Liam’s head after placing way too much food in front of him, sitting on the other chair then with a glass of water.

“Just try and eat a bit, okay?” He sounded encouraging and Liam simply nodded even though he wasn’t sure if he was hungry at all, he was basically just doing this for the blonde. 

Niall didn’t ask a lot of questions, he basically just kept the conversation going by talking a lot, not expecting Liam to actually answer. It was so fucking sweet, how much he cared, how he was trying so damn hard to make Liam feel comfortable and to understand what was going on, the brunette almost couldn’t believe it. 

After he had eaten about one third of the food, Niall seemed more than happy, he did ask Liam if he wanted to shower or something afterwards, and the brunette assumed that maybe he should have, but it seemed like too much work already to get back into bed, so he told Niall no and the blonde immediately stopped asking. 

Niall stayed, all day long, lying in bed with Liam cuddling him while the older boy slept and then stayed awake for a while, not complaining and never being too pushy or overstepping boundaries and though the brunette still felt like shit by the end of the day, it felt slightly more bearable to have Niall there being supportive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope everyones week was better than mine and that you all enjoyed the chapter! <3 
> 
> if there are some mistakes in there then please let me know or just ignore them, ive been getting up at 5.45 am every day for my internship and i have no idea how i even managed to finish the chapter without sleeping in after writing for 5 mins haha!
> 
> let me know what you think if you want, i promise ill answer!


	13. Chapter 13

Niall felt really helpless after the weekend was over. Liam had been feeling better on Sunday, but only compared to Saturday, which really wasn’t all that much progress. The blonde had offered to just skip uni and stay with him today, on Monday, as well, but Liam had actually gotten out of bed kinda easily and even showered before getting dressed and they had left his apartment together, but Niall still didn’t feel very good about those decisions.

He hadn’t slept for basically 2 days, afraid that Liam was going to wake up and do something without Niall’s knowledge. Sure, he had fallen asleep a few times during the day while lying in bed with Liam, but he still felt like trash today sitting in class, actually having skipped a few altogether because he knew he wouldn’t have made it. To say Niall was worried and shocked was an understatement.

Liam had at least eaten a bit and he had finally managed to take a shower this morning, but other than that, he had been acting like a living dead and the blonde had not been prepared for that at all before he had seen him on Friday. Of course he was never going to tell Liam that, he just thanked the gods that he had come over on Friday or otherwise he would still have no clue what Liam was like at his worst. Or maybe this wasn’t even his worst but Niall felt prepared for anything now.

He finally understood why Liam had freaked out about the whole London thing now, why he had been so hesitant about saying yes or no.

The worst part was that there was _nothing_ Niall could do to help, he didn’t even know if his presence had made things better or if Liam would have cared if Niall had left him alone. The older boy had just slept, basically the whole day long, he hadn’t felt up for talking or doing anything at all when he had been awake and a few times he had cried without ever telling Niall a reason. He had cuddled into Niall a lot though and he hadn’t seemed to mind receiving kisses and the blonde stroking his hair and face, so maybe that was at least something.

Niall was trying so hard to understand what Liam was going through, but seeing him like this, he wasn’t sure if he would ever come close to get what was going through the brunette’s mind on a daily basis. And that was maybe even worse than not being able to help, the fact that Niall would always stay absolutely clueless, that he would always have to hope that Liam kinda let him know what he needed.

Now Niall understood why Liam had been so hesitant at first, why he wasn’t able to fully let Niall in, why he had never answered to the blonde telling him he loved him. Not that that was going to stop the blonde, he was now more determined than ever to let Liam know that he was always there for him and that he was loved.

“You look like shit.” Was the first thing Louis said when he found Niall in the cafeteria, the blonde actually hadn’t felt like eating anything but Louis had texted and asked whether the blonde wanted to meet up with him and Harry during lunch and Niall had agreed because he really needed some distraction. “How many classes have you already skipped today? I didn’t even see you once.”

“A few. Where’s Harry?” Niall tried his best to sound somewhat normal but it was hard when he just wanted to put his head down and sleep all day long.

“On his way.” Louis explained, sitting down opposite of Niall, about ten times more food on his plate than on the blonde’s. “Are you okay? You look a bit… tired?”

“’m fine.” The blonde half mumbled, not wanting to sound like he was complaining because no one had asked him to stay with Liam, no one had asked him to stay awake while the brunette had slept. 

“How’s Liam?” Good question, actually, Niall had been trying not to sound too controlling when he had asked Liam this morning to text him once he had gotten to work. Which he had done, but after that, Niall hadn’t gotten an answer anymore to his messages and he was trying really hard to be okay with it. Liam had allowed him to baby him all weekend, had never even said a word about it and the blonde felt like maybe he only minded Niall doing that whenever he felt like… like however he had felt the past two or three days.

“Umm… better than yesterday, I guess.” There was really no way for Niall to tell other than the fact that Liam had gotten out of bed and showered and even gone to work. Or at least telling the blonde that he had. 

“Were you with him all weekend?” Louis asked as if he was asking Niall for the time and the blonde just nodded, suddenly not so sure anymore if he really should have been telling Louis what had happened. He felt like he was going behind Liam’s back, it’s just… who else could Niall have asked for advice? He didn’t wanna get onto Liam’s nerves or do anything wrong, but on the other hand he didn’t want them to depend on other people so much and become a couple with communication problems. “Oh, hi, babe.”

“Hi, guys.” Harry kinda interrupted their conversation but Niall didn’t care, he just watched the younger boy smiling at him before leaning down to kiss Louis, letting himself fall into the seat next to him, way closer than another person would have. Niall tried not to stare too much, he always felt like he was watching something intimate whenever he saw those two interact, even when they were in public. It’s just, all the three of them together made him miss Liam and it made him wonder how the brunette would have felt to know that they were all together hanging out at uni while he was at work. “What’s up?”

“Niall and Liam had a rough weekend.” It didn’t sound like Louis was making fun of Niall, but the blonde still rolled his eyes, eating some of his food even though he wasn’t actually that hungry. Though he hadn’t really slept at Liam’s, he had definitely eaten a lot there. 

“How’s Liam?” Harry asked, sounding worried, but before Niall could answer, Louis had already done it for him.

“Better, he’s at work.” Wait, how would Louis know that?

“Did you talk to him?” Niall was confused, why had Louis asked before then if he had already known anyways? Also, when had Liam talked to him anyways, he hadn’t used his phone just once all weekend.

“Yeah, this morning, he texted me to tell me you guys would come to London next weekend. I actually wanted to ask you about t-“

“Wait, wait… what?” What had Liam been thinking?! “He told you we’d come?”

“Um… yeah? Did you guys not talk about that?” Both Harry and Louis seemed surprised, sharing a look and Niall absolutely hated this. He had a very good idea why Liam had suddenly decided to take matters into his own hand, but that didn’t mean that Niall was going to just allow it.

“Not since last weekend, no. We agreed we’d wait and… anyways, we gotta talk about it later.” Niall wasn’t pissed off, he was just… unsure of what to feel right now, it’s not like Liam had gone behind his back or anything, but he had surely not been planning on telling the blonde about this today.

“But you wanna go as well, right?” Okay, did Louis seriously not get the problem here?

“Yes, of course I wanna go and Liam does as well, but last weekend he said he needs to think about it and now after the last two days… it’s fine, we both wanna go, I just thought we’d talk about it again, that’s why I was surprised.” The blonde tried to talk himself out of it, not wanting to go off in front of the other two because this was between him and Liam only and not everyone needed to know the details of their relationship. They knew enough already. 

“Well… if Liam thinks he’s up for it and everything… I mean, it’s not like a contract in blood or anything, you can still cancel even a minute before the train leaves.” Louis made it sound it really easy and Niall would have loved to see it like that as well, but it was difficult to do that while knowing that Liam had just agreed because he felt bad about the last two days. “If he says he can handle it and if he wants to go then you gotta trust him, Nialler.”

“I _do_ trust him, that’s not the problem, I just didn’t know, that’s all.” Well, not really, but Niall could feel himself getting pissed off at Louis. He hadn’t been there the past two days, he wasn’t missing like 14 hours of sleep and yeah, he knew Liam a lot longer and probably had seen him in worse states, but Niall didn’t care about that right now if he was being honest. Just because he sometimes asked for advice didn’t mean he wanted to be lectured about Liam all day long.

“What, uh, what happened this weekend?” Louis suddenly asked after some hesitation and the blonde knew it was wrong but he suddenly felt a bit better knowing that he was the one who had been with Liam, that the brunette hadn’t called his best friend instead or told Niall to stay away.

“Nothing, Liam just wasn’t feeling good and we stayed home and mostly in bed.” Niall tried to not make it sound like a big deal, somewhere in the back of his head knowing that Liam wouldn’t have wanted him to talk about it in detail. Or not at all, but it was hard when Louis was Liam’s best friend and knew about pretty much everything anyways.

“Okay… and he wanted you to stay?” Okay, what was that supposed to mean?!

“Yes?” Well, Niall hadn’t really asked anymore after Friday, but Liam had never asked him to leave and also, he had been asleep most of the time anyways. “What, you think I just stayed against his will or something? I’m not an idiot, Lou, I didn’t force my company on him.”

“That’s not what I meant, I was just genuinely surprised because usually he wants to be left alone when he feels like this. I only stayed with him once I think, but it was kinda obvious he wanted me to leave after a day.” Louis explained, making it sound just a little bit like he thought Niall simply wasn’t good at knowing what Liam wanted.

“Okay, but I’m his boyfriend.” The blonde just blurted out with it, kinda aware that Louis wasn’t looking for a fight but Niall was just tired and worried and he just said it without thinking about it, regretting it just a second later when both the others’ eyes were on him. “Um, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Don’t worry, Nialler, I’m not implying he didn’t want you there, I’m really glad he did.” Louis let out a laugh, seemingly not upset or anything and the blonde relaxed, still feeling a bit guilty though. “But just talk it out with him and then you can still cancel if he doesn’t wanna go after all, okay? I didn’t really plan on making it so complicated, I just texted Liam as soon as I found out so you guys know in case you wanna come. I mean, I know that he doesn’t like making plans with such short notice.”

“Yeah, um… we’ll just talk about it and it’ll be fine.” Hopefully, because there was no way of knowing really and Niall just wanted to drop the whole conversation, already feeling bad enough that he had let his surprise show and the fact that he was slightly upset. “When do you guys have classes again?”

Thankfully both Harry and Louis answered without making it weird and though Niall didn’t contribute too much to the conversation anymore, they didn’t ask about Liam anymore. Niall excused himself half an hour later to go to a lecture where he sat in the last row and pretty much dozed off 5 minutes in. One thing was for sure, Liam could never ever know about just how fucking exhausted Niall was after this weekend.

 

\---------------------

 

“Hey, baby.” Niall didn’t hesitate for just one second, walking up to Liam with a smile and wrapping his arms around the older’s neck, kissing him on the mouth before the brunette had even fully noticed him. It wasn’t Niall’s fault really, that he just couldn’t hold back with all those questions he had been meaning to ask since hours now. “How are you? How was work? Are you hungry?”

“Um, I’m okay, you?” Liam seemed a bit overwhelmed, but he did return Niall’s smile and altogether, he looked about 10 times better than yesterday or on Saturday. Plus, Niall was pretty sure he had genuinely been at work because they had decided to meet up by the pier which was close to where Liam worked.

“Me too. You wanna go eat something? We can also go to my place, my mum’s still at work, but then we’d probably have to go to the grocery store and… you’d have to cook, so we should probably just go to the mall.” This hadn’t been very well thought through, Niall was just excited to see Liam and he was looking for whatever sign that the brunette still felt bad or that he wanted to go home and take a nap, but it didn’t seem like that at all. 

“Whatever you want.” Liam decided, his cheeks a bit flushed after Niall had pecked his lips once more, holding both of the brunette’s hands in his now. 

“Okay, then we’ll go to the mall, I don’t wanna make you cook for me all the time.” Laughing a bit, Niall was relieved when Liam returned the smile, squeezing his hand back after Niall had let go of one, intertwining their fingers as they walked along the sidewalk. “Are you sure you’re okay, Li?”

“Yeah, I… I’m fine, the last three days were a bit, um… rough, but… I’m feeling better now.” Liam sounded very genuine so Niall decided to believe him, still not ready to just forget about what had happened though. He’d never forget about that weekend. “Thank you for, you know… for staying with me and… I know that… that I wasn’t good company and… that it was probably boring, but, um… I’m glad you stayed… “

“You don’t have to thank me, Li, I’m always there if you need me and I don’t care what we do as long as you feel alright. And it wasn’t boring, I was just glad I could be there for you and that it made you feel better and when this happens again then just tell me and I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He had already thanked Niall this morning, but not like this, and the blonde could tell that it was hard for him to talk about it in general so he appreciated it even more. 

“Okay… thank you, Ni.” The brunette sounded a bit embarrassed so Niall decided not to keep on talking about it, he just squeezed the older’s hand again, curling his other one over the inside of Liam’s elbow. 

“I love you.” Was all Niall said, just so Liam knew, pressing a kiss against his shoulder over his shirt, immediately carrying on so that he wouldn’t make it seem as if he was waiting for an answer. Sure, he would have been happy had Liam said it back, but the brunette had already kind of told him that he felt the same, it’s just that he was still a bit unsure and then of course, he wasn’t really the best at saying what he felt. “Hey, you know what I was thinking? Maybe we could go watch a film tonight, there are a few I wanna see, I’ll show you later, okay? Unless you wanna do something else, that’s fine, I was just thinking because like… I know we’ve kinda been on dates but not really besides our golf date and… I thought it’d be nice. Also, I haven’t been at the cinema in a while.”

“Yeah, I… me neither, we can do that, there’s a few I wanna see as well, so… “ Liam sounded motivated so that was a good thing, Niall was honestly fine with watching anything Liam wanted if that meant that the brunette was feeling alright again and ready to go out. They were technically out right now, but that was different. 

“Okay, great. You can also sleep over at my place if you want or… or I’ll walk you home.” Or Niall could stay at Liam’s, but he didn’t wanna basically invite himself, so he was giving the brunette options. 

“You can sleep at my place as well… I mean, you can just borrow the same sweats again and stuff.” Liam shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal, but it kinda was to Niall because that meant Liam actually didn’t want Niall to go home today at all. 

“Okay.” Niall agreed happily even if he was tired as hell, he would have rather stayed awake half another night just to make sure that Liam was alright. “Oh, you know what I wanted to tell you? While I was waiting for you, my dad texted me.” 

“Um, what did he want?” Liam seemed confused, but he knew about Niall’s dad and he knew that they didn’t really talk a lot, so maybe that was another reason why.

“I’m not sure, he didn’t really say, but I think he wants me to come visit.” Niall wasn’t even sure why he told Liam, maybe because he had come into the habit of just telling the brunette everything. “I mean, I do wanna see him, but I really don’t wanna see my brother and there’s no way around it because he lives with my dad still.”

“Wait… didn’t you say he’s like… 7 years older than you are?” Right, that was exactly the problem.

“Yeah, but he lives with my dad. He did move out for a few years once with his girlfriend but then they broke up and… it’s complicated and I really don’t wanna see him because we always just fight and it’s… I could as well stay home.” That would have been a whole lot more pleasurable.

“Can’t your dad come and visit you here? By himself I mean?” Liam asked and Niall actually thought about it for a moment before shrugging, swinging their arms a bit between them. 

“I could ask him. But he barely ever has a day off, so I don’t know if… but then again, maybe he didn’t actually mean it anyways, maybe he just asked out of habit or something. I’m not sure if I want him to have meant it actually.” Because then Niall would either have to deal with his brother or he would have had to find an excuse. Also, he would have missed Liam a lot and he couldn’t ask him to come because that would have just stressed the brunette out unnecessarily much. “I guess I’ll just wait what he says.”

“But if you don’t wanna go see your brother you don’t have to, I mean… your dad knows you don’t get along, right?” It would have been weird if not the whole town they lived in in Ireland had known because they surely did. 

“Yeah, true… I guess I’ll just have to talk to him. I just hope he doesn’t want me to come over for his birthday or something because it’s coming up and then I’d feel extra bad for saying no.” Not like Niall could have, right? “Maybe I’ll just stay for one night or something… I’d ask you if you wanted to come but I really don’t wanna put you through that.”

“I mean, if… if it’d help if I came… “ Liam started, clearly not wanting to but Niall made sure to immediately relief him of this pressure.

“No, no, it’s fine, babe, really. I probably won’t go anyways, I just kept thinking about it before you came and it’s still on my mind and… I’ll talk to my mom, I guess, she’ll have a very strong opinion on that one.” Letting out a quick laugh, Niall made sure to make himself stop a second later because it actually wasn’t funny at all. 

“But, uh, you should still do whatever you want, you know. Maybe…. maybe your mom will come with you?” Right, that would have made the chaos even worse, but how could Liam have known that anyways?

“Maybe, I could ask her, I guess.” Or maybe not, but this conversation wasn’t leading anywhere and Liam couldn’t actually help him anyways because he didn’t know the blonde’s family well enough. 

“If everything fails then… I can come.” The brunette offered again, very much to Niall’s surprise, but it just reminded him of the fact that that this wouldn’t have been the first time for Liam to do something just because he thought Niall wanted it. 

“It’s okay, but thanks, baby, I really appreciate it.” Leaning over to kiss the older’s cheek, Niall almost fell over which ended with both of them laughing and the mood getting a little bit brighter. “What do you wanna eat?”

“I don’t mind at all, I’m just really hungry.” The fact that he admitted it was a good thing, at least to Niall, because the past two days he had practically been forcing the brunette to eat so he definitely needed to have proper food today for the blonde to have a good night’s sleep. 

Niall suggested a few places but Liam stuck to saying that he didn’t mind at all. So in the end, they got pizza from Domino’s and sat down by the beach because it was rather nice weather and because Niall felt like they could both need some fresh air after the last weekend. Not that he was going to tell Liam that as a reason of course. 

“You didn’t even get a crazy choice like you did with the ice cream.” Liam noted a few minutes after they had sat down and Niall laughed after swallowing, admiring the brunette’s face being lit up by the sun. 

“Nah, I don’t do that with normal food, with ice cream it’s like… not that bad, but I don’t wanna be starving after having pizza.” Not that Niall had never done that before, but today he really would have not wanted Liam to offer him some of his food. “You can have a piece if you want, it’s pretty good. And this time I’m definitely not just trying to get rid of it, promise.”

“Thanks, I don’t really like tuna though.” Liam actually pulled a bit of a face looking at it and the blonde couldn’t help but laugh a bit at his disgusted expression. The brunette was just eating a plain pizza and somehow Niall wasn’t surprised by that at all. “Do you like pineapple on your pizza as well?”

“No, that’s gross, but tuna is a normal topping though, babe.” Apparently not to the brunette because he just shook his head a bit in disbelief and Niall would have leaned over to kiss his cheek just because he was so cute if he hadn’t had his mouth full again already.

They just sat and ate for a bit and Liam actually was the one who started talking about something that had happened today at work while Niall was at an inner battle with himself about whether to start asking about next weekend or not. Liam seemed happy right now and as if he was just fine, the blonde didn’t wanna ruin the mood by asking about the brunette agreeing to go to London without telling him.

Somehow Niall had thought that maybe Liam was going to tell him himself, but he hadn’t done it so far and they needed to talk about it at some point. Otherwise, the day would just come closer and Liam would surely force himself to go even if he didn’t want to just to make Niall happy and the blonde couldn’t allow that to happen.

“Hey, babe… “ Niall started, slowly chewing on a slice of pizza and staring down the beach instead of looking at the brunette so he wouldn’t make him all too nervous. 

“Hm?” Liam made, his mouth full, clearly surprised, and the blonde decided to let him swallow first before continuing, still thinking about how to actually start this conversation. It shouldn’t have been a too big of a deal right, like… Liam had to know that Niall was going to find out at some point, didn’t he?

“You know… “ The blonde threw a side glance at Liam before continuing, knowing that by hesitating, he was kinda making it worse than it was, it would have just been better to just say it, make sure Liam knew that he wasn’t mad or anything. “Louis told me that… that you texted him this morning about London.”

“Oh… “ Was all Liam made and Niall turned his head just in time to see the older’s cheeks getting a bit more colorful as he looked down before suddenly shrugging barely noticeably, clearly trying to just brush it off. “Yeah, I… I thought about it and I wanna go and I know you do as well, so… so I told him we’d come. I was gonna tell you, but, um… I forgot and… yeah.”

“It’s fine, babe, I just… are you sure you really wanna go? I mean… because of the last few days and… I thought maybe you’d wanna think about it for a few more days and Louis said it’s fine if we cancel last minute, so… if you’re not sure, y-“

“But I am.” Liam interrupted and Niall could tell that this conversation was going to be a bit harder than planned.

“Okay, I know, Li, I just… it’s fine if you change your mind again, okay? And you don’t have to agree just because you think I wanna go, I only wanna go if you do as well and if you’re feeling alright.” Because judging by pretty much all the time Niall had known Liam, the brunette’s mood could change very quickly and very randomly. 

“Niall, I… I know what I’m doing, okay? I wanna go and it’s going to be fine.” Right, now Liam was getting upset, which was the very last thing Niall had wanted and he couldn’t help but sigh a bit, watching the older boy playing with his bottle of water, not eating anymore. 

“I just wanna make sure, Li, I care about you and I… I’m just worried, okay? Because of the last few days and-“

“But you don’t have to be worried, I told you, I… I feel fine again today and… you don’t need to look out for me.” Oh god, now they were back at the start and though Liam wasn’t yelling or anything, the blonde suddenly had major flashbacks from when they had fought on the phone when he had been away with his friends. 

“I know… I’m sorry, okay? I know you don’t like when I’m being overly protective and I know you don’t need me to baby you, I just want you to know that you didn’t have to agree just because you thought you had to. And I won’t be mad if you still change your mind and Louis w-“

“I know.” Liam cut him off again, more firmly this time though and he sounded quite frustrated while doing so, clearly letting the blonde know that he had managed to overstep the line once again. Right, it had been okay for Niall to baby Liam all weekend long but now that the brunette was feeling better again, he probably didn’t want him to anymore and it was kinda hard to deal with that because… hell, Niall had had to say something, he couldn’t have just ignored this, right?

“Don’t be mad at me, please, we don’t have to talk about it anymore, yeah? I just wanted you to know and I don’t want you to be under pressure, but I know you can decide for yourself, okay? It’s fine, we can just change the topic and I’m happy if you wanna go.” Niall tried to do damage repair now, feeling like a fucking idiot but then again, it wasn’t too easy dealing with these kinda situations with Liam because the blonde never knew how he was going to react. “I love you.”

“You, uh… you don’t have to always add that just to make me feel better… “ The brunette half mumbled and Niall wanted to just tape his own mouth shut right now.

“I’m not, it’s the truth.” He made sure not to hesitate before answering, just so Liam wouldn’t get any doubts but there was no denying that it did hurt a bit, that Liam thought Niall just said it to make him feel better and not because he genuinely felt that way and had a constant need of letting the brunette know because he never really seemed to believe him. “I really do, babe, I’m sorry if it came off differently, I just… shit, Liam, tell me what to say, I don’t wanna upset you or make feel bad, I just… I just wanna help because I care about you and I fucking love you and I don’t know what to do.”

Niall hadn’t planned on saying it like that but then it just slipped out because he was getting so bloody frustrated with himself and the whole situation. Liam looked at him for a second, surprised, but then he quickly turned his head again, sighing a bit and rubbing at his eye and the blonde wasn’t sure if he was going to cry or not. Shit.

“Liam… I’m not saying I can’t handle this or anything, all I’m saying is that I need your help and… I need you to know that I really do love you and I would _never_ just say that to make you feel better, it’s the truth. And I’ll be perfectly honest right now even if I know you don’t wanna hear this, but… hell, if I could, I’d wrap you in fucking bubble wrap and try to make you smile all day long, which I know I can’t but… I still wish I could. And I’d do anything to make you feel better, not because I wanna control you or baby you, just because I genuinely care. And I’m sorry if I upset you, but last weekend… I really just wanted to make sure you didn’t agree for me or anything and that you know just how much I love you.” Okay, now Niall was going to start getting teary as well, he just hated this so much. “I don’t… I don’t want us to be the kinda couple that can’t talk about anything and that has communication problems and… I would never hurt you or upset you on purpose.”

The blonde was running out of things to say, he didn’t know how to continue because he had already told Liam all these things and he just felt like the brunette never really believed him and that he never would no matter what Niall told him. And what if he was going to get even more upset now, Niall didn’t know what else to do, he knew he was being too controlling, but how did Liam expect him to just sit back and watch?

There was quite some uncomfortable silence, Niall almost thought that that was it, that Liam was going to start eating again and never comment what the blonde had said and Niall was just taking a sip from his bottle when Liam suddenly spoke up. To say Niall almost spit the water all over himself was a bit of an understatement. “I… I love you too.”

Okay, this was NOT what Niall had been expecting to hear now, his heart was literally bumping so fucking fast and he didn’t even know what to say, his mouth kinda half dropped open as he tried to think of something useful, but all Niall could think was that he had never felt happier.

“I’m sorry… I know I freak out all the time and… I really appreciate everything you do, Ni, no one’s ever done that for me and… I just have a hard time believing that… that you would actually wanna do all of this and that you really care so much and that… that you love me and… I told Louis we would come because I genuinely want to and I know you want to as well and… it’s going to be fine, we’ll have a good time and… and if everything goes wrong and I do feel like shit, I… I know that you’re gonna be there. That’s why I agreed.” Oh.  
Had Niall been speechless before, he was even more now, just staring at the brunette with his face all red and blushed but the tiniest smile playing around his lips and the younger boy just wanted to cry. Instead, he finally put his pizza carton on the stones next to him, quickly moving over until he could wrap his arms around Liam’s shoulders from the side, pressing his lips against the older’s cheek. “Fuck, I love you so much I could literally squeeze you to death right now.”

“Please don’t.” Liam let out a quick laugh, his hand wrapping lightly around the younger’s wrist and Niall hadn’t planned on letting go anyways. 

“Don’t worry, I’d miss you too much anyways.” This was getting cheesy but Niall didn’t care one bit right now, he just kissed Liam’s cheek again and then his temple before simply holding on to him, breathing him in and treasuring the moment. “We sure do have a talent for misunderstandings. But that’s okay, what matters is the fact that we’re really good at making up again as well, right?”

“Agreed… “ Though Niall could barely hear the brunette, he was pretty sure that Liam was smiling right now and it got confirmed when they turned their heads to look at each other and the blonde didn’t hesitate to finally kiss the older boy on the mouth.

They were in public, but Niall couldn’t have cared less when Liam immediately relaxed his jaw under the pressure of the younger’s tongue. It tasted like pizza but also just like Liam and though they hadn’t really snogged a lot it was really familiar already and Niall wasn’t sure if he had ever quite felt this way before.

He was aware that their problems weren’t out of the way and that this hadn’t been their last argument or misunderstanding for sure, but knowing that Liam loved him and that he was really trying to trust Niall was everything the blonde needed right now.

 

\----------------

 

“I told you we should have reserved seats, this is terrible.” Niall couldn’t help the fact that he had been whining and complaining a bit ever since they had gotten to the train station. Thanks to Louis though they had almost missed the train and now they had to go to the very back while it was already moving and the oldest boy still claimed that it wasn’t his fault. “I bet we’ll have to stand the whole way long.”

“Oh my god, Niall, you’re worse than my little sisters.” Maybe that was true but the blonde didn’t really care, he hadn’t slept well last night and then he had had a surprise test at uni and he had barely had time to eat anything. Funny thing was though, Liam seemed to be feeling perfectly fine and excited and it was actually Niall who suddenly wouldn’t have minded staying home anymore. Not that he would have said anything and the train was moving already anyways. “I’m sure there are still seats in the back, we don’t necessarily have to all sit opposite each other.”

Actually, Niall would have appreciated sitting in a whole other part of the train with Liam just so he could have some peace and put his head on the brunette’s shoulder and maybe take a nap or something. Liam was smiling at him whenever Niall turned his head and he was walking really close behind him as well, his hand automatically going to the blonde’s waist when Niall had to stop unexpectedly to avoid bumping into a child.

Honestly, it felt like they went to the very end of the train before they found some seats that did end up being opposite each other but by the time they got there, Niall honestly didn’t care anymore. He let Liam sit by the window because he knew the older boy liked looking outside and he was too tired to care anyways.

“See, I told you we’d find some seats.” Louis was grinning at the blonde and Niall just rolled his eyes, stuffing his bag under the seat before making sure to take off his shoes so he could put his feet on the seat, his leg brushing Liam’s because there was no armrest in between them. “Does anyone want some snacks?”

“Did your mom make them?” Harry sounded excited when Louis got out stuff to eat from his bag and just put them on the table between them, he even had something to drink and Niall was kinda thirsty but he was trying to be annoyed with Louis so he didn’t reach out unlike Harry and Liam. 

“Yeah, a few of the girls helped so if there’s anything weird in there you know why.” Well, that didn’t sound too appealing so that at least helped Niall to ignore his hunger a little bit. “Does anyone know when we’re gonna be there? I didn’t really check the times.”

“You didn’t check anything.” Niall threw in, but the others kinda ignored him and he decided that it was probably for the better. 

“I’m not sure either… I’d say at 6 or something? I think we got the faster train though.” It was Friday, so naturally they hadn’t been able to leave that early and Niall had thought it’d be fine because usually he wasn’t too tired by 6 or so, but today had just been stressful. 

Louis and Harry then discussed what they could do today and Liam joined for a bit but he quickly fell silent again much like Niall and the blonde leaned over and more into the older boy, taking his hand to play with his fingers, stretching a bit to kiss his cheek and then his mouth when the brunette turned his head.

Just because Niall kinda really felt like taking a nap, he got out the hoodie he had packed before moving more into Liam’s space, clearly leaving the older boy a bit confused at first. “Do you mind if I lie down?”

“No, I… of course not.” Liam answered rather quickly, kinda opening his arms, seemingly automatically, and Niall didn’t hesitate to half lie down over Liam’s lap, his head on the older’s arm, making sure to put his feet flat on the seat because it wasn’t quite long enough. “Are you tired?”

“Yeah, kinda… “ Niall shrugged, untangling his hoodie and Liam luckily helped so the blonde could somehow tuck himself in a little, already feeling a whole lot better when the brunette loosely let his arm lie across the blonde’s stomach. Right, he could have definitely gone to sleep like this. “You?”

“I’m okay… when did you sleep in last night?” They had spent the night at Liam’s place, like they had done most nights this week and luckily Liam had been doing a whole lot better than last weekend, he had been able to sleep properly again and just be his normal self during the day.

“Hmm… around 2 or 3 I think, it was weird, I was kinda feeling really hot but then I went to the bathroom and when I came back I was really cold but you were there luckily.” And Liam had immediately adjusted, even in his sleep pressing into the blonde and that of course had also kinda made the blonde not wanna go to sleep immediately. Furthermore, he had been feeling a bit worried the past few nights, having wanted to make sure that Liam slept well and through the night, that he didn’t need anything because he surely would have not woken the blonde otherwise. 

“Are you okay?” Liam sounded worried looking down at the blonde and Niall would have been lying if he had said that he wasn’t getting strangely relaxed when he felt Liam playing with his hair a bit, just lightly, but still. 

“Yeah, sure, just a bit sleepy is all… I might take a nap on you if you don’t mind. Later, I mean.” Not right now, the train journey was too long to already go to sleep and then maybe wake up again in half an hour being unable to fall back asleep while the others were probably just about to get tired or something. 

“I don’t mind at all.” He sounded very genuine, still worried though and Niall felt bad because if there was one thing he knew a lot about, it was being worried about his boyfriend.

“Hmmm…gimme a kiss.” The blonde demanded despite the other two being there but they were now looking at something on one of their phones and Niall actually wouldn’t have minded if they had just been watching. 

Liam did throw a very quick glance to his two friends but he barely hesitated before leaning down, smiling a bit before connecting their lips when Niall made a kissy motion with his mouth. It wasn’t a particularly spectacular kiss or anything, but it wasn’t just a peck either and Niall moved his hand to the back of Liam’s head, holding him close and then letting it slip to the side of his neck and his chest, still kinda kissing him as he decided to make the brunette blush. “Love you… “

“Love you too… “ The brunette was definitely flushed red when he started to pull away and Niall lifted his head a bit to keep on kissing him longer before leaning back against the older’s arm, his lips tingling and his stomach feeling a whole lot warmer. His slightly grumpy mood from before had definitely been cured now staring up at his boyfriend with a smile on his face and feeling so much love for him that he could have exploded.

“I can’t believe I’m actually becoming witness of this.” Louis kinda destroyed their moment a bit but Niall didn’t even bother turning his head. 

“Shut up… “ Liam mumbled and Niall rested his hand on the older’s arm still around his stomach, rubbing hopefully soothing circles into his skin. 

“Sorry, Payno, but you guys are really fucking cute. You’ve just never been with anybody like this and I just think it’s really great that you two get along so well and that-“

“Babe, I think they got it.” Harry luckily interrupted before Louis could make it even worse. On one hand Niall knew he just meant well and he really got it, Louis must have been really worried about Liam never having been in a relationship and always kinda making him third wheel which obviously hadn’t made Liam feel all too great. On the other hand, Niall didn’t really like Louis making such a big deal out of it right in front of Liam, it made it seem like something was wrong with Liam and as if Louis had never thought that he even could have a relationship. None of this was true of course, and Niall actually didn’t think it was a big deal at all, especially because Liam seemed still unsure about his sexuality. 

“Yeah, sorry, I’m just really happy for them and I’m happy we get to do this, all four of us together I mean.” The oldest boy did sound a little bit sorry and Niall decided he wasn’t going to jump in just yet, still caressing Liam’s arm and hopefully giving him some reassurance that he had his back, always. “So, what do you two wanna do today? Me and Harry had some ideas.”

“Hmmm, sleep?” Niall suggested, trying to make it sound a little bit like a joke but it wasn’t really.

“You can do that right now and later at night, we don’t get to go there every day, we gotta use our time wisely.” Well, at least he didn’t mention Niall having gone to London just a while ago, but it honestly wasn’t even that, the blonde was just tired, that was all. Plus, he and his friends hadn’t done all that much and it was a lot different being with Liam because that pretty much made everything better because Niall didn’t have to keep thinking about him all throughout the day. “I mean, if you wanna stay behind and sleep that’s your thing but... don’t be so damn boring, Horan.”

“’m not boring, I’ve just done actual work at uni today unlike some other people.” Well, not sure how true that was, but he had at least tried, that surprise test hadn’t really helped with that though. “And I won’t stay in the hotel and sleep, I was just making a joke.”

“Well, good, so what do you guys wanna do then?” Turned out he and Harry had a list and Niall tried to engage in the conversation, but he actually didn’t mind what they did so he just made sure to agree with whatever Liam seemed to be interested in which of course got him some side comments from Louis which only made the blonde laugh though.

They didn’t really agree on anything and at some point, Niall stopped talking at all and played on his phone instead, starting to watch something with the train WIFI before offering Liam one of his headphones so they could watch together. This of course meant that the blonde had to hold the phone in a bit of an awkward angle, but it was fine for half an hour or so, even if a little bit tiring, so Liam took over after a while.

The blonde had no idea when he slept in, he just remembered his eyes getting really fucking heavy and then he turned his head a bit, pressing it against Liam’s arm before pretty much passing right out. It wasn’t the most comfortable sleep Niall had ever had, but he was so tired that it didn’t really matter.

Liam was really comfortable, he also kept playing with Niall’s hair and then he even stroked the younger’s cheek when he thought he was deep asleep. The brunette had done that a few times already when Niall had been in the process of waking up but then decided not to say anything simply because he knew that Liam would have been more than embarrassed and then he maybe wouldn’t have done it anymore. He would surely get more comfortable with time, but until then Niall was just really happy that he wanted to do those things at all, even if he thought that the blonde didn’t know about them.

Because the train ride was multiple hours long, Niall had quite some time to sleep and Liam sometimes covered his ear with his hand whenever Louis and Harry were being too loud and he made sure to cover Niall with his hoodie again whenever the blonde moved, mostly to snuggle closer into the brunette.

“Hey, Ni… “ The older boy kinda startled Niall a little bit as he rubbed his arm over the hoodie and whispered his name and the blonde couldn’t help but groan a bit, pressing his face into Liam’s arm, not wanting to wake up just yet. “Nialler…. we’re gonna be there in a bit… “

“Hmmm… when?” Niall asked because maybe they’d have another 20 minutes or something and Liam was just being overly careful. 

“In like 7 minutes.” Right, this was a bit different and Niall had no idea how he was ever going to walk out of this train in a straight manner in only 7 minutes. “Are you awake?”

“Yeah… kinda… “ Niall somehow half choked out before forcing himself to sit up from one second to the other, his eyes and head hurting like hell and just for a moment the blonde actually thought he wasn’t going to be able to actually do this. “Shit… I feel even more tired than before now.”

“You look like it as well.” Louis threw in and the blonde decided to just ignore him, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles, wanting nothing more than to just lie down in Liam’s lap again and sleep for preferably 10 days straight. “Anybody gotta pee before we get off? Liam?”

“Why are you asking me?” The brunette seemed confused but Niall couldn’t really tell because he had a hard time keeping his eyes open, leaning his forehead against Liam’s shoulder for a moment, smiling a bit to himself when Liam grabbed a hold of his hand, squeezing.

“Because you weren’t able to get up for the past few hours?” Right, that made sense to the blonde but he actually wasn’t sure what Liam answered because he half passed out against him for at least a minute or something. He was glad that Liam didn’t get up to go pee because that would have meant he had had to hold back all this time just for the blonde.

To say it was hard to get off the train was an understatement. Niall was pretty sure he almost fell over like 10 times and he panicked for a second thinking he had forgotten his bag just to realize that Liam was carrying it for him. It seemed that whenever Niall was really tired or not feeling all too happy, Liam had a much easier time touching him and giving him kisses and just being really sweet and soft in general, which was the best feeling ever.

By the time they got to the hotel, Niall felt slightly better, but Liam’s arm was still wrapped around his waist and the blonde not only enjoyed the hell out of it but he also felt like he needed the support. They actually had a few rooms to choose from because of how big Louis’ family was, but it’s not like Niall really cared as long as he could be alone with the brunette.

“Fuck, that was one hell of a train ride. Seemed like 12 hours to me or something, I’ve got no idea how you guys survived that without sleeping.” Dropping his bag on the floor, Niall immediately let himself fall into the double bed face forward, knowing that they had to be downstairs in the lobby in 30 minutes to meet up with Harry and Louis, but that still seemed like enough time to take a break.

“I did sleep for a bit actually, but I was kinda afraid Louis would play a prank on us.” The mattress dipped in a bit when Liam sat down and Niall would have loved to rest his head on the brunette’s lap again but he was too tired to move other than to turn his head a little bit so he wouldn’t suffocate. “Are you okay? You know we don’t have to go, we can also stay here and you can go to sleep if you want, I don’t mind.”

“No, Louis is right, that’s boring and we only have a few days before we go back. But I’m not sure if I wanna stay with the other two the whole time, I know a few places we could go to and their plans seem a bit weird.” Also, very touristy, but Liam hadn’t been here in forever either so Niall didn’t wanna make the decisions by himself. “But really, you can decide what you wanna do, I just wanna spend time with you.”

“I… “ Liam started, clearly a bit at a loss of words now and Niall finally rolled around onto his back, thinking about taking his shoes off but then he would have surely fallen asleep within seconds. “That’s why I don’t mind what we do either, I… I just wanna, um, spend time with you as well.”

“You’re so cute.” Niall couldn’t help it, making himself move until his head was resting in Liam’s lap and he could look up at the older boy, smiling when the brunette wrapped his arm around the younger’s stomach despite the fact that he was clearly blushed. “Are you glad we came?”

“Yeah… are you?” Liam sounded unsure for a moment so Niall made sure to nod, about to say yes when he suddenly was interrupted by a yawn. “Do you… wanna take a nap until we have to go downstairs? Or just stay here?”

“No… but I wouldn’t mind a little bit of distraction so I won’t fall asleep.” Smirking up at the brunette, Niall could tell that he needed a moment to understand what the blonde had been talking about, but once he did, he barely hesitated before leaning down to kiss the blonde.

They did come a few minutes too late with swollen lips and slightly messy hair but Niall was very willing to take all the stupid comments in the world because it had been way worth a very heated make out session. 

 

\---------------

 

It was a nice evening even though Niall was still a bit exhausted from earlier. They didn’t have too much time before it got dark but they did get something to eat and they stayed with Louis and Harry for the most part, and only after it got a bit later did Niall make sure to get Liam to himself before going back to the hotel, just holding his hand and going for a walk by the Thames. It was really nice but Niall was still more than happy when he was finally lying in bed that night, waiting for Liam to get out of the shower.

Being here almost seemed like a dream after the last week had been so stress- and eventful, and Niall was really excited about the next two days, especially because he’d definitely be a lot more energetic and not close to falling asleep anymore after pretty much every second passing by. Niall would have already been asleep had he not wanted to wait for Liam.

“You’re still awake.” Liam sounded surprised when he came out of the bathroom, looking all soft and cuddly, his hair still damp from the shower and he smelled like shampoo and toothpaste when he climbed into bed next to the blonde, underneath the same blanket.

“Yeah… wanted to wait for you… “ The blonde was almost again interrupted by a yawn, but he held back this time. Though he was usually the big spoon and usually also the one acting as a pillow for the brunette, he was just so tired and in need of cuddles tonight that he simply put his head on Liam’s chest, snuggling up close to him as the brunette wrapped his arms around him in return. “I love you, Liam… like seriously… I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Nialler… you’re really tired, you should go to sleep.” It sounded a lot like something Niall would have said to the brunette and it made him smile before he let his eyes fall closed just to blink them open again when Liam suddenly continued after some hesitation. “Hey, Ni… I just… before you go to sleep, I just wanted to quickly say something actually, um… you know, before I… before I change my mind.”

“Oh… sure, what is it, baby?” Right, Niall immediately felt more awake again and he would have sat up to look at his boyfriend if he hadn’t known that it would have just made Liam even more nervous than he already was. So instead, he just made sure to stay cuddled close, moving one of his legs in between the older boy’s, rubbing his hand up and down his stomach and chest. 

“Well, uh… I didn’t really plan this through actually, um… it’s just that, you know, we always talk about taking it slow and stuff and… I’m really glad that we do, I’ve just been thinking for a while, like… I’ve never been in a relationship before and… and I also, well… I don’t even know why I’m telling you this now, you probably wanna sleep, maybe we should just talk about it tomorrow or-“

“Li, tell me now or you won’t be able to sleep. It’s fine, I’m awake, yeah? I can last a few more minutes, go on, babe.” Niall encouraged the brunette because he wasn’t even sure if he himself would have been able to sleep now even though he kinda had a vague idea about what this could be about.

“Okay, um… you know, I was just thinking and… I thought maybe I should tell you because maybe you don’t know or… anyways, um… I’ve also never, uh… I’ve never had sex.” Right, well, this was kinda what Niall had been thinking and he had also known as well but he kept quiet for now, letting the older boy sort out his thoughts. “I mean… one time when I was younger, um… I was really drunk and stuff happened but, um… I don’t really remember so I don’t really count that and… and that was with a girl and… I just… I thought I should tell you that… yeah.”

“Baby, it’s fine, okay? You don’t need to stress yourself out over this, I know you’ve never been with a guy before and even if you don’t have experiences with girls it doesn’t matter, yeah? As you said, we’re taking it slow and… I’d never just do something without making sure you’re okay with it, you know that, right?” Had Niall done something to give Liam the impression that he wanted to have sex anytime soon? He DID want to of course, had for quite a long while, and it wasn’t so easy when their make out sessions got so desperate but… Liam’s well being was of course more important.

“Yeah, I know, Ni, I... that’s not it… I was just thinking, um… because I didn’t know how slow we’re taking it exactly and… you know, I mean… I do get nervous and stuff, but I... if you… if you want to… “ Wait, what?

“Are you… asking me to have sex with you?” That was certainly not what the blonde had expected, he did sit up now without thinking about it to stare at the brunette looking more nervous than ever, but he didn’t turn his head. “Li, just because you think I want to doesn’t mean we have to have sex, okay? I do want to, but only if you do, and I don’t care how long we wait, it’s totally fine and I really get it if you’re not ready, okay? I’m sorry if I did anything to make you think t-“

“No, no, I… what I was saying is, um… if _you_ want to then… then we can, because… “ And then he stopped for a second, looking away from the blonde while Niall was stroking his cheek. “I want to… “

This was a surprise to the blonde but he tried not to let it show, tried not to smile too much because it would have been quite inappropriate and he also shouldn’t have suddenly started to feel a lot less tired. For a moment, Niall didn’t actually know what to say so he kissed Liam instead, not too deeply but just to let him know that he was definitely on board with that idea.

“Not… not right now, just… you know… “ Liam clarified and the blonde couldn’t help but laugh, kissing the older’s nose just because he could before rubbing his own against it. 

“We’ll just be chill about it, okay? But thanks for telling me, I was waiting for you to say something and if you still change your mind that’s okay, yeah? Also in the middle of it or really whenever, but I definitely want to as well and… right now probably isn’t a good idea, I agree, but… there’s a lot of other nights.” Now Niall was more excited than he should have been, it’s just the fact that Liam had actually been brave enough to say all those things out loud… he must have really been wanting to get this out.

“Okay, yeah, I… we should, uh… probably sleep.” The older boy made sure to change the topic, clearing his throat a few times and the blonde just laughed softly before kissing him again, thinking about how despite all the ups and downs they already had had and would probably still experience, he wouldn’t have wanted to change any of this for the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> early update because im tired, hope you all enjoyed, let me know if you want to!! :) <3


	14. Chapter 14

Liam couldn’t believe that he had actually told Niall he wanted to have sex with him last night and when he remembered in the morning while cuddling into the blonde, he kinda panicked thinking Niall would wanna talk about it in detail. He didn’t though, they just stayed in bed a bit longer until Louis forced them to get up by hammering against the door and then coming in uninvited as soon as Niall opened up.

Though Liam was really glad that he had decided to tell Louis they would come along, he was still kinda glad when Niall quietly suggested that he and the brunette could do something by themselves in the afternoon. Turned out that Harry and Louis really did take their list quite serious and Liam wasn’t really used to packing so many things into one day and Niall apparently simply didn’t want to.

So they said goodbye to the other two even though Louis rolled his eyes calling them boring but Liam would happily take that if he could be alone with the blonde for a bit and not do something else every 5 minutes. Even if being alone with Niall of course rose the risk of them having to talk about last night’s conversation, but Liam could take it, right? He was the one who had willingly brought it up after all.

“How’re you feeling?” Niall asked as soon as they had gotten on a different tube than Harry and Louis to somewhere the blonde had suggested.

“Good, a bit tired, you?” They had slept for quite long because they had gone to bed at like 10 pm or something, but all the walking until now had definitely taken its toll.

“Me too, but definitely not as much as yesterday. Don’t worry though, I’ve got a good idea what we can do and it doesn’t involve a lot of walking, promise.” The blonde smiled at Liam, running a hand up and down his arm and the brunette had a hard time focusing on anything else. “When do you wanna be home tomorrow?”

“I don’t mind, really… I only start work at 12 on Monday.” Upon saying this, Liam had to suppress a laugh when the blonde looked quite jealous, his arm now wrapping around Liam’s waist so he wouldn’t actually have to hold onto something, his fingers digging a bit into the brunette’s side.

“Lucky you… but I actually don’t mind either, I can just skip if I oversleep. Now that I failed that test yesterday I probably won’t pass that class anymore anyways.” Niall shrugged, clearly trying not to care and Liam felt really bad for him because those words sounded very familiar. 

“You don’t know if you failed it.” The brunette tried to be encouraging, somehow automatically wrapping his arm around the blonde as well so he wouldn’t fall over. Now they were definitely a lot closer and there were few other people in the tube but Liam wasn’t sure if he had even minded if there had been. Things were getting easier for him lately, at least relationship wise, hence why he had brought up that topic last night, which, looking back now, maybe hadn’t been the best idea.

“I’m pretty sure though… I mean, not that it really matters, I can fail a few classes, I guess… I mean, the semester isn’t over yet, right? I could… ask Louis and Harry to study with me again.” Liam really wished he could have been able to offer Niall to study with him, but… they both knew that wouldn’t have been a good idea at all and furthermore not very helpful. “But anyways, uh, should we buy something to drink once we got get off the tube?”

“Yeah, uh, sure.” Liam answered after some hesitation, licking his lips then and trying to find the right words as he looked at the blonde’s really fake smile. “You know… I’m sure Harry and Louis would help you at uni if you ask them, and even if you do fail a few classes… once you’ve graduated it won’t matter anymore anyways. And you’re only 21, right? You’ve got enough time, Niall.”

“Yeah… I know. I don’t really care that much anyways, it’s just… uni is exhausting.” The blonde let out a breath then and Liam hesitated for about 3 seconds before giving himself a small push and pressing his lips against the younger’s forehead. He had never done that before while Niall had been awake and he could feel his cheeks growing hot but the genuine smile on the younger’s lips made it worth it.

“You’ll be fine, Niall, you made it this far. And I guess… I guess it’s supposed to be exhausting, at least a little bit. And you’re not the only one who ever got close to failing that class.” Liam wasn’t sure what class this was about, but he himself had probably failed it more than just one time but this wasn’t about him. “Ask Harry and Louis, they’re gonna help you, I know they will.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna do that… thanks, babe. You’re so cute.” And without letting Liam say anything else, Niall had pressed a quick kiss to the older’s mouth, the back of his fingers stroking Liam’s cheek and making him blush even more. “Let’s not talk about it anymore, okay? I didn’t actually plan on thinking about uni until Monday anyways.”

“We can though… if you wanna talk about it, I mean, I… we always only talk about… my problems, but, uh, we can talk about yours as well. Anytime you need to.” Liam felt like he needed to say this, because they had spent hours and hours on his problems and Niall barely ever seemed to have any or was just really good at hiding them.

“Thanks, baby, I’m good, I would tell you if anything’s up, but I really appreciate it.” His smile had grown a bit wider and when he kissed Liam again, this time lingering a bit longer though, his fingers curled into Liam’s shirt. “I love you.”

“I love you too… “ Liam half whispered back, still a bit unsure whether Niall really was over it or if he simply didn’t wanna talk about it anymore.

They almost missed the stop they had to get off and Niall blamed Liam’s, quote, gorgeous face, which of course got the brunette feeling pretty damn hot and giddy. “Okay, now, we just gotta go up this street and then about five or ten minutes and then up th-“

“UP? I thought you said we didn’t have to walk a lot.” Liam pretended to be pouting while they were walking, his hand feeling warm in Niall’s and the younger’s hand curled around his inner elbow giving him goose bumps.

“Sorry, baby, but after that I promise we can sit down… wait, we gotta buy something to drink on the way, and something to eat because I’m getting hungry.” They had only eaten shortly before with Harry and Louis but Liam just smiled, deciding not say anything because Niall loving his food wasn’t anything new after all. “I promise, once we’re up Primrose hill it’ll be worth it.”

“The word ‘hill’ makes me a bit nervous… “ Liam admitted, but also a little bit as a joke and he decided it was worth it when Niall let out a small laugh before pressing his lips against the brunette’s shoulder over his shirt. “But… I guess I’ll just have to trust you.”

“You won’t regret it.” Niall promised, squeezing Liam’s hand and rubbing his thumb over the older’s skin. When Liam had texted Louis that they would come, he had been quite nervous thinking about it, and even yesterday before they had gotten on the train, but once Niall had put his head on Liam’s lap and slept there for pretty much the whole ride, the brunette had started to feel really good about this whole trip. And now, being alone with the blonde and holding his hand, Liam was almost sad that they would have to go back home again tomorrow.

The blonde had been right, Liam definitely did not regret it once they had gotten quite high on the hill and were sitting in the grass, eating all the snacks Niall had bought because he hadn’t been able to decide which one he had wanted the most. The view was a lot nicer than Liam had imagined and though there were quite a few people because it was nice weather, it didn’t actually bother the brunette at all. 

“Try this, it’s really good.” Niall claimed before already pushing something against Liam’s lips that turned out to taste exactly like gummy bears. “See, this time it’s good that I’m always ready to experiment with food.”

“You did buy a lot of things we always eat at home th-“

“Shhh.” Was all Niall made, with his finger against his lips and Liam just laughed, kinda wanting to lean over and kiss the blonde but then he didn’t because he still had something in his mouth. “You know, I actually still wanted to talk about something.”

There it was, completely out of nowhere and Liam’s heart immediately made a huge jump and sped up quite uncomfortably as he looked away from the blonde. This shouldn’t have been a big deal at all, right? They were together, they were in love and Liam was actually pretty sure that he wanted it, he just didn’t know how he’d feel once it would actually be time. “Umm… you mean, uh… because of last night?”

“Yeah. And don’t be nervous, babe, I’m really glad you said something last night, I was just really tired so I wanted to make sure you know that it’s no big deal at all for me if you decide you wanna wait. Or if you decide while we’re in the middle of it or anytime really, I was kinda surprised you said something, actually, but if you really want to then… of course I want to as well.” God, Niall was always so sweet about it but Liam still threw a look around to check if anybody was sitting close enough to hear them talk and the blonde smirked a bit. “Baby, I doubt anyone cares what we’re talking about.”

“I know, um… I just… I know that… that you wouldn’t get mad if… if I decide I don’t wanna after all, I just… I want to. Now, I mean, I just… you know, I’ve never really done anything, so like… I don’t know how or when or what and… you probably have a lot more experience… “ Which was only one reason why Liam was nervous but maybe one of the biggest ones.

“Hey… “ Niall reached over to grab a hold of Liam’s hand, squeezing a bit and waiting until Liam looked at him until he continued. “Doesn’t matter how much experience I have, I don’t have any when it comes to you, it’s not like it’s always the same. We’ll just see what happens when it happens and I’ll tell you what I like and you’ll do the same, yeah? It’s not something to just get it over with, it’s supposed to be fun.”

“I know, just… I always feel like… like if we do it once, then… then I won’t like… be nervous anymore. But… I do want to.” Okay, Liam just made it unnecessarily complicated, but Niall nodded along so he seemed to somehow understand what the brunette was trying to tell him. 

“We don’t have to like, go all the way immediately, you know, we can just try stuff and see what happens and it’ll be amazing, Li, you’ll see.” Niall sounded very confident and as if he was excited, making Liam feel that tiny bit better but also a little bit worried. If Niall thought it was going to be amazing, hopefully he wouldn’t be disappointed in the end because the brunette was pretty damn sure that he wouldn’t have told him afterwards. “I’m really glad we can talk about it though.”

“Yeah… me too.” Well, Liam was embarrassed but he couldn’t have imagined talking about this with Niall right after they had gotten together, so that was some progress at least, right? “I, uh… I didn’t actually think I’d ever grow the balls to tell you, but… you were almost asleep last night… “

“Baby, you can tell me anything and we can talk about whatever, okay? It’s not embarrassing at all, I mean, we’re together and I love you and I wanna do everything with you, yeah?” As if to prove it, Niall suddenly leaned over to kiss Liam on the lips, surprising him just a little bit but the brunette of course went with it. “I know it’s hard, but… you never have to be worried about how I’ll react, okay? I know I’ve freaked out a few times, but I promise I’ve learned my lesson.”

“It’s fine… thank you, Ni.” Liam meant it, he knew it was hard for the blonde because Niall had even told him that he actually wanted to wrap Liam in bubble wrap to keep him from any harm, but the way things were right now, the brunette was happy and grateful.

“Don’t thank me, baby.” Niall kissed him a few more times before leaning back, still smiling and squeezing Liam’s hand before pulling away and thankfully changing the topic by making Liam try even more sweets. Despite the fact that Liam had been kinda nervous about this, Niall had actually managed to make him feel a bit calmer about the whole situation again. 

 

\---------------

 

“Do we really have to watch this?” Niall had been complaining about the TV show that Louis had turned on for at least half an hour now, but Liam barely listened because he was already half asleep, with his head resting next to the younger boy, Niall’s arm wrapped around his shoulder. “I can’t believe you guys actually watch that show on a regular basis.”

“Well, sorry that this goes beyond your horizon, Nialler, I won’t change the channel. Your boyfriend actually used to always watch that show as well, you know?” Great, did Louis really have to bring Liam into this? The brunette was too tired to even keep his eyes open so he decided to stay quiet, just focusing on Niall’s thumb evenly rubbing circles into his shoulder. “I’m sure he’d try to deny it now if he was awake, but it’s the truth.”

“So? I don’t care what TV shows any of you like, I just think it’d be fair if I get to choose what we watch when you guys literally got the king suite.” It was true, after they had all met up for dinner and then gone up to their rooms, Louis had suggested that they could all hang out in his and Harry’s room for an hour or so before they’d go to bed. The thing was though, this wasn’t only ONE room and they had a couch bigger than Niall and Liam’s bed, which they were currently lying on, even being able to stretch out their legs because it was so big.

“You guys both said you don’t mind which room you get.” Harry threw in, trying to help Louis, but it’s not like Niall was genuinely pissed off, Liam knew that Louis and Niall just had a bit of bickering going on once a while. It was all for fun though, because the brunette was pretty sure that Louis had told Niall quite a few things about him, maybe even given him tips, which was fine if it made Niall feel better. 

“No one told me there was a king suite. I mean, I know you have a lot of siblings, Lou, but… a _king suite?_ ” Niall actually covered Liam’s ear with his hand once a while whenever they got too loud and Liam appreciated it, but he wasn’t actually asleep anyways, just drifted off once a while for a few minutes. 

“It’s easier to keep an eye on the kids when they aren’t scattered around too many rooms at once.” Right, that made sense and apparently also to Niall because he kept his mouth shut after that, not complaining anymore about the TV show either. Maybe he had grown a liking to it, Liam remembered when Louis would always make him watch it and then the brunette had caught himself actually watching it by himself at home the week after. 

Liam almost slept in a few times, they had already showered and gotten changed before and Niall smelled really good and they were sharing a blanket. Pretty sure sleeping on this couch right here would have been just as comfortable as sleeping in their hotel bed. 

Usually Liam would have maybe felt embarrassed about cuddling so close into Niall with Harry and Louis sitting right there, but he was really getting comfortable with these things, especially because the blonde seemed to want it so much and because he was always so affectionate in public. So when Niall very gently climbed over Liam and left after kissing the brunette’s forehead, Liam didn’t feel too stupid for forcing himself to sit up, rubbing his eyes a bit as he looked around the half dark room in search for his boyfriend.

“He’s just gone to the bathroom, Li.” Harry helped him out and Liam didn’t bother turning his head because he was way too tired for that. The thing was though, napping without Niall didn’t seem even half as appealing, so Liam remained sitting as he waited, trying to concentrate on the TV for a bit and drinking some of the water he had brought over from their room.

“Why’re you awake?” Niall sounded surprised as he finally came back after what seemed like 20 minutes but had probably been 5. “You wanna go and sleep in our room?”

Liam simply shook his head, rubbing his eyes again as the blonde sat down next to him again, running his finger’s through the brunette’s hair and down his neck before rubbing his back a bit. Actually, going over to their room sounded like a terrible idea right now even though Liam was aware that it would be even worse later. 

“Everything okay?” The blonde had lowered his voice now but Liam could barely focus on his words because he just wanted Niall to lie back down so they could cuddle some more.

Instead of answering, Liam simply pretended that no one was watching them and put his head on the younger’s shoulder, which Niall didn’t seem to mind in any way because he immediately put his arm tightly around the brunette again, pulling him down with him until Liam’s head ended up on his chest. The blanket had somewhere ended up by their feet, but the brunette honestly couldn’t have cared less right now, he just wanted to sleep. 

“Haz… can you?” Niall asked and Liam had no idea what this was about, but Harry seemed to have already been standing because next thing Liam knew, the youngest boy helped untangle the blanket and threw it over them and Liam was pretty damn sure that Louis said something in the background, but the brunette had fallen asleep somewhere in the middle of it. 

It was probably midnight by the time they got back to their own hotel room and Liam had at first very much doubted whether he was going to be able to make it across the hallway, but once they had entered their room with the lights turned on, Liam suddenly felt a whole lot more awake again.

“I can’t believe they got a fucking king suite… also that TV is like twice the size than the one we got in here.” The blonde was a bit hard to understand with his toothbrush in his mouth but Liam was still amused as he sat on the bed watching the blonde walking up and down the room, kinda glad that he had already brushed his teeth before they had gone to Louis’ and Harry’s room. “I mean, it’s only for two nights anyways, but still… you should sleep, babe, you were so tired before.”

“I’m feeling better again though.” Maybe having been asleep for like one and a half hours had given Liam a quick energy boost, because even though he was in bed underneath the blanket, he wasn’t actually having a hard time sitting up and leaning against the headboard. “When are we getting up tomorrow?”

“Whenever we want, Louis wants to leave at 8, but if we don’t make it we can stay here a bit longer, I don’t mind. Unless you wanna leave earlier then I’m okay with that as well.” The blonde shrugged before walking back into the bathroom, coming back about five minutes later and turning every light off except for one on his bedside table before crawling into bed next to Liam. “Are you really not tired anymore?”

“A little bit, but… I think that nap healed me or something.” Liam joked and the blonde smiled as he slipped underneath the blanket, moving close enough that their bodies were pressed together, Niall’s arm wrapping around the brunette’s shoulders. “Are you tired?”

“Hmmm, I’m okay.” Niall answered after thinking about it for a moment and when he leaned in to kiss Liam, the older boy had kinda already been expecting it, sighing when their lips met and Niall’s free hand was cupping his cheek.

It wasn’t unusual for them to make out after they had gotten into bed, so Liam wasn’t really thinking about it that much, could barely even concentrate on anything else other than Niall’s hand against his skin and his tongue in Liam’s mouth. They had gotten really good at this and Liam wasn’t shy anymore to return the kisses and to touch the blonde back because he knew Niall actually enjoyed it and even if Liam would have done something wrong, the blonde wouldn’t have gotten mad or anything.

The blonde moved his hand down after a while, over the side of Liam’s neck and then down his chest and stomach and when the brunette got a little bit nervous and they stopped kissing for a second to catch some air, Niall rubbed their noses together as he asked. “Can I?”

Liam was a bit unsure what the blonde was talking about until he had reached the hem of Liam’s shirt underneath the blanket and the brunette found himself nodding his head before he had even fully realized what Niall was about to do. They were kissing again when Niall pushed his hand underneath Liam’s shirt, touching his bare skin and the brunette felt nervous thinking about how the blonde was touching his stomach, how he had definitely been in better shape years ago, but… it was too late now anyways.

Liam needed some time to get used to it, before he allowed himself to enjoy the strokes of Niall’s palm, but kissing the blonde was really distracting anyways. Still, Liam could feel the younger’s touches going straight to his middle, already half hard just from a bit of snogging and Niall having his hand underneath his shirt.

To Liam’s excuse, he had never done anything like this with anyone, so whenever their make out sessions got heated, he got turned on pretty much by anything the blonde did, which Niall was probably very aware of. Now that they had had that talk last night and today, Liam was kinda hopeful that maybe they would take this further now, even if just thinking about it made him wanna stop so he could calm himself down a bit.

Niall didn’t do anything though, he just kept on kissing Liam, a bit more eager and deeper, and his hand kept caressing the older’s skin until he suddenly brushed his thumb over one of Liam’s nipples, causing a shudder to go through his body. The blonde’s leg was in between Liam’s, so there was no way that he couldn’t feel how hard the older boy had gotten just from this.

When they pulled apart, they were both breathing quite heavily and Liam wasn’t at all expecting it when Niall’s lips were suddenly almost pressed against his ear. “Li… can I do something and you tell me if you want me to stop?”

“I… what… what do you wanna do?” Liam asked, maybe sounding quite stupid, but he didn’t wanna just assume either even if just the thought of everything Niall could have done got him even harder. 

“Make you feel good…” Was all the blonde answered and this time, Liam’s heart definitely missed a few beats in a row. “Say stop if you need me to, okay?”

Niall waited for Liam to nod before carrying on, moving his hand across his skin, still underneath his shirt, his mouth against the older’s ear before he kissed down Liam’s cheek and then his neck, causing the older boy to let out a breath when he very gently bit into his skin, sucking for a moment before carrying on.

Liam had no idea what to do or what to feel, so he just kept on half lying there, trying to keep calm, his arm lightly around the blonde as he let his eyes fall closed so he wouldn’t get too embarrassed. A part in Liam wanted Niall to stop, not because it didn’t feel good or because he didn’t want this, just because he was afraid of everything that could go wrong if they went further. What if Niall decided that he didn’t find Liam attractive anymore without clothes? Or what if Liam would come after like half a second? There were just so many things going through the brunette’s head that he could barely even concentrate.

Niall moved down Liam’s body after he had definitely sucked a bruise on the older’s neck, placing more wet kisses before suddenly pulling his hand out from underneath the older’s shirt, stroking him over the fabric for a while before going lowing and pushing back the blanket. Nothing in the world would have gotten Liam to open his eyes now, he was biting his bottom lip trying to be quiet, trying not to be too desperate or to freak out completely. 

The blonde didn’t undress Liam nor did he take any of his own clothes off, he just briefly kissed down Liam’s chest and stomach over his shirt and the brunette tried not to imagine what Niall could be doing next because he was pretty sure he had never been this turned on in his entire life. 

“Liam?” Niall asked before doing anything, his hand resting on Liam’s stomach and the older boy blinked his eyes open after some hesitation, knowing that his cheeks were on literal fire but it helped a little bit to see the younger’s smile. “You okay?”

“What? Yeah, I… I’m fine.” More than that actually, Liam was also about to die from nervousness but he honestly wouldn’t have physically survived if the younger boy had decided to stop right now, he was almost so eager for the blonde to do _anything_ that he would have begged him had Niall not made a move himself.

“Okay.” The blonde let out a quick laugh and Liam blinked a few times when Niall’s hand slowly inched lower and he pressed his eyes closed again when the blonde reached the hem of his sweatpants. Liam wasn’t gonna last if Niall touched him, no fucking way. “Relax, babe, it’s only me.”

Niall’s attempt at calming Liam didn’t quite work, the brunette still almost bit his lip bleeding once the younger boy was suddenly stroking him over his clothes. It was completely different than Liam had expected, but so much better as well that he had a hard time keeping quiet even now despite the fact that there wasn’t even any skin on skin contact.

The younger boy kept stroking him over his clothes for a while and Liam was absolutely sure that he could have come like this if he hadn’t tried to hold back, feeling kinda stupid for not doing anything at all on one hand, but on the other hand, he couldn’t think about anything else besides Niall touching him anyways. Maybe this would make things easier, the fact that Liam had a hard time worrying when the blonde was touching him so intimately.

When Niall very slowly moved his hand again, Liam thought he had to die, could almost not stand the anticipation when the younger boy very slowly shoved his hand into his boxer shorts, sending a shiver through the brunette’s body as he let his fingers glide over his aching erection. Liam had never felt this way before and he had never been this close to coming either.

Niall was taking it slow though, only grabbing a hold of Liam’s hard on after fondling him through his boxers for a while, his palm feeling kinda rough but also soft and the brunette couldn’t help the sighs and quiet moans that escaped him once a while. Had he been embarrassed before then there wasn’t anything left of that anymore, not even when he felt the blonde pushing down both his boxer shorts and sweatpants and Liam somewhere knew in the back of his head that he was completely exposed down there but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“How’s that feel?” The blonde asked, half purring the words while he was jerking the brunette off, slowly, spreading the precum all over Liam’s length, the wet sound of his fist and Liam’s quiet moans being the only noises filling the room.

“So good… “ Liam somehow brought out, followed by another moan as he tried his very hardest not to fuck up into the younger’s wonderfully warm and wet fist. Fuck, he was gonna come and this was gonna be over way too fucking soon. “Niall…”

“Shh, just let me, Li.” Niall half whispered, stroking him a bit faster before slowing down again as soon as Liam’s breathing got panicky. Instead, the younger boy suddenly grabbed a hold of his balls while still jerking Liam off, rolling them in his palm for a moment, and then, as if Liam hadn’t already felt close enough, Niall suddenly leaned down and pressed his lips against the tip of Liam’s cock.

“ _Niall_ … “ Liam just couldn’t help himself, he wanted to let go so badly but Niall’s hands and mouth on his erection felt so fucking wonderful that he never wanted this feeling to ever end. Now that he suddenly knew what he had been missing out on all his life, he couldn’t believe that he hadn’t talked to Niall sooner about this.

The blonde didn’t answer, he just kept on stroking Liam, a bit faster than before, his tongue darting out to kitten lick at the older’s tip and Liam threw an arm over his eyes, breathing hard. When Niall took him into his mouth completely, just keeping his hand around the base of Liam’s cock, the brunette knew that that was it.

He really tried to warn Niall when knew he couldn’t hold back anymore, his hand grabbing a fistful of the younger’s hair, but Niall didn’t pull off, he just kept bobbing his head on the older’s erection until Liam came into his mouth with a grunt though it hadn’t been his intention at all. Fuck, Liam had never come this hard before, his head almost felt dizzy after what felt like a minute or something and he was all sweaty but at the same time feeling calm and relaxed. Even if just for a second.

“Fuck, sorry… I didn’t-“

“Li, shhh. I don’t mind.” Niall immediately interrupted Liam’s apology, he was smiling at the brunette once Liam had removed his arm from his face, feeling too sorry as to really think about how fucking embarrassed he was right now. “How was that?”

“That was… fucking amazing.” Was all Liam could say because it was the truth, but the longer he was lying here looking at the blonde, the more did he feel an urge to pull his pants back up and hide his face from the blonde, but Niall didn’t really give him a chance to.

“Good.” Actually, Niall seemed quite proud when he suddenly lied down next to Liam again, pressing their lips together before Liam had even fully caught his breath and he could taste himself in the younger’s mouth, which maybe should have been slightly gross, but it was kinda a turn on. “Fuck, I love seeing you come, you looked so hot, baby.” 

“I doubt that… “ Liam mumbled against Niall’s lips and the blonde cut him off by kissing him again, almost moving on top of him had the brunette not had a hand in between them, trying to cover himself up again. 

“Do you want me to?” Niall offered once he noticed and Liam never really answered because he had managed to pull his boxers and sweats up in just that moment. “Li, you don’t have to be embarrassed, okay?”

“I’m not, I just… “ No one had ever done anything even slightly comparable to Liam, so naturally his reactions had been really vocal and he knew that he hadn’t behaved abnormally, but now afterwards, he became really aware of Niall having seen him like this, with his pants pulled down and during his orgasm and… it was a bit much to take in. 

“You enjoyed it though, right? I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable?” Niall suddenly sounded worried, running a hand through Liam’s hair while pressing into his side and the brunette did his very best not to look at the blonde right now. 

“No, no, not at all, I just… I’ve never… no one’s ever… it’s just… new.” Liam concluded, feeling like a fucking idiot, because what 22 year old behaved like that after receiving a blow job, right? “Sorry… “

“Why’re are you apologizing, baby? You didn’t do anything wrong at all. I wanted to do this and I wanna do so much more with you, Li. There’s no reason to be shy, okay? I’m your boyfriend and I love you and I think you’re fucking beautiful, it’s all good.” Finally, Liam did manage to look at Niall, but more out of shock than because he really wanted to and the younger’s smile definitely got his heart beating a lot faster. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah… “ Liam answered slowly after swallowing once, trying to calm himself down, very slowly wrapping an arm around the blonde and Niall commented it with another kiss. “I love you too… “

“You’re so fucking cute, you know, I could tell you that every single day.” Laughing a bit, Niall made sure to rearrange the blanket again and Liam was just glad that he wasn’t bare down there anymore, kinda feeling really bad because Niall hadn’t gotten to come but it also didn’t seem like the blonde had even expected that. 

“You do… “ The brunette mumbled because it was very true, making Niall laugh once more and this time, Liam managed a small smile as well. “You know, um… if you… if you want me to then… I can… you know… return the favor… kind of… “

“It’s fine, Liam, don’t worry about it, okay? I didn’t do this because I wanted you to get me off or something, I just wanted to make you feel good.” Niall made it sound so easy, shrugging while rubbing his palm up and down Liam’s chest and the brunette couldn’t actually believe that this boy wanted to be with him like this. 

“You did… “ More than that actually.

“Good.” Leaning down to kiss Liam once more, very softly and gently, Niall only moved one more time to turn off the bedside table lamp before cuddling back into the brunette after plunging them into darkness, his head on the older’s chest just like last night. “Think you can sleep?”

“Yeah, I… I think so… “ Probably not immediately, but Liam was kinda tired despite what had just happened and the fact that he wasn’t really sure what to think now, but Niall was here and he wasn’t like, grossed out or anything, so… there was no reason to freak out, right?

“I can stay awake until you’re asleep.” The blonde offered, making Liam feel like a child but it was still kinda comforting and the brunette let his eyes fall closed, trying his very hardest not to overthink right now. 

“I’m fine… you can sleep.” Liam patted the younger’s shoulder a bit, feeling it everywhere in his body when Niall moved his head until his lips were pressed against the older’s exposed neck, almost right on the spot where he had sucked a bruise earlier. 

“Love you...” Niall mumbled against the older’s skin, tightening the arm he had around the brunette and Liam didn’t really hesitate before burying his face in the blonde hair, quietly breathing in. 

“Love you too.” It still felt weird to say that, Liam couldn’t remember ever telling anyone other than maybe his mother when he had been a toddler or something, but he really meant it with Niall and the thought of the younger boy returning those feelings was still too good to be true.

 

\----------------------

 

They had a very eventful last day in London, Niall and Liam stayed with Harry and Louis most of the time, but they did also get in a few hours of alone time before they all met up at the train station, almost missing the train in the end because Louis decided he needed to go look for a bathroom last minute, stressing Liam out just a tiny bit.

When they got back it was really late and dark and Liam didn’t wanna be alone so he didn’t complain when Niall said he was going to walk him home, very subtly hinting that the blonde could also stay if he wanted to. So they ended up sleeping Liam’s bed that night and Niall skipped his first class in the morning so they could keep on lying there for a little bit longer.

Despite the fact that they were forced to say goodbye at one point, Liam decided that it was still a rather good day actually. He was still thinking a lot about the night before at the hotel, but Niall had only been more affectionate ever since then so there was no real reason at all for Liam to be worried, was there? Well, except for the fact that he hadn’t really had an active part and if they did go further then Liam would still be as clueless as before.

Liam only had 4 hours of work that day and maybe he shouldn’t have been surprised that Louis knew his schedule so well, but he still kinda was when he almost tripped over his best friend upon walking out of the store. “Sorry, I- oh, hi.”

“Hi, you’re free now, right?” Louis sounded a lot like he had something planned and he must have noticed the look on Liam’s face when he slowly nodded because he laughed while throwing an arm around the younger’s shoulders, squeezing him a bit. “Don’t worry, Payno, I just thought we could hang out a bit, we haven’t really been by ourselves lately.”

“Yeah… “ The reason for that was simple, and Liam did miss hanging out with Louis sometimes, but then again not really because they still saw each other of course and before he had met Niall, Liam had always been worried that Louis would have rather been with Harry than with him. “How’d you know my schedule so well?”

“I asked Niall.” Right, okay, that made sense. “He wanted to come but I told him he can have you all to himself again in a few hours, he was pouting just a little.”

“I… “ Liam started as they walked down the street, not really knowing what to say because actually, he would have been really happy had Niall been here as well, but then again, they didn’t need to spend every breathing second together, right? And hanging out with Louis instead wasn’t bad or anything. “He’s not mad though, is he?”

“’course not, even if he were, it has nothing to do with you.” Louis shrugged and Liam relaxed a little bit, he had already been worried when Niall hadn’t asked him to hang out before when they had been texting, so that must have been the reason, not because the blonde didn’t want to. “Do you wanna eat?”

“Hmm, I ate before, so I’m good. But if you’re hungry…” Liam was fine with watching, he just really needed to save his money a bit after London and he had eaten in his lunch break before anyways. 

“Nah, I’m good. I actually wanted to bring the dog, but my mom took him to the vet and-“

“What, is he sick?” Liam couldn’t help but panic a little bit, he loved Louis’ dog and the thought of him dying freaked him out

“No, no, it’s just a check up, don’t worry.” Louis immediately calmed the brunette down, seemingly regretting having said anything at all and Liam suddenly felt a bit embarrassed, like it wasn’t his dog after all and Louis surely wouldn’t have been here had his pet been about to die. “How was work today?”

“It was fine, only 4 hours so… “ Not that eventful, Liam would have gotten worried for only getting so few hours if he hadn’t known that everyone else was getting the same amount, simply because there weren’t a lot of customers. He knew that he couldn’t work at that place forever, but for now the money was still enough and he was a bit too afraid to try and look for a new job, even though Louis’ mother had offered more than ten times that she was willing to help him out. “Uni?”

“Boring, Niall kept me entertained though.” Okay, now Liam was definitely a little bit jealous, just like he always was whenever the others talked about them being together at uni but he was really good at not letting it show. There was nothing he could have done to change that anyways and going back to uni definitely wasn’t an option right now. “I actually wanted to ask you… how was last weekend for you?”

“Um, it was good, why?” It would have been too late now anyways even if Liam hadn’t enjoyed it, he knew Louis was just looking out for him though.

“I don’t know, I was just wondering. I mean, you’ve never really gone anywhere with Niall and you haven’t been together for _that_ long, I know it was a big deal for me when me and Harry went away on holiday together for the first time.” They were walking down the street now and Liam actually wished he would have agreed to going to eat somewhere because it was actually kinda hot outside. 

“Yeah, but you went away for like a week and it was only the two of you.” Liam still had a very vivid memory of that, they had asked him if he wanted to come but had clearly not meant for him to agree. Louis had then written him a postcard and brought him back stuff as if Liam couldn’t take his best friend being in a relationship and it had just been really weird in general. 

“But you’ve never had a boyfriend before.” True, not Liam’s favorite topic in the world but he knew he couldn’t avoid it. “I know you hang out a lot at your place and stuff, but going somewhere is still different.”

“I guess… but it was good, so.” More than good, but Liam didn’t wanna hint anything and then make Louis ask questions because they all knew that was his favorite thing to do. “I’m glad we went.”

“You know, last Monday, when you told me you guys would come… I kinda told Niall because I didn’t know and I don’t know if he said anything to you, but I just wanted to apologize, if…. it caused troubles.” Liam had already completely forgotten about that, so he was really surprised when Louis brought it up.

“Oh, it’s fine, I should have talked to Niall before I texted you, I just… I don’t know, I didn’t wanna make a big deal out of it and he stayed with me the whole weekend before when I wasn’t feeling too great and… he really wanted to go to London.” Okay, that had come out a bit wrong and Liam already saw Louis’ face changing as he opened his mouth so he made sure to cut him off before the older boy could even get started. “But I also wanted to go, I felt a lot better after that weekend and I was nervous about going, but… I didn’t only say yes because of Niall, if that’s what you were thinking.”

“I mean, I was kinda wondering if that was the reason, but… if it’s not then I’m glad. I’ve actually been meaning to ask, just because we never really talk about those things but… things with Niall are going well, right? Like, you don’t agree to things that… you normally wouldn’t?” This was going a bit too much into the direction Liam didn’t want it to go to, he could already feel his cheeks heating up as he looked away.

“No, I… I don’t. He’s very… understanding, like… he’d never pressure me into stuff. If anything… he thinks he needs to protect me more than necessary.” Which wasn’t a bad thing and it had also gotten a lot better and sometimes Liam did enjoy the blonde babying him after all, but he’d never admit to that. “But it’s all going great between us and… “

“And?” Louis kept on asking and Liam had no idea why he had continued but he kinda wanted to tell Louis, like… he was his best friend.

“Just… you know… Niall kinda… he told me that… that he loves me and… I couldn’t really say it back a while ago but… I can now.” This was embarrassing, Liam shouldn’t have said that, but at least it got Louis grinning like a stupid idiot as he threw his arm back around Liam’s shoulders, chuckling when the brunette tried to pull away immediately. 

“Awww, come on, Payno, that’s great. Niall told me he loves you a while ago and it was really hard not to tell you so I’m glad he finally grew some balls.” What?!

“He, uh… he told you that? Before he told me?” Liam didn’t know how to feel about that, he wasn’t angry or anything, just… sometimes he really wondered what Louis and Niall talked about in private.

“Yeah… I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said that. I just wanted to make sure you know that he really means it and he’s been in love with you for quite a while and kinda been a chicken about telling you because of you guys taking it slow and stuff.” Okay, Liam had no idea about what time span Louis was talking here, he just hadn’t actually thought that the blonde could also be shy to speak up about certain things. Somehow that was calming, to know that he wasn’t always confident even though it seemed like it most of the time. Still, what else had he told Louis?

“How… how often do you talk about me with Niall exactly?” Liam asked after hesitating for a minute, not really knowing how to start this topic other than to simply ask straight forward. He could have also asked Niall, but he wasn’t here and he would have started to feel a whole lot more guilty than Louis. “I mean, like… what does he tell you?”

“Not a lot, actually, we do talk about you, but I told you, it’s more like Niall wanting to talk about you because you’re his boyfriend. I mean... he used to ask me for advice sometimes, but that was a while ago. I knew you weren’t feeling well last weekend because you told me, but Niall actually didn’t wanna talk about that at all, and when he told me he loves you, he was just really worried that day and it kinda came up. But Li, we don’t talk about you all the time or anything, and Niall doesn’t tell me any details or anything private, I’d tell you if he did, he’s just… really into you and very obviously proud to be with you.” It felt good to hear that but Liam still kinda doubted the last part like… why would Niall be _proud_ to be with Liam?!

“I don’t know about that… “ The brunette shrugged, kinda really embarrassed now but Louis seemed to have really meant it. 

“Why? The way he talks about you, it’s obvious.” Louis made it sound like it was a fact. “And the other way around as well, I still can’t believe I almost didn’t introduce the two of you.”

“Oh, shove off, Lou, it’s not ALL thanks to you.” Liam rolled his eyes, still laughing though when the older boy gently bumped his elbow into Liam’s ribs. “But… you did introduce us, so… thanks.”

“You’re welcome, Payno.” Though it had obviously been a joke, Louis seemed to actually be a bit proud and Liam decided to leave it at that, on one hand feeling relieved that he now felt confident that Louis probably wasn’t going to ask about their… sex life, but on the other hand… maybe it was Liam who actually needed a bit of advice for once. 

Liam didn’t ask immediately, he waited for a while of them walking and talking about other things, trying to tell himself that it was a really bad idea to ask this question to Louis, but like… Louis was his best friend and though he sometimes teased the brunette and cracked his jokes, he only did it whenever it was appropriate. So that wasn’t actually the reason why Liam held back, he just didn’t know where or how to start.

Also, was it okay to talk about that with Louis? If it was between him and Niall? But it’s not like he was going to tell Louis anything about what they had done, this was just about… future activities that were possibly going to take place. Or actually not possibly but pretty certain because Niall had been dropping a few hints this morning and though Liam enjoyed knowing how much the blonde wanted to take things further… he also didn’t feel prepared at all.

“Can I like… ask you something and… you answer seriously?” Liam started the conversation after they had decided to get something to eat after all and were sitting somewhere in the mall, a lot of people walking past which meant that Liam had plenty of things to look at if he decided to chicken out.

“I’m always serious.” Louis joked, laughing when Liam simply rolled his eyes, looking down at his hands, which apparently caused the older boy to feel a bit guilty. “Sorry, of course you can, Payno, anything.”

“Okay, well… “ Clearing his throat a bit, Liam suddenly realized that he hadn’t actually thought this through at all. “You know, um… I’ve been thinking lately and… I mean, me and Niall… like… you know how he’s my first boyfriend and all and… I mean… I’ve never really been like… with anyone and also… you know… I’ve never… I don’t know how to say this, I just… “

“Did you have sex with Niall?” Louis just blurted out with it, straight forward, and Liam had to stop for a second and blink because his best friend definitely sounded slightly too excited? 

“No, I… actually, I just… I just wanted to ask because… like… we talked about it and… I don’t wanna… mess it up.” In conclusion, Liam had no fucking idea what he actually wanted to ask, maybe he just needed some reassurance. 

“You can’t mess that up, Li, trust me. I know you’re probably nervous, but… hell, it’s Niall, he’s your boyfriend and he absolutely adores you, Payno. Trust me, you’re gonna be just fine, he knows he’s got to be careful and go slow. And you already talked about it with him so I’m sure he knows that you’re nervous and… he’s probably nervous too, if that helps.” Maybe it would have, if Liam would have actually believed that.

“Um… I don’t think he’s nervous… “ Not if Liam thought about the fact that Niall had made a move just two nights ago and… oh god, what if it was Liam’s turn now? What if Niall thought Liam was going to say something again and they’d wait until then? 

“Pretty sure he is, Li, he’s probably just not letting it show. I wish I could give you any advice but… I don’t really know what to tell you because it’ll probably be a lot different anyways. Just remember not to freak out, like… it’s Niall, he’d never laugh at you or get mad, so try not to overthink because I doubt it’ll do you any good.” Right, that was a whole lot easier said than done. “You’ll be fine, Li, I promise you.”

“But… what if I don’t know what to do or… I don’t know, surely there’s some way I could mess it up.” Liam sometimes couldn’t even bring out the right words to say what he wanted to say and that was just talking, also… this wasn’t just about him being inexperienced. “Also… you know… he’s never even like… seen me without a shirt on and-“

“Li, stop, okay? If you’re gonna tell me now you’re worried he doesn’t find you attractive then I can tell you right now that that’s bullshit, because he does. And I know… what you’re worried about in particular, but trust me, he knows what’s going on and he loves you and that’s not going to change.” Louis was talking about the scars now and it’s not like there were that many, but a few bad ones and Liam had been afraid of Niall seeing them ever since they had gotten closer and… he really didn’t want it to spark conversation, that was in the past and… there was no way to change that anymore anyways. 

“I… I don’t know… I just… I don’t wanna say that I wanna get it over with but… maybe I do. A little bit.” Liam didn’t want this to come out the wrong way, but Louis seemed to get what he actually meant, which reminded Liam that there was a reason why they were best friends and had been for so long.

“Maybe you should tell him beforehand, or talk about it, like, I know you’re nervous, but… Niall will understand and then you can relax a bit about the whole thing.” Sounded like a smart idea, but Liam wasn’t sure if he would actually manage to do that, he had more planned on just… letting it happen, which was kinda untypical for him but whatever.

“Yeah, maybe, I don’t know, but… do you think he would make a big deal out of it? Like… if I didn’t tell him beforehand?” See, there WAS a way for Liam to ruin it by killing the mood.

“I don’t think so, I mean, he’d probably ask or like, say something, but… it’s Niall.” That seemed to be Louis’ answer to everything and Liam knew what the older boy meant, but still. “Liam, don’t stress yourself out too much, okay? I was really fucking nervous before sleeping with Harry as well, it’s normal, but you’ll be fine and it’ll be amazing, I promise.” 

“Yeah… thanks, Lou, I don’t know if… if I’ll manage not to stress myself out, but I’ll… try.” Right, Louis hadn’t actually given him any advice at all, but Liam still appreciated it because just talking about it made things a little bit easier.

“Also… “ Louis continued, and Liam almost got scared for a second. “Use protection.”

“Louis!” God, Liam did NOT need to have this talk right now and the very worst part was, Louis seemed to be fucking serious.

“What? I’m just looking out for you and you wanted my advice? Also, make sure to buy lube.” Oh fucking hell. “I’m serious, Liam, maybe Niall forgot or something or maybe… you know, maybe he doesn’t take it with him or something, it’s good to be prepared, that’s all I’m saying. I’ll go buy some with you if you’re too embarrassed or so.”

“I… thanks, but… I think… I think I’ll manage.” Though Liam’s cheeks were on fire now, he did kinda take Louis’ advice to heart like… pretty sure if they had gone further in London, they wouldn’t have had either of those things and… fuck, Liam had no bloody idea if it would even hurt or… god, he was gonna mess it up. “Um… do you want the rest of that?”

“Sure, thanks.” Louis was shaking his head a bit, but he was smirking a bit when he took the brunette’s leftovers and Liam was just glad when they talked about something else a few minutes later.

It was nice, being alone with Louis and doing things they had usually done before Liam had started hanging out with Niall so much. He didn’t wish for those times to come back but it was definitely nice to be alone with his best friend once a while. Still, Liam didn’t feel too sad when Louis said he needed to go home and baby sit and Liam walked into the other direction.

He silently debated with himself a little bit whether he should text Niall and ask him to do something, but then he started thinking about his conversation with Louis before and whether he really needed to tell the blonde about his scars and if he really needed to buy lube and condoms, but his worrying got kinda interrupted by the younger boy anyways.

Maybe Liam should have been embarrassed about picking up just one second later, but Niall didn’t sound too surprised anyways. “Hi.”

“Hi, babe, are you still with Louis?” Niall asked as if he already knew the answer and it made Liam feel a bit warmer to think that the blonde had possibly asked Louis before calling.

“No, I’m just walking home actually.” Liam almost asked where the blonde was, just to check if maybe he was free to do something, but the younger boy was faster anyways.

“Do you wanna come over to my place then? My mom isn’t there, she’ll probably only came back late.” He added the last part as if Liam was supposed to know what it meant and sadly… maybe he kinda did know what it meant, actually.

“Yeah, um… sure.” The brunette answered without really thinking about it, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk as he thought about how to get to Niall from here. “… now?”

“Yes, now, baby.” Niall laughed, causing Liam’s stomach to twist into knots because even though he didn’t like admitting it to himself, he had missed the blonde quite a lot today. Which was normal, right? After spending so much time together? “Where are you?”

“I’m… not sure, but I’m gonna find out.” Liam spoke slowly while reading a street name, feeling a bit stupid for still getting lost in the fucking town he had been born in. 

“I’ll stay on the phone with you then, so you won’t get lost. What street are you in? I’ve got my laptop in front of me.” The blonde seemed very eager to get Liam to his place as soon as possible and though Liam was really happy about his boyfriend wanting to see him so badly, he was also kinda nervous. Also, he hadn’t made up his mind about telling Niall and… he also hadn’t bought lube like Louis had suggested, which he of course couldn’t tell the blonde.

Liam didn’t need very long to get to the blonde’s place and though he felt kinda anxious once he got there, his worries grew a bit smaller as soon as Niall had opened the door with a giant grin on his face, so happy to see the brunette that it was hard not to feel the same. Louis was right, this was Niall and things would be just fine, right?


	15. Chapter 15

“I missed you.“ Niall just couldn’t help himself, hanging all over Liam ever since the older boy had gotten to his place a few minutes ago and the blonde had already dragged him into his room. Damn Louis for making Niall feel bad and telling him he needed some best friend time with Liam. Not that Niall was jealous or anything, he had just missed his boyfriend, that was all.

“I missed you too… “ Liam answered almost immediately, quietly though and his cheeks were hot when Niall pressed his lips against the other’s skin. They were sitting, or actually half lying, on the bed, and the blonde had put on some movie on his laptop but neither of them was watching very closely. “What, uh, what did you do today?”

“Nothing, I attempted to do some homework, but I actually slept in next to my open book, so that was kinda a fail I guess.” Niall shrugged, not wanting to sound like he had gotten home waiting for Louis to text him so he could call Liam. The worst part was, the oldest boy had of course known just how pathetic Niall had been waiting at home, so his text message had been really teasing and annoying, but the blonde couldn’t have blamed him anyways. It was important that Liam had Louis and that Niall and Liam weren’t together 24/7, but… Niall could dream, right? “Did Louis tell you that I was pouting all day at uni because he said he’s gonna hang out with you instead of me?”

“Um… no, he didn’t… were you?” The brunette sounded unsure, suddenly turning his head and Niall smirked, using the chance to peck Liam’s lips, then again just because he could.

“No, but he was joking around all day that he would. Just because I told him that it’s kinda weird that he’s like, telling me he wants to pick you up from work to make sure I don’t text you to hang out or anything.” Okay, maybe Niall wasn’t telling the whole entire truth, but he also wasn’t lying, just leaving out the part where he had genuinely been pouting for a little bit. “But don’t worry, we’re not getting into a fight over who gets to spend time with you.”

“I… I didn’t think you were.” Liam answered, suddenly sounding worried.

“Okay, good, because we’re not and I would win anyways.” Shrugging, Niall felt Liam’s stare at his face when he turned his head back around to watch his laptop screen instead, not being able to hold back a tiny smile. “Unless you wanna hang out with Louis more, that’s fine, I’d understand, he’s your best friend and-“

“I don’t.” The older boy simply interrupted, his cheeks blushed when Niall looked at him, not being able to help the laugh he had been holding back, probably sounding just a little bit self-serving because Liam snorted as he looked away. “Did you continue just to hear me say that?”

“Yeah.” Niall decided to tell the truth, just because he needed Liam to know how much he enjoyed his company and being around him every single day and every night possible. “I won’t tell Louis, don’t worry.”

“I think he already knows.” Well, true, because even though Liam probably hadn’t told his best friend, Niall had. In a joking way of course even though they had both known it hadn’t been a joke at all.

“Probably… I mean, how could anyone even think of Louis when they’ve got such an amazing and good looking boyfriend like you.” Niall was joking of course, giggling when Liam rolled his eyes while at the same time smiling a bit and the blonde moved even closed towards him, turning onto his side before stretching a bit so he could kiss the older boy. “God, I love you so much.”

“You’re… in a weird mood today.” Liam concluded and Niall decided that he really liked the fact that the brunette was starting to get more confident with the things he said and did, not even hesitating before pressing his lips against the blonde’s again and Niall wrapped an arm around him, keeping him close. “I love you too…”

“’m not in a weird mood, I just missed you a lot…” And next time Louis would try to steal Liam away from Niall and be so damn cocky about it, the blonde would maybe genuinely just come along like he almost had today. The thing was, he had actually had something planned for today, and it’d still work now that his mother was gone, but Niall couldn’t have known that before.

They kept kissing for a while, just slow and deep, the movie long forgotten and Niall wasn’t really thinking when he moved half on top of the brunette, feeling Liam’s arm circling his shoulders, his free hand just resting against the younger’s waist and Niall wanted his touch everywhere at once. He knew he had to be careful though, take it slow and first of all check with Liam if he even felt like taking things further.

It had been easier a few nights ago in London, because they had talked about it that day and Liam had very obviously been hard and it had all kinda happened in the heat of the moment. Not like Niall had never thought about sucking Liam off because he had, quite a lot actually, and he was pretty much dying to get this boy naked, but he wasn’t gonna tell Liam that, it would have only freaked him out unnecessarily much.

So after they had snogged for quite a while and Niall was pretty much lying on top of Liam, he made sure to pull away for some air, keeping his lips against Liam’s cheek though, just placing a few innocent kisses, listening to the older’s breathing. “Li?”

“Yeah?” He sounded out of breath just like Niall and the blonde actually thought about simply kissing Liam again instead of continuing. Then again, he really wanted this and he had no idea where this would go or how far they would take it, he just knew he wanted to touch Liam.

“I was thinking… do you wanna try something again? Like we did in London?” Niall was half whispering against Liam’s skin, always making sure to calm him with kisses in between and to stroke his hair a bit and yet he could still feel the older boy tensing up just a tiny bit.

“What… what do you wanna try?” Liam asked, so quietly that Niall almost didn’t hear him, so he lifted his head for a moment to fully look the older boy in the eyes, stroking some hair out of his forehead.

“Don’t know yet… I just wanna touch you.” The blonde hadn’t really planned what he was gonna say so that had kinda slipped out and he was worried for a moment that it would make Liam shy away or make him unsure, but it actually didn’t feel like it at all.

“Okay… “ Was actually all the brunette said and then he lifted his head to kiss Niall again and take matters into his own hand, which was quite surprising to the blonde but he definitely wasn’t going to complain. He loved Liam, whether he was being shy about certain things or not, but it was really good to see him growing a bit more confident around Niall, be more comfortable with him when it came to intimidate stuff or like, hold his hand if he wanted to, or kiss him like that.

Niall still decided to take it slow, only slowly moving his hand underneath Liam’s shirt after they were snogging again, having gotten into a better position by now and the blonde moved off of the brunette a bit to have a bit more room. He had never even seen Liam shirtless, only whenever he had changed or something, but he had always kinda been standing sideways and then of course the blonde had tried not to stare because the brunette very obviously hadn’t wanted him to.

So when Niall rugged up Liam’s shirt a bit, he waited if Liam was gonna do anything or tell him to stop, but if anything, he was kissing the blonde more eagerly now and Niall would have been lying had he said that Liam hadn’t grown into a fantastic kisser ever since their first one. Of course, this wasn’t thanks to the blonde, but he still felt quite proud for some reason.

Liam’s skin felt smooth underneath Niall’s fingertips, which was a relief because Niall had been wondering for quite a long time why the brunette was always trying to hide his body so much. He knew that the brunette seemed to somehow think that Niall wouldn’t find him attractive or something, which was complete bullshit, but the blonde had actually been worrying whether there were other reasons, like… whether Liam had hurt himself and worse than the bruising on his arms.

When Niall pulled away just a little bit, he hesitated a second before he asked, kinda mumbling against Liam’s lips and actually feeling like a bit of an idiot. “Li… can I… take off your shirt?”

The brunette didn’t answer immediately so Niall made sure to kiss him again, lightly because they both needed to catch some air and the blonde almost thought about apologizing because why would he suggest that? If Liam was always trying to hide his body from the blonde, but on the other hand, he was the one who had started talking about sex so maybe he just needed a second to think about it?

Niall was actually about to take it back, or pretend he had never asked, when Liam interrupted their kiss, surprising the blonde yet again. “Yours first.”

“I… “ The younger boy started, taken off guard but once it had sunk in, he couldn’t help that tiny smile as he sat up a bit, feeling Liam’s eyes on him as he reached behind himself to pull off his shirt, carelessly letting it drop next to him on the mattress where it probably fell onto the floor. “You don’t have to, baby, only if you feel comfortable, okay?”

“I do… I think.” Liam let out a bit of a nervous laugh and now Niall felt really bad and he actually wanted to stop the brunette, but then Liam had already half sat up, forcing Niall to get off of him completely so he could take off his shirt as well.

Niall knew he shouldn’t have been staring too obviously but he still did it, his heart beating a bit faster now because he had never seen Liam like this and he had always found him attractive, but now… wow. “You’re so beautiful.”

“Shut up… “ The brunette mumbled and Niall finally tore his eyes away from the older’s naked upper body to look at his face again. Liam had almost immediately half lied down again and it pained Niall that he was pretty sure about the reason why, so his stomach would be flatter. He’d always drop these hints that he would like to be more toned and stuff, but honestly, Niall didn’t care about any of that, this was Liam and he was in love with him and he’d always think the brunette was really fucking attractive.

“No, I won’t, ‘cos it’s true.” Niall decided to stay firm, waiting until Liam was looking at him before he leaned down to kiss him again, again rubbing his hand up the older’s side, this time without being restricted by a shirt, their naked bodies touching once Niall was lying down more on top of the older boy again.

It felt really intense, after them not really having done a lot and Niall couldn’t help himself when he kinda impatiently licked into Liam’s mouth again, slotting a leg in between the older boy’s. Fuck, he wanted Liam so much, but he was also afraid to go too fast or say or do anything wrong and scare the brunette off completely. This was more about Liam than it was about Niall and though the blonde was more than ready to take this further, what he actually wanted more was to make Liam see that it was alright to enjoy this, that he could relax with Niall and enjoy himself, that he didn’t need to be nervous or afraid.

That’s why Niall took it as slowly as possible, always making sure that Liam could kinda foresee his touches and when he finally thought he couldn’t take it anymore, the blonde pulled away for a moment only to kiss Liam’s jaw instead, then his neck. One of his hands was now resting on the older’s arm as he kissed his throat, very gently biting into his skin because it had Liam’s breathing quite heavy in London and he didn’t disappoint this time either.

Niall decided that today, he didn’t need to be too careful about not leaving a mark, so he sucked a bit harder on the brunettes skin, smiling to himself when he felt Liam arching his chin a bit to give him more room. Liam was definitely enjoying this, his hand fisting the blonde’s hair and even though he sometimes pulled a bit too hard, the younger boy enjoyed it anyways.

“You still good?” Before kissing down further, Niall decided to take a very quick break just to check on Liam, stroking his arm as he waited for the very quiet “Yes”. 

Fuck, Liam was so gorgeous and Niall could have spent all day looking at him, but he was trying not to do it too obviously as he placed open mouthed kisses down the older’s chest, very slowly letting his hand inch closer to the brunette’s nipple before brushing his thumb over it a few times until it hardened and Liam finally let out that groan. Niall hesitated for a second before wrapping his lips around the ignored nipple, still having his fingers on the other one and to say that he was happy with Liam’s reaction was an understatement.

Every single sound the older boy made went directly to Niall’s dick and he was very aware that his crotch was rubbing against Liam because maybe he was doing it a little bit on purpose. “Ni… fuck… “

Liam’s fingers were fisting Niall’s hair really roughly and the blonde was almost euphoric to know that he was making his boyfriend feel good, that he was getting him to let loose a bit. He switched the position of his mouth and fingers after a while, sucking on Liam’s other nipple as well until it was swollen and shiny with spit like the other one before continuing downwards.

Very well aware that Liam seemed to be most conscious of his stomach, Niall took some extra time kissing it, still rubbing his hands all over the brunette’s body, and once he suddenly got to the brunette’s jeans, he briefly debated whether he still needed to ask or whether Liam wanted him to just keep going. Judging by the sounds escaping him, it was probably the latter.

Niall didn’t actually open Liam’s belt or his jeans just yet, he just kissed the hard outline of his dick over the material before replacing his lips with his hand, lifting his head to watch the brunette as he was stroking him over his clothes. Even though Liam yet again had his arm wrapped over his eyes, he was biting his plush bottom lip, breathing quite heavily and letting out whines and moans that sounded like music to the blonde’s ears.

When Niall decided that he needed to take this further if he didn’t wanna explode, Liam was suddenly very quick to grab a hold of his wrist as soon as Niall had opened his belt and was about to pull down the zipper of his jeans. “Niall, I… wait.”

“Sorry, did I go too fast? I should have asked, Li, I’m sorry, I didn’t wanna-“

“No, it’s… not that.” Liam was still very obviously out of breath and Niall felt really guilty now and worried, immediately having removed his hands from Liam’s body, simply holding onto his hand now as he waited for the brunette to fill his lunges with some air, clearly embarrassed for whatever reason. “I just… I gotta tell you something.”

“Okay… what is it, baby? Everything okay? Did I do anything?” Niall really had no clue what Liam was going to say now, but he felt his own heart speeding up quite a bit as he thought about all the possibilities. Especially why Liam would wanna tell him _now_.

“You didn’t, I… it has nothing to do with you or… I just… before, uh… before we take this further, I just… I think I gotta, like… warn you.” What?

“Li… what’s wrong?” He was starting to scare Niall now, like genuinely, what could be so bad that he needed to _warn_ the blonde before they had sex?!

“Nothing’s wrong, um… “ Liam gulped, looking anywhere besides at the blonde but he was squeezing his hand rather tightly at the same time, hesitating for about a minute that felt like absolute torture to the younger boy. “When I was, like… when I was younger… like, a few years ago, I… you know how I sometimes… feel really bad and… the bruises on my arms and stuff… anyways, when I was younger, I was, like, doing other stuff. And… I didn’t want anyone to see and… so I did it on my… my thighs, because they were always covered anyways and I just… I thought you should know, before… you know, before you see it.”

Niall didn’t understand immediately, he was just staring at Liam for a moment, trying to figure out what he was talking about. For a second, he thought that Liam was talking about bruising himself, but then Niall remembered that it must have been something else if it had left permanent damage and once it made click in his head, the blonde felt incredibly sad. Liam had been cutting himself and to think that just a few days ago Niall had almost pulled his pants down even further without preparing the brunette and the fact that he had been _relieved_ about Liam’s blemish free torso… Niall kinda felt sick now.

“I’m sorry… if I ruined the mood or anything, I just thought that… that you should know.” For some very odd reason, Liam thought he needed to apologize and had Niall not been so shocked about that, he would have immediately tried to interrupt.

“Baby, you don’t ever need to apologize about that and you didn’t ruin anything, okay? Thank you for telling me, I… “ Niall broke off then, taking a quick breath because he himself wasn’t even sure if he was ready for that question. “Can I… can I see?”

Liam didn’t react immediately, he seemed to be genuinely thinking about it for a while before nodding very slowly and Niall decided that it was best not to look at Liam right now. One because he didn’t want the brunette to feel watched and two because Niall wasn’t sure if he himself could take it.

He took his time as he pulled down Liam’s zipper and then hooked his fingers into the waistband of his boxer shorts peaking out, pulling his jeans down in the process as well and Liam lifted his hips a little bit to make it easier for the blonde. The brunette was already fully hard but Niall could barely concentrate on that when he pulled the older’s pants down further, trying not to change the expression on his face because he was certain Liam was watching him.

The scars didn’t go down too far, probably just the width of Niall’s hand, but what shocked him more was the amount. There were a lot of scars and Niall had no idea whether they went all around Liam’s thighs or not and he wasn’t really sure if he wanted to know. Most of them were thin and short, really randomly scattered across his skin as if the brunette hadn’t been watching them at all, but then there were a few that looked really bad, that seemed wider than Niall’s little finger, going down downwards across the others and the blonde just couldn’t look away.

“I know, they… they look terrible.” Liam said after a while, kinda bringing the blonde back to reality and he blinked a few times, his eyes having gotten a bit wet as he finally looked up at the brunette again, the look on his face almost killing him. “No one… no one’s ever seen them… not the way they are right now I mean… my mum, she… when she realized I was doing it… she would force me to show her every night for a month or so, so she could make sure I didn’t do any more and… the first time, she counted them, like with her finger, and I can still feel her do it, she… she was really angry.”

“Liam… “ Niall started, making a mental note to never touch the older’s scars before asking whether it was alright. Usually, Niall always knew what to say, or at least was able to think of something smart or comforting, but right now in this moment, he really didn’t have any words. Right now when it would have been most important.

“It’s okay, um… you don’t need to say anything. Maybe we can just… silently agree that… that they’re ugly and that they’re all a few years old and… and just never talk about it again.” The brunette sounded very hopeful, letting out a very fake laugh and Niall wanted to punch himself in the head.

Instead of saying anything, he moved to half lie down next to Liam again, stroking the brunette’s cheek with the back of his fingers as he looked him in the eyes until the older’s face had gotten blushed and hot underneath the younger’s touch. “They’re not ugly. I hate that you ever felt so terrible that you needed to do this, but you don’t have to be ashamed, babe, never. As for what your mom did… I don’t know what she was thinking, if she really wanted to just protect you and I wasn’t there, but… I do believe she could have handled it better. Li, you stopped though, right? You stopped doing that and that’s a progress. I hate that… that you still sometimes feel like hurting yourself, but those scars are healed and… I’m confident that if you were strong enough to stop cutting then… you can do anything.”

“I, um… “ Liam started, already getting Niall scared about what else he was going to admit. “I do sometimes… slip up, but, um… only like… once every two months and… and never this bad… and it’s getting less, also the… the other thing, so…“

“It’s okay, baby, if you have slip ups, what matters is that you’re trying to fight it and that it’s getting less, yeah? It’s a process, okay? All of it, and I know I probably can’t help you but… if there’s anything, anything at all, then tell me, please. I’d do anything for you, I’d go to any doctor with you, I’d make any appointment for you or whatever you want, okay? I’m here and I love you and nothing could ever make you ugly.” Niall was glad Liam had healed scars rather than open wounds, but he didn’t say that out loud, just tried to smile down at the older boy, still stroking his cheek.

“I love you too… thanks, Ni… I don’t know… about doctors and stuff… “ Liam was speaking carefully, as if he thought he was disappointing the blonde and Niall realized he had made a mistake mentioning that.

“I know and it’s okay. I was just saying, yeah? Whatever you wanna do, I’m here for you, okay?” Though Niall really wanted to, he knew he couldn’t force Liam to go see a specialist, there was no point if the older boy genuinely didn’t want to and who was Niall to come waltzing into the brunette’s life trying to tell him what to do? He could just encourage it, try to take Liam’s fear away and be there for him. 

“Okay… thank you.” Liam seemed to genuinely appreciate it because he looked a bit more relaxed and Niall made sure to kiss him briefly, gently, feeling like he needed to say more and discuss this more in depth, but the brunette seemed to think otherwise. “Can we… can we not talk about it anymore for now?”

“Sure, Li, whatever you want.” Actually, Niall did kinda wanna talk about it a bit more, make sure Liam really believed him when he said that he would do whatever it took to make him feel better, that nothing on the brunette’s body could ever make him ugly, but the blonde also understood if he just wanted to drop it. He had probably had to talk about it a lot before he had even met Niall, so it’s not like the blonde was really going to make a difference now and he always felt a bit stupid afterwards for thinking that. 

“Also… “ The brunette continued after a second of neither of them talking and Niall simply brushing his fingers through the brunette’s hair, a bit lost in thoughts. “Can I… Can I not be the only one almost naked?”

“Oh… “ Right, though Niall was still half hard, he had almost forgotten what they had been doing and that Liam’s pants were still almost down to his knees and had the blonde not been trying to be serious, he might have actually laughed. “Yeah, sorry, I was just… do you… do you still wanna do this?”

“Yes… “ Liam answered kinda quietly but without hesitation, he seemed more relaxed now than before and Niall wondered whether part of his nervousness had come from being afraid that Niall was going to see thighs. “If… if you do as well…”

“Of course I do, babe.” Niall made sure to kiss Liam, as if to tell him that he meant it, still feeling kinda distracted though as he nudged Liam’s lips apart once more, not yet getting them both undressed completely because after that break they probably both needed a little bit more time.

The blonde tried not to think about their conversation anymore, which was easy once their kisses got more heated again, but after ten minutes of making out and the blonde once again feeling himself getting impatient as he pulled back, he of course got reminded immediately as soon as he saw Liam’s thighs again. Right, he couldn’t make this weird, he couldn’t stare, he needed to just think about how fucking hot Liam looked right now and nothing else.

“Niall…” The older boy whined a bit, probably because he was STILL the only one half naked, so the blonde decided to get to it even though he had no idea what they were actually gonna do or how far they were gonna go and if they did go all the way then… who would do what?

Niall first of all pulled off Liam’s jeans and boxer shorts completely, his eyes lingering for a moment on the older’s erection before he momentarily climbed off of the bed to take off his own clothes. No denying, Niall did feel a little bit proud when he saw Liam’s face changing in a good way as the brunette was staring at him once the blonde was completely naked as well, wasting no time to climb back on the bed.

Because Liam’s arms wrapped back around him immediately to pull him down for more kisses, Niall didn’t hesitate as he went to lie on top of the brunette, sighing into the older’s mouth when he felt their erection brush, their naked bodies pressed together in the best way possible. Fuck, Niall would have just been fine with this for now, just rubbing their hips together, maybe get a hand in between them to jerk them both off until they’d both come, but somehow, it didn’t seem like that was what Liam wanted.

The brunette was way more eager than Niall now, almost taking complete control while they were snogging, both of them already breathing heavily, the brunette’s hands touching Niall wherever he could reach and he’d be lying if he said that he wasn’t absolutely loving it. He was so hard that just one touch from Liam would have probably been enough to push him over the edge, which was why he almost agreed to what the brunette suggested.

“Ni… “ Liam started, breathing heavily against the younger’s swollen lips and Niall kissed him again before letting him continue, barely being able to stand not to be kissing Liam for just one second. “I… I could… you know… what you did a few nights ago… “

There was no need for the brunette to finish, Niall could feel a shiver going through his body as he thought about it, about Liam’s hand and mouth wrapped around him and he almost wanted to agree. Then again, Liam did not sound too confident while suggesting it and Niall had a feeling he just said it to get things moving. There was something else Niall had been thinking about, so he kissed Liam again before rubbing their noses together, actually a little bit nervous about suggesting that as well. “Actually… I was thinking, you know… I could do something else… “

“But… I don’t want you to never… I want you to enjoy it as well.” God, Liam was so cute and Niall felt kinda weird for thinking that right now, but it just got him feeling all warm to think about the brunette caring so much about the blonde enjoying himself. 

“I am enjoying myself, Li.” Which was very true, actually, because making Liam feel good was probably Niall’s favorite thing in the world. He made sure to smile at the brunette when their eyes met and though Liam still seemed a bit unsure, he didn’t try to talk the blonde out of it. “Turn on your stomach, okay?”

“I… okay.” Liam did what he had been told as soon as Niall had gotten off of him, taking a quiet breath as he leaned down to kiss the back of Liam’s neck, then his cheek because he had his head resting on his arm, trying to watch the blonde still. 

“Just relax, okay? And tell me immediately if you don’t like it, yeah? Promise me.” Niall really wasn’t too sure about it, he had also never done this himself, had only had someone else do it to him, but there was no need for Liam to know that, right? Everything was new for the brunette anyways.

“Promise… “ Liam half mumbled, suddenly sounding nervous again and Niall only realized too late that maybe making Liam promise that hadn’t been the most calming thing right now.

Still, Liam let his eyes fall closed after a moment, probably more out of embarrassment though, and the blonde was actually somewhat glad that he wasn’t being watched. He kissed down Liam’s spine, having no idea if the brunette could even guess what he was about to do, all he knew was that his throat felt a bit tight from just how much Liam was trusting him, just lying on his stomach and closing his eyes, letting the blonde do whatever he wanted.

When Niall got to the brunette’s bum, he could feel Liam tensing up a bit, so he waited for a second, rubbing a palm over the older’s back before kissing down further, his hands on the older’s butt cheeks and the blonde was pretty sure he could hear Liam gasp when he spread them with his thumbs.

Niall went right in because he himself was kinda nervous about Liam’s reaction, placing a kiss on the older’s exposed hole before licking a fat stripe with his tongue, almost immediately hearing the brunette let out a moan way louder than any time before. Good.

“Oh my god… “ Liam brought out under his breath as Niall kept licking him, sounding both aroused and still shocked about the blonde actually doing this and Niall decided that he had made a good decision. He hadn’t actually planned on this going so far, but judging by the way Liam was reacting and the sounds escaping him, he clearly wanted Niall to keep going.

Niall’s tongue was cramping a bit by the time he tried to push it through the tight ring of muscle, already having gotten Liam wet enough to probably be able to get a finger in, but he didn’t wanna startle the brunette this much just yet. He could have gotten the lube he had bought, but one, it was kinda far away and two, he didn’t necessarily wanna get it into his mouth.

The brunette was clearly not relaxed at all and Niall barely got his tongue in, causing the brunette to let out another moan that sounded kinda muffled and the blonde realized that he was biting his own arm to keep himself from being too loud. Again, it felt wrong but Niall still felt proud, like, he was pretty sure he had never gotten anyone to moan as much as Liam and though he knew that he was the very first person to touch the brunette like this, it still felt really good. 

“Relax, baby… “ Niall mumbled after a while, pressing another kiss on the older’s already shiny hole before letting a bit of spit dribble down his ass, just to make sure Liam was wet enough and that he wasn’t going to get hurt.

All Niall got from Liam was a whine, so he took that as a sign to keep going, licking a stripe from the older’s balls over his hole just to hear his reaction before again attempting to push his tongue in. Liam relaxed a bit with what almost sounded like a sob and Niall actually felt kinda sweaty from thinking about just how tight Liam was around his tongue, how tight he would have been around his cock. 

The blonde only sneaked in a finger after having moved his tongue a bit inside the brunette, now holding him down with an arm across his waist so he wouldn’t push back too suddenly. Niall pulled his tongue out just to suck one of his fingers into his mouth, getting it wet as well before rubbing it over the older’s hole, just barely pushing against the rim a bit, waiting for Liam’s reaction. “Li… can I?”

“Yeah… fuck… anything… “ Was all Liam brought out, actually sounding like he was choking or something. Fuck, Niall was pretty sure that Liam would have wanted to go all the way now if he had asked, the blonde hadn’t really been planning on doing this tonight though he had prepared, he had thought they’d take it a lot slower and not have sex after fooling around once, but… 

Niall’s first finger went in kinda easy, he made sure to keep it lubricated, licking around where his finger was inside the older boy, moving it very slowly as to not hurt the brunette but it sounded like quite the opposite. Still, Niall didn’t get his finger in as deep as he had wanted, was a bit afraid of moving it too much because he could still see the drag of Liam’s hole around his digit and he knew he needed to get some lube but he really didn’t wanna get up right now.

Each time Niall pulled his finger out just to thrust it back in, Liam would make these lovely sounds that went immediately to Niall’s dick and he wasn’t actually sure how it had come to this so quickly after their talk, but he certainly did not mind. The blonde kept going, lining up a second finger and very slowly working on loosening Liam up more.

At some point, Niall realized that he really needed to get lube if he wanted to avoid hurting the brunette and even if he kinda had to force himself to pull his fingers out, making Liam whine, he still decided it was for the best. “I’ll… I just gotta get some lube, okay? Stay exactly like this.”

“What?” Liam had obviously not been listening, he sounded breathless and confused and Niall felt a fond smile forming on his lips as he quickly leaned over the brunette to press a kiss to his cheek before getting off of the bed to get to his desk drawers. 

Of course the blonde needed ages to find the lube, taking a condom as well just to be sure, and by the time he was back on the bed and had it open, he was getting so impatient he almost wrapped a hand around himself just to get a tiny bit or relief. “Okay… this is gonna be so much better.”

Spreading the lube over his fingers, Niall made sure to warm it up a bit before rubbing it across the older’s hole, making him whine again and then moan when the blonde’s fingers went in really easily and deep thanks to the lubrication. Fuck, this was so hot, fingering Liam and hearing how much the brunette was enjoying it, sometimes pushing back a little against Niall’s fingers and the blonde quickly added a third and then a fourth one, scissoring them apart. He was still tight but the blonde’s cock would have probably fit in nicely by now, even if he was trying really damn hard not to imagine that or even just think about it.

Niall hadn’t particularly been trying to find Liam’s prostate, but it was pretty obvious when his fingers brushed against it because Liam was fucking wailing, actually sounding like he was crying when he spoke, completely breathless. “ _Fuck_ … d-do that a-again… _please_.”

“It’s your prostate.” The blonde explained, just in case Liam hadn’t known, right before rubbing over the bundle of nerves again and this time, he only stopped when the older’s breathing got really panicky, just dead on stopped moving his fingers altogether because he didn’t want Liam to come just yet. Fuck it, he just needed to ask if Liam was ready, Niall was so hard and he wanted Liam so fucking badly. “Hey, baby… I was thinking… I wasn’t really… planning on it today, but, like… do you want me to-“

“Yeah, just… do it, please.” Okay, that had been very clear, hadn’t it? Liam sounded even more desperate than Niall felt and the blonde actually needed a second to let that sink in before slowly removing his fingers again.

“Okay, okay, shit, I… I got a condom, don’t worry.” Just to make sure Liam knew, Niall wiped his fingers on his bedsheets before kinda clumsily ripping the condom package with his teeth, careful not to damage anything. By now the blonde was almost shaking with anticipation, well aware that Liam had moved a bit so he could watch the younger boy rolling the condom onto his aching erection, spreading some lube as well and barely being able to force himself to let go again. “Everything okay? Can I…?”

“Yeah, yeah… go on.” Liam was half whispering, so Niall made sure to check his face first, crawling up for a second to kiss Liam’s neck gently before taking a deep breath, keeping quiet though so the brunette wouldn’t hear him. 

The older boy seemed to really want Niall to do this, so Niall jerked himself off a few times again before grabbing a hold of himself, spreading Liam’s cheeks with one hand before lining himself up, the head of his cock barely inside when the brunette made a sound that could have been interpreted either way. “Li? You okay? You have to tell me immediately if it hurts too much, okay?”

“I’m fine… “ Was all Liam said and Niall didn’t really know what to do now so he waited until the brunette let out quite a frustrated sigh, moving back a little bit towards the blonde.

Niall pushed in as slowly as humanly possible, always listening to the older’s breathing and watching his face as far as possible, keeping a hand against his waist for a little bit support. He was still so bloody tight pressing around the blonde and Niall held his breath once he was all the way in, his hips flush against Liam’s bum and his chest rubbing against the older’s back. Niall didn’t wanna put his whole weight on top of the brunette so he was more leaning on his elbows, trying to even out his breathing a bit, resting his forehead between Liam’s shoulder blades.

“Everything okay? Did I hurt you?” The words came out slow and sounded kinda weird because Liam felt so fucking good around the blonde, so hot and tight and Niall could barely even think straight anymore. 

“I’m okay… “ Liam still sounded breathless as well, but not hurt, so that was good.

“How… how’s it feel?” The blonde couldn’t help but ask, lifting his head and running his fingers through Liam’s hair in what was hopefully a calming action, trying to give the brunette some time to adjust.

Liam seemed to think about it for a bit because he didn’t answer immediately, almost getting the blonde worried for a moment there. “Good… and full.”

“I should have prepped you more, I really didn’t wanna hurt you, I-“

“You didn’t hurt me.” Liam interrupted almost immediately and Niall kinda believed him because he sounded quite serious. “You… you can move, you know… “

“Are you sure?” Niall pressed his lips against Liam’s cheek again, keeping it there for a moment and very gently moving his hips just a bit.

“Yes… please.” Okay, that did sound like Liam was ready, but Niall wasn’t sure if he himself was ready because he didn’t want this to be over after just a few seconds. He had been thinking about this so often and it was already better than he had ever imagined.

The blonde barely pulled out before rocking back in, already having to choke back a moan as he bit his bottom lip, pressing his eyes closed before he did it again. Niall barely did anything at first, still wanting Liam to get used to the feeling but after a while he simply couldn’t take it anymore and the quiet sounds escaping Liam didn’t sound like he wanted Niall to stop.

Building up a slow rhythm of thrusting into the older boy, Niall was aiming to find his prostate again, keeping his weight on his elbows and his lips somewhere against Liam’s neck, moaning into his ear after a particularly deep thrust. Fuck, Liam was squeezing him every time he breathed and just knowing that this was _him_ Niall was doing this with made it even better if any possible.

Niall made sure to ask Liam if he was fine several times, up to a point where he simply couldn’t form a coherent question anymore, he was just breathing heavily against Liam’s skin now, lips parted and sometimes letting a moan escape, pushing himself into the brunette before thrusting back out in a steady but desperate rhythm.

Liam’s moans were muffled by the bedsheets, but he was definitely enjoying himself as well and Niall could immediately tell once he had gotten the right angle, thrusting harder into the brunette in an attempt to brush his prostate every single time. “Shit… _aaah_ … you feel so fuckin’ good, baby… so good… are you… are you c-close?”

“Y-Yes… fuck… “ Liam’s words almost got lost in a moan when Niall had somehow gotten a hand underneath the older’s body, just rubbing the brunette’s leaking erection against his stomach, his thrusts getting a bit unsteady in the process.

Niall was so fucking close but he wanted Liam to come first so he did his best to hold back, pressing himself deeper and harder into the brunette, sucking at his skin and sloppily jerking him off at the same time. “C’mon… _shit_ … come for me… “

It took a few more thrusts before Liam let out a moan consisting of the younger boy’s name and Niall felt him spilling all over the sheets and his hand, clenching hard around the younger boy which was enough to send the blonde over the edge as well. He fucked them both through their orgasms, trying to drag it out as long as possible, seeing stars dancing in front of his eyes as he filled up the condom, the bed making a few worrisome noises.

Eventually, Niall let his hips slow to a stop, feeling dizzy both from lack of air and from the force of his orgasm, not even being able to ask Liam how he was doing right away because he needed some time to come down from it. Niall kinda collapsed on top of the brunette, making sure to keep some of his weight on his elbows though, his whole body feeling kind of sticky from sweat and Niall could tell Liam probably felt the same, but he honestly didn’t care just one bit.

“You okay, baby?” Was all the blonde whispered after a moment, nosing behind the older boy’s ear and pressing a kiss there, then another, feeling so much love for him that he could have exploded. 

“I’m great… “ Liam answered, his voice sounding rough and kind of hoarse, but he let out a quiet laugh and Niall decided that he had probably never felt happier. Maybe a little bit when Liam continued after a second, a lot more quieter though, just mumbling it somewhere into the bedsheets. “I love you… “

“I love you too… so, so much.” Niall just couldn’t stop himself from kissing Liam everywhere he could possibly reach, actually feeling kind of emotional now. He wanted to stay in this moment forever, even though he was kinda starting to feel a little bit cold and he also really wanted to fully see Liam’s face again and kiss him on the lips, but this right here felt fucking perfect. “We… we definitely need to do this more often.”

“Yeah… “ The brunette agreed, letting out a short laugh and Niall actually wished he wouldn’t have felt so sleepy right now. 

They kept on lying like this for quite a while, Niall kept kissing Liam’s face and brushing his hair but eventually, he had to pull out of the brunette and let him sit up because they both needed to clean up a bit. Niall really hoped that his mother wasn’t home yet because even though he knew that she wouldn’t have cared, he didn’t necessarily want her to hear them having sex or see him walking to the bathroom in only boxer shorts and looking completely fucked up.

The blonde thought about getting a towel to clean them both up, but he then ended up simply calling Liam over to the bathroom, making the brunette’s confused face slightly blushed as he suggested they could just shower together. It felt so nice, like honestly, maybe even more intimate than what they had done before and Niall washed Liam’s hair, really surprised by how good the brunette was at giving head massages and when they kissed softly underneath the running water, Niall could have sworn he had gone straight to heaven.

His mother luckily still wasn’t home once they made it back to Niall’s room and the blonde made sure to strip half his bed but then not bothering to get anything clean. He hadn’t asked Liam yet if he wanted to sleep over, but the brunette put on his own shirt and the sweatpants Niall gave him and once they were settled back in bed, it seemed pretty impossible that Liam would leave tonight. 

“I never thought we’d actually do this.” Liam said after quite a while of them just lying there underneath Niall’s sheets, the brunette’s head resting in the crook of Niall’s shoulder as the blonde had his arm wrapped around him, periodically pressing his lips against the top of Liam’s head.

“What? Have sex?” Niall asked, kinda confused because of the way Liam had said it. They hadn’t really talked all too much ever since they had gotten cleaned up and not too much time had passed either, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence they had been in, not at all.

“Yeah… “ The older boy answered slowly and Niall was about to ask why he would think that when Liam was already clarifying. “Not because I thought that… that _we_ would never have sex, I just… I was never really able to imagine that… that I’d be in a relationship and that we’d do all this stuff and that it’d feel so great and… I don’t even know. I guess… I just never thought that… that anyone would wanna do this, like, with me… “

“Well, no one else better wants to do this with you because you’re all mine.” Niall was aware that he had sounded quite possessive, but Liam didn’t seem to mind, letting out a bit of a laugh when Niall tightened his arms around him, again pressing his lips against the top of Liam’s head. Though it made him happy that Liam had obviously enjoyed what they had done, Niall still felt a bit sad after what Liam had said. “No, but seriously now… I wanna do everything with you, Li. And it probably sounds really cheesy when I say this but I… I never felt this way about anybody, or with anybody, like, I’ve been with other people, but like… you know, when Louis told me how long he and Harry had been dating, I was so shocked because I’d never even met anyone I would have been able to stick with that long, but… with you it’s like, I couldn’t imagine _not_ being with you in like… fifty years.”

“That does sound really cheesy… “ Liam agreed after a second, chuckling when the blonde let out a huff. “I do feel the same though… I just… I always worry about what could happen in the future that, like… that’ll make you change your mind, like, something I do or… that you’ll just… grow tired of it all.”

“Liam, I’m not going to grow _tired_ of you, I know I can’t promise we’ll always be together and that we’ll never fight because obviously we will, but… I won’t ever leave you because of an illness, I can promise you that.” How could he still think that Niall would do that, after everything? Then again, they hadn’t been together for that long and Niall hadn’t experienced a lot of break downs Liam had had, so maybe that was why Liam was worried, only giving the blonde even more reason to want to try harder. 

“You can’t actually promise t-“

“I can and I did.” Niall interrupted, holding the brunette tighter again in hopes of convincing him and Liam did stay quiet afterwards but the blonde wasn’t sure what the reason for this was. “I love you, I love being with you and I love talking to you and spending time with you and sleeping while cuddling with you and just looking at you and seeing you laugh and no matter how bad you feel on some days and even if you don’t wanna get out of bed, I’ll still love all of these things and I wouldn’t leave you for not feeling good sometimes or for wanting to be alone for a while. None of that changes who you are, Li.”

Liam didn’t reply immediately and for a moment, Niall actually thought he had fallen asleep in the middle of his small speech. Turned out though, that Liam had probably just been building up the courage to lift his head and look at the younger boy, his cheeks proper blushed but there was still a smile on his lips that got Niall’s heart beating faster. “I, uh… I don’t know what I did to deserve you and… I probably don’t, but… thank you… for everything, but mostly for, you know… putting up with me, I guess.”

“I’m not _putting up_ with you, Liam, stop saying that, okay? You’re my boyfriend and you deserve everything in the world and I don’t bloody care if you’re rolling your eyes right now because it’s the truth, alright?” On one hand, Niall was kinda really being serious here, but on the other hand, he couldn’t really keep his face that straight when Liam was still half smiling at him and it was kinda unexpected when the brunette leaned down to kiss Niall, but of course he gladly went with it.

“I love you… “ Liam mumbled against Niall’s lips and the younger boy decided that he really enjoyed Liam being a bit more confident and taking the initiative.

“Love you more, baby.” Niall replied, smiling to himself when he heard Liam letting out a huff, probably getting ready to protest, but he was a bit too slow because the blonde kept his hand on the back of Liam’s head to pull him back down, kissing him again.

Their kisses weren’t as heated or desperate as before, they were just slow and sweet and they’d whisper in between and Niall actually never wanted this to stop. They did get interrupted at one point though by some knocking against the door and Liam almost leaned back immediately, his eyes having gone a bit wider in shock before he quickly calmed down and Niall rolled his eyes.

“Niall? Are you in there?” It was his mother and Niall thanked the god’s that she had very obviously only come home right now and also that she really respected his privacy.

“Yeah, Liam’s here as well.” Niall made sure to add the second part so she wouldn’t come into his room, absently running his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, watching his cheeks going a tiny bit red. 

“Oh, okay, just wanted to check. If you boys get hungry, I’m making some food now.” Moments later, Niall heard her walking down the stairs to his relief, feeling really blessed that his mother would never just burst into his room or ask uncomfortable questions.

“Are you hungry?” Niall asked the older boy just to be sure, he didn’t know if he had eaten anything with Louis or not, but Liam simply shook his head anyways before leaning down to kiss the blonde again, as if he couldn’t get enough, and the blonde was very much on board with that.

They did eat a bit later, once it had already gotten quite late and Niall’s mother was already upstairs, but Niall didn’t have an early class in the morning anyways and Liam never even talked about work or going home. After eating, they did the dishes together and Niall gave Liam a spare, unused toothbrush and they brushed their teeth together before going to lie in bed again. It all felt quite domestic and the blonde would have been lying had he said that it didn’t make him feel kinda excited and all giddy. 

There was no way he was going to go to sleep now, not after this very eventful evening and not with Liam looking this gorgeous lying next to him in bed, the lights turned off but Niall could still see his features because they were both lying on their sides facing each other and the blonde had once again forgotten to shut the blinds.

“You know what I wanted to ask you… “ Liam started and Niall thought it was going to be something bad, dragging his finger down Liam’s cheek and then across his bottom lip as he waited. “Did your dad actually, like… ever talk to you about visiting again?”

“Hmmm, not really. He did call me again but we didn’t really talk about that and I didn’t wanna bring it up because, like… I don’t wanna go anyways. So yeah… I don’t know, his birthday is like, really soon now, but I’ve got no flight booked and anyways… it’s probably too late for me to go, even if I wanted to.” Niall had been surprised by that question but he still appreciated the fact that Liam had remembered and asked. “He might come here, but I highly doubt it. If he does I’ll make sure to warn you.”

“Thanks… but, uh… if, you know… if you, like… ever HAD to go or something and you didn’t wanna go alone, then… I’d go with you. I really meant it when I said that and I still do, so… “ The brunette sounded nervous but still very serious and Niall felt himself smiling, warmth spreading in his stomach as he moved a bit until he was able to kiss the brunette gently. 

“Thanks, baby, I really appreciate that. If it ever comes to that though, I’ll make sure to warn you way ahead, okay? Actually… I don’t think he even knows about you, unless mom told him, but… he wouldn’t mind either ways, it’d be fine.” Niall wouldn’t actually do this to Liam and drag him along, but what mattered was that he knew Liam would have done it, even while being nervous and uncomfortable as hell. “Did your mom actually… ever call again after that conversation you had a while back?”

“Ummm… no. I mean, she did call, but… I didn’t pick up the phone, like, twice, and then we texted a few times and stopped again and… the usual. But I’m glad, because… I don’t actually wanna talk to her anyways, so.” They barely ever talked about Liam’s family, which was fine, but Niall still felt like he needed to ask sometimes, in case Liam needed to rant or something. “It’s actually funny that you’re bringing this up right now…”

“Why?” Oh god, was she going to visit or something? Niall wasn’t sure if he’d wanna meet Liam’s mom, not because he was afraid or anything, just because he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to keep his mouth shut if she said something remotely disrespectful to her son.

“Before, when… when I told you about… you know… “ Liam made a pause there and Niall had to actually think about it for a moment, not liking the memory of the scars on Liam’s thighs, but he was still glad he now knew, that he didn’t have to wonder anymore. “My mom… she said I should lie to you about those, when… when I told her about you and… because she said that you’d wanna leave me if you knew and… she was wrong.”

“Liam, I… did you actually take that serious?” Niall was shocked to say the least, what was his mother thinking?! She didn’t even bloody know Niall and how could she say this to Liam when he was being so insecure already?!

“I… when she said it, yeah, but… that was a while ago and… I wouldn’t have shown or told you if I still believed that.” Well, that was some sort of progress, right? “I wouldn’t have… even started that conversation in London otherwise.”

“Do you trust me?” The blonde asked, kinda without thinking about it and he was very relieved when Liam agreed without hesitation, though sounding slightly confused. “Good, because Liam, it would have never, in a billion years, crossed my mind to do anything else other than smothering you with kisses after you told me. Which I didn’t do because it didn’t seem appropriate, but… god, she really said that to you?!”

“Yeah… she says all sort of stuff, but… I’m starting to feel like it doesn’t matter so much anymore.” Good, that was really good, right? Niall didn’t wanna be vain, but he kinda liked to think that maybe he was playing a bit of a role in that and even though he kinda wanted to yell at Liam’s mother right now, he also had to smile a bit. “Also… you can still… still smother me with kisses, if you want…”

“Fuck… you’re so fucking cute.” Niall let out a fake groan, probably taking Liam off guard when he pushed gently against his shoulder to make him lie on his back, climbing on top of him before pretty much kissing every centimeter of Liam’s face while the older boy was just laughing, clearly enjoying himself. If there was a heaven, Niall would have imagined it exactly like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> early update bc im gonna be playing sims now and i dont wanna interrupt myself later haha!
> 
> thank you all for reading once again, i really appreciate all of you guys so much <333
> 
> there will be 2 more chapters left after this one and then ill take a little break (maybe idk yet, im on summer break so i dont have much to do anyways) before starting a new fic. i do have a ton of ideas but if any of you guys have any wishes or ideas then dont be shy and let me know! i cant promise that im gonna end up writing them, but i would still love to see what you guys wanna read, maybe also for future fics!!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres a potential trigger warning for this chapter, if you need more info on it before reading, feel free to leave me a comment!

The next morning, Liam actually felt really good and also well rested, waking up to Niall playing with his hair and smiling down brightly at him. They had slept way longer than anticipated, but Liam didn’t actually have work today and Niall’s first class started kinda late so it was all fine. One thing that the brunette had not been expecting at all was the fact that his ass was probably going to hurt all day long now.

It wasn’t a bad pain, kinda dull, but Niall still seemed really worried about it even though Liam made sure to tell him that he was good. He was great, actually, Liam had never in a billion years thought that sleeping with Niall would feel this good, that they’d ever get so intimate and that he wouldn’t feel embarrassed about it afterwards. The blonde had been so gentle and sweet and… honestly, Liam was kinda proud of himself, for becoming a lot more comfortable around his boyfriend and more confident and after last night, he really felt like maybe they could be a normal couple. 

They had breakfast and then stayed at Niall’s for so long that the blonde almost ran late for his first class. Liam went with him to uni because he had nothing better to do and the younger boy dragged him almost to the door of his class before kissing him in the fucking hallway and Liam’s face was bright red when he left, but his heart was pounding and he wasn’t sure if he had felt this amazing in the last 10 years.

At home, Liam didn’t do much at all, he just showered again and then went to watch some TV while texting his sister who seemingly needed someone to rant to about her husband. Niall texted Liam as well, a lot more than he should have been able to during class, but of course the brunette wasn’t going to complain about that.

It was after Louis had texted Liam to ask if he and Niall wanted to come to Harry’s house later and hang out that Liam almost declined a call on accident that he was getting while texting his boyfriend. Almost immediately, Liam’s heart sank when he saw his boss’ name on the display, almost panicking when he thought for a moment that he had forgotten his shift or something. But no, he had studied his schedule very carefully, so it had to be something else.

“Um, yes?” Liam picked up the phone, probably sounding kinda breathless, sitting up a bit on the couch as he waited, secretly praying that his boss had called him on mistake. Sadly, that didn’t seem to be the case.

“Liam?” She asked, as if she hadn’t heard him and the brunette realized that he should have maybe said his name or something, it’s just, he wasn’t used to people calling him that weren’t either his mother, Louis or Niall.

“Yeah, uh… did I forget a shift or something?” Liam asked, trying to make it sound like a joke and letting out a very fake laugh that didn’t get returned. Great, he could have really needed a course in how to have conversations on the phone, preferably without having half a heart attack.  
9  
“No, you didn’t, don’t worry.” There was a sigh, but she didn’t sound upset with Liam so the brunette had no idea what to expect. “I just called because I need to discuss something with you.”

“Oh, okay… “ Shit, this was bad, Liam could feel it in his bones and he stood up without really planning on it, kinda too nervous and fidgety to remain sitting. It had to be bad news, there was no way around it, only question was HOW bad were they exactly?

“Well, as you know, as probably everyone does, we haven’t had a lot of customers recently and… hell, we haven’t had a lot of customers in _years_.” There was no reason for her to really carry on because Liam already knew, already saw his whole life flashing before his eyes as he imagined himself going to job interviews and his mouth suddenly felt really dry and he was getting somehow dizzy.

“Are you… are you firing me?” Liam asked and it didn’t even really sound like himself to be honest, right now he wouldn’t have been too embarrassed to beg her to keep him even though he was probably the worst employee the world had ever seen.

“Look, Liam, it’s not like that. It has nothing to do with you or your work performance, because I admit it, you’re not very reliable, but you make up for it by being nice to the customers, so I can’t really complain. I’m not firing _you_ , I’m firing everybody, kinda also myself, because… we have to close the shop, I can’t afford paying any of you anymore and even if I worked the shop all by myself, there’d barely be any profit.” Okay, so this was on one hand not as bad as being fired because of being unreliable, but on the other hand worse because Liam wouldn’t even be able to beg.

“I… when… when do you have to close it?” Liam was standing in the middle of his living room, staring out of the window, not knowing what to think or what to do. How was he ever gonna find a new job? Even if Louis’ mother would really help like she had offered so many times, she couldn’t force anyone to accept him, could she? All that anxiety linked to having to do job interviews and… Liam felt sick to his stomach.

“In a month.” That was… not as early as expected, but still WAY too early. “I understand that… that you have some private trouble, Liam, and I don’t know what it is, but I’m really sorry for adding on to it. I can write you a letter of recommendation or if you need anything else, we can talk about it tomorrow when you come in, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, okay, I… thank you.” This didn’t feel real, Liam would have imagined himself to be crying his eyes out by now, but maybe he had grown kinda immune to bad things happening because he was still just standing there, trying to figure out what the appropriate response would be. “I’m sorry.”

“For what? It was bound to happen I’m afraid. I have to call a few others now, I’ll see you tomorrow then?” She was being really nice about it so Liam told her goodbye while at least attempting not to sound dead inside, waiting for her to end the call before taking his phone away from his ear.

And what now?

Liam wanted to tell Niall, that was his very first reaction, but on the other hand, he kinda didn’t wanna talk about it, didn’t want the blonde to feel all sorry for him and offer to skip uni just to be with Liam. He would have to tell Louis and then eventually talk to Louis’ mother and Liam dreaded all of this so fucking much that he wanted to die.

People feeling sorry for him and Liam having to ask them for help was literally his worst nightmare, Liam hated inconveniencing people and this was like… the ultimate inconvenience for everyone around him. So Liam simply decided not to tell anyone just yet, he went back to texting Niall and his sister while watching TV, and when it was time for him to leave to go to Harry’s, he made sure to check his face in the mirror, just in case.

Liam was really good at ignoring bad things going on around that would have required him to take immediate action, he had been like this in uni as well, which was probably another reason why he had failed so terribly. It’s just… what the fuck was Liam supposed to do? He couldn’t look for a job right at this second, could he? And his boss had said she’d help him out, so maybe… maybe things would look brighter tomorrow?

Liam highly doubted it.

The thing was, Harry had told Liam he should come over before the other two were finished with uni and Liam had no idea why, but when Harry opened the door for him and announced that no one was home and that his mother had left them cake, Liam did feel a bit better all of a sudden. He wasn’t alone with Harry that often, but they were of course good friends, had been for actually kind of a long time, so it didn’t feel awkward or anything. 

“Hi, Li.” Harry was smiling before pulling Liam into a quick hug and the brunette tried his hardest to pretend that he was in a good mood as well. “Thought I’d ask you to come a bit earlier because I was kinda getting bored all by myself, my whole family is gone. You want some cake? My mom made some.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Another thing Liam did, telling himself it didn’t matter just how much he ate whenever bad things happened because it couldn’t possibly get worse, could it? 

“How was your day?” Harry was usually in a good mood and he wasn’t like Louis constantly asking if Liam was alright, so that was actually exactly what Liam needed right now. Somebody who didn’t wanna talk about Liam’s private life. 

“Fine, I didn’t do much. Yours?” Liam followed Harry into their massive kitchen, he hadn’t been here in a while but it was still very familiar anyways.

“Same, actually. I only had uni in the morning. I feel like Louis and Niall have the exact same schedule and mine is just the complete opposite or something, it’s weird.” The younger boy made sure to get some plates while Liam fake smiled before leaning against the counter, briefly texting back his boyfriend before watching Harry cut the cake. “How much do you want?”

“Um… I don’t know.” Liam was so bad at decisions, how was he ever going to make important life choices? Maybe his mother was right, maybe he really needed to grow up.

Harry ended up getting a pretty big piece for both of them and Liam didn’t complain of course, again following the younger boy into the living room while Harry talked about some movie Louis wanted them all to watch. Maybe a movie would be good because that would mean Liam would have to talk a lot less, but on the other hand, he wasn’t sure if he’d even be able to sit through one. 

“We haven’t seen each other a lot lately. I mean, except for London.” Harry noted at one point and Liam nodded because it was true and they both knew the reason, so what was there to say really? “I’m really happy for you, you know, that you’ve got Niall and everything and don’t worry, I won’t ask details about your love life like Louis, I just wanted to tell you.”

“Thank you.” Liam smiled at the younger boy across the couch, not sure how to feel right now but he still appreciated it. “I’m… kinda glad Louis doesn’t ask us on double dates like he always said he would before me and Niall.”

“Yeah… I mean, it’s fun when we all hang out, but… I don’t think we’d do good on double dates.” Harry laughed and Liam knew that they were probably thinking the exact same thing, which was Louis asking Niall and Liam too many personal questions. “Although… I don’t know if he’d want me to tell you that, but the other day, me and Louis talked about marrying and stuff and he seemed to be all for a double wedding, just to warn you.”

“Wait… he didn’t propose to you, did he?” Louis would have surely told Liam that, right?

“No, no, we were just… I don’t even remember how it came up. It was just a joke, I think.” Well, it was a joke NOW, but they both knew Louis all too well. “And you and Niall, I mean… you haven’t been together for that long anyways.”

“I doubt he’d wanna marry me.” It just slipped out, Liam hadn’t even been trying to sound like he was looking for pity or anything, he genuinely thought that. Niall would have surely tried to prove him otherwise, but… why would he wanna marry somebody who couldn’t even keep a job?

“Well, not now, probably, but in a few years. I think Niall’s the marrying kinda guy.” Harry sounded very confident about this, not commenting on Liam’s more pessimistic view and maybe that was the thing between them. They hadn’t had a lot of heartfelt conversations, but sometimes Liam actually didn’t wanna be talked out of things or be pitied. Which, of course, was something both Louis and Niall liked to do a lot. 

So that’s why Liam actually thought about telling Harry about what was going on at his job that wasn’t going to be his job for very much longer, just to hear his opinion on it. Then again, Liam was very positive that Harry was going to tell Louis as soon as he walked out of that door and then Louis would tell Niall who wouldn’t tell Liam but rather look at him all weirdly and disappointed. So thinking this through, it was suddenly very easy for the brunette to just keep his mouth shut and suffer in silence.

They were by themselves for at least a whole hour, Harry made Liam eat even more cake, keeping him from feeling guilty because he himself probably ate just as much. By the time the doorbell rang probably 10 times in a row within a few seconds, Harry almost immediately jumped up off the couch, rolling his eyes and muttering something about Louis always doing this, but he still seemed more than happy as he went to open the door. 

Liam felt relief spreading through him as well when he saw Niall, squeezing himself past Harry and Louis to get to Liam, his face all happy and smiley and for a moment, Liam forgot about just how terrible he was actually feeling. “Hi… “

“Hi, I missed you.” Niall almost immediately wrapped his arms around Liam, so tightly as if he never intended on letting go again, smushing his lips against the older’s cheek and Liam held onto him, closing his eyes for a moment because it felt really good to finally be close to the blonde again. Well, it had only been a few hours, but… 

“I missed you too… “ Liam half whispered somewhere into the blonde’s shoulder, not wanting Harry and Louis to hear, his face turning bright red when Niall pulled back to kiss him in front of the other two. Then again, did Liam really still care about that? Harry and Louis had snogged in front of him more than a dozen times. 

“We already ate most of the cake, sorry guys.” Harry threw in and Louis immediately pretended to be upset of course, keeping his arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders though and Liam was kinda a bit afraid of meeting his eyes. Thing was, Louis had gotten so good at reading him over the years that Liam was now afraid that the older boy would just somehow see it in his face that he had gotten fired. 

“How long have you guys been hanging out here?” Niall was laughing when he pulled away from Liam in order to take off his shoes, but he still grabbed a hold of his hand again afterwards, kinda randomly, as if he hadn’t even been thinking about it. 

“For an hour or so, not our fault you needed so long to get here.” Shrugging, Harry kissed Louis’ cheek before disappearing into the living room and Liam went with Niall when the younger boy pulled him with him, seemingly very impressed by the house they were in. 

“We’ve been doing actual work, you know?” Louis yelled from where he was still by the door, probably taking his shoes off or whatever, Liam couldn’t really concentrate anymore now that Niall was here. 

“Your house is like… _insane_.” Niall finally told Harry once they were in the kitchen and the youngest boy was getting some more plates. Liam felt like maybe he should have been talking as well, but he felt kinda alright now with Niall glued to his side and never letting go of him because in all honesty, Liam wouldn’t have wanted to let go either. 

“You should’ve seen Liam’s face when he was here for the first time.” Yeah, that had been quite funny and actually not one of Liam’s favorite memories if he was being honest, like… he had never really wanted to hang out with Harry and Louis when they had become a couple, so going to Harry’s house had been a big step. Actually, Liam still didn’t know how he had gotten enough courage to do that, but he had only stayed for like an hour before making up an excuse. “You do want cake, right? My mom made it.”

“Sure, thanks. I already wanted to ask whether you can bake.” The cake wasn’t that impressing looking, actually, but Niall seemed to be impressed anyways. 

“He most definitely can.” Louis announced as he walked into the kitchen, moving around as if it was his own house and Liam had no idea how often he was here exactly, but… probably a lot if he felt comfortable enough to get himself something to drink without asking. “So, if you two ever need like… a wedding cake or something, Harry’s your guy.”

“We actually talked about weddings before.” Oh god, why did Harry have to say that, Liam had already wanted to die when Louis had said the thing about the cake but suddenly everyone was looking at Liam for whatever reason and it was absolutely terrible.

“Seriously?” Niall asked, sounding surprised and Liam faked a laugh before very awkwardly winding out of the younger boy’s grip.

“Yeah, I… Harry brought it up.” He quickly clarified, clearing his throat when Niall looked at him with a really weird expression on his face, probably already on the edge of asking whether everything was alright with Liam. “I really gotta go to the bathroom since ages.”

Louis probably said something funny afterwards, but Liam wasn’t listening anymore because he was already on his way down the hall, only hearing very faint laughter before locking himself in the bathroom to calm down a bit.

Right, to be fair, he did actually need the toilet, but Liam stayed a bit longer than necessary. He kinda hated himself for always escaping uncomfortable situations like this one, but it was certainly better than staying there and being embarrassed and blushed. A part in Liam wished that Niall would have come after him to check on him, but then again, the brunette couldn’t have told the blonde now, not here and not in Harry’s bloody bathroom.

When Liam came back, everyone was sitting in the living room eating cake and Liam shared a quick smile with his boyfriend before sitting down next to him, not liking the tiny bit of distance between them very much, so he tried to inch closer without anybody really noticing. Of course Niall did though and his face was still happy when he momentarily put his hand on Liam’s thigh, throwing a sort of worried look at him. Great.

It continued to be kinda hard for Liam to actually participate in the conversation, before when he had been alone with Harry, he had kinda been forced to talk, but now when he didn’t actually have to, Liam stayed rather quiet, which of course left him a lot of time to overthink. He was certain Niall knew that something was going on, probably just from the fact that Liam was being more affectionate than he usually was whenever they were around other people.

Somehow though, Liam couldn’t help but wanting to be closer to Niall the whole time they were sitting on the couch chatting. Luckily, Louis did suggest they watch that movie Harry had been talking about before, so Liam didn’t actually feel too stupid anymore when he let his head rest on the younger’s shoulder, leaning more into him.

It was calming, to breathe Niall in because he smelled really familiar and after last night, Liam kinda felt closer to him in general, like he didn’t need to worry anymore about being embarrassed. Niall almost immediately turned his head to kiss the top of Liam’s while Harry and Louis were still busy figuring out how to watch the movie on the TV when they only had it on Harry’s laptop.

“You okay?” Niall whispered, so quietly that even Liam had a hard time hearing him, his stomach growing a bit warmer when Niall reached over with the arm that wasn’t squished between them to stroke Liam’s cheek with his thumb before running his fingers through the brunette’s hair, giving Liam a few shivers.

“Yeah… “ Liam only half lied, because he definitely felt a lot better now cuddling with the blonde, but he knew that he was going to have to tell the blonde later, it was inevitable now that he was acting like this.

Luckily, Louis and Harry figured out the TV before Niall could ask any more questions and Liam was also thankful for the fact that for once, Louis didn’t commenton them being close, he just grinned before turning his attention to the TV and his boyfriend. Of course, Louis also kept commenting the movie all while it was playing but Liam didn’t actually care this once.

He almost fell asleep on Niall’s shoulder a few times, one time Niall half whispered to him asking how mad Liam was going to be if he would get up now to go and get something to drink, which the brunette only had to comment with a sigh for his boyfriend to remain sitting. Sure, Liam did feel a bit bad afterwards, but Niall had never even just tried to get up off the couch after all. 

It wasn’t a good movie as far as Liam could tell, but he still wished it would have lasted longer in the end because that only meant he would have to at least pretend to take part in the conversations. Or would have had to, if Niall hadn’t been thinking for him. “I think me ‘nd Li are gonna leave.”

“Already?” Harry sounded surprised, maybe because the blonde had just thrown it into the room during a short break of conversation and Liam immediately felt himself getting a bit more cheerful but at the same time scared. 

“Yeah… ‘m tired and I think Liam is as well.” Chuckling a bit, Niall petted the older’s cheek softly and Liam felt his face getting hot as he lifted his head from the younger’s shoulder, feeling all eyes on him but very successfully ignoring that by yawning. At least Niall hadn’t been lying. “Thanks for the cake, it was really good.”

“I’ll tell my mom. She actually wanted to meet you anyways, I told her that you guys are together and she was really happy.” Another parent that cared more about Liam than his own mother. Liam wasn’t sure just how much Harry’s mother knew about him, but judging by how close Harry was with her, she probably knew every detail. At least that would have explained the look on her face whenever she saw the brunette. 

They all exchanged some hugs by the door and Liam half expected Louis to say something to him, but instead, he actually noticed Louis and Niall hugging a bit longer, barely noticeably, but Liam was pretty damn sure he saw the older boy whispering something to the blonde. They already both knew that something was going on with Liam without the brunette having said a single word, in what world would he have ever been able to hide it?

“You did wanna leave, right?” Was pretty much the first thing Niall said as soon as Harry had closed the door after them and the blonde had already intertwined his fingers with Liam’s, looking at him with a kinda sad expression that the older boy absolutely hated.

“Yeah… did you?” Had he just left for Liam even though he had wanted to stay?

“Yeah, I just wanted to make sure I didn’t like… force you to leave with me or anything.” Niall let out a short laugh, but he still seemed worried and a bit tense and Liam was waiting for the question to come, getting slightly anxious as he thought about how to word an answer. “Are you coming back to mine?”

“If… if you want me to.” Liam actually didn’t wanna be alone anyways, just sitting around and having time to think about it seemed like the most horrible thing he could have been doing right now so he was relieved even though that meant they could have been talking about him losing his job even more in depth. 

“Of course I do, babe, I always do.” The blonde actually sounded slightly offended and Liam managed something like a smile, squeezing the younger’s hand and thinking about whether he should have just told Niall without being asked. Like… he would have to eventually and maybe… maybe Niall would be able to make him feel better, right?

“Okay.” Taking a breath, Liam looked down the street for moment, his heart suddenly bumping so fast that he could actually feel it, his hands getting a bit sweaty which Niall probably noticed as well. He didn’t ask though, didn’t interrupt the older’s silence for which Liam was very thankful. “So, uh…I’ve like… I gotta tell you something.”

Niall didn’t say anything, he just nodded while staring into Liam’s eyes so intensely that the brunette almost stumbled over his own feet. Of course Niall had already been waiting for it, hell, everyone had noticed Liam acting a bit weird, so really, there was no need to expect Niall to be really shocked or anything. He did look kinda scared though, which, to be fair, wasn’t unreasonable considering everything that had already happened.

“Before, when… like, a bit before I went to Harry’s, uh… you know, my boss kinda called me and then… she talked a whole lot about how the shop is going really bad and stuff and like… that it’s nothing personal and… “ Well, Liam was just dragging this out unnecessarily long, just because actually saying those words would have made it way too read. “She basically, like… fired me. But, uh… she has to close the whole store in a month and… I mean… so I gotta find a new job… “

“Baby, I… “ The blonde seemed really shocked now, they were still walking but only because Liam didn’t wanna stop and make too big of a deal out of it. Just saying all of that had really dragged him down again and combined with the blonde’s face… “I’m so sorry, Li, oh my god. And she just called you to tell you that?”

“Yeah, well… she’s gotta tell everyone, so… “ Liam shrugged as if he didn’t care, he didn’t actually know why he was acting so careless now on the outside when he actually wanted to scream, or cry or both preferably. “She said that… you know, she could maybe write me a letter of recommendation or… or something. I… I gotta work tomorrow, so… “

“Li, are you… are you okay? Do you want me to help you look for a new job? I can also ask my mom or some of my friends, you know, some of them have jobs, I’m sure they could help out as well.” Okay, see, Liam should have felt relieved about hearing that, but actually, it just got him even more nervous. 

“I… I don’t know.” He was genuinely unsure, he didn’t actually wanna bother Niall or his friends and family and ask for help, but in all honesty… how was he ever gonna find a job on his own?! He had had a few jobs when he had been younger and he had been to job interviews of course, but like… it had been easier back then, being able to talk about how he went to high school or uni and now… what was he even going to say if anybody wanted him to talk about himself?

“You don’t have to decide right now, Li, I mean… we got time, okay? We got a whole month and I promise I’ll help you and it’s gonna be fine, yeah? And your boss even said she’d help you as well and it’s not like she fired you because she felt like it or something. We’ll figure it out.” Niall had immediately switched over to the ‘we’, which kinda did feel nice but on the other hand, the blonde also sounded slightly panicked and overwhelmed by the situation.

“Okay… thanks, Ni.” Liam honestly didn’t know what else to say, he felt guilty for putting this burden on the blonde because he was very clearly freaking out more than he was trying to let on and just… god, now Niall felt like he needed to do this for Liam and the brunette didn’t know what to do, so he did what he was best at, pretending the problem didn’t actually exist. “I mean… it’s not like… like I gotta have a new job tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah… it’s a whole month and… you’re gonna be just fine, okay? And I’m here for you and I’m sure if you tell Louis he’s gonna help as well. Or… or I can also tell him, if you don’t want to, just… let me know what you need and I’m always here, I promise.” He sounded pretty desperate now so Liam made sure to smile at him, only feeling a little bit like an idiot when he leaned over to kiss Niall’s cheek.

Okay, he should have definitely planned this out a bit more maybe, but to be honest, Liam actually didn’t feel like talking about it anymore. He was just really glad that he had gotten it out of the way even though Niall seemed rather distressed now, but he didn’t say anything when the brunette simply switched the topic.

 

\-----------------

 

Niall honestly wasn’t sure about what to do, like, he really felt like they should have talked about Liam losing his job a little bit more. He had of course noticed that something had been off with his boyfriend, he had been way too quiet and cuddly before. Obviously Niall didn’t mind Liam being all cuddly, but he usually wasn’t this affectionate in front of Harry and Louis, so even though it had kinda made the blonde happy, it had also gotten him really worried. 

They had gotten to Niall’s place and never talked about it again for a good few hours and now Liam had fallen asleep in the younger’s bed, lying on his stomach with his head on his folded arm and the blonde was just lying next to him, worrying. This was either gonna end well or it would end really badly and the blonde was panicking because this was out of his control.

He was determined to help Liam and he’d do whatever it took to make him feel better, but he couldn’t go to a job interview for him or do anything in case he didn’t get a job and Niall had no idea how Liam was going to handle it. The brunette had seemed rather careless before when they had talked about it, but Niall knew Liam after all and that hadn’t sounded like him at all.

So yeah, Niall was kinda waiting for a break down, but right now Liam was asleep in his bed and Niall was running his fingers through his hair, wishing he could have done anything to just take all of his worries away. After last night, Niall hadn’t thought that this day could end in a bad way, or that they could immediately slip into a situation like this, but apparently it had only taken one phone call.

When Liam started stirring, Niall let his hand slow to a stop, still keeping it on Liam’s back though, hoping he wasn’t going to wake up. Sadly, that wish did not get fulfilled.

“Did I fall asleep?” Liam mumbled somewhere against his arm and Niall couldn’t help but chuckle, leaning over to press a kiss to Liam’s warm cheek, keeping it there for a bit.

“Yeah, but it’s okay, I know you’re tired… you wanna borrow some joggers again?” Niall hadn’t asked Liam if he wanted to sleep over, but honestly, was that even necessary anymore at this point? They hadn’t spent a night apart in quite a few days now and Niall wasn’t sure how that would have gone anyways.

“Okay… “ Was all Liam said, sounding really tired but also kinda sad and Niall kissed his cheek again before getting up to get his boyfriend the same sweatpants he had worn last night, finding the brunette sitting up when he turned around to give them to him.

They both changed clothes in silence and when Niall crawled back into bed, he immediately put his arms around Liam, leaning his head against the older boy’s while trying to think of a good way to address the situation. He knew Liam didn’t wanna talk about it and probably just wanted to ignore it and he also seemed really tired and exhausted and god, why did this have to happen to Liam? Why couldn’t it have been happening to Niall instead?

“You know… I get it if you don’t wanna talk about it, but… I just want you to know that I wouldn’t ever leave you alone with having to find a job by yourself and I really get that you’re nervous and probably scared and I really wish I could change that. But I’m gonna try my best, I promise, and no matter what happens, I’m here for you and… worst case scenario, you don’t find another job immediately and I’ll help if you need money, okay? I’ve been saving up and my mom wouldn’t mind at all if you came over to eat and stuff.” Was this a bit over the top? Possibly, but Niall just wanted to take Liam’s fear away, or put him a bit at ease, no matter how.

Liam actually didn’t answer, for so long that Niall turned his head to look at him, again feeling himself getting worried as hell, especially when he saw the look on his boyfriend’s face. Liam was just looking down, seemingly exhausted and sad and it was killing the blonde that he didn’t know what to do or what to say because he knew that nothing would have actually made Liam feel better.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I really didn’t wanna bring it back up to make you feel bad, I just really wanna help and I don’t know how and I know this isn’t about me, but Li… please talk to me if you need anything, okay? You never have to be scared to ask me for help, I love you more than anything and I just want you to be okay.” Shit, Niall shouldn’t have said all those things about the money and stuff, but that was probably what was troubling Liam the most, right? Hopefully he knew that Niall would have talked his mother into allowing Liam to live with them if the very worst scenario happened, which he wasn’t gonna tell Liam though because… Niall was trying to be positive here.

“I… thank you, for… for trying to help, but I… it’s gonna be fine.” While Liam was talking, Niall could already hear the slight crack in the brunette’s voice and by the time he was finished, there was already a tear running down his cheek and the blonde immediately jumped into panic mode again.

“Hey, it’s okay, baby, of course it’ll be fine.” Niall softly pulled Liam’s head down against his shoulder as he hugged him tighter, leaning back against his pillows and rubbing the older’s back, his own eyes suddenly feeling wet. Liam crying was the absolute worst thing to witness. “Liam… it’s going to be fine, I’m here, okay? I’m always here for you, I love you so much.”

The brunette wasn’t crying badly or anything, but he also didn’t answer and the blonde could feel the shakes going through his body as he held him tightly, not knowing what to do. He had known Liam was eventually going to break down, at least a little bit, but he really hadn’t expected him to start crying and stop talking to the blonde. At least he wasn’t pushing him away, he allowed Niall to hold him and rub his back, obviously not being able to really calm him down though.

Niall really tried, but at some point he decided to shut his mouth because he was repeating himself and Liam wasn’t responding anyways, also didn’t stop crying and Niall just wanted to scream. He hated this so fucking much and it was completely out of his control, like, why did this have to happen to Liam? And what the hell were they supposed to do if it really turned out in the worst way possible?

“Sorry… “ Liam mumbled after what had seemed like ages to Niall and he almost flinched a bit upon hearing the brunette talk, automatically holding on tighter to him as he pressed his face into the older’s hair, breathing him in.

“Why are you apologizing?” He always apologized for everything and Niall didn’t like it but he knew he couldn’t have made Liam stop anyways, just telling him over again that there was no need to do that, that he didn’t at all mind taking care of him and just being there.

“I don’t know… “ The older boy sounded really exhausted, he was rubbing his eye now and Niall wasn’t sure if he had stopped crying or not but he was being hopeful. 

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, love. You’re allowed to cry and to feel bad, okay?” Niall was still rubbing his back slowly, moving his hand up into the older’s hair again, wishing that they could have just gone to sleep so that this day could be over. 

“It’s just… “ Liam started before momentarily breaking off, his voice still sounding kinda rough and as if he had a bit of a tight throat and when he continued, Niall knew he wasn’t done crying. “It’s shit.”

“I know… “ The blonde refrained from telling Liam again that everything would be fine because clearly, that wasn’t helping and it surely wasn’t what the brunette wanted to hear.

One thing Niall hadn’t been expecting had been Liam actually saying more and it just made him feel more terrible as well because somewhere midway through, the brunette had started crying again and the blonde had no idea what to do except for holding onto him as tightly as possible. “I… I kinda knew it was gonna happen anyways and then… and… what if I never find a job again? Like... I’m so bad at job interviews and... I get so nervous and I can’t sleep and... what if my mom finds out and she’s gonna kill me and… and if I run out of money I have to m-move back home a-and… I can n-never see you again and… it always h-happens to me… “

“Baby, shhh, your mom won’t find out and even if she does, you just ignore whatever she says, okay? And you won’t run out of money, but if you really did, I told you you can stay here, okay? I wouldn’t ever let you leave, baby.” This was absolutely terrible, Niall was aware that maybe Liam was embarrassed, that he couldn’t quite believe that Niall would honestly ask his mother to let Liam move in, but… even if Niall hadn’t been in Liam’s life, the brunette could have surely lived with Louis. 

“You’d just… grow t-tired or me at s-some point and… I couldn’t e-ever… let you d-do that… or L-Louis… “ There was no point in arguing because Liam wouldn’t have believed Niall, he just sounded really done with everything and never in his life had the blonde been happier to have Liam with him, safe and in his bed because just the thought of the brunette being alone right now was scaring him too much to even think about it.

“I’d never grow tired of you, Li, and neither would Louis. We care about you so much, you’ve got no idea. And we’re always here for you, whether you believe it or not, babe.” Niall felt a tear on his own cheek that he didn’t bother wiping away because he was sure it wasn’t the only one. God, he just wanted to make Liam feel better.

“I… I don’t know w-what to do… “ When Liam said that, or half choked out more like, his voice broke completely and with it Niall’s heart. “I c-can’t do this, I… I’m a-already s-scared thinking about job i-interviews… “

“Baby, you still have a whole month there, okay? You did job interviews before and you had jobs before and you will do it again, I promise, babe. I know you’re really nervous and scared, but your boss even said she’d write you a recommendation and everything and I’m sure that one of my friends or maybe my mom know someone and they can put in a good word for you as well.” Hopefully, otherwise Niall would just go there himself and beg someone to hire Liam or whatever, he honestly didn’t care anymore. “I love you so much… “

Liam never answered, he just kept on crying and Niall was rocking them a little bit, saying whatever came to his mind that could have potentially been calming, but all he received were sniffs and quiet sobs and at this point, the blonde really got scared for the brunette. He was acting as if this was the end of the world, and maybe it felt like it to him right now, but the way he had been talking and everything, it really got Niall scared that Liam was thinking of doing something to himself.

They stayed like this for probably an hour or two, Niall really had to pee as well but he was holding back. Eventually, and only god knew how, Liam fell asleep on the blonde and even then did Niall not dare to move immediately, he just got them into a bit of a more comfortable position, drawing patterns on Liam’s back and silently debating what he was going to do about this tomorrow.

Should he have told Louis? Liam really needed to get a job and if Niall couldn’t help him then it was important that somebody else did, so Niall would definitely have to somehow talk Liam into telling his best friend. Also… what if he was still in this condition tomorrow? How was Niall ever going to let him leave and not get scared about what he was gonna do?

This was yet again a situation where he just wanted to keep Liam locked in his room, preferably for a week or something, just to make sure he was alright and sleeping and eating but he knew he couldn’t do that, couldn’t even openly baby the brunette or tell him about his worries. Times like these, Niall knew that this was what Liam meant whenever he talked about Niall growing tired of him or getting fed up, but in reality, it made Niall wanna do the complete opposite of simply walking away.

At some point, Niall had to pee so badly that he just needed to get out of bed. So he very carefully slipped out from underneath the brunette, making sure his head was on the pillow before throwing a blanket over him and tucking him in. Niall stayed for a few more seconds just to make sure Liam hadn’t woken up before tiptoeing out of his room. 

Just to be extra careful, Niall used the bathroom downstairs, taking a bottle of water with him from the fridge afterwards before going back upstairs, not having expected to half bump into his mother on the top of the stairs. She had been home when they had gotten here, but they had only briefly seen each other and Niall actually had no idea how much time had passed.

“Niall, it’s 2 am, what have you been doing downstairs?” She was whispering for whatever reason, maybe she was suspecting that Liam was asleep a few doors down the hallway, but Niall had closed the door anyways.

“I had to pee.” The blonde shrugged, not asking her in return why _she_ was awake. “I’m going back to bed.”

“Is Liam still here?” His mom kinda asked randomly, considering it was 2 am and everything, and Niall couldn’t really see her face that well because it was really dark, but her voice sounded kinda weird.

“Yeah, he’s asleep in my room.” They were still whispering but Niall was still getting kinda anxious, not because he was afraid Liam could her them but rather because he was terrified of the brunette waking up alone. 

“Is he alright? I thought I heard someone crying before, unless… unless you’ve been doing stuff then forget I asked.” What?!

“We… we didn’t do anything.” Niall was unsure about whether he should have told his mom, but… surely, she would have been able to help, right? “He… he was crying, because… you know the shop he works at? It’s closing, so he’s gotta find a new job and… it’s really stressing him out.”

“Oh, no, poor boy. Is he already looking for a new job?” Maybe Niall shouldn’t have told her, like… what if she asked Liam about it? She didn’t know anything about his mental health state and Niall wasn’t going to tell her about it, but Liam couldn’t know that, could he?

“Not yet, he’s still got a month there and his boss only told him today. But, like… I was kinda wondering if maybe… if maybe you could help? You know, just in case you know anyone or so.” Niall was actually really hopeful because he knew his mother would say yes even if she didn’t know anyone at all.

“Of course I can, I can ask around, okay?” See, this was why Niall had decided to tell her without checking with Liam first because the brunette would have only gotten embarrassed and this way, he maybe never had to find out.

“Thanks, mom… also, uh… if you see Liam, can you… not mention any of that? Just because he’s really down and I don’t think he wants to talk about it.” Or actually, Niall didn’t know if Liam would wanna talk about it again tomorrow, but certainly not with Niall’s mother.

“Of course, I won’t say anything. And you should really go back to bed now, it’s really late.” She kissed Niall’s cheek before walking past him to the bathroom and Niall felt better, if only a tiny bit.

He made sure to be quiet again as he slipped into his room, carefully closing the door behind himself, relief spreading through him when he realized that Liam was still asleep, in the exact same position that Niall had left him in. The room was almost pitch black, but Niall never remembered to shut the blinds and he kinda wanted to keep on looking at his boyfriend for a bit, so he also ignored them today.

Though it was really late, Niall knew he wouldn’t have been able to go to sleep now. So even though he got underneath the same blanket as Liam and lied down next to him, he stayed awake for quite a long time tracing Liam’s face with his finger and trying to come up with some sort of a solution for tomorrow.

 

\----------------------

 

Niall was kinda scared the next morning, he had barely slept but somehow already woken up again really early, even before Liam. So when the brunette started moving shortly before blinking his eyes open, the blonde still had not come up with an idea or a solution to any of this mess. He was just hoping that Liam was doing better today.

“Good morning… how’d you sleep?” The blonde tried to be positive, smiling down at Liam and kissing him on the mouth softly, hoping that the brunette didn’t mind and that he wasn’t immediately going to start feeling bad again.

“Alright, I guess… “ He didn’t sound very happy or motivated, but Niall was hoping that he was just still tired and only half awake. “You?”

“Good.” Niall lied, kissing Liam again and rubbing their noses together. 

The blonde didn’t want to just start talking about it or ask Liam how he was doing, he was just trying to make his morning as best as possible, peppering his face with kisses until the brunette was smiling at least a tiny bit. Niall had no idea when Liam had to go to work or if he would even go at all, so he simply decided that he wasn’t going to ask, he’d just stay right here with Liam all day long and skip uni if that was what the brunette wanted. Apparently though, it wasn’t.

“How… how late is it?” Liam actually sounded very concerned about that but maybe Niall was just overreacting, like… he could barely take his eyes off of his boyfriend, wanting to miss nothing at all just in case.

“Ummm… pretty early, actually, it’s like, 9.” If Niall would have actually cared about going to uni today, he would have had to leave in about an hour, but he wasn’t going to say that out loud because it would possibly stress Liam out. So if Liam did ask about Niall’s classes, the blonde was either going to avoid giving an answer or he would just straight up lie. 

“Okay… I gotta be at work in an hour.” Okay, that was not really what Niall had been expecting if he was being honest.

“Babe… are you sure you wanna go? I’m sure you could get the day off and we can just stay in bed if you want.” Trying to make it sound appealing, Niall started pressing little kisses to Liam’s lips again, running his fingers through the older’s hair.

“I have to go… my boss said we’d talk all of this through a little bit more and… and maybe she can help.” That did sound kinda promising, but honestly, Niall was just really scared that Liam would walk out of the store feeling even worse than before and then Niall wouldn’t be there. “And you have classes as well.”

“I mean… they’re not that important.” Niall shrugged, kissing Liam’s cheek and then his temple, thinking about whether he should have lied and said he had been wanting to skip anyways, but then he decided to let it be instead. 

“Okay, but… I should really go to work. Also… I can’t just take the day off when… when I won’t have a job in a month anyways.” Before Niall could say anything to that, Liam was already sitting up, forcing the blonde to do the same.

“Li… you’re definitely gonna have a job in a month.” What else was Niall supposed to say? If Liam really did go to work today though, he was maybe genuinely going to skip uni anyways and try and google some jobs for the brunette maybe, just so he’d have something as an emergency plan for when the brunette came back. Well, if he would wanna hang out with Niall afterwards because the thing was… Niall wasn’t sure if Liam would wanna be alone or not, which genuinely scared the hell out of him. 

“I don’t know… “ Was all Liam said before crawling out of bed and the blonde just watched, feeling really nervous about this and also kinda sad. 

The brunette changed back into his jeans in front of Niall, apparently not embarrassed or anything, he was even doing it kinda slow, maybe because he didn’t care or maybe because he was too exhausted to go faster. Niall actually hated how fucking worried he was and how he was trying to come up with excuses that would make Liam stay here. It was a good thing that he wanted to go to work though, right? That he didn’t just wanna lie in bed and do nothing? But somehow Niall couldn’t get rid of that worry filling him.

“You want some breakfast, love?” Niall had gotten up as soon as Liam had gotten done changing, wrapping his arms around the brunette again because somehow he couldn’t help but just wanting to be close and hold him.

“Ummm… sure.” Liam wasn’t trying to fight Niall’s embrace, he also kissed back when the blonde pressed their lips together again, slowly moving his hands underneath the older’s shirt, rubbing his bare back while kissing him. Sadly, that still did not wanna make Liam stay for some reason.

Niall’s mother was at work when they went downstairs and Niall was really hoping that when she came home tonight, that she wouldn’t have forgotten about what he had asked her in the middle of the night. The blonde made sure to keep the conversation steady while they were eating cereal, not wanting to get on Liam’s nerves but it didn’t actually seem like he was.

“I could like… walk you to work.” That had just been in an idea Niall had come up with randomly, kinda a little bit because he wanted to make sure Liam really got there somehow. 

“If you want to.” Liam didn’t seem opposed to the idea, for which Niall was really happy because he had kinda thought the brunette was going to say no or try to find an excuse. Somehow, Liam actually didn’t seem too sad or as if he had been crying in Niall’s arms last night, like, literally cried himself to sleep, and the blonde wasn’t sure if he was just really good at keeping it together or if he genuinely felt better.

They left a bit early so they wouldn’t have to hurry so much and Niall did take his backpack with him, changing into different clothes just in case he decided he wanted to go to uni after all. It was kinda warm outside and the blonde really enjoyed holding Liam’s hand and just talking because it felt like they were just on a walk or so. Liam’s mood seemed to be fine, he also didn’t seem particularly nervous or anything once they reached the shop.

“Okay… have a good day and I love you.” Niall grabbed a hold of Liam’s hands, not really wanting to be apart from him, but he didn’t have much of a choice, so he was just really trying to drag out their goodbye.

“I love you too.” Liam’s smile was barely there, but he was actually the one who leaned in to kiss Niall and when their lips were still brushing, he again made the blonde’s heart ache a little bit. “Sorry about last night… “

“Baby, I already told you, there’s not need to apologize, okay? I just want you to do be alright and it’s fine if you need to cry and just need a cuddle, I’m always here, no matter what. I can also pick you back up from work if you want me to, just text me if anything at all happens, yeah?” Liam could probably tell that Niall was kinda nervous about leaving him, also squeezing his hands quite tightly, leaning in to kiss him one more time.

“I will… thanks, Ni.” The brunette was smiling a bit at Niall right before he went in and the blonde actually had to force himself to walk away, trying to calm himself down.

There was a text from Louis asking where the hell he was and while walking down the street, Niall randomly decided that he was going to go to uni after all. He was definitely going to still do some job research for Liam there, he’d just have to be really careful about Louis not finding out. Like, he was going to find out at some point, but honestly, it wasn’t Niall’s decision to make.

“You really gotta stop skipping class so often, Nialler.” Niall found Louis sitting in the very back of the lecture hall, just having walked in in time for the professor to start. “Did you spend the night with Liam?”

“Yeah… why?” Pretending to be annoyed about the question, Niall was actually just nervous being asked about the brunette right now.

“Because you’re late as hell.” Chuckling a bit, Louis luckily had to be quiet then, still leaning over though after a few minutes to ask the question Niall had been afraid to be asked. “So… is Li alright then? Because he was acting a bit off yesterday?”

“Yeah… everything’s fine, he was just really tired.” The lie luckily came out rather easy for Niall and the older boy simply let him be. 

It was still a rather stressful day, Niall texted Liam throughout but the older boy was kinda answering infrequently and he also randomly stopped at some point. Niall of course knew that he had to have a talk with his boss and everything, so he really tried not to freak out immediately, instead spending some time during his classes to look up job ads.

He only had one more class with Louis that day, actually their very last one, and they were again sitting in the last row when Louis’ phone lit up. Luckily it had been on silent and Niall only caught a brief glimpse on the screen, seeing that it was Louis’ mom. He actually hadn’t expected Louis to just leave the room to pick up, but he still did for some reason.

By then, Niall probably hadn’t heard from Liam in an hour or so, which was a little bit worrying considering the fact that the last text he had sent had been him asking Liam if he wanted Niall to come pick him up after work. Actually though, Niall had no idea how long Liam was supposed to be working today, so maybe he was already home and had fallen asleep? Everything was possible after all.

The thing was, Louis was only outside for like, 5 minutes, and when he came back, Niall barely paid attention to him until he was sitting down again, startling the blonde quite a bit as he immediately leaned over to whisper into Niall’s ear, his voice sounding kinda panicked. “We gotta leave.”

“What, I… why would we leave?” Niall whispered back, confused as hell as he watched Louis packing up his stuff, proceeding to simply pack up Niall’s things as well, even the pen in his hand. “Louis, what the fuck are you doing?”

“We gotta leave, now, come on.” There was no point in arguing, because Louis literally took Niall’s backpack as well and simply started walking towards the door again. Surely, every student and the professor were looking at them thinking they were crazy and Niall didn’t know if he needed to be scared or not.

“Louis, where the hell are we going?” Niall actually had to jog a bit to catch up with his friend as soon as they were in the hallway, taking his backpack from him and throwing a look at Louis’ face. He seemed absolutely terrified for some reason, walking really fast towards the exit. “Talk to me!”

“You can’t freak out, okay? Not now, there’s still enough time to freak out when we’re there.” What?!

“Where?” Niall was going crazy, all sorts of horrible things popped up in his head, but he really hadn’t been expecting for it to be the very worst one and for Louis to just say it, while they were walking.

“My mom just called, she works at the hospital, remember? They brought in people from a car accident and… Liam was one of them, she couldn’t tell me anything because they immediately took him up to surgery and… Niall?! Keep walking, what the hell?!” Louis actually sounded angry as he turned around to see the blonde frozen in one spot.

To be honest, Niall barely heard Louis getting all angry at him, because there was only single thing he could think of right now and he had no idea how he even brought it over his lips because everything just felt numb. “He… he did it on purpose.”

“What? No, he didn’t, don’t be stupid, he wouldn’t walk in front of a car and try to kill himself, why the fuck would he just randomly do that?!” Though Louis was immediately half yelling at Niall, his facial expression also changed to really panicked, because… hell, they both knew that Liam doing that wouldn’t have at all been so random. Especially not if Louis knew what Niall did.

“Not randomly, he… he’s gonna lose his job in a month, Lou, he… the shop will close and last night he cried himself to sleep in my bed and he went to work today seemingly all fine and… oh my god… Louis… I was so worried all day and now, he… he tried to kill himself and I wasn’t there and I didn’t do anything and what if he dies?! Louis, he can’t fucking die, I can’t do this, oh my god, I can’t fucking do this, _I_ let this happen!” Niall already felt his tears spilling over even though it had still not fully sunken in just yet, he just… he couldn’t believe this, there was just NO fucking way.

Louis seemed like he wanted to argue, but then they both just stared at one another, not saying a word because they both realized how fucking random it would have been for this to just happen, on this day, after yesterday and… neither of them knew what to do or what to say and Niall felt like his whole world had been crushed right then and there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i do apologize for the cliffhanger guys!!!


	17. Chapter 17

Niall honestly couldn’t even remember how they had gotten to the hospital, he knew Louis must have lead the way and made sure they got on the right bus and off at the right stop, but it had all just been a blur to Niall. Of course the tears had come immediately, he couldn’t have helped himself even if he had wanted to, at this point, he was 100% convinced that Liam had tried to kill himself and that he might have possibly succeeded.

Niall had no idea what he was going to do if Liam was dead, his brain couldn’t comprehend any of this so he just stayed quiet, feeling numb but at the same time as if he had been ripped apart.

“Niall, he didn’t kill himself, okay? He wouldn’t do that, the thing with his job is shit, but he’s got us and he know we will help him, it was an accident, alright? And none of it was your fault.” Louis had quickly snapped out of his first panic and had gone over to telling himself what he would have liked to believe.

The blonde was barely listening at all and also didn’t bother to answer, he just got really fucking nervous once they had entered the hospital and had to rely on Louis to find his mother because Niall himself would have just asked around by screaming at people if it had been up to him. He was still crying, still checking his phone every few minutes and keeping a tight grip on it because you never knew, right? Maybe Louis’ mother had been mistaken?

It didn’t seem like it though, because when they reached the station where she worked as a nurse, she seemed very distressed, her eyes only briefly sitting on Louis’ before she looked at Niall, probably because he must have been looking pretty rough. “Oh, boys, I’m so sorry.”

“Where is he? How’s he doing? Is he alright?!” Louis didn’t hold back for just one single second, other people walking past were probably staring but the blonde didn’t give a shit, he couldn’t feel anything right now, couldn’t even think straight.

“He’s still in surgery, but listen, love, I’m not legally allowed to tell you anything. I called Liam’s mother though and she’s going to come here and then we’ll see, alright?” Maybe this was supposed to sound calming but it actually got Niall really fucking scared because… Liam’s mother here, _now_ and… not that it would matter if… oh god.

“But we can’t just sit here and wait! His mother is going to need bloody ages to get here, you know how far away she lives and you know she doesn’t care about him!” The older boy definitely had a point but his mother didn’t seem to be very impressed by that, she just took Louis’ hand, throwing another rather worried look at Niall just standing there and actually wanting to die.

“Honey, it’s going to be fine. There’s nothing any of us can do for him right now, okay? We will just have to wait, Liam’s in good hands, I can promise you that.” That’s what they always said, wasn’t it? She was a nurse here, of course she knew how to consult people, right? “Look, why don’t you boys wait by the entrance and I’ll come join you in a few minutes?”

“Mum, you can’t just expect us to-“

“Lou, there’s really nothing you can do, okay? He’s in surgery and none of us are related to him, we have to wait for his mother or for him to wake up.” That sounded oddly positive and Niall suddenly wondered if she knew that Liam had most possibly tried to kill himself, if she even knew that Liam was depressed and very far from mentally stable.

Louis did give in then and Niall had no energy to say anything at all so he just followed the older boy once more, having stopped trying to wipe his face a very long time ago because there was simply no need to anymore. What if Liam was dead? What if he had genuinely killed himself? How was Niall supposed to deal with this? How was he supposed to carry on? Liam was everything to him and the blonde loved him more than he had ever loved anything in this world, he had been sure they’d stay together, that they were somehow made for each other and now… now he didn’t even know if he’d ever get to see Liam ever again, hear his voice and kiss him and… Niall couldn’t bear to think about it.

“He has to be alright, he just has to… I gotta call Harry now, I’m gonna go insane.” Louis kept rambling on even once they had sat down again, Niall just sitting in the chair next to him, limp and staring off into space, only listening with one ear because did any of this matter? Did any of this _genuinely_ matter anymore?

So Louis called Harry, half screaming into his phone and yet Niall had no idea what he had even been saying, he was still checking his phone once a while, somehow hoping that it had all been a very cruel misunderstanding. Once the older boy had hung up the phone, he buried his face in his hands for like a minute before leaning back, already at it again with the rambling and Niall would have loved to tell him to just shut the fuck up if he had had the energy to actually open his mouth.

“He always said he would never do that, he said he’s too afraid and he’s got you now and… why would he do that on purpose? There’s just no way, this is too unrealistic, just because he’s gonna lose his job? He knows we’re always there for him, my mom told him so many times she’d help him out if he needed a new job and… he’s gonna be alright, it doesn’t mean anything if the surgery lasts long, does it? Or maybe he’s already out again and my mom didn’t tell us because he’s-“

“Dead.” Niall finished the sentence for Louis, quietly but the older boy had still hear him anyways.

“Asleep. He’s not fucking dead Niall, okay? Can you please stop acting like a zombie and talking about your boyfriend being dead?! What’s even wrong with you? You can’t just say these things and then genuinely believe in them and anyways, why are you not even freaking out then, huh? If you really think he-“

“Not freaking out?! What the fuck, Lou? Just shut up, alright? He’s _my_ boyfriend, you think I don’t care?! He’s the love of my life, so don’t sit there feeling sorry for yourself and trying to pretend you’re the only one who cares, because you’re not! And stop trying to make it sound better than it is, we both fucking know he’s depressed and we’ve both been sitting there watching every time he had a meltdown because we were too afraid that he would get upset if we try to talk him into seeing a specialist!” That was it, that had been Niall’s final straw, he suddenly felt as if he was in a rage rather than feeling numb like before, it’s just… fuck, he really didn’t need Louis trying to tell him how to act. 

“You don’t even know if he did it on purpose, maybe it was a fucking accident, you always assume the worst and freak out over nothing at all! Oh, and by the way, I’ve known Liam more than 10 times longer than you have, so don’t tell me how I need to handle his illness.” That was it, Niall got up without saying another word, simply walking over to the row of chairs opposite of Louis and sitting there instead, pulling his legs on the chair as well and looking away from the older boy.

He didn’t care if he was being childish, or if they both were, he didn’t wanna talk to anyone anymore now, he just wanted to close his eyes and pretend none of this was happening. If Liam was dead, Niall honestly had no idea if he’d even manage to ever get up off this chair again, if he’d ever manage to live like this, and it was a pretty scary thought.

 

\---------------------

 

“Hey, Nialler… you want something to drink?” When the blonde blinked his eyes open in confusion, he was looking into Harry’s face, the younger boy kneeling next to the chairs that Niall was lying on, a sad smile on his face and a water bottle in his hands.

“No… “ Niall couldn’t remember falling asleep, his throat felt really tight and his eyes were burning from crying. It was still completely light outside so he couldn’t have been passed out for that long at least. “Liam…. is he…?”

“We don’t know, I just got here a few minutes ago, Louis’ over there talking to his mum.” Harry briefly looked into a different direction and Niall forced himself to sit up, actually wanting something to drink now. “Did you guys have a fight or something?”

“No… I don’t know… “ The blonde couldn’t even really remember anymore and he also didn’t care because it seemed highly irrelevant right now. “Harry… what if he’s dead? What if… what if he did it on purpose?”

“I don’t think he did, Niall, he’s got you and he loves you so much, he wouldn’t just leave you.” At least Harry was being nice about not believing into what the blonde was saying, he sat down next to Niall now, placing the water bottle in the other’s lap for which Niall was actually really grateful for. “I hope he’s going to be fine… his mom is on the way.”

“Fuck… his mom… I don’t think I can deal with her.” If she just dared to look at Niall the wrong way the blonde was going to lose his shit completely, this woman hadn’t made Liam this way, but she surely hadn’t helped him either. 

“She’s gonna be worried though, Liam’s her son and… wait… does she know about the two of you?” Funny that Harry asked that now, this whole situation seemed really random to Niall but that bit of distraction kinda seemed to help him anyways.

“Yeah… she’s not very excited about it though… but I don’t give a shit what she thinks about us or me, I just want Liam to be alright… fuck… “ Breathing in deeply, Niall leaned his head back in an attempt to blink back some new tears. His skin was burning from all the wetness and he felt like absolute trash in general, but he couldn’t seem to bring himself to care. He needed to sit right here and wait for any news at all, he didn’t dare moving. 

“Was he really fired? Louis briefly mentioned something… “ God, did this really matter now?!

“Yeah… I mean, no, the shop closes, so… “ Shrugging, Niall was biting his nails so hard he was sure they’d be bleeding by the end of this day. God, he didn’t even want to think about this day ending because he had no idea where he’d be and where Liam would be and… fuck.

“Okay, but he needs a new job? Just because I’ve got a friend who works in a coffee shop on weekends and they need someone new to work there fulltime, ‘m sure they’d take Liam, no problem.” Niall really wanted to be cheerful and happy about this but like… they could have needed those news a few hours earlier.

“He won’t need a job if he’s dead.” Was all Niall said, right before his tears were spilling over again and he couldn’t help the sob escaping him as he buried his face in his hands, his whole body aching from all the shaking. 

Harry didn’t say anything, he just rubbed the blonde’s back and Niall was very grateful for that because he couldn’t have held a conversation right now anyways. He just wanted to see Liam more than anything in the world and he wanted to believe Harry and Louis when they talked about Liam being alright, but… what if they were wrong? What was Niall going to fucking do?!

Niall had idea how long he just sat there crying, starting to feel as if nothing in the world would ever be alright again. Because how could anything ever be fine again if Liam wasn’t there anymore? If he wasn’t there anymore because of Niall not having tried hard enough to be there for him? But more important than the blonde feeling guilty as hell for the rest of his life, how was he going to live that life anyways, without Liam? 

“Hey… my mom said she’s gonna go and check if they’ll tell her anything.” It was Louis’ voice, but Niall didn’t even bother looking at him, not because they had had an argument before, simply because he didn’t feel like lifting his head ever again. “I’m sorry about before, Nialler, I just… lost it, I guess. I shouldn’t have said any of that stuff, I know this is harder on you than it is on any of us… if I imagined that was Harry-“

“Babe.” Harry interrupted him immediately, but Niall actually didn’t give a fuck so he simply shrugged, saying something like “Whatever” before checking his phone once again. He kinda wanted to tell his mother about this, but she was at work anyways and there was nothing she could have done to help Niall or Liam, so the blonde didn’t wanna worry her for no reason. “How long will Liam’s mom need to get here?”

“No idea… I don’t even know if she immediately left after my mom called her. But it’s about an hour and a half of a drive without traffic I think, not sure.” Somehow Niall really wanted Liam’s mother to come here, just so she could go ask about her son and give them info, but the blonde wasn’t sure if she would have actually shared any of that. “I hope Liam’s out of surgery by the time she gets here.”

Out of surgery and alive, but Niall didn’t correct Louis of course because he was just done with everything. At least now that Harry was here, Louis was talking to him instead so Niall stopped listening completely at one point, just staring out of the window and trying his very hardest not to cry.

Nothing ever happened in this hospital, at least that’s what it seemed like, people were walking by and some were pushed in wheelchairs and there were of course doctors and nurses, but everyone was calm, no one seemed to be in a hurry to get anywhere at all and most of them seemed pretty content. It kinda got Niall pissed off, that the world was just continuing like it always had even though his own had just shattered into a million pieces. What if tomorrow he woke up and Liam would be gone and the world would still just keep on spinning like it always did?

Louis’ mom came by at some point to tell them that there were no news but that she would come back as soon as she knew more and honestly, Niall had given up hope right then and there. He couldn’t stop himself from crying, not talking to Harry and Louis though or engaging in their conversation because what was the bloody point of anything anymore?!

“Oh my god… “ Niall only paid attention to what Louis had said in literally the most dramatic voice ever because he jumped up a second later, hurrying towards the main entrance.

”Is that…. Liam’s mom?” Harry asking that kinda woke Niall up a bit and he lifted his head to search for Louis, indeed seeing him talk to a woman that actually looked like she might tear his head off any second. Either ways, she looked nothing like Niall had imagined her, she didn’t even look like Liam at all. “Should we… should we go over?”

Before Niall could answer, the woman that seemed to be Liam’s mother had already left Louis standing to go over to the information desk, talking so loudly and aggressive that Niall could hear her all the way over to where he was sitting. Right, maybe they weren’t going to go over after all.

“What do you mean you can’t tell me that?! I demand to know where my son is and what has happened, this is your job, so _do_ it!” Honestly, maybe she sounded rather rude, but Niall really got it in this situation, this was how he would have liked to act as well if it would have gotten him any information on Liam.

“She seems nice… “ Harry mumbled with clear sarcasm but Niall ignored him because he wasn’t in the mood to even just pretend to be laughing right now. “We should go over to Louis I think.”

Liam’s mother was still loudly arguing, making every head turn, and Louis was just standing there, looking at Niall and Harry for a second and actually Niall didn’t wanna go over at all, but if Liam’s mother really managed to actually get them to take her somewhere then Niall definitely wanted to go with her, even if she didn’t want him to.

So they slowly walked over to Louis and Niall ignored them holding hands on purpose because he wasn’t sure how it would have made him feel if he had really spent his time thinking about those two being together and in love while he didn’t even know if his boyfriend was alive.

Apparently, the half shouted conversation with the guy at the information desk didn’t help Liam’s mother out a lot because after calling him incompetent, she stepped away while he was in the middle of trying to explain something to her, instead walking back to Louis and Niall got a first real look at her.

“Where’s your mother? I need to speak to her.” At least she wasn’t yelling at Louis, she just seemed annoyed now, her eyes briefly settling on Harry and Niall. “Who are these people? Are you all Liam’s friends or something?”

“That’s, uh… Harry and Niall.” Was all Louis said and actually, Niall didn’t even know whether Liam’s mother even knew that Louis and Harry were together and now he was probably not going to find out because her eyebrows immediately went up after Louis had said the blonde’s name. “My mom is-“

“Wait, wait. _Niall?_ You’re the one Liam told me about?” There was no way of telling whether she was angry about this or not because frankly, Niall could have cared less.

“I guess.” Was all Niall said, well aware that he was looking terrible right now, his face felt hot and wet and his eyes just the same. “I’m his boyfriend, if… if that’s what you mean.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have expected to ever see you or that he was being serious, but nice to meet you, not under these circumstances though.” She didn’t shake Niall’s hand, for which the blonde was actually happy about and Niall suddenly wondered if she was also thinking that Liam had done this on purpose. “Now, where is-“

“Karen!” It was Louis’ mother, who had just come out of the elevator again and all Niall cared about right now was trying to figure out what the look on her face meant. “Oh god, I’m so sorry, I was just asking around to find out how he’s doing. I can take you upstairs and you can talk to someone who knows more than me.”

“What about us?” Louis almost asked immediately for which Niall was more than grateful, because he wasn’t sure if he was going to manage just sitting there again and waiting for something to happen.

“I mean… you can probably come along, but you’re gonna have to wait outside, unless Karen would rather go by herself.” She made it sound like a question, obviously feeling a bit guilty, but Liam’s mother simply shrugged.

“I don’t care where those boys go, I just want to finally talk to someone who knows what the hell they are doing here.” Well… that was at least something.

They ended up sitting down and waiting again, this time at least on the right floor while Liam’s mother had gone into an office to talk to a doctor and Niall tried to internally prepare himself to see her coming out crying. What if they really told her now that he had died? That he had tried to kill himself and had succeeded? What was Niall going to say or do?!

The blonde’s heart was beating faster than it ever had, he barely managed to draw his eyes away from the door where Liam’s mother would eventually emerge again, with either bad or good news and Niall wasn’t sure if he was able to take this any longer.

“Niall, you gotta try and calm down, okay? Look, if he wasn’t… if you were right and he wasn’t alive anymore, do you not think that… that this conversation would already be over?” Right, Louis genuinely was the most insensitive person ever.

“Um, no?! If he was fucking dead you think his mom is just gonna walk out of there a minute later and leave?! If it lasts long it means it’s bad news.” Because either they were consulting her in there or they were listing all the things that had gone or would still go wrong in surgery or tell her that he was in a coma and… oh fuck, what if he was?! And what if he never woke up again?!

“I know he’s not dead though, I know he’s not.” Louis kept holding onto that tiny bit of hope and Niall continued to ignore him, his eyes feeling sore from all the crying and he felt like they were just dried out now. He had never felt this terrible in his whole life, without a plan on how to make it better and he had also never been this nervous before.

They sat there for at least an hour or two and by the time Liam’s mother came out of the office again, Niall had lost all hope and yet his heart immediately sped up again upon seeing her, almost wanting to jump up onto his feet to yell at her to tell him what the fuck was going on. Also, he suddenly felt a really bad urge to puke all over himself.

“So, boys… “ She started, sounding really annoyed but… that was good, right? If she was annoyed and not sad?! Then again… Liam always talked about how she didn’t like him very much. “I assume you wanna know what’s going… he’s out of surgery and-“

“He’s alive?!” Niall mindlessly interrupted, not caring if that had been rude or not because…. oh my god? Liam was alive?! Oh god… but why had she been in there for so long then?!

“Yes, of course he’s alive? He hasn’t been that badly injured either, he had to get surgery because a metal piece… anyways, I don’t wanna get into detail. He’s alright, everything’s fine, but he hasn’t woken up yet.” Wait… what? “Leave it to my son to walk into a bloody car because he hasn’t been paying attention to the street because he’s always on that damn phone.”

“He…. Everything’s fine? Are you sure? He’s not… he’s not badly hurt?!” Niall couldn’t believe it, his ears were actually ringing and for a moment he thought he was going to pass out right then and there. He’d see Liam again, and hold him again and talk to him and kiss him and… but had it been an accident?

“No, as I just said, he’s fine. But what I wanna know from you boys now is how he’s being doing lately, concerning his mood, I mean, and the ugly bruises he gives himself because he likes to feel sorry for himself. I already arranged for a psychologist to see him and I tried to tell that doctor that Liam seriously needs some shrink, but he refuses to let me make decisions for him.” Niall couldn’t believe this, he actually could not believe he was hearing this right now, so he just sat there, with his mouth a little bit dropped but at the same time feeling more relieved than he ever had in his entire life.

“I… he… he didn’t like… walk into the street on purpose, did he?” Louis was the one who finally popped the question and judging by how quickly Mrs. Payne’s facial expression changed, it had been the worst thing to ask, ever. 

“I was told it was an accident, the driver of the car was drunk driving and it was on a pedestrian cross but… do you think Liam would do that? Do you think he would actually try to kill himself? Oh my god, good thing I’m here, I’m gonna need to make a few phone calls now and talk to that incompetent doctor again.” Louis had just completely fucked it up, not for any of them, but for Liam himself, because… shit, if it HAD been an accident and now Liam’s mother thought it had been on purpose…

“Wait, that’s not what I said, I know less than you do, I was just afraid that-“

“Well, if his friends are afraid he might do something like this, it definitely needs some looking into. If you’ll excuse me.” And then she left, walking down the hallway with her phone already out and Niall kinda wanted to slap Louis across the face but he kinda also wanted to laugh for the rest of his life. Liam would be just fine.

After she had left, they all just sat there for a moment, kind of speechless and Niall could actually hear the blood rushing in his ears, feeling slightly dizzy because he was so overwhelmed with how relieved and happy he was feeling. Not only was Liam alive, he also hadn’t been badly hurt and he was going to wake up and he hadn’t done it on purpose, he hadn’t wanted to die and leave Niall, it had apparently just been an accident and… the blonde really needed to see the brunette though, before he would be able to fully believe it.

“Do you think she’s…. that she’s gonna let me, or… or us, go in with her? When he wakes up?” Niall was still really nervous, biting his fingernails as he threw a careful look at Louis, but both he and Harry were smiling, the older boy petting his shoulder for a moment.

“I’m sure she’s gonna let you go in with her, Nialler.” Then, his face did grow a bit darker all of a sudden before he continued, letting his hand drop. “I really shouldn’t have said that before… like, asking if it was an accident. I really hope she’s not gonna lecture Liam now right after he’s woken up, none of this was his fault and… even if it had been on purpose, he wouldn’t have needed her to get fucking angry at him.”

“She was already mad anyways… I really wish she wouldn’t go in to see him at all, if she’s just gonna get angry at him and tell him he needs to see someone… who do you think she’s calling?” This was really troubling Niall a lot, he just wanted to be with Liam right now and smother him in kisses and never ever let go of his hand again, make sure he felt somewhat comfortable, but with his mother being there, the blonde was afraid Liam would get really upset once he woke up. He had just been in a bloody accident, couldn’t she just leave him alone?

“Probably her boyfriend or so… Liam says they always used to talk about him when he was still living at home and stuff. Or… a psychologist? I mean, she said she wanted to talk that doctor into like, submitting Liam because of his mental health or something, I’m just glad he’s old enough to say no. Then again… you know, maybe it would be good for him, but it has to come from him, not from her.” Niall very strongly agreed with that, he was just really unsure of how to actually get Liam to that point without getting onto his nerves or making him feel as if he was being controlled.

“Maybe… maybe I can talk to him, when he’s feeling better and stuff, I just… I’m just so fucking glad he’s gonna be okay, oh my god.” The blonde leaned his head back, letting out a humorless laugh and feeling tears stinging in his eyes just from how happy he was. Just the thought that there had been an actual chance that he might have never seen his boyfriend again, that he might have had to walk out of here without ever seeing Liam again… it was still unbearable to think about it now.

They sat in that hallway for another hour or so, maybe even more, Niall’s sense of time wasn’t very good today, he actually tried engaging in the conversations now, just to distract himself a bit while they had to wait for Liam to wake up. His mother came back after a while, only to grill them a bit about Liam’s well being and Niall only felt a little bit bad for lying quite a bit it’s just… what right did she have to know about any of this stuff? Liam was an adult and his mother only made him feel worse instead of better.

Once a nurse came to get Liam’s mother, Niall couldn’t help but ask if he could come as well and she seemed rather annoyed but then still nodded and the blonde decided that he didn’t care about anything else right now other than the fact that Liam was awake and well and that Niall was going to do absolutely everything to keep it that way. He did feel a bit bad about leaving Harry and Louis behind, but they were smiling at him before he left and literally a second later, Niall couldn’t think of anything else anymore other than the fact that he was about to see his baby and that he wouldn’t allow anything in this world to ever let him be taken away.

 

\-------------

 

At first, Liam couldn’t remember anything that had happened at all, he had been on his way home, walking across the street and in the blink of an eye, he had suddenly woken up somewhere else. His body hurt and his throat was feeling tight, the blinding light from the ceiling stinging in his eyes. For a second, he almost panicked before he slowly came to his sense, realizing that he must have been in hospital.

With this realization also came the memory of pain and of shouted voices and noise and even though his whole body felt kind of numb right now, he was aware that he must have gotten hurt in some way. Liam did panic a little bit, feeling kinda drowsy, but he was definitely able to move his legs and also his arms and he wasn’t blind nor deaf, so that was a good sign, right?

There were other people there as well, but they all seemed to be asleep and Liam wondered whether he had had surgery. A nurse came in after a while, explaining to Liam what he had already remembered, about his accident and where he was, and the brunette was more than happy when she announced that they would take him to a different room now that he was awake.

What only occurred to Liam on the way there was the fact that hours must have passed, meaning Niall was either worrying because he thought Liam was ignoring him or worrying because he thought something had happened to him. Liam did ask for all his stuff once he was in a different room and the nurse assured him that she was going to try and locate everything once the doctor had been in to talk to him.

So that’s when the really hard part began, when Liam had to wait for half an hour or something, just lying in this bed all by himself, trying to think of everything that could have happened. He knew he had had surgery by now, which also was evident when he lifted the blanket and the hospital gown to find a large bandage covering almost his entire stomach. He also had a few bandages on his arms and probably also in his face, but there was no mirror in here, so it was hard to tell.

When someone knocked on the door, Liam had almost thought he was going to go insane, feeling very relieved when a doctor finally stepped inside, followed by what Liam assumed to be an assistant. 

“Good evening Mr. Payne…. So, I’m going to make this short, are you experiencing any pain or discomfort right now?” He checked Liam’s bandage on his stomach, then briefly flashed a light into the boy’s eyes and asked him to follow it.

“Not really…it feels a bit uncomfortable, but I’m good. Um… what did I need surgery for?” Maybe it was really bad, but then the doctor would look more concerned, right?

“A few glass and metal pieces of the car got stuck in your abdomen, you were lucky though, they didn’t go in too deep and didn’t hit any organs. Still, the surgery took longer than expected because we couldn’t locate all of the pieces immediately. You should be fine though, again, very lucky. We wanna keep you here for a few days though, you have a slight concussion as well and you will experience some pain sitting up and standing, so I suggest you take it easy and don’t try to sit up just yet. I will send a nurse in to give you something for the pain and please feel free to press the button any time you need to. Do you have any more questions?” Well, that was probably the best possible outcome after being in a car accident, right?

“Um, yeah, actually… I need to… call someone.” Shit, Liam didn’t know Niall’s number by heart, but… oh god, he would have to call Louis first then. Or maybe not.

“I actually talked to your mother a while ago, do you want me to send her in?” Oh no… oh fucking hell no… if his mother knew then… then everyone probably knew, because how else would she have found out, she certainly was NOT Liam’s emergency contact, he didn’t even think he had one to begin with.

“Oh, umm… sure… “ Liam wasn’t going to be able to avoid this, right? He just really wished Niall would have been here as well… maybe he was, right? Oh god, what if he had met Liam’s mother already?!

“If it’s too distressing, you do not have accept any visitors. Your mother was here a while ago and I gave her the appropriate amount of information that we give to family members, she did ask me about psychological consultation and I let her know that we were going to send somebody in to talk to you anyways, but obviously it’s only an offer from our side. The driver was drunk driving and you weren’t the only victim, so we do not believe in a suicide attempt from your side, but if you wish to talk to somebody, we are going to send somebody up either ways.” Suicide attempt?! Oh god… was this what his mother believed?! Had she gone crazy on the doctor telling him Liam was suicidal and depressed and needed to be admitted to a psych ward like she sometimes tried to tell him as well?

“Okay, uh… thank you. You…. you can send her in though, it’s fine… “ If Niall or Louis were there as well, then surely they’d come with her, right? Would his mother actually keep them from seeing Liam? The brunette was suddenly really scared.

The doctor left after a minute or so, leaving Liam alone once again to worry about… pretty much everything. He felt so fucking guilty even though all of this had been out of his control, but… what if everyone thought he had tried to kill himself? What if Niall thought that? Sure, the situation with his job fucking sucked and Liam had been bawling his eyes out last night, but… he wouldn’t wanna kill himself over it, not now that he had Niall especially.

It felt like ages until the door finally opened again and somehow Liam already knew it was his mother because she didn’t ever bother knocking. Liam’s heart sank for a second when he saw her face, but then his eyes immediately shifted to the person walking behind her and he had never in his entire life been happier to see anybody as he was about seeing Niall right now.

His mother seemed annoyed, like always, but also slightly worried as she came over to Liam, already having her mouth open. “Oh my god, Liam, look at you.”

She did lean down to kiss his cheek, very briefly, letting Niall close the door and the brunette could barely even focus on his mother with Niall in the same room. He looked terrible, his face all red and his eyes swollen and Liam felt another wave of guilt hitting him. “I’m sorry… it was an accident, the driver was drunk and the doctor said-“

“I know what he said, I talked to him. And Liam, I really gotta tell you, this isn’t normal. All these things that always happen to you… I mean, I wasn’t there, I don’t know why you were hit by a car, maybe because you’re always looking at that phone rather than into the real world or maybe because you wanted to hurt yourself, but… I definitely want you to go back to talking to a psychologist, I don’t care that you’re an adult, you certainly do not know how to take care of yourself.” Ah, Liam would have definitely not felt bad about missing out on this and it would have made him feel really bad actually, and scared about what his mother might do, if Niall hadn’t been there as well.

The blonde had kept himself in the background at first, but Liam found his eyes again while his mother talked and Niall walked around the bed onto Liam’s other side, half a smile on his face. Apparently he didn’t care about Liam’s mother being there because he very carefully took a hold of Liam’s hand, leaning down without hesitation to kiss the brunette on the mouth. Very gently though, as if he was scared he was going to break Liam, stroking his cheek with his free hand. “Hi… I was so worried about you… how are you feeling, baby?”

“I’m okay… sorry for worrying you.” It was surprisingly easy, to know that his mother was there watching them, Liam felt so much calmer with Niall around, but also really guilty because he didn’t even know how late it was and if he imagined not knowing what had happened to the blonde…. He would have gone insane. 

“It’s not your fault, Li, I-“

“Well, that’s debatable.” Liam’s mother threw in and Liam sighed quietly, letting his eyes fall closed for a moment, trying to focus on nothing besides the younger boy’s touch. 

“It was an accident, mom, I was walking across the street, on a pedestrian cross, and next thing I know is I woke up here. Another person besides me also got hurt.” Liam added the last part because he always did that when talking to his mother, finding anything at all to say so she couldn’t blame him for what had happened. When they had still lived together, his mother had never felt sorry for him when he had gotten a cold or something, so naturally, the brunette started defending himself.

“I’m sure that other person doesn’t have friends thinking they might have done it on purpose.” What?!

“We didn’t think that, Louis just asked.” Niall almost immediately jumped in, probably after seeing the look on Liam’s face. Great, had Louis never met Liam’s mother before or what?

“The fact that he felt the need to ask is alarming enough for me. You really need to talk to that psychologist they’re gonna send in, Liam, I’m being serious. I can’t allow you to live on your own here when I don’t know what’s going on or if you’re gonna jump in front of a car or something.” God, who exactly had called Liam’s mother anyways?

“He’s not alone.” It was really brave, for Niall to just speak up and honestly, it really got Liam kinda nervous, but his boyfriend didn’t even seem a little bit sorry.

“That’s nice to hear, Niall, but you’re not with him every second of every day and I think I know my son well enough to be worried about him. Once you get out of here you need to start going back to seeing somebody or I don’t know if you can stay in the flat, Liam, I’m being completely serious here and I don’t care if you’re 22, you really need to start taking responsibility for yourself and get your life together. Do you still work at that stupid shop?” Oh great, of course she was gonna use the chance to make Liam feel like shit in general.

“Yeah, I do… “ It wasn’t a lie, was it? And she’d never have to find out that the shop was going to close down, did she? “Mom… I’m fine, okay? I promise I’ll talk to that psychologist and I’ll think about-“

“No, you’re not going to _think_ about it, Liam, you’re going to _do_ it.” She always said that, as if everything was so damn easy and the brunette simply gave up and nodded, holding on more tightly to his boyfriend’s hand. He really wished he could have been alone with Niall right now, that his mother would have never had to find out about this.

She kept going of course, rambling on about Liam being irresponsible and how he needed a babysitter and maybe Liam would have gotten upset but the thing was… he knew his mother didn’t want him back home and she also didn’t wanna see him that often, so she wasn’t actually going to throw him out of the flat. She had been threatening that more times than Liam could have possibly counted so he didn’t actually take her very seriously at all.

Of course his mother got a phone call at some point, so she immediately went outside, giving Liam a second to catch his breath. Or actually, more than a second because her phone calls always lasted fucking ages anyways, especially if it was her boyfriend calling.

“Do you… do you want me to say something to her? I could, but I don’t wanna make it worse for you.” Niall sounded very guilty and worried, so Liam made sure to smile at him, shaking his head a bit.

“It’s fine, Ni, you don’t have to say anything… it would probably really make it worse. I’m just sorry that… that you had to meet her, I… who called her?” Not like Liam wanted Niall to rat somebody out it’s just… he had no idea how Niall had even found out that he was here.

“Louis’ mom… she saw you when they brought you in and… then she called your mom and Louis and I was in a lecture with him and… we came here.” Obviously, Niall didn’t sound very happy talking about that, he had gotten himself a chair a few minutes ago, but he was still holding Liam’s hand and leaning in close, probably also because Liam wasn’t really supposed to sit up just yet.

“How long ago was that?” Liam asked after some hesitation, looking up at the blonde who was now staring at their intertwined hands, playing with Liam’s fingers.

“I don’t know… four hours maybe… “ Oh god, Liam had not thought that it had been that long, he still didn’t have his phone or any of his other stuff and there was no clock in here so Liam didn’t even know how late it was. “Louis and Harry are outside as well, but your mom, um, she didn’t sound very happy about just me coming to see you, so… but I would have come anyways, even if she had told me not to.”

“I’m sorry she’s like this, I really wish she would have never found out about this, like… all the stuff she says, it’s like… in a few days once she’s back home, she probably won’t care anymore anyways, it’s always the same.” Just in case Niall had thought that Liam was gonna be kicked out of the flat for real, but actually, the blonde didn’t really seem calmed down at all, the expression on his face was still worried and kind of… nervous? 

“That’s good, but she still shouldn’t be talking to you like that, you’re in hospital and… I wish I could make her stop or make her leave or… anything, really.” This seemed to really distress the blonde and Liam felt really bad because he really wished Niall could have done something to stop his mother as well but Liam had gotten used to it anyways. “Can I… Can I ask you something?”

“Um, yeah.” Okay, this did get Liam slightly nervous, especially because Niall seemed nervous as well and that surely wasn’t a good sign at all.

“Okay, um… don’t take this the wrong way, okay? I was… I was really worried about you and… when Louis told me what had happened… I thought you did it on purpose and… you didn’t, did you? You can tell me, I wouldn’t ever tell anybody, or try to force you into seeing anybody, I just really wanna know and… did you?” Liam had not expected this question at all, like he hadn’t ever done anything that would have even come close to attempting to kill himself, but he couldn’t pretend like he didn’t know where Niall was coming from.

“I didn’t do it on purpose, Niall, I promise. I wouldn’t ever do that, I told you, and I’m sorry you were worried about that for hours, but I would never do that, okay? I promise.” Liam really wanted the blonde to believe him because it was the truth and he didn’t want the blonde to be worried about him when there was no reason to at all. “I did feel shitty because of the job thing, but… it was really bad last night and I felt better today, so… I’m fine now and I only have the thing on my stomach and I’ll be able to leave in a few days.”

“Okay…. Thank you.” Niall actually sounded really relieved, even letting out a breath before pressing Liam’s hand against his lips and then leaning down to kiss him for real and when he pulled away, Liam was shocked to see actual tears in the blonde’s eyes threatening to fall over. “Sorry, I just… I really want you to be okay and I was so worried and I genuinely thought you wanted to die and I thought I’d never see you a-again and… shit, s-sorry… “

“Niall… “ Liam mumbled, not knowing what to say when the blonde let out a sob, followed by a few tears dropping down his cheeks that he tried to wipe with his free hand and Liam really wished he could have sat up right now to hug him. It was strange, seeing Niall cry, because usually Liam was the one who did that and the blonde the one to comfort him. “I’m sorry…”

“You don’t h-have anything to b-be sorry for… “ Sniffing again, Niall cleared his throat a bit, wiping his eyes again and when he was ready to speak, he surprised Liam again. “Actually… Harry told me before that… that he knows someone who works in a coffee shop and they need someone to work full time and he said they’d take you for sure. I’m sorry, I… I told Louis and Harry about your job, I promise your mom doesn’t know, I just… when Louis told me… I thought you did it because of your job and… so I told him, I’m sorry, it wasn’t my decision to make I just… I wasn’t thinking and-”

“It’s fine, Niall, I don’t mind that they know, okay? I would have told them anyways, I’m just sorry that… that you were thinking that I did it on purpose and that apparently everyone was thinking that… “ This genuinely blew Liam’s mind, because… did he really seem that depressed to everyone? In the back of his head Liam actually wanted to talk about Harry and the coffee shop, but it was more important now that Niall felt better.

“I don’t think anyone was thinking that before I kinda… overreacted and then… Louis suddenly wasn’t sure anymore either and he asked your mom what the doctor said and… I’m sorry, Li, I really am.” Niall really looked like it as well, which Liam absolutely hated, but all he was really able to do was squeeze the younger’s hand and attempt a smile that the blonde didn’t really return. “Are you, um… are you gonna talk to that psychologist they’re sending to you?”

“I think so… I mean… it can’t hurt.” Liam was actually genuinely planning on doing that and Niall nodded as if he was happy with that answer. Deep down they both knew the blonde would have loved for Liam to go see someone again, but unlike Liam’s mother, he actually realized that Liam was the only one who could make that decision for which the brunette was very grateful. 

“Yeah… but you shouldn’t do it just because of your mom or something, it’s your decision and… you didn’t do it on purpose.” Niall let go of Liam’s hand for a second to rearrange his position on the chair, actually pulling it even closer to the bed.

“No, but… I think maybe I should anyways.” The thing was, Liam had thought about it a lot, he hadn’t talked to an expert in what seemed like forever and back when he had he had been a lot younger, but now he had Niall and… Liam _wanted_ to get better and maybe in the past he hadn’t always actually wanted that because he had grown so used to feeling this way. At times, the brunette hadn’t even paid attention to it sometimes, talking it down or thinking that maybe this was how everyone felt once a while, but having Niall there and being 100% supportive and now all of this and his job situation… it had really changed Liam’s look on things. 

Before they could continue their conversation, Liam’s mother came bursting back into the room, still with her phone in her hand and very much to Liam’s surprise, she had actually brought along Harry and Louis. “Liam, I gotta call your sisters now, I’ll be back in a bit.”

And then she left, just like that, very much to Liam’s relief even though he was again hit with another wave of guilt when he looked into Louis’ face. “Hi… “

“Shit, Li, I thought… “ Louis then broke off, probably having been about to say what Niall had been crying over a few minutes ago. “How are you? What did the doctor say?”

So Liam repeated the story again with a little less detail while Niall had already half climbed into bed with him and when he was done, Harry actually repeated what the blonde had already told Liam before, about the coffee shop and that they’d need someone new in about five weeks because another person had quit. Of course this made Liam feel more relieved than he had ever thought would be possible, but he was trying really hard to play it cool here.

His mother did come back after a while, of course trying to argue with Liam again, but she clearly held back now that the other three boys were there. When it got late and after Liam had had to get a nurse to help him go to the bathroom before Niall had offered that he could do it instead, Liam’s mom actually demanded the apartment keys from Liam so she could sleep there and the brunette had never been happier about the fact that the nurses still hadn’t been able to find his stuff.

So his mother drove home and eventually, Harry and Louis also left, leaving Niall behind as the only one hours past visiting hours. The blonde had gotten onto Liam’s bed for real after a while, having kicked off his shoes, lying on his side next to the older boy and propping himself up on an elbow so they could look at each other.

“You think they’re gonna kick me out at some point? I mean, no one has said anything so far.” It was true, a few nurses had come in and then left again and no one had ever said a word about Niall still being here, but then again, it wasn’t THAT late.

“I don’t know… maybe if you pretend to be asleep when they come they’ll take pity on you.” Niall was tracing Liam’s face with his finger, occasionally leaning down to kiss him and the brunette would have loved for the blonde to just stay here with him for as long as he had to be here as well. Of course, that wasn’t going to work, but… Liam could dream, right? 

“Maybe… I really don’t wanna leave you all by yourself here, you don’t even have a roommate or anything.” True, but Liam was actually pretty glad about that, he knew that could have changed in the matter of literally minutes, but for now, he felt okay. Well, that would surely change as well once Niall would walk out of that door, but… “When I was a kid I was in hospital for a week once because I had a pretty bad food poisoning and it was so bloody boring… also, they didn’t let me play with the therapy dogs that they brought in for the kids because they thought I would puke all over the place… to be fair, I did puke quite a lot when I was there.”

“Why did you have food poisoning?” Liam was trying not to laugh at the story because it actually wasn’t funny at all to imagine little Niall all alone in hospital, but the blonde had made it sound funny anyways.

“It was back in Ireland, I got it from my favorite restaurant, I told you that like… _ages_ ago, remember? When we’ve known each other like two weeks or so and randomly met on the beach? And then we had something to eat and we actually hung out quite a lot that day?” Okay, Liam did have a faint memory of that, but he also didn’t remember every day they had spent together, but the fact that Niall did made the brunette smile. “I think we’ve known each other for… 3 months now, right?”

“I think so… that’s actually not that long.” Liam just said it how it was, even though Niall made a pretty fake shocked face, making the brunette laugh a bit. He had to be careful with these movements because they did make his stomach sting quite a bit. “Considering… what we’ve already done.”

“That’s because I knew I wanted you from the very first moment I saw you, baby.” Niall lied, grinning when the brunette rolled his eyes before leaning down to kiss him on the lips.

The blonde took the kiss a bit further than expected, one hand cupping Liam’s face and for a few minutes, Liam actually forgot where he was and what had happened. When they pulled apart, Niall left his forehead resting against Liam’s for a bit, pressing a few more innocent kisses to his lips and the brunette spoke without thinking. “I love you, Nialler… “

“I love you too, Li… ‘m so glad you’re okay… “ Kissing the older boy again, Niall did actually deepen the kiss, apparently not caring that anybody could have come in at any moment, but to be quite honest, Liam couldn’t have cared any less either.

Niall did have to leave at some point sadly, the nurse that sort of kicked him actually seemed shocked that no one had done so before, but she did give them privacy to say goodbye. So Niall kissed Liam about ten more times, promising him to talk to him on the phone all night long if he couldn’t sleep and that he was gonna be here tomorrow morning with some of his own clothes so Liam could change. 

Sure, Liam did feel kinda bad when his boyfriend left, but considering what had happened and then the whole drama with his mother and his job, for some reason Liam felt rather content that night going to sleep, for the first time in a while feeling that maybe things were on the way to getting better. And it wasn’t only being with Niall that made Liam feel that way, of course having somebody there who supported and loved him and made sure to always tell him that was overwhelming, but he actually felt like he really wanted things to change for himself as well and that maybe he’d actually succeed this time.

 

\------------------------

 

“Wait, what do you mean you don’t get free coffee there? It’s a _coffee_ shop.” Niall was genuinely baffled by that when Liam had simply answered with a confused look while shaking his head at the blonde, continuing to get dressed in the meantime. “So, what, you can’t even have one cup of coffee while you work?”

“Sure I can, but I gotta pay for it.” Liam made it sound like it was the most normal thing in the world, only confusing the blonde even more. Also, it was hard to concentrate when Liam was looking so damn cute in his work uniform. “When do you have uni?”

“I don’t know… in two or three hours.” The thing was, ever since Liam had gotten out of hospital 6 weeks ago, Niall had kinda moved in with him for a bit to help him and stuff and… basically, he had never left again. And now he had a key that Liam had given him very subtly while trying not to make a big deal out of it, but… it had been a pretty big deal for Niall. So because of that, Niall sometimes stayed at Liam’s even when Liam wasn’t even there because he had to work his new job or when he went to a session with his new psychologist. “Maybe I won’t go… maybe I’ll just lie here in your bed, naked and-“

“Niall.” Liam warned as he turned around, immediately coming over though when Niall stretched his arms out towards him. The blonde was still in bed actually, and he was indeed still naked because of last night when they had made use of Liam being more mobile again after his injury had healed.

The brunette leaned down to kiss Niall on the lips and Niall couldn’t help but smile against the older’s mouth, kinda wanting to deepen the kiss but then he settled for simply having his arms wrapped around the brunette and the butterflies in his tummy whenever they touched. It seemed like they were just getting closer each day and as if Niall fell deeper in love each time they looked at each other.

“I could visit you at work… if you want me to.” Niall mumbled against Liam’s lips and the brunette nodded instead of answering, kissing Niall one more time. “I love seeing you serving people with that outfit on, it’s so cute.”

“Shut up… “ Of course Liam was embarrassed now, his cheeks quite red when he pulled away and Niall couldn’t help but chuckle. “I really gotta go now or I’ll be late.”

“Okay, have a good day then, I love you and I’m making Fajitas tonight.” The domestic feeling of getting to say that was maybe the best thing ever, it made Liam smile as well when he leaned down to kiss Niall yet another time.

“I love you too, Ni.” He did turn around in the door and Niall made sure to blow him a kiss, his stomach all warm and tingly from seeing the fond look on his boyfriend’s face.

Things weren’t perfect, they weren’t always easy and Niall knew that they would face a lot of struggles, that Liam would have really bad days but also really good ones and the blonde really wanted to be there for all of them. He loved Liam with all his heart and he knew the older boy felt the same for him and Niall firmly believed that they could get through anything if they tried hard enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone so much for sticking around & reading this story, it really means a lot to me and i do appreciate every kudo, every comment and every single hit! i hope you all enjoyed the story that once again turned out very differently from what i had intended and also lasted a lot longer, 17 weeks guys! i think i actually spent more than a whole semester writing haha!
> 
> I just wanna say something real quick now that the fic is over:  
> i do not want anyone to think that love or even another person can cure mental illness, that is not the case. also, liams attitude has changed in the end and hes NOT healed at all, i just wanted to end the fic on a positive note, but this does not at all mean that he will stay with his psychologist or that he and niall will be happy ever after, as i hopefully made clear throughout the fic.  
> mental illness is like any other illnes out of the control of the person who has it and just because somebody is in love with you or because you take medication and go see a specialist does not mean that you will be magically healed, but having support can most definitely help. and i just wanna stress this again because i dont want people thinking that niall was the reason for liam to feel "better" towards the end, but i do believe that having a person there to support and love you can help in certain cases. it is not good to rely on other people for your happiness & you do not need to be in a relationship to be happy and at peace with yourself, this is also not the case for niall and liam in this fic. they werent together every single day and sure, they are very much in love but here we also have the factor of their first few months of a new relationship and infatuation and im not at all saying that they will break up in the future, im just saying it can get very, very tough, not only because of liams mental state.
> 
> if you have any questions/concerns/whatever about the fic or the plot or anything then please please let me know, id love to talk to you guys!
> 
> also if you have wishes or ideas for new fics, id very much love to hear those as well! from next week on, im going to be travelling and be in between travelling until september 5th, so im not sure when i will start a new fic, but i definitely will!
> 
> thank you all again for reading and for sticking around, i love you guys <3


End file.
